I'm posting this before I change my mind…if it ruins the whole thing let me know and I'll take it down. It was a spur of the moment thing.
Mute: All this is told in Bold's point of view and takes place…well if you've watched the cartoon you should be able to work it out.
Me: Dedicated to my recently deceased mother who read the first chapter and encouraged me to keep on writing no matter what. Love you Mummy.
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I'm running. My head's in a breathless rush but my feet know exactly where to go and hastily plant a course for me to follow.
How can Father be so unfeeling…doesn't he care at all? Did he ever allow her to enter his heart for a second? How can he not want justice to be done? He seemed so hollow and wooden like he was incapable of feeling it back there. In the clearing. Where she lies, peaceful as ever, but this time no one will be able to snap her out of her dreams. Maybe she'll be happier that way, perhaps I'm just being selfish when I want her to wake up and live in reality with me.
I halt in a split second, noisy, grieving gasps rolling off my flanks in heaving tremors. For there, in the middle of the path, is a yellow butterfly. It looks just like the one she was following yesterday. You heard me correctly, following. She never chased anything simply because chasing something is a cruel concept and she was never capable of just a notion. She was never cruel. She was pure like unfiltered sunlight, golden rays that the helpless and the weak would bask in. Earthworms, creatures like that. I would watch wishing I could join in. But I never did, knowing that one look and those small animals would flee from me and my little sister would regard me with such sadness in those glittering orbs of hers that I would feel like a criminal. Though she never intended me to ever feel that way. Who was I to cast a shadow into her sunlight? I never wanted to fill her eyes with any emotion aside from happiness and I'm beginning to realise that'll I'll never see any kind of feeling in them ever again. Those untainted eyes are closed now…
Oh Mother Nature. She's gone. She…really…has…gone….it's just hit me harder than the force of a human's careless bullet tearing through the taut muscles connected to the shoulder blade. And this bullet has a jagged emotional edge to it that makes the wound throb and burn like nothing I've ever experienced before. It hurts so bad…this new found pain is just screaming at me to lunge and tear and kill…anything to make it stop and forget about her. Her…her with the calm, serene face so stilled by death a horrible beauty that my heart is pleading with my head to deny. Something, no, someone can't be beautiful and ugly at the same time can they? But then again…she was never ordinary or what others considered 'normal'. Pah! I don't understand how anyone could look at something as pretty, kind, gentle and wondrous at her and feel nothing but scorn and contempt. Couldn't they find sanctuary in those glittering depths of intensity when she was star struck by a simple butterfly? Couldn't they be thankful that in this harsh, unforgiving world full of feuds and bitterness, in which we struggle in that such innocence managed to exist? I guess not…maybe they're as cold hearted as Scarface but refuse to accept it, after all heroes can do no wrong. Especially not heroes like my father. Humph! I bet he would be surprised if he knew what was going on my head! I don't think he believes that someone as cocky as me is capable of forming any particular deep thoughts of his own. After all I spend a lot of the time defying him. Well…someone's got to stand up to and keep his ego in check…don't know how Mother tolerates him sometimes. I refuse to let him control my life let alone the way I think!
Guess that's why I respected her so much. In her own little world she was always free to be herself and think whatever she pleased. Free from even Father, his comments could not sway her from her dreams thankfully. So liberated was she, that even I didn't know what went on inside that head of hers, yet I'm sure it could be nothing but sweetness and …and…happiness, a sort of contentment that she always seemed to radiant when she was being who she was. I wish I could find inner peace as easily as she did. She achieved what so many creatures seem to miss. Tranquillity, a quiet acceptance of everyone and everything, a wonderful gift to have. I still bear resentment at Adder for strangling me but when Whistler crashed down on her she took it happily, smiling in that detached fashion of hers, even proceeding to nuzzle him afterwards. Yes, she forgave easily…too easily if ask me…and what's been done to her can never be forgiven.
How can anyone want to separate someone as lovely as her from her life? Why?!? What had she ever done to anybody that made fate decreed to put her to death?!? I never saw a trace of malice in her soul. Never. How ironic then that her heartless murderer is full of it. Scarface…I don't need proof to know he's responsible for denying my sister's light to shine through and thrive…he deserves so much more than what I'm going to do to him. Quite frankly, I've no idea what I am going to do to him but my guts are telling me to follow my heart. And my heart is screaming at me to make him pay, to increase the pain my sister was forced to endure a million times over on his own grizzled frame. I want to make him suffer and I'm going to enjoy it just as the beast probably exalted in her death.
Oh, Mother Nature no! Stop it! All these mental images are clouding my mind making it hazy and red. I can see her thrashing beneath him, feel her terror, see the crimson liquid spilling from his sneering yellow jaws, watch her eyes dim, that spark of vitally extinguished. No, no, no! Why wasn't I there! I could have stopped him! I would have stopped him! Out of my siblings I'm the biggest and the strongest and…oh nature…I could have saved her…she might still be alive! I wasn't there to protect from that piece of scum and I'm feeling the price weighting down heavy on my heart. A price too costly to pay.
He killed her, he killed her, he killed her…
My baby sister…gone…it's all his fault…I'll avenge her! I can't stop now!
I carefully sidestep the motionless butterfly and break into a sprint again. There's no time to waste now. I need to something, fast or I'll burn up deep inside and I'll become completely empty.
He killed her, he killed, he killed her…
I know, I know! And I know I'll never make it right again. But I'll try. I won't let her memory fade away into the wind and be forgotten.
I wonder…in her final moments…she didn't feel betrayed…did she? I mean no one was there to help her so would she have assumed that no one cared for her? No…she wouldn't have believed that would she? I mean I loved her for pity's sake! She can't have doubted that surely? Why am I even thinking this? No matter…I deserve it…because I could have saved her…
I'm sorry Dreamer…please forgive me…please?