Harem Today, Gone Tomorrow
By: Brenna Dawkins and VampireNaomi
Part III
A Jackie Chan Adventure Fanfic

Note from VNaomi: This one was spell checked etc. by me, and I had some trouble with it. Many of the words Snakelady Frohike1 used are not familiar to me, and my dictionary and spell check say they are not real words. I don't know if they are typos or just odd words, and I have no idea what they are supposed to mean. Same goes for the odd bunch of letters that I had thought to be words while writing this... That is why I couldn't replace them with anything. Angry comments can be directed in my direction.

Black had heard from his agents about the mysterious goings on at the museum and from the description he had gotten of the perps, he knew instantly it had been the Enforcers who had caused the fracas.

He gathered an assortment of special agents with him and once again rued the fact that Jackie was out on a completely separate assignment and was out of cell phone range. He did call on Uncle and Tohru, however. After all, magic must defeat magic. Black had had THAT axiom literally pounded into his skull by the zealous old spug.

"Yes, I can try to give you some more information once I can. No, I don't know what they're after. Yes, I know you can't make a counter spell unless you know what's going on." That had been how his conversation with the old man had gone. Uncle had been testy with him, but that was nothing unusual. It would be much easier if the old chi wizard would meet them there and get a look at the situation himself, but Uncle had berated him soundly for that.

"How can I know what ingredients to gather if you don't look at what's missing? How can I gather ingredients if I'm at the museum?" Uncle had tersely quipped at the time of the call.

Black had given up and decided going along with the old man's suggestions was easier then arguing with him. So he and his agents drove to the museum without their magic consultant. He wasn't sure exactly what he had to be looking for.

Black rubbed his neck and sighed. He really wasn't on the mood for this kind of activity again. It had been only several moments after Uncle had got the evil Oni mask removed from his face. And immediately after he had thought he could relax for a while... The Dark Hand definitely knew how to ruin his good day.

When they arrived at the museum the guards had got most curious people away. Black didn't even want to know how they had done that, he knew quite too well how annoying curious and determined people could be.

The image of a certain girl appeared in his mind, but he pushed it away. Jackie wasn't around so it was highly unlikely to see Jade anywhere.

"Thank God you came!" a short man with gray hair exclaimed as soon as Black got out of the car. "This is horrible!"

"What exactly happened here?" Black asked while they entered the museum. The man, obviously the one in charge, showed him the way in the room that had once been full of Renaissance art.

"This happened," the man said and pointed at the paintings. Black took a look at them.

"Hmm..." His eyes shifted from a painting to another. "Aren't they missing something rather... important?"

"Yes! That is why we called you! These strange fellows marched in, turned the paintings alive and escaped with them!" the manager said.

"How odd. So they kidnapped them?" Black found himself asking. He found it very difficult to believe that the Enforcers had got in and ran off with a group of nude women.

There again, he had already seen so much that he figured he shouldn't have been that surprised.

"No, not at all. They all went willingly with them."

"Right..." Black muttered.

Black had his team secure the area while he phoned Uncle.

"Uncle's Shop of Rare Finds," The old man answered.

"It's Black at the museum. Seems the Enforcers managed to make off with the art."

Uncle snorted, "ANY thief can accomplish that without magic!"

Black went on, "Yeah, but can ANY thief steal the image from the painting and leave the canvas behind?"

Silence for a moment on Uncle's end. Then, "I see. Did the guards happen to see if the Enforcers had anything with them to help them perform this spell?"

"Um, I'll ask."

"I have not heard of this before, it will take time for me to do the research. Oh, and Black..."

"Yes, Uncle?"

"Don't phone me again until you have aaaaaaall the information! How can I do a proper spell if I only get bits and pieces of what happened?" The angry voice on the other end of the phone yelled into his ear and then there was blessed silence as Uncle hung up.

Black sighed and pocketed his phone.

"Did you happen to see the perps before the... burglary?" Black had no idea what else to call the situation.

"They were walking through, glanced at a few paintings in here, but the way they were walking, it was like they had an idea of what they wanted to see and it wasn't originally in here."

