X-men: Evolution: "PSA Nightmare" an original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)
Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or any of those wonderful PSA from the GI-Joe cartoons, and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…in order to pay tribute to those little PSA's that taught us so much back in the day…
Chapter One: "Potential nightmares in production!"
The Pit was a complete chaos, yet, for the first time, none of it's regular occupants was the cause for the chaos itself.
"Duke! Is the anti riot green shirt squad ready?"-General Hawk asked throught his communication wristband device, as he standed, alone, in the Pit's entrance.
"Yes, also we have Lifeline, Bree and every medic ready just in case, Sir"-Duke replied from the screen. Behind him, members of GI-Joe ran in every direction, some carrying ropes, others carrying straightjackets, yet everyone equipped was equipped with some sort of non lethal weaponry.
"Good, you know the drill; I want every pair of eyes available on him…that includes ninjas, snipers and Xi!"-Hawk replied, as he tapped his left foot on the ground. On the horizon, a chopper squad could be seen advancing towards the base…however, the leading chopper seemed to be a bit…unconventional on its course…if flying upside down were a good definition for "unconventional".
"Oh goody…he's in control of the chopper already…"-Hawk moaned, in a tone of voice that made clear this was a painfully usual experience for him.
"What on earth is General Whithalf so anxious to discuss with us?"-Duke said from the wristband communicator monitor.
"Well, I have no idea…but the quicker we get this over with…the better"-Hawk said, with a heavy sigh.
In order to understand who General Whithalf is, and why he is able to drive such an elite (Elite is kind of a broad term here, though) military team such as GI-Joe on such a frenzy, a brief explanation is in order…actually, better for everyone if it's mandatory.
Use your imagination for a while, and picture the usual, all American General stereotype, you know, the kind that gives inspirational and patriotic speeches with ease, is kind yet rough with his troops, and is essentially a hero and a great man. Now, grab the nearest crazy, thrill seeking teenager, mix both of them up in a cocktail maker, and add the "old age induced liberation from sanity and memory", and to spice it up, a dash of that stereotypical General who just wants to nuke the reds in pretty much every military comedy from the cold war era. The result would be a lighter version of General Whithalf.
We are talking about the kind of old man that goes from "harmless and funny old coot" to "dispenser of knuckle sandwiches" with easy, yet manages to keep a bumbling, lovable personality that few would suspect hide one of the most feared and respected men on the fields of politics, military and martial and civilian law….but when a man is like General Whithalf, that last part may be on the job training. The job here is being one of the guys in charge of defending democracy and freedom worldwide…that including access to that big room with LOTS of red big buttons.
Bet you won't sleep soundly on your bed after reading all that above, will you?
Enough of these funny notes, lets take a look at the real general Whithalf in action…
Inside said chopper, there was a team of Special Forces that had been on most military conflicts of the last ten years…yet all of them were either terrified or wishing for a war to erupt somewhere far, far away.
"Yeeehaaa! Now this is what I call a chopper, private!"-Whithalf said as he moved the controllers around, a wide grin on his face.
"I wanna home…I wanna go home!"-The private kept moaning as he hugged his knees.
"Now, let's check the response on this bird!"-Whithalf yelled as he slammed the controllers up, this making everything inside the chopper shake, soldiers and weaponry included.
Hawk watched in awe as the main chopper made a loop, hit one of the escort choppers, which ended up slamming against another one, both falling to the ground towards a fuel and ammunition depot, as the crew jumped in parachutes.
Hawk managed to change to sunglasses just in time for the massive fireball…
"Whoops…hope those things weren't expensive. Well, I can always file them under Cobra attack collateral damage or something like that"-Whithalf said as he landed the chopper right in front of Hawk…actually, right in front of Hawk's nose, a mere couple of inches away, and landing being slamming into the ground chopper nose first and vertically.
"General…"-Hawk saluted, as Whithalf jumped from the cockpit…the sounds of barfing, thankful praying and cheering could be heard inside the chopper.
"Good morning, Hawk…sorry bout that, just was a beautiful day for an old man to drive…ah, to feel young again"-Whithalf said, in a dreamy voice.
"Yeah, I reckon…so, what brings you to the Pit, General?"-Hawk asked, trying hard not to picture a mental image of Whithalf feeling any "younger".
"Well, it's something rather funny, Hawk…just rally the team and the kids, if you may"-Whithalf said as he walked inside, ignoring the sound of the chopper bursting into flames, just as the last soldier had abandoned it.
