A/N: Same routine as always 5 reviews=new chapter. Again this is only so that i know you want me to continue with the story. So enjoy the chapter and PLZ REVIEW.

Chapter 11

Spike breath came in pants as he rolled off Buffy and lay on his back on the bed. He looked over at her laying next to him and his head was screaming at him 'what have you done you idiot? you don't even like her'. It was the truth, he didn't have feelings for her, at least he didn't think so. And he had no desire to find out. He stood up and picked his jeans up from the floor.

Buffy watched as he quickly put his clothes back on. She didn't think sleeping with him had ben the most sensible thing to do at this point, but she had feelings for him so she wouldn't drive herself crazy regretting it. She would just let it be; see where it led. She watched him, when he was done he turned to look at her, scowling at her he picked up her clothes and sat them on the bed

"I think you should get dressed and go" he told her as he turned and left the room.

Buffy sat stunned in bed, looking at the clothes beside her and then at the door that Spike had just walked through. She felt hurt. Tears threatened to spill, but she forced them back. She would cry, but not here, he wouldn't see her cry. She got out of bed and dressed hurriedly. She didn't stop to say anything for him, she ran from the apartment and to her car.

Xander and Willow were sneaking glances at each other from their places in the Magic Box. Xander was over by the cash register with Anya, while Willow was looking at some spell books with Tara. After Buffy had left that morning the guilt had set in about what they had doen. As soon as Buffy was gone, they dressed and went to the shop. They hadn't actually spoken a word to each other since they saw Buffy the trip to the shop was made in silence and they had stayed away from each other at the shop all that day. Anya and Tara had a few whispered discussions about it, as they had seemed close before, however, the just assumed they had an argument or something and left it to them to sort out themselves. But both were finding it difficult to do so, and decided to broach the subject with their significan other

"Willow seetie, did something happen with you and Xander?"

Willow jumped at the sound of Tara's voice and her eyes almost bugged out of her head at the question

"Wh, what do you me, mean. Nothing, Nothing happened" Willow spluttered out

Tara rubbed her back soothingly

"I just meant did you have an argument. Because you two normally talk all the time" Tara explained, wondering why Willow was so jumpy, but putting it down to the fact that she was upset.

"Oh, um, we had a minor disagreement. Nothing big, we're fine" Willow said. Luckily Tara let the conversation drop at that. But Xander wasn't having the same luck.

"What were you arguing about?" Anya pushed, wanting as much information as possible.

"Anya, it doesn't matter. It wasn't anything important" he was becoming impatient, and worried because he didn't know what to tell her

"Xander i wann a know" she insisted

"Anya leave it" he snapped

Anya looked at him and pouted "fine" she mumbled moodily, walking away from him, she turned her back to him and began fidgeting with things on a shelf. While Xander sighed as he skulked away to sit down.

Buffy stood in the shower scrubbing at her skin. As soon as she stepped inside, her tears began to fall. Memories of what happened earlier filled her mind as she sobbed

' Buffy moaned as the kiss deepened. She brought her hands play with the hair at the back of his neck. He kissed a trail down her jaw, down to her neck, and continued to descend lower'

Buffy scrubbed at her neck and chest furiously. Trying to wipe away every trace of his kisses. She wanted to ipe him away. Wash away the feelings he hdad made her feel.

'Spike led her into the bedroom. He kissed her again, as he walked her backwards to the bed. Unbuttoning her shirt as the went. Bufyy pulled his t-shirt out of his jeans, pulling away from the kiss to pull the t-shirt over his head. She admired his sculpted chest for a minute before trailing kisses down it'

She stood with her face upwards, the hot water streaming down onto it. While she scrubbed at her arms and hands with the sponge. She wanted to wash away every touch. Because it hurt too much. She didn't want it to exist anymore, she didn't want it to have happened.

' Buffy moaned as he thrust into her. He waited a moment, letting her get used to him. And then he started to move. Slowly at first. Buffy moved to meet his thrusts as they settled into an easy rhythm.'

Her skin was turning red, she was scrubbing so hard. As she remembered that final thing, she dropped the sponge and fell to the bottom of the tub. Her back to the wall, she sobbed. She cried for the hurt he had inflicted on her, and she cried because even though he had hurt her, she still cared. She still wanted him; still wanted him to want her.

"We're going to have to pretend to make up" Willow spun around when she heard Xander's voice behind her.

"We can't talk to each other Xander"

"Willow, they now something's wrong. They'll be more suspicious if we don't speak to each other" he insisted

"Xander, i don't know what to do. I don't know what i want anymore." they spoke in hushed whispers

"I know, but Willow they're already suspicious. So we'll tell them we made up. "

"Ok" she agreed

Spike was watching t.v when he heard a knock at the door for the second time that day. He stormed to the door, expecting to see Buffy when he opened it. He had tried not to think about what had happened. He did feel guilty but only because of the hurt he had saw on her face when he handed her her clothes. He didn't regret telling her to go though. He opened the door, and was a little surprised to see his father at the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought i'd come by and see how you are" Giles informed him, not waiting for an invite before walking inside

"I'm fine" Spike told him. Keeping it short andleving the door lying open in hopes his father would take the hint. But he just went into the living room and sat down., so apparently he didn't.

Spike pushed the door closed and went to join Giles. He sat in the same seat he was in earlier. And waited for Giles to start whatever he had come to say. Because he never came to the apartment to see Spike unless he wanted to lecture him or some such thing.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Buffy this week" and let the games begin Spike thought when he heard the first sentence his father uttere.

"Yeah"

"William, Buffy is not from Sunnydale as you well know. But she is a very sweet girl. From what i can tell she likes you. She cares. I know how closed off you have been; you have closed your heart but -"

"Look dad, this is pointless alright. I have no feelings for Buffy. I don't i talked to her because she wanted to know. I didn't tell her because i feel anything for her, telling her was the only way to get her to leave me alon" his voice escalated as he spoke to Giles. When he was finished Giles stood and made his way out, but first he turned back to Spike

"You can make yourself whatever you want. But, if you are anything like me at all, then don't keep your heart shut off forever. You'll just be lonely for the rest of your life. Don't be afraid that you'll be hurt again. Sometimes it's worth taking that risk, if you think you love someone"

He opened the door, but before he left he heard Spike say

"Well, i don't so it doesn't matter"

Buffy dragged herself from the now cold shower. She wrapped herself in a towel and lay down on the bed. Rocking herself back and forth she cried herself to sleep.