X-men: Evolution: "PSA Nightmare" an original fan fiction based on the Misfits Universe (Thanks for Red Witch for letting me use her universe, if you haven't checked her stuff…well, you wouldn't be reading this if you hadn't already!)
Legal Notice: I don't own X-men Evolution (if I did, it would be on the air right now), or GI-Joe, or any of those wonderful PSA from the GI-Joe cartoons, and I don't own the Misfit's Universe series of fan fiction work either. Once again, thanks to Red Witch for allowing me to use her wonderful universe…in order to pay tribute to those little PSA's that taught us so much back in the day…
Chapter Two: "Mayhem Pre-production Theory"
Somewhere in the Pit, there's a room that's easily one of the most secure in the planet. It's not only completely built in thick, high density titanium steel alloy, the kind used for tank armor, but its also soundproof and the only way in it's the main door, which is guarded by an elite squad of soldiers at all times, even if the room is empty. It's the room used for top brass meetings, covert ops mission briefings and the occasional romantic escapade…but that's just when the laundry room is already being used.
This room was Beach Head's favorite place in the base, as it was the sole place he could be safe from his co-workers. While this may not make much sense to the casual reader, one must take into account that Beach Head was one of the top five officers in the GI Joe chain of command…which is the military equivalent to being the substitute teacher for a fourth grade class in which every student is on a constant sugar high. So its obvious to say Beach Head wasn't amused to be locked in his favorite place with not only all of the Misfits and their legal guardians, but with a carefully picked group of Joes, which was selected by General Hawk himself to help the Misfits on their PSA assignment, taking on account the best of criteria in the selection process. (The selection process being putting all the Joe's names on a helmet and drawing out a few…then the "losers" could go celebrate)
The "winners" had been as it follows: Quick Kick, Airtight, Leatherneck, Wetsuit, Short Fuse, Mainframe, Lifeline and Snake Eyes. However, Beach Head noticed several random Joes were also in the room, either out of boredom or other reason he didn't want to know until it was absolutely necessary.
"Okay, let's get this over with…what's first on the list?"-Beach Head said, picking up the agenda Arcade had handed out to everyone.
"We go around the table and we introduce ourselves!"-Xi said excitedly. He was wearing a suit that made him look like a Hollywood producer. If Hollywood producers could be more snake like than Xi, that is, although that wouldn't take much effort.
"Xi, we already did that! I knew bringing cookies to the meeting was a mistake!"- Cover Girl moaned.
"Okay, I have one question, what are you three doing here?"-Beach Head asked a group of Joes that weren't on the list.
"I'm bored and this beats TV any day! Plus, someone had to tape this mess for the others"-Tunnel Rat grinned, as he held a portable camera.
"Figures, what's your excuse?"-Beach Head asked another person.
"Hawk said a fire would eventually happen here…plus, I can always mark this as training on my expense reports!"-Barbecue said. He was decked in his firefighter armor, and carried all of his equipment. Saying that this wasn't strange at all, and it pretty much covers everything about the meeting itself.
"Good to see we have that eventuality covered…and you?"-Beach Head glared at the final extra Joe.
"Breakdown control…just in case anyone goes bye-bye"-Psyche out said, patting his medical bag, which looked like it was about to burst.
"Too little, too late"-Beach Head groaned-"Well, lets start this…kids, pitch your ideas for the pilot. Psyche Out, have a shot of Diazepam ready"-Beach Head said as he looked at the Misfits. Every one of them had a folder in their hands, except for Trinity, who shared one slightly burned and singed folder.
"Okay, here goes our pitch: We open on a typical American high school, were a group of Jocks are talking in the cafeteria when..."-Lance made a notion to his partner.
"She appears!"-Pietro said as he changed into an all too familiar red long wig.-"Hi Sweetie!"-Pietro imitated a female voice, as Lance placed on a short blonde wig on.
"Hi yourself! I'm not gonna keep seeing you if you are a telepath!"-Lance said, in a cocky tone of voice.
"But I don't use my powers like that! That would be wrong and illegal, and it would stain my sparkly clean permanent record!"-Pietro said, as he obviously dominated this performance already.