Black sighed. "They probably got distracted by the nudes. Did you happen to see what they were doing next to the painting?"

The guard shrugged, "Looking at it. And talking." The guard didn't look happy, "I better not lose my job over this! I still don't know how to report this to the curators!"

Black rolled his eyes, "Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll think of something."

Well, the only helpful thing the guard had told him was that the Enforcers seemed to have a particular place to go in the museum. Problem was, he had no idea where they had originally intended to go.

"What are the other exhibits housed here?" Black wanted to know.

"Well, there's the Renaissance exhibit, the Dodda exhibit, the Warhol exhibit, and the Samauri exhibit."

"Anything stored away?" Maybe they were after something not on display.

"Always. We don't have room on the floor to store everything we have."

"Hmmmm." Black rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Sure would be nice to know what they had been after.

Black knew he was now facing something that was just as odd as the previous events. He had long time ago got used to that the Dark Hand was no longer the dangerous criminal organization it had once been; he no longer even took the Enforcers very seriously.

But this case... it just proved that they were nuts.

He turned to the guard again.

"Did any of you spot a floating head anywhere near?" he asked him.

The guard blinked.

"A floating head? No. Why?"

"Never mind," Black replied and shook his head. So, even though Tarakudo hadn't been around it was still more than likely that he was somehow involved. He doubted the Enforcers had enough intelligence to come up with something like this on their own.

He took one last look around.

"Alright men, we are done here. Finish whatever you are doing and then we'll go back."

The agents took several more photos, finished interviewing the witnesses, packed up in their cars and took off.

Black hadn't got any wiser, but he didn't want to call Uncle just yet. He knew the old man wouldn't be pleased with the information he had, and Black really wanted to find out more.

He was sure that if Jade had been there she would have already found a clue or helped somehow. It was a pity that she wasn't around, really.

He tapped at his arm with his fingers and stared out of the window. This case...

"Hey boss, look at that chick. Wow. Is that kind of clothing even legal?" the driver asked.

"What? Sorry, I wasn't listening," Black replied and turned to look where the driver was pointing.

There was a woman. But she wasn't just any woman. She had long beautiful red hair and as far as Black could tell, her body was perfect. Telling that wasn't very difficult, because the only thing the woman was wearing was a ridiculous white jacket that looked like it had been stolen from Elvis himself.

Black knew that jacket better than well. And now that he was alerted he could also see the three men he had been thinking about. They were standing in front of a hot dog stand with a group of women. All of the women were dressed now - many of them in something that looked like it had been picked up from the street - and they were busy digging into junk food.

"Stop the car," Black ordered.

"No, Mary Madonna, you don't eat the hot dog like that," Ratso tried to instruct the beautiful likeness as Fra Fillipo Lippi had envisioned that was the Virgin Mary how to properly eat a hot dog.

"Giovanna doesn't want mustard on hers," Chow told the harried vender as the long necked beauty by Ghirlandaio stood by impatiently, waiting to taste a foreign delicacy.

"Galatea, Venus! Please!" Finn was trying to survive just long enough to have his way with all of them eventually, "Don't fight over me! Here, both of you, have a hot dog!"

"But I want you!" Venus plaintive voice sent a warming sensation through his nether regions.

"NO! He's mine!" Galatea, the great beauty from Raphael's hand argued, glaring dangerously at Venus who deigned to drape her arm over Finn's shoulder. This only angered Galatea all the more. Venus smiled vapidly, knowing how she affected the wench.

"He summoned ME first! He's mine!"

Finn sighed and shoved a hot dog into Galatea's hands and another in Venus's. He thought having numerous women fight over him would be as groovy as Hell... but after a time of it, having to stop them from clawing at each other, it got tiresome. He had hoped they'd get some action after leaving the museum, but instead, he had to play referee to nearly twenty women who were wiling to fight to each other to bed him first.

"My lovely Galatea, my gorgeous Venus, everyone, have no fear!" Finn attempted to salve injured prides. "There is enough Finn for everyone, and there's even a little in reserve from Chow and Ratso while you wait oh so patiently in line."

