() the change of POV
Special
By Misaki Sakura
Chapter 8 : Decision
It's been two months since that day at the park and since then he's been avoiding me. Every time we meet, he'll either try to look busy or starts making conversation with anyone, anyone but me. He's in denial ... maybe. That's what I try to feed my mind with. A thought of a broken heart. I'm pathetic but who aren't after being kissed by the one they love and being avoided for two months after that?! Two whole damn months!! I'm not only pathetic, I'm frustrated! But I won't let anyone know. Not even Aya.
Youji is quitting his job at Koua so he gets a new teacher who is one of the cause why this gets so complicated. She seems to have a crush on me and she doesn't even bother to hide it. I think she could declare it to everyone about her undying love for me. I hate it, I really do. She pesters me around the school. I usually arrive there at twelve to check if everything is okay but after her arrival, I try as best as I can to come at the nick of time. It's not like me but I need to avoid her cause ever since she arrived, Ken is nowhere to be seen. I won't be surprised if it's Ken's request to Youji for her to work here. It's his way to show me how much he despises me, loathes me. If he didn't, why would he make her approaches me with her high-pitched voice?
Youji went home to America with Omi two weeks ago. Before that, he had called me. I think it's a week before they left. He only said, "Take good care of Ken. If then I know that you make him cry, I swear I'm gonna make you suffer for the rest of your life!" Maybe it's his way to show his encouragement to me. But that doesn't mean that Ken will actually want me.
"Fujimiya-sensei ..."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry to bother you but aren't you supposed to go to the dojo now?" she says, giggling.
I glance at my watch and let out a sigh. "Yes, excuse me, Sakura- sensei."
All I can think right now is walk out of this room as fast as I can. What is she doing here? Usually, medical teachers don't spend much time in the teacher's room. With long stride, I make my way to the dojo with her tailing me.
I watch the clouds glide slowly in the sky. Sighing, I lay myself on the hard floor, feeling the coldness touches my skin. Two months ... and every time I remember how stupid I was to kiss him and leave him like that. It's not like it was bad ... and it's not like I know how good kisses like but I know that that was good. Maybe that's because finally, finally, I have the courage to admit that I like him. No, I don't love him, just like. Simple likeness between friends. ... Lame, huh? I'm a coward, I know.
I know very well that it's rude to suggest another person to someone who has said that he loved you but I don't know what to do!! I manage to persuade Youji to call his friend here. Her name is Tomoe Sakura or so. I've heard that she like Ran but I don't have any idea that she can be so ... Let's just say that wherever Ran is, she is there too. Hiding behind the bushes or behind the door. Can you call that obsessed?
Well, at least she is serious about him. It'd be better with someone who loves you than with someone whom you love, isn't it? I think it'd be better if you can get someone who loves you and vice-versa. It's just too hard to get.
Do you ever think that he or she is 'the one'? I've asked Youji about that for ... I don't know, I can't recall it. He usually answered me with a shrug, but that's before he met Omi. When I ask him after that, he answers with determination and certainty. "Yes, he is the one."
For me, those words mean more and I bet he feels that too. Yes, he is the one he'll be with forever. Yes, he'll be the one he loves for the rest of his life. If Omi hears this, I bet he'll jump in excitement since Youji never says that in front of his face before. Youji and Omi, weird but I like them.
Were they feeling this when they first met? No, maybe not. But did they feel ... or try to deny their feelings for each other? I should've asked them. I have thought of it but then I decided not to. It would surely lead us to an inevitable discussion about me and Ran and so on. I don't want to talk about it, at least for now.
I can't talk about him, so how am I supposed to face him?! I've been running away from him for two whole damn months!! I've told you before, I'm a coward. Youji and Omi says to me every day, "Go, Ken." "Ganbatte, Ken- kun." Or in Youji's style, "You need to get laid." They don't understand! How can I face him when he places those piercing, not to mention beautiful, amethyst eyes on me?!
Somehow, I always feel this tinge of pain when I see him with that ... that ... Sakura. I hate to see them eating on the same table in the canteen. I hate to see them chatting, even though it's very rare to see them like that. I hate to see them walking side by side or when Sakura pestering him. I hat seeing them together! Does that mean I'm jealous?
Why now? Why him? Why does it have to be Ran? I like his sister before but I don't think that has something to do with him. I was attracted to him when I first met him, before I met Aya. Red hair, violet eyes, white skin ... hell, who didn't?! It's only a mere attraction, nothing special. Did I like Aya because I knew she is his sister? Then ... does that mean I ...
"Ken ..."
I like it when he says my name. He says it so tenderly and sweetly, like just now ... just now?!
"Ken ..."