"Why should I trust someone who can read my mind?"-Lance said, as he crossed his arms, striking a cool pose.
At this moment, both of them went silent, and stopped moving, like they were frozen.
"Hi there!"-Fred spoke as he entered between the frozen Pietro and Lance, wearing a black suit and tie-"If this situation is something you can relate to, always remember that mutant powers are like any other power a person has, from overachieving, sport skills, sucking up to teachers, being a manipulative flirt, etc, so the use these person give to those gifts is completely based on their moral and personal decisions. So don't cast judgment based on what kind of powers a mutant has, but on the use he/she gives to those powers!"-Fred said, in a quite well achieved acting voice.
Everyone stared speechless, until Lance muttered something in Fred's ear.
"Oh yeah, the catchphrase!"-Fred explained.-"Remember, knowing to trust someone based on what he does with his powers rather than what his powers do to him. And knowing is half the battle….oh, who am I kidding here!"-Fred moaned as he threw off his tie.-"You wanna know something useful! Know to never trust redheads! They will twirl you around their finger and use you, even though all you want is just to chat and have a soda together! I shoulda knew better, "knowledge is half the battle" my butt! If I had known her true intentions then I would had…!"-Fred started to yell as he grabbed a nearby soda machine and started to crush it into a ball
"Here goes…"-Lance moaned.
"I knew he couldn't resist it…even in the rehearsals"-Pietro said as he went pale, like the rest of the room, as Fred started to get very red, and very angry.
"All I wanted was a lousy soda! A lousy soda, you redheaded wench!"-Fred screamed as he turned at Pietro and raised the crushed soda machine over his head, ready to squash him.
"Freddy! It's Pietro, not her!"-Lina yelled as she took the wig of Pietro just in time, as Freddy suddenly turned to his usual self.
"Oh, sorry there…went over the edge, 'cause Pietro makes such a good impression of her…I'm sorry Quickie!"-Fred said as he let crying and gave Pietro a bear hug.
"Blob! Oxygen first, Apologies later!"-Pietro barely managed to say as he turned blue.
The adults just stared as the Misfits tried to split them apart….
"Okay…Psyche Out, book Blob for a daily therapy session, would you? And someone tell Hawk we'll need a new soda machine down here?"-Beach Head said, in a strangely mellow tone.
"Uhm, Beach Head, did you too that syringe with Demerol I had on the table?"-Psyche Out replied.
"I sure did…mmmhmmmm, Demerol"-Beach Head said in a dreamy voice.
"Whatever he's having I want a double!"- Lowlight groaned.
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"…and knowing is half the battle!"-Brittany finished with a bright smile, as the triplets waited for their audience to comment on their idea's pilot video.
Everyone stared with their jaws hanging open, the silence dominating the room.
"Okay girls, though I have to admit that was one hell of a script, there's a few minor problems with it: One, it has to be something that could actually be broadcasted on public TV, not the Horror Channel. Two, you broke at least thirty different broadcasting and copyright laws. Lastly…WE WANT TO EDUCATE TEENAGERS, NOT TRAUMATISE THEM FOR LIFE!"-Cover Girl snapped.
"But we were just showing that teen mutants are people too! With the same needs, feelings and personalities"-Quinn replied.
"Not to mention the same raging hormones and inner life! If someone cuts a human and a mutant, don't they both bleed?"-Brittany quipped.
"Plus, I think Mr. Brick here would make a great mascot!"-Daria said as she held up a thick brick that had a face drawn in it with crayons.
"I gotta admit, I liked when Mr. Brick knocked some help on "Sprite the phasing hussy""-Pietro quipped, while Lance held him in a headlock.
"Well, you girls certainly lived to my expectations"-Shipwreck moaned.
"How did you manage to do such life like blood effects?"-Airtight asked.
"Oh, I just raided Lifeline's blood fridge…by the way, lifeline, didn't Bree told you to stop storing your ice cream bars in it?"-Spyder grinned.
"Maybe when she stops using the morgue's cabinets to make sorbets!"-Lifeline snapped
"Its official, I'm never eating on base ever again"-Low Light said as he started to turn green.
"Well, at least this will make a great home video!"-Tunnel Rat said as he kept taping everything with his camcorder.
