A/N: hey guys hope you're all enjoying the story. As always five reviews means a new chapter. And for the same reasons as always, so i know you want me to continue. So , PLZ REVIEW. and enjoy the chapter

Chapter 12

Buffy awoke at about 10:30, she didn't move from her place on the bed. She lay there staring into nothingness, she looked into space, it was like she was in a trance. She felt numb. The pain and humiliation of what had occurred eating at her from the inside. She had cared for Spike, and she had slept with him, believing he must have cared for her too. But he had used her. He had got what he wanted and thrown her out like yesterday's trash. She felt used and degraded. It wasn't in her nature just to sleep with a guy that she hardly knew. But she had saw something special in Spike, and even now, after what had happened, she still cared for him. She still wanted him. She wanted to hate him; part of her did. But a bigger part, had fallen in love with him. And it was still in love with him. When she admitted that to herself, as she lay staring at nothing, as she let her thoughts run continuously in her head, the numbness was gone. All that was left was the pain. And the tears began to fall again. She had never felt so alone.

Tara looked worriedly at the clock. Nobody had seen Buffy since the last time she was at the shop. They were all supposed to meet yesterday, but Buffy had never appeared. Willow hadn't spoken to her either, and Tara was getting worried. It wasn't like Buffy not to let them know if she wasn't going to be around. She was worried something may have happened. She had been watching the clock all morning and it was now midday. Still no word. Something wasn't right. And she wouldn't be able to relax until they found out what.

"Giles" she called to the man standing at the cash register "have you heard anything of Buffy since yesterday?"

"No, i saw William but he didn't mention seeing her. Why?"

"I haven't seen her, in fact nobody has, since the day before yesterday. I'm getting worried. I think i'm gonna go to the motel, see if she's there or if something's wrong with her" she bit her lip worriedly

"Yes that might be sensible" the older man scrunched his eyebrow as he spoke

"Yeah, Anya, could you take me to the motel?" Tara asked

"What about Willow?" Anya questioned from her place tidying shelves

"She's unpacking the new arrivals with Xander and i think it's a good idea if they spend some time together, you know, maybe settle their differences" Tara hinted

"Ok" Anya shrugged. It really didn't matter to her

"Ok, i'll just go let them know"

Tara went to the backroom where Willow and Xander were working

"Hey guys" she said as she entered "Anya and i are gonna go back to the motel and see if Buffy is there. I'm getting worried"

"Do you want me to go?" Willow offered, desperate to get away from the awkwardness going on between herself and Xander

"No, you two finish in here. Giles is working up front. We won't be long"

"Ok" Tara kissed Willow's cheek and went back out to get Anya.

Buffy's tears still flowed unhaltingly as she listened to the knocks at the door. She could hear Tara calling to her. They knew she was there as the checked the parking lot before they came to the door. After five minutes of relentless knocking silence came, but it didn't last long. Suddenly the door swung open and Tara and Anya came in. Tara ran to Buffy's side when she saw the tears

"Sweetie what's wrong?"

Buffy sobbed but didn't answer. Tara patted her back trying in vain to soothe her tears

"Come on Buff, talk to me" Tara pleaded

"He, he used me" Buffy sobbed

"Who?" Tara looked puzzkled, but the answer to her question came to her before Buffy even said the name

"William"

"Oh, Buffy what happened?" Tara asked her

"We, we slept together. Then he gave me, my, my, clothes and he told me to leave" the tears fell harder now. The memories were coming flooding back, bringing fresh waves of tears with them.

"Buffy, i am so sorry. But maybe he isn't worth it" Tara was trying to help but it wasn't working

"Yes he is" Buffy argued through her tears

"Why would you think that after what he did?" she asked

Anya who had been observing silently, becoming frustrated with the stupid questions couldn't help but point out the obvious reasons

"It's because she loves him Tara"

"What? oh" looking back to Buffy "do you?"

Buffy nodded "yes" fresh tears now. The sobs wracked her body as she finally admitted the fweelings out loud and to someone other than herself.

"But how, why?"

"Tara" Anya sighes "you should know that if you love someone they may hurt you but you still love them. I will bet that even now, Buffy would have William in a minute if he came back to her. Just because you may not think a person is worth loving, doesn't mean everyone feels that way. She obviously saw something in him. And you can't help who you fall in love with" Anya plopped down on the edge of the bed when she finished the speech. Tara nodded in understanding

"I'm sorry Buffy. Are you ok, i mean, are you going to be ok?" Buffy nodded, still crying but not as bad anymore. The tears were slowing a bit.