All the heads turned around lithely and stared at a suddenly dry mouthed and anxious Chow and Ratso. There was a collective sigh, then unhappy acknowledgments all around, to Chow and Rasto's mixed feelings out of their reactions. Did they HAVE to sound SO disappointed?

"But they are so..." Mary Madonna started and Galatea finished for her: "Unattractive."

The other women nodded, and it was probably the first time they did anything in unision.

"I don't know about you, but I am starting to find them less and less nice with every second," Chow replied to Ratso.

"Come on now, they are just kidding right? Of course they would like to have a bite of you if I'm busy at the moment. Eh, girls?" Finn said.

Susanna, the beauty painted by Guino Reni, opened her mouth to answer, but then they all froze as they heard a new voice:

"Okay boys, hand over the ladies."

Finn turned on his heels to stare at Black, who had stepped out from his car and was now approaching them with his men. Several of them had a faint blush on their face, or kept glancing at everywhere but their target, but Black didn't look troubled at all.

The Irishman dropped his hot dog.

"Run chicks, run!" he ordered.

Finn and company ran. It was a sight to behold, Black had to admit as he and his team jogged after. Where did they think they could escape to? It was thoroughly ridiculous and Black wasn't overly concerned.

Finn, Chow and Ratso pelted behind the women. Finn turned his head to see if Black was giving chase. Yup. He swore. Then tried to urge everyone to run faster, until he noticed a statue of a dude on a horse not very far ahead of them. Finn smiled as an idea hit him between the eyes.

"Dude on that horse! Come to life and stop those guys chasing us!" The Irish Enforcer shouted at the statue as they rushed past.

The thing obeyed. It shrugged off it's stony exterior and turned into a living, breathing thing. It hopped off the pedestal it had been occupying and with dispatch, cut off Black and his team from the chase.

"Holey moley!" Black balked and couldn't help but back up as the horse and rider clacked towards them menacingly. Well, so much for catching up to the Enforcer's and their Girl Scouts, Black thought idlely. The rider kicked the sides of his horse and it bolted, straight towards Black and his group. They scattered, like Democrats at a Republican cacauss. Somehow, catching Finn and Co didn't seem quite so important anymore as he was trying to keep himself from getting trampled.

He stopped to look how his men were fairing. Nothing too serious had happened, they were all fine. Just a bit shaken though, one didn't have to run from a living statue every day.

The horse looked angry and kept glaring at them. It had stopped, but every time one of them tried to go towards the direction Finn and his girl squad had taken it would bolt and kick the air with its hooves.

Black scratched the back of his head.

"This sure is strange," he muttered.

"What was that sir? How were they able to do that?" one of his men asked. Black didn't feel like replying, he wasn't that sure himself.

"I don't have the slightest idea," he had to admit, "But I know someone who might have."

He took his cell phone out again and dialed the familiar number.

"Uncle's Rare Finds," the old and enthusiastic voice replied.

"It's Black," the bald man said.

"Again? So, you want to disturb Uncle all the time? Uncle said no calling back before you have the right information!" The voice in the other end wasn't that enthusiastic anymore.

"I have more information for you," Black said. "It seems that the Enforcers are able to bring art to life by giving them commands. We are not sure what gives them such a power, but - "

"Yes, yes, leave that to Uncle! Now, stop calling, you are distracting the research!"

"Wait! I have a living horse here! What am I supposed to do with it?" Black tried to ask, but Uncle had already hung up.

Black turned to look at the horse again. How was he supposed to tell his superiors that a valuable historical monument had turned into... that?

"Call the zoo, someone. I need a break. And coffee," he muttered.

Meanwhile, Finn and his groupies had managed to lose their pursuers quite easily with the aide of the horseman. After chugging down a few more blocks, Finn had his company eased to a halt in a dead ended alley.

Twilight was well upon them and still there was no word from Tarakudo. Finn took a quick head count and was pleased to find no one missing.

"Now what?" Chow panted.

Ratso was nearly doubled over as he tried to recapture his breath.

"Now," Finn grinned expectantly, "we get some action!"

"But I'm pooped!" Chow whined when he deciphered what the Irishman had said. "You gonna try this NOW?"