"Ra ... Ran ... what are you doing here?" I stand up abruptly, knocking my head on the railing as I let out a loud cry. "Ouch!! That hurts!"
"Are you okay, Ken?" he reaches out for me but reflexively I slap his hand away. His eyes dimmed and I can see hurt and disappointment in them but he quickly brushes them away.
"So ... sorry ... I'm okay ..."
"I didn't expect to see you here, Ken. What are you doing here?"
"I ... was thinking, but it's okay. I'll go now."
I walk pass him to the door and stop when I feel his grip on my wrist. "No, please stay."
I don't know why but when I heard him saying that, I feel my eyes welled with tears. Confusedly I wipe them with my free hand and let him take me to the side of the railing. I never thought I would see him here, on the school roof. It's always been my favourite place when I want to have my own thinking session. Guess I'm not the only one though.
"I have something to tell you, Ken." he tightens his grip on my hand as if to avoid me from running away. "I ..."
"Ran, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It's ... my fault. I'm sorry, but it meant nothing. Please, ... forgive me."
I'm choking back sobs. I can feel him stiffen and his grip on me loosens. I feel awful, I really do. I'm running away again, from him and from myself. Slowly, I encourage myself to gaze at his eyes and see him glaring at me. Very ... scary ... I can't run!! My feet weaken and start to give way but I manage to keep myself steady by holding the railing tightly as if it's my life that I can't let go.
"Ran ... I ..."
He doesn't let me finish my sentence as he tilts my head up and silences me with his lips. I'm too stunned to react. As soon as I realize what's happening, I try to push him ... hard ... but I can't. He holds both my hands behind my back as he keeps kissing me forcefully. This reminds me about the incident before. I'm ... scared. I'm scared of him. I feel my eyes sting again and my tears flow down my cheeks as I let out a whimper.
He releases me soon after that and whispers, "Sayonara, Ken." before he leaves me alone, sobbing.
"So what are you going to do, nii-chan? Are you going to accept it?"
We're eating our dinner when Aya suddenly decided to talk about that topic ... again. "I've made my own decision. Otoo-san and okaa-san don't seem to mind."
"I do! What are you going to do with Ken-san? You're not planning to leave him, are you?! Are you, nii-chan?!"
"That's what he wants, Aya, for me to go." I take her plates and mine to the sink. She stomps her feet and says, "That's not what he wants, nii- chan! Can't you see?!"
"All I can see is he hates me and I have to go."
"But ..."
"That's enough, Aya! I don't want to talk about this!" I slam the plates on the sink and glare at her. She surprised but maintains her glare at me too. We stay in silence for minutes before she finally let out a sigh and decides, for her own good, to leave me alone.
I glace at the plates and only see their pieces. I cut my finger with one of them. It bleeds ... it bleeds just like the bleeding in my heart. It hurts so much ... Ken.
I love him, I don't love him, I love him, I don't love him ... I do love him. It's hard to admit it. No, I don't love him. Yes, you love him and stop talking to yourself. That voice from the back of my head says that to me again and again.
Since that time on the roof, I've never seen Ran anymore. I keep asking myself ... what is he doing? Is he feeling alright? Why doesn't he come? Will he come tomorrow? I want to see him. I can't ask Aya ... I'm not that brave. But I still want to see him and I don't know how to do it.
I can't come into his house and say, "Hello, Ran. How are you? Are you okay? Hey, I miss you so much." and so on after I told him that that kiss meant nothing for me! Probably he'll take his katana and slice me up with that.
I have to think of better way. Ask Sakura ... No, I'll be damned. But there's no other way, isn't there? Sighing, I drag my feet to the infirmary. As I set my feet in front of the door, I can hear a loud cry coming from inside. Sakura's voice.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????"
How many decibels does her voice have?! Does she want to make all the windows in this building shatter into pieces?! I slide the door open and tap her shoulder. "Excuse me, Sakura-sen ..."
"Whyyyyyyyy???!!! Why does he leave me?!"
"Anou, Sakura-sensei ... what do you mean?"
"Ran ... he's ..."
"Yes, Mister Crawford. I'm looking forward to it. Yes, I know. I have all I need there. Okay, I'm looking forward to it. Yes. We'll discuss that there. Yes, thank you, Mister Crawford. I'll go to New York."
TBC
A/N : Okay, this is it! They're separating. Actually, this story is
longer than I expected but ... it's okay, isn't it? Do you like this
chapter? Maybe I should've put angst as the second genre. Okay, next
chapter is going to be the last one ... I hope. Fine, it's going to be
the last chapter but maybe I'll make an epilogue ... or not. Anyway,
please R&R!! I'll be very gladly to read the reviews!