"Do you want us to stay with you for a while?" she he offered

"No, i think i just want to be alone. I still feel so humioliated and hurt. I just need some time"

"Ok" Tara wouldn't argue, she understood a bit better now. She would give her time by herself. "I'm here if you need me"

Buffy nodded.

She was silent as the other two women left.

"Willow we have to do something, we were supposed to be friends again!" Xander reminded her

"I know that, but it isn't that easy. Look lets just pretend it never happened"

She looked away from him and went back to unpacking.

Spike walked into the Magic Box. He figure he should at least look like he was making an effort and pretend nothing was wrong.

"Hi, dad" he greeted as he came in and jumped up to sit on the counter

"Hello William, what brings you here?"

"What can't i just pop in and see my father?" he asked feigning hurt that his father would assume he had an ulterior motive

"Not usually. Hae you given anymore thought to what i said yesterday, about Buffy"

He didn't get a chance to answer

"You asshole" Tara yelled as she came in the door, closely followed by Anya. Giled was shocked at the sight of the angry woman. A woman who was usually so timid.

"What did i do?" Spike asked innocently

"Buffy is at the motel, she has been crying since yesterday. Any idea why that might be?" she raised an eyebrow and scowled at him, daring him to deny that he knew the reason

"Maybe" he admitted

"What is going on?" Giles asked

"He slept with Buffy" Anya filled in, her usual blunt self

"What?" Giles' face reddened and he looked angry

"No more than that" Tra yelled "He slept with her and then, he handed her her clothes and told her to leave. Buffy feels humiliated"

"William, how could you do that to her?" his father was shocked, he never wouls haveimagined his son would do such a thing

"Because i don't bloody care about the bloody Bint" he screamed "For god's sake, so we shagged, it was nothing earth shattering. I have no feeling for her, she was a quick fuck, there when i needed an itch scratched. Nothing more, now get off my bloody back" with that he stormed out leaving a stunned and angry audience.

"You know what, i can't just pretend it never happened, i can't just stop being attracted to you" Xander said softly

"I know, but neither of us wants to hurt Anya or Tara"

"I know it's just" he turned to face her to finish his sentence but instead he leaned in and kissed her. The kiss quickly grew passionate, and was becoming more so when they heard twin gasps from the door. They jumped apart and looked around, coming face to face with Anya and Tara

"Oh god" Willow muttered. Tara ran from the room, soon followed by Anya who stopped only to give both Willow and Xander swift slaps to the face.

Back in the main shop, Tara sat in tears as did Anya. A crying Willow then came running from the back room to stand before them, she kneeled in front of Tara

"I'm sorry, i am so sorry"

"Why?" Tara's question was simple but it was one that neither Willow, nor Xander who had now joined her could answer

"I don't know. I just know we got close and i could speak to him and then it just happened"

Tara's heart broke "What could you talk to him about that you couldn't talk to me about?"

"Us. You and me. Tara i wanna come and live here after graduation, you don't want that. And i couldn't talk to you about that. I couldn't take your dream away from you. But Tara i want to do this" Willow's tears rolled down her cheeks

"So, what we're just over?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I want to come here"

"I don't" Tra admitted softly "Do you love Xander?"

"I think i do. Maybe. So i guess yeah, we're over"

"I dont want it to be" Tara said, as her tears fell

"I know, i'm so sorry, i love you. I always will. But i fell in love with Xander"

"I love you so much Willow, and i could forgive you. Someone told me you can't help who you love and would forgive them for hurting you because you love them. But obviously, that's not gonna happen is it. Because you don't want it to do you?"

"No" Willow shook her head

"So, we're really over. I will always love you Willow"

"I'll always love you too. In some way" Tara kissed her softly on the cheek. And then sat in silence. Now it was Anya's turn to speak

"What about you, do you love her?"

"Yes" Even Xander was crying now

"Why? You were supposed to love ME, you were going to marry ME. Why don't you love me anymore?" Anya cried as she sunk to her knees sobbing.

"I'm sorry Anya, i really am,but everything was getting on top of me. I was afraid and i was feeling like we didn't have much in common anymore. And then i met Willow and spent time with her and it just happened" his voice broke with his tears "We never meant to or wanted to hurt anybody"

"Don't say that, you knew we would be hurt" Xander kneeled and tried to wrap an arm around Anya but she pushed him away

"Don't touch me. Leave me alone" she ordered "so i guess we're over too. I hope you are both very happy. Because, i hate you. You broke my heart. Willow was supposed to be a friend and you were supposed to love me. I will never forgive you" She stood up and ran from the shop.

Tara, Willow and Xander cried from their places in the shop. Anya cried as she walked down the street. It echoed the tears of Buffy, who cried alone in her room once again.