Finn nodded, "Okay, Venus! You're first in line! All the rest of you lovely broads form up behind her! If any of you get antsy while waiting... Chow or Ratso can handle your needs... maybe." He added dubiously.

Venus looked radiant and positively pleased that she was to be first. God! Finn thought excitedly, this was really going to happen! He was going to have an out and out orgy with the worlds most beautiful women! Life couldn't get any better than this!

The other women looked heavily disappointed and backed away angrily.

"Why does she get to be first?" Galatea asked.

"Yeah, we are just as good as she is!" Susanna added.

"But ladies, I can take only one at time. Believe me, if I had two I would gladly accept more of you at time," Finn said in defense.

Now that he was it he realized he didn't know where to start. Venus was... amazing. He had never had anyone like her, and he had no idea how she would like it to be done. The sluts he had been with hadn't minded anything, but this classic woman...

Maybe he could start with a gentle touch first, and then proceed into something more... mature.

"Man, you are going to do it right here?" Ratso asked when Finn was just about to touch the soft skin of Venus's breasts.

"And let us watch?" Chow added. They both sounded like they weren't very keen on the idea. Finn shrugged. Now that he thought of it, he didn't want to have any extra males around. Especially those two.

"No, you can go around the corner and take an anxious chick or two with you. You know, just to occupy yourselves while I'm at it."

Chow was not pleased, "Oh, why, thank you so VERY much! What a guy."

But Finn was too preoccupied with the view only a few mere inches from his face to take note of Chow's cut and dry response. He was also too preoccupied to notice Chow and Ratso pick a few quietly unwilling volunteers and then move off around the corner to the adjunct alley to do their own thing.

Venus smiled happily and shrugged off Finn's white jacket, exposing herself fully to the Enforcer. Finn stared and felt that all too familiar eager energy that spread in his loins as he looked at the whole package without interruptions.

"Wow! I can see why men worshipped you!" He exhaled and suddenly felt unsure of himself. She was supposed to be the goddess of love, and while he knew he was good at what he did, he didn't know if it would meet her standards.

She reached out and gently gripped both his shoulders and her smile widened and her eyes sparkled with anticipation. She wanted him! Now! With a suddenness that surprised Finn, she hauled him into her. The move had taken him off his guard and off his balance and he teetered as he tried to regain it, but, unfortunately, never recovered.

Finn yelped and grabbed at Venus as they toppled onto a pile of plastic trash bags that were piled besides the huge dumpster. Finn blinked and his nose wrinkled at the stench.

"Dude, Venus, are you alr-" his question of concern was cut off by an all too eager kiss which he eagerly returned. Not the most romantic of places to get laid in, but it was now or never what with Black out there looking for them, and possibly Tarakudo as well. So he threw his usual caution to the wind and went with it. To tell you the truth, it made it all that much more exciting... not that he'd ever take any date out to the garbage dump to have sex again.

She was all over him, pawing and clawing with growing excitement. Somehow, she'd gotten herself on top. Before he knew what was what, his shirt was off and his pants seemed destined to follow suite. This had to be the coolest thing in the world, he thought excitedly to himself as he took in the view and felt increasingly giddy and aroused. And to think he would get to do this nineteen more times!

He was naked, laying on top of garbage, in an alley with a gorgeous creature getting ready to make love to him. Tarakudo and Black were suddenly ideas that were very far away and had no meaning to him at the moment.

She leaned in, her hands rubbing and touching him in delicious places that made him groan and shudder. He was stiff and ready and he grabbed her hips and pulled her down... and nothing happened. He frowned. That's not right. He tried again. And again.

"What's wrong?" Venus asked confused.

"I... I don't know." Finn was even more confused. "Gotta be there somewhere..." he muttered absently and searched for an entrance with is finger. Then his hot and bothered body grew cold with his discovery.

"OH DUDE NO! It CAN'T be!" But why? He searched frantically again and knew there was no mistake. It wasn't there because it had never been painted.

Male shouts of disbelief around the corner told him it was going to be the same with all his harem. None of his girls were... whole.

God! Finn rolled his head back and shut his eyes, It's not fair! NOW what was he gonna do?

To be continued…