"Say, Daria, can I borrow Mr. Brick for a moment?"-Beach Head asked.
"Be my guest!"-Daria chirped, as Beach Head took Mr. Brick and started to chase Tunnel Rat with it.
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"Okay, its time for the last idea pitch…then Mr. Brick and I will have a long talk with Hawk and Duke"-Beach Head said in a sweet voice as he cuddled a rather worn down brick on his arms.
"You know, maybe I should research Mr. Brick's potential as a stress relieving device"-Psyche Out said.
"You do that…I think its potential as a concussive object has already been researched in full detail"-Roadblock quipped, as Lifeline tended to Tunnel Rat's bruises, and mainframe collected the pieces of the camcorder.
"Well, here's our pilot hope you enjoy it!"-Angelica smiled as she popped a tape inside the video.
The screen showed Angelica in civilian clothes leaning against a wall, along with Althea…suddenly Lina entered the picture.
"Hey, Mutie, You wanna have a rush?"-Althea said on screen.
"Uhm..okay…"-Lina replied as she approached the two.
"Here, try this...instant rush"-Angelica said as she handed Lina a vial with a brown powder.
"So far this looks promising…"-Low Light said, watching the screen, as Lina grabbed the vial and gulped its contents down.
Suddenly, the onscreen Lina´s eyes started to spin, as she muttered nonsense…
"Uh, Todd, Arcade, what did you used in the vial?"-Althea gulped, as her wings started to flap at high speeds.
"Uh…cocoa mix, ya know the one in the orange pot in the kitchen?"-Todd's voice gulped off-screen.
"Toad! I told you it was the yellow pot! Orange is where BA's coffee is stored!"-Arcade yelled, as the camera suddenly began to back away.
"YAHOOO! Come fly LinaAir!"-Lina yelled as she grabbed Althea and Angelica and flew off with both girls hanging for dear life…the camera followed them frantically, until they were lost in the distance.
"Uh-Oh…well, that didn't go as planned"-Todd gulped, as the camera focused on Arcade.
"You think?"-Arcade snapped, when he realized the camera was set on him-"As you can see, Caffeine rushes have a powerful effect on mutants, which can lead to dangerous actions…if you are a mutant, please know better than abuse caffeine derived products. And remember, Knowing is half the battle!"-Arcade said, as the camera suddenly shifted away, and Todd appeared next to him…
"Dude, that was classic! I can't believe we got away with it!"-Arcade said as he and Todd gave each other a high five.
"Told you this was a good way to get those two back for dyeing our underwear yesterday!"-Todd laughed.
In the room, Todd and Arcade gulped, as the girls went red with rage…
"Getting us back? You call that getting us back? We were stuck on top of that mountain for six hours!"-Althea roared, as Angelica powered up.
"You had to leave the camera on!"-Arcade yelled as they both jumped out of the way and somehow managed to make it out of the room, followed by the girls, then the rest of the Misfits and the Joes…
Beach Head, Psyche Out and Barbecue stared at each other in silence…
"Well, at least nothing got on fire"-Psyche Out pointed out, only to be interrupted by a loud explosion and the fire alarm going off…followed by the emergency sprinklers.
"Yes! Tax deduction, here I come!"-Barbecue cheered as he ran off the room.
"Well, at least you made a new friend!"-Psyche Out said as he pointed at Mr. Brick, while Beach Head glared at him.
"If you excuse me, Mr. Brick and I will show you the best way he can be used to relieve stress right now!"-Beach head roared, as Psyche Out ran for dear life.
None of them noticed Snake Eyes was still sitting on his chair…complete unfazed
"I really have to thank Mainframe for making that TV reception upgrade in my visor"-He though, as he grinned under his mask, oblivious to the chaos outside.
Chapter Two end…
Sorry if there was little Misfits on this chapter…next its time for the first PSA broadcasting, live, with no script, no budget and no clue…will the Misfits change American TV forever? It's not like they can make it worse…
BTW, those curious for Mr. Brick's first appearance should read "All's fair in love and war", chapter nine, by Red Witch herself…don't ask me why I ended up using Mr. Brick, it just struck close with me…plus, Sgt Snuffles is on vacation and isn't as concussive.