Special
By Misaki Sakura
Chapter 8 : Decision
It's been two months since that day at the park and since then he's been avoiding me. Every time we meet, he'll either try to look busy or starts making conversation with anyone, anyone but me. He's in denial ... maybe. That's what I try to feed my mind with. A thought of a broken heart. I'm pathetic but who aren't after being kissed by the one they love and being avoided for two months after that?! Two whole damn months!! I'm not only pathetic, I'm frustrated! But I won't let anyone know. Not even Aya.
Youji is quitting his job at Koua so he gets a new teacher who is one of the cause why this gets so complicated. She seems to have a crush on me and she doesn't even bother to hide it. I think she could declare it to everyone about her undying love for me. I hate it, I really do. She pesters me around the school. I usually arrive there at twelve to check if everything is okay but after her arrival, I try as best as I can to come at the nick of time. It's not like me but I need to avoid her cause ever since she arrived, Ken is nowhere to be seen. I won't be surprised if it's Ken's request to Youji for her to work here. It's his way to show me how much he despises me, loathes me. If he didn't, why would he make her approaches me with her high-pitched voice?
Youji went home to America with Omi two weeks ago. Before that, he had called me. I think it's a week before they left. He only said, "Take good care of Ken. If then I know that you make him cry, I swear I'm gonna make you suffer for the rest of your life!" Maybe it's his way to show his encouragement to me. But that doesn't mean that Ken will actually want me.
"Fujimiya-sensei ..."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry to bother you but aren't you supposed to go to the dojo now?" she says, giggling.
I glance at my watch and let out a sigh. "Yes, excuse me, Sakura- sensei."
All I can think right now is walk out of this room as fast as I can. What is she doing here? Usually, medical teachers don't spend much time in the teacher's room. With long stride, I make my way to the dojo with her tailing me.
I watch the clouds glide slowly in the sky. Sighing, I lay myself on the hard floor, feeling the coldness touches my skin. Two months ... and every time I remember how stupid I was to kiss him and leave him like that. It's not like it was bad ... and it's not like I know how good kisses like but I know that that was good. Maybe that's because finally, finally, I have the courage to admit that I like him. No, I don't love him, just like. Simple likeness between friends. ... Lame, huh? I'm a coward, I know.
I know very well that it's rude to suggest another person to someone who has said that he loved you but I don't know what to do!! I manage to persuade Youji to call his friend here. Her name is Tomoe Sakura or so. I've heard that she like Ran but I don't have any idea that she can be so ... Let's just say that wherever Ran is, she is there too. Hiding behind the bushes or behind the door. Can you call that obsessed?
Well, at least she is serious about him. It'd be better with someone who loves you than with someone whom you love, isn't it? I think it'd be better if you can get someone who loves you and vice-versa. It's just too hard to get.
Do you ever think that he or she is 'the one'? I've asked Youji about that for ... I don't know, I can't recall it. He usually answered me with a shrug, but that's before he met Omi. When I ask him after that, he answers with determination and certainty. "Yes, he is the one."
For me, those words mean more and I bet he feels that too. Yes, he is the one he'll be with forever. Yes, he'll be the one he loves for the rest of his life. If Omi hears this, I bet he'll jump in excitement since Youji never says that in front of his face before. Youji and Omi, weird but I like them.
Were they feeling this when they first met? No, maybe not. But did they feel ... or try to deny their feelings for each other? I should've asked them. I have thought of it but then I decided not to. It would surely lead us to an inevitable discussion about me and Ran and so on. I don't want to talk about it, at least for now.
I can't talk about him, so how am I supposed to face him?! I've been running away from him for two whole damn months!! I've told you before, I'm a coward. Youji and Omi says to me every day, "Go, Ken." "Ganbatte, Ken- kun." Or in Youji's style, "You need to get laid." They don't understand! How can I face him when he places those piercing, not to mention beautiful, amethyst eyes on me?!
Somehow, I always feel this tinge of pain when I see him with that ... that ... Sakura. I hate to see them eating on the same table in the canteen. I hate to see them chatting, even though it's very rare to see them like that. I hate to see them walking side by side or when Sakura pestering him. I hat seeing them together! Does that mean I'm jealous?
Why now? Why him? Why does it have to be Ran? I like his sister before but I don't think that has something to do with him. I was attracted to him when I first met him, before I met Aya. Red hair, violet eyes, white skin ... hell, who didn't?! It's only a mere attraction, nothing special. Did I like Aya because I knew she is his sister? Then ... does that mean I ...
"Ken ..."
I like it when he says my name. He says it so tenderly and sweetly, like just now ... just now?!
"Ken ..."
