DarkGhost42: Remember, I don't own YYH and....anything else I may put in this chappie that's not mine.
Thanks: I'd like to give a special thanks to my bud, Shadow Priestess for reviewing and putting a bunch of positive words down for me. Ur a pal!! And, also, thanks to guijar2002 for reviewing. I am truly grateful to u as well. LoL. Also, thanks to inuyasha614 for being the very FIRST reviewer of the story!! (throws confetti) YAY!!! And also, last but not least, Mocha Cocoa for giving me some advice and calling me a good writer. I will take ur advice (hopefully) and make the writing more....um...detailed is the only word I can think of. ON WITH THE STORY!!
Chapter II:
Realization
I slept in a tree in the park as usual. It had been the same as every boring day in that god forsaken city. I had been off probation for a year...but every so often, I would take trips to the human world to visit certain 'friends' of mine. I would see if Yukina had returned from Koorime Island and would always see how He was doing.
Kurama and I had been friends for as long as I could remember, but somehow, to me he had changed. I had always been so drawn to the kitsune in a way, and I had always thought it was friendship, but now I wasn't so sure. Perhaps my friendship had grown even stronger over the years and I hadn't known. But if this was friendship, why did I suddenly feel so blissful whenever I saw him?
He strolled down the sidewalk cautiously glancing over his shoulder every few seconds to check and see if those love crazed school girls were following. I actually felt sympathy for my companion. Companion. It sounded like we were in love. I even love? It was a foreign emotion to me, but I supposed that everyone could feel the same things, correct? I wondered, after that, if it was love I had for the kitsune. I'd just have to find out for myself.
He entered his apartment and laid a kiss on his mother's cheek before trotting up the stairs to his room. He set his school bag on his desk and flopped onto his futon to gaze up at his ceiling. He seemed to be dreaming. Did he dream of me, I wondered. I watched him closely taking in every moment, every breath. His eyes glistened and were glazed over with an unknown happiness. I raised an eyebrow as he began to giggle uncontrollably. Had he gone insane?
"Hiei..." he whispered. I could still hear it. I knew when he spoke my name. I could read it on those perfectly formed lips of his. I moved to a lamp post outside the window and peeked inside. He sat up beaming out at me with a welcoming glance. I took it as a sign he wanted me to come inside. I didn't hesitate and quickly changed positions. Once I stepped onto his carpeted floor I felt warm arms pull me into an embrace. I choked on the air I breathed and my eyes fluttered wide open with shock and fear. "I've missed you, Hiei. You've been gone for so long. It's like you've forgotten I even exist. Why don't you ever visit me anymore?" he spoke dejectedly. I opened my mouth to respond, but unfortunately, no words escaped. I decided to stay silent and hope he wouldn't be disappointed without an answer. He released me and moved in front of me. Taking my chin in between his thumb and index finger he tilted my head upwards and stared me in the eye. I couldn't bear to see those eyes.
"Kurama...don't..." I stammered. I tried to free myself, but he turned my head with more force this time so that I had no choice. I closed my eyes tightly and prayed he'd let go soon. Why did I not want to be with him now? This is what I had always dreamed of. I had missed him too much, and now that I had him with me again, it all felt so wrong. Why? What was happening to me, I couldn't explain. These feelings, I couldn't tell right from wrong. I couldn't see light or darkness. Everything turned red and I did all I could. I fought it back. But instead of fighting the darkness itself...I hurt him. "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" I screamed. I lashed out with fists full of fury and sent him onto the floor with blood spraying from his mouth and onto the floor staining the rug. His eyes filled with tears as he stared at me. My eyes widened at what I had done.
"H-Hiei...I didn't mean to...I'm...s-sorry..." he choked. I felt my body fall numb. What had I done? I had hurt the one person who cared for me most. The one person I cared for most!
"Kurama...don't...don't be that way. Why? What have you done to me!!? I wanted...I wanted to see you, but now that you're here with me, all I want is to go away. I want to disappear forever. I can't stand it when you look at me that way. It reminds me too much of myself. I see the fear and anger hidden underneath your lies. Don't...please...don't look at me like that," I babbled while reaching out and wiping the tears from his eyes. "I just want you to...I just...want to be alone. Don't look for me. Don't find me. Don't save me, Kurama. Just...let me be for the time being. My mind is screaming at me, and if I don't obey, I could end up injuring you again. I won't take that chance."
"Hiei...please...what is it? Let me help you. I wanted to see you too, and I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. I didn't know...I just wanted...to make you happy." I didn't move. I didn't speak. The silence swallowed everything and all noise escaped from hearing distance. Time froze at that instant and all I did...was run. I ran as far as I could. What had I done to him? What had I done to myself? What cruel trick was Fate playing on me now?
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
I could feel the rain. I didn't care how soggy I felt. I didn't care where I went. I didn't care about anything at that moment except escaping it all. I wanted him to recede from my thoughts. Kurama had changed me somehow. I finally realized after retreating from this feeling the entire time that I had actually been running to it head on. I had fallen right into the pit of despair. It was love that had now consumed me, but was love suppose to hurt so much? Is this what all humans lived their useless lives for? I grasped my chest as I collapsed to the soaked grass of the Forest of Fools.
"Kurama....Kurama...KURAMA!!!!" I cried. I felt like I had betrayed him. He would probably hate me now. I had just left him. I knew he was crying...for me. And I didn't even care. "You idiot!! What have you done!? Who do you think you are!!?" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I couldn't take this pain in my heart. If it was love I held for Kurama...then I would have to burn it all. He had melted the ice, and no matter how long it took, I would repair my fallen walls. No one would ever seduce me into an affair of such unwanted loyalty. Partnership was fine, and friendship was plenty, but love was too much for me. I would avoid him. I would speak of him no longer. Kurama would have to become a memory of a time when I was weak and feeling. He would find another, and I would become nothing. So, I decided to start it all over again. A new life, and a new beginning, without Kurama.
X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X
The next day started out poorly by my view. I awoke to the annoying sounds of children below me. Young D-class demons I suspected. I grunted. Such childish ways would cause their fall in the end. Being so naïve in the demon world meant an early death. I had learned quickly or everything to know about survival. I watched as they continued their merriment and joyfulness.
"Pitiful..." but suddenly, one of the children caught my eye. His eyes...they were exactly the same. "K-Kurama..." I whispered. I touched my lips and almost believed I could feel his name coming from me. "No...he's gone. I can't be thinking about him like this. He's worthless to me now as I am to him. I just need to let it go now." I grasped my head with my undamaged hand and shut my eyes forcefully. His image wouldn't disappear. His voice still sounded so clear. And his eyes...why couldn't he just leave me alone?
I looked down again and saw that the children had vanished from view. I groaned as I leapt down from the tree and strolled through the forest aimlessly. I really had no motive, but now there was no real reason to return to that world. I could return to that time. I didn't need the ache and suffering any more. My heart had become too fragile.
"What will I do? Where do I go? Do I even have a purpose anymore...or was it lost...with him?"
A/N: Tell me if that's a cliffy, kay? Cliffies are gooood. Hehheh...once again, thank you to those who reviewed. I would have to say this is my suckiest chapter yet. (even though it's the second one) -- Tell me what you think, and if you have flames...try not to make them too bad, kay? Tell me if this really brings tears to your eyes. It'll become a real tearjerker in later chapters, and if you want, you can listen to music like 'My Immortal' by Evanescence to get a depressing feel to this. I listen to 'In The End' when I type it. Ok...that's all for now guys. REVIEW!! Mushi mushi minna san