The Fowl Bloom

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. K? So don't sue me. Thank you.

The Bet

Tanya Kaida, who lived in her boring home in Missouri, was on a vacation in Ireland. She was going for a run in all of the fancy private neighborhoods. (A/N: Tanya knows her way around, okay? She also knows her way around security guards who always ask why you're wherever you are. My advice: tell them that you're right where you are because you just are; if there are any further questions, please call 1-800-IAMDUMB. It works, sometimes.)

She was looking at her untied shoelaces when she ran straight into somebody. "Sorry, sorry!" muttered Tanya as she bent down to tie her shoelace.

"What in the world is an irritating commoner like you doing here?" asked the stranger.

Tanya had not even looked at him, yet he apparently did not approve of her. "Thanks for asking!" said Tanya sarcastically, "I'm Tanya Kaida! And who are you?" as she stood up and stared the boy innocently.

The boy was cute, but in a creepy way. "My name happens to be Artemis Fowl," he stated, appearing disgusted by the sweat dripping down her neck. However, Tanya could tell that he was amazed... as was every other guy she had talked to.

"Nice to meet you, too!" said Tanya, "So, do you live around here?"

"No, it just so happens that my living quarters are situated in this exact area," stated Artemis who decided to try some of his fancy talk on Tanya.

"Oh, really?" said Tanya. Then, she decided to pull some of her not-so-very- fancy language on Artemis. "I never would've guessOLAd. So... ya wanna invitOLA me 2 fo shizzle at your housOLA sumtime? I mean, I'm gunna be aroundizzle for a whilOLA and all. OLA!"

"What?" said Artemis. He obviously had not yet been exposed to Tanya's unique way of talking Spanglish and city at the same time.

"I said: are you going to invite me to your house?"

"No," declared Artemis. At that very moment his mother, Angeline Fowl, came walking up. She was wondering why it had taken Artemis so long to fetch the newspaper. (A/N: The newspaper-fetching maid person had been fired for slacking on the job.)

"Hi! Are you Artemis's mommy?" asked Tanya, "Yes, I am. Who are you?" asked Angeline.

"I'm Artemis's friend, Tanya Kaida. He's just invited me over to your house!" said an ecstatic Tanya.

"I did?" said a confused Artemis, but he knew that if his parents stayed around, they would embarrass him beyond belief. ("Oh, Arty-kins! You're finally making some friends! I'm so proud of you!") So, he decided to play along with it, "I mean, yes, of course I did."

Tanya was a bit taken-aback because she did not really expect Artemis to really play along, but she really wanted to go into one of these big fancy houses!

"Oh Arty-"started Angeline.

"Uh, mom, would you mind if I invited Tanya to dinner?" Tanya was really surprised when Artemis said this, but she didn't mind AT ALL.

"Oh, of course, that would be wonderful. Let me go alert the cooks." said Angeline as she raced back inside the house.

Artemis looked at Tanya and sighed, "I suppose you will need to get changed and call your family. I shall have to show you the guest room and there will be servants to provide you with whatever dress you think suitable."

"Wow! Really?" said Tanya. Her family was not very rich, but they weren't poor either. But Mrs. Fowl had said cookS - plural and servantS - plural!!! This was going to be AWESOME!!!

Artemis guided Tanya through their amazingly intricate mansion. Even their butlers had butlers!!! The Fowls had three limousines, plus a lime green slug bug, a red convertible, and a HUGE camper van. The interior design was remarkably incredible with a mix of old-fashioned and chic to modern and sleek. After gaping through the confusing hallways of Fowl Manor, Artemis showed Tanya to her guest room which turned out to be a private little house in the midst of the intricate gardens. Even the little cottage was beautiful.

"When you are ready to pick out your dress, just press this button and Tamma, your maid, will come and provide you with whatever you wish. You may look online for a dress or custom make one from our tailors, whichever you prefer. Tamma has already prepared this room with a set of fresh casual wear and has prepared it for your every need. I hope you are satisfied," recited Artemis.

Tanya just stared in amazement as Artemis gave her one of his world- famous smirks.