"Ra ... Ran ... what are you doing here?" I stand up abruptly, knocking my head on the railing as I let out a loud cry. "Ouch!! That hurts!"
"Are you okay, Ken?" he reaches out for me but reflexively I slap his hand away. His eyes dimmed and I can see hurt and disappointment in them but he quickly brushes them away.
"So ... sorry ... I'm okay ..."
"I didn't expect to see you here, Ken. What are you doing here?"
"I ... was thinking, but it's okay. I'll go now."
I walk pass him to the door and stop when I feel his grip on my wrist. "No, please stay."
I don't know why but when I heard him saying that, I feel my eyes welled with tears. Confusedly I wipe them with my free hand and let him take me to the side of the railing. I never thought I would see him here, on the school roof. It's always been my favourite place when I want to have my own thinking session. Guess I'm not the only one though.
"I have something to tell you, Ken." he tightens his grip on my hand as if to avoid me from running away. "I ..."
"Ran, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It's ... my fault. I'm sorry, but it meant nothing. Please, ... forgive me."
I'm choking back sobs. I can feel him stiffen and his grip on me loosens. I feel awful, I really do. I'm running away again, from him and from myself. Slowly, I encourage myself to gaze at his eyes and see him glaring at me. Very ... scary ... I can't run!! My feet weaken and start to give way but I manage to keep myself steady by holding the railing tightly as if it's my life that I can't let go.
"Ran ... I ..."
He doesn't let me finish my sentence as he tilts my head up and silences me with his lips. I'm too stunned to react. As soon as I realize what's happening, I try to push him ... hard ... but I can't. He holds both my hands behind my back as he keeps kissing me forcefully. This reminds me about the incident before. I'm ... scared. I'm scared of him. I feel my eyes sting again and my tears flow down my cheeks as I let out a whimper.
He releases me soon after that and whispers, "Sayonara, Ken." before he leaves me alone, sobbing.
"So what are you going to do, nii-chan? Are you going to accept it?"
We're eating our dinner when Aya suddenly decided to talk about that topic ... again. "I've made my own decision. Otoo-san and okaa-san don't seem to mind."
"I do! What are you going to do with Ken-san? You're not planning to leave him, are you?! Are you, nii-chan?!"
"That's what he wants, Aya, for me to go." I take her plates and mine to the sink. She stomps her feet and says, "That's not what he wants, nii- chan! Can't you see?!"
"All I can see is he hates me and I have to go."
"But ..."
"That's enough, Aya! I don't want to talk about this!" I slam the plates on the sink and glare at her. She surprised but maintains her glare at me too. We stay in silence for minutes before she finally let out a sigh and decides, for her own good, to leave me alone.
I glace at the plates and only see their pieces. I cut my finger with one of them. It bleeds ... it bleeds just like the bleeding in my heart. It hurts so much ... Ken.
I love him, I don't love him, I love him, I don't love him ... I do love him. It's hard to admit it. No, I don't love him. Yes, you love him and stop talking to yourself. That voice from the back of my head says that to me again and again.
Since that time on the roof, I've never seen Ran anymore. I keep asking myself ... what is he doing? Is he feeling alright? Why doesn't he come? Will he come tomorrow? I want to see him. I can't ask Aya ... I'm not that brave. But I still want to see him and I don't know how to do it.
I can't come into his house and say, "Hello, Ran. How are you? Are you okay? Hey, I miss you so much." and so on after I told him that that kiss meant nothing for me! Probably he'll take his katana and slice me up with that.
I have to think of better way. Ask Sakura ... No, I'll be damned. But there's no other way, isn't there? Sighing, I drag my feet to the infirmary. As I set my feet in front of the door, I can hear a loud cry coming from inside. Sakura's voice.
"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????"
How many decibels does her voice have?! Does she want to make all the windows in this building shatter into pieces?! I slide the door open and tap her shoulder. "Excuse me, Sakura-sen ..."
"Whyyyyyyyy???!!! Why does he leave me?!"
"Anou, Sakura-sensei ... what do you mean?"
"Ran ... he's ..."
"Yes, Mister Crawford. I'm looking forward to it. Yes, I know. I have all I need there. Okay, I'm looking forward to it. Yes. We'll discuss that there. Yes, thank you, Mister Crawford. I'll go to New York."
TBC
A/N : Okay, this is it! They're separating. Actually, this story is
longer than I expected but ... it's okay, isn't it? Do you like this
chapter? Maybe I should've put angst as the second genre. Okay, next
chapter is going to be the last one ... I hope. Fine, it's going to be
the last chapter but maybe I'll make an epilogue ... or not. Anyway,
please R&R!! I'll be very gladly to read the reviews!