"Sigh…so much for a peaceful day"-hawk sighed, as he followed.
In the meeting room, every single Joe was in formation, with the exception of the Misfits themselves, who were in the plattaform, standing next to their legal guardians, and the main chain of command of GI-Joe.
Whithalf walked towards the microphone stand, and cleared his throat…
"Before addressing the issue that has brought me here, let me once again state my awe for your dedication and professionalism…I mean, every single time I arrive it seems like everyone is ready in advance! Just such admirable dedication to duty and protocol! It brings a tear to this old war horse"-Whithalf said, delighted.
"See? Being on a need to know contact with the pentagon snitches is money well spent"-Shipwreck said in a low tone to Hawk, who nodded.
"As you all know, the current situation with Mutants in America is rather appalling. So, the Pentagon has decided to broaden the potential influence of the excellent mutant integration program GI-Joe has developed, and use it as a way to not only strengthen human/mutant relations, but to improve the civilian opinion of mutants"-Whithalf continued.
"Uh-Oh…this is getting bad"-Duke said, while the Misfits looked puzzled.
"So, the Pentagon has decided to revive and old and effective propaganda method this very organization used during the early years of the Cobra conflict…I'm talking, of course, of the Public Service Announcement system, or PSA for short"-Whithalf said, as a projection screen rolled behind him, and a Greenshirt turned on a projector.
"Okay, what this PSA stuff the old man is babbling about?"-Pietro asked.
"Beats me…never ever heard of that"-Todd replied.
"Shh! Movie's starting"-Fred said as he munched on some popcorn. For some reason, Whithalf was doing the same, as several clips were shown.
The screen flickered, and showed several clips of kids getting into trouble, with several Joes providing help and advice…
"Okay, so what kid is dumb enough to go swimming when it's storming?"-Arcade asked.
"Uhm…Summers and his brother?"-Lance replied.
"Oh, yeah…"-Arcade replied.
"So that's how you stop a nosebleed! That would have been handy knowledge back on the old days at the boarding house!"-Todd said.
"My dad giving advice on not running away from home? Now that's bad casting!"-Althea smirked.
"Ahh, shut your trap you"-Shipwreck moaned.
"Girls can skateboard too? Now that's fiction!"-Pietro said in fake disbelief, a comment that awarded him a slap in the head by most Misfits' females.
"Stealing is wrong? You of all people saying that? I can't believe this!"-Althea yelled at Shipwreck, who laughed nervously.
"Beach Head giving advice on protecting your head is kinda obvious"-Wanda pointed out.
"That's why I wear a helmet under this sky mask! Out of personal experience!"-Beach Head yelled, as the projector was turned off.
"Well, now, wasn't that a jolly good trip down memory lane? I mean, the ids liked them!"-Whithalf said, as the Misfits were actually rolling on the floor with laughter, while most Joes were either red with anger, embarrassment, or a combination of both.
"Now, the PSA program is now offcilally to be reinstated, with three minor changes…"-Whithalf said.
"Oh no…"-hawk moaned.
"First, the Misfits will be in charge of filming, scripting and producing the new wave of PSA's"-Whithalf announced.
"Say what?"-Todd yelled out loud.
"Second the shows will be broadcasted on air live"-Whithalf added.
"Come again?"-Roadblock gulped.
"And finally, the PSA will be broadcasted by every major channel in America on prime time"-Whithalf finished.
He was expecting applause, hurrahs, perhaps some cheers…
What he got instead was a stampede of every Joe in the room, as everyone went for the exits at the same time, and obviously, this caused a massive fight for the privilege to escape the room.
"Well, what do you kids think?"-Whithalf asked the Misfits
"Meh…how wrong can it go?"-Lance shrugged.
"Famous last words…on the other hand, if they managed to somehow pull this of…I guess the bigwigs may know what they are doing"-Lina stated, as Whithalf and the Misfits watched the chaos around them.
"And knowing is half the butter!"-Xi added in a strangely cinematic tone.
Everyone stared at him….
"I mean…battle!"-Xi added.
"We are doomed. I just know it!"-Lance moaned
"And knowing is half the battle!"-Angelica cheered.
"Stop that!"-Lance snapped.
Chapter One end….
Okay, next, its the rehearsals and preparations for the first PSA, as several Joes end up in PSA duty….its torture time, then it's the Misfits, live on TV!...America is never going to be the same. And what about the X-men? You really have to know, right? Because knowing is half the…baghhh! (author is buried alive by a rockslide)