Author's Note: I seem to be on a roll recently, but these good ideas just keep coming to me. First off, a couple of comments:
To the reviewer who was not quite brave enough to leave a name, I have only two things to say: "Hark! Forest sounds!" and watch your language or else I'll have to get out the Life Boy.
As for Quasar: Ah, Douglas Adams. RIP. Best author ever!
Chapter 4: Public Service Announcement
Scene: A television screen, the rim of which can be seen quite readily, showing
nothing but static. Suddenly it whitens out and words appear across the screen:
"THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED TO BRING YOU THE FOLLOWING PUBLIC SERVICE
ANNOUNCEMENT." A white room appears and way in the back of it, a small door
opens and a man, dressed completely in black, steps out of it and walks towards
the screen. To show how big the room is, he starts off relatively small and gets
bigger as he nears the camera. His footsteps reverberate throughout the
completely white room.
Man (speaking in BBC English): "It has often been said that the pen is mightier
than the sword and time and time again this has been proved correct. Words can bring
down the mightiest men in a single stroke or even reveal a fool where there was
thought to be wisdom. However, when using the gift of writing, it is important
to keep certain rules in mind.
First of all, correct spelling. Although English is a tricky language to spell
due to the fact that so many words sound like one another ('waist' and 'waste',
for example), a moment of quiet reflection before writing will prevent this
mistake. We also tend to repeat letters quite frequently, as in the word
'speech', which is not spelled S-P-E-A-C-H, with no other reason than the fact
it seemed like a good idea at the time. Be careful with this rule, however,
because sometimes we don't use it. Words like 'excuse' have only one 's' and is
followed by another English quirk: the silent 'e'.
The silent 'e' had been known to cause breakdowns among writers in the days
before the word processor and spell check, however, today, it is nowhere near as
frightening. But, once again, there are exceptions to this rule and not every
word is followed by a silent e. For instance, the word 'standard' has no 'e' at
the end and is therefore 'standards' in the plural.
Another difficulty facing writers using the English language is that of finding
the right word that expresses the deep, soul-wrenching concept the writer is
trying to get across. Hate or loathe? Kill or murder? The simple word
'incompetent' has over 30 synonyms:
Amateur, amateurish, awkward, bungling, bush, bush league, clumsy,
disqualified, floundering, helpless, inadequate, incapable, incapacitated,
ineffectual, inefficient, ineligible, inept, inexperienced, inexpert,
insufficient, maladroit, raw, skill-less, unable, unadapted, uncool,
unequipped, unfit, unfitted, unhandy, uninitiated, unproficient,
unqualified, unskilled, untrained, useless.
It is no wonder that many a writer has met his doom trying to find the proper
word to express his meaning. Sometimes, however, the English language fails in
its duty to provide us with the proper cutthroat word and we have only vulgar
words left to describe our meanings (i.e., wanker).
Just how acceptable is foul language it today's modern society? Some are of the
opinion that somehow, there is just no other way to get your meaning across when
you are angry because swear words have a certain 'shock value' to them that
leaves the person they are directed to so shocked he cannot even muster a
response. This would have some merit, were swear words used infrequently, which
they are not today. Today, cuss words are a dime a dozen and instead of showing
the daring and rebellious nature of the user, they show him to be a rather
immature, unkempt fool. To put it simply, an idiot.
Writing is not all words and language, however, but also a mixture of ideas,
sometimes mundane, sometimes brilliant. These ideas are what really make a story
sparkle and make any writer, no matter the age or skill with a dictionary, worth
reading. They can make you laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it or cry when
your favorite characters die or otherwise part company. They can return you to
the world looking at it as though for the first time, aware of so many new
concepts you would have only dreamed of before. This is perhaps what makes
writing the most frightening for authors because, as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
said, "If you would create something, you must be something." Writers, whose
craft is creating both worlds, ideas and prose, must always stand for something
and try, whether through comedy, tragedy or one of the thousands of genres in
between, show what they stand for and what they believe. It is for this reason
that writers, more than any other group have been so persecuted. They have no
shield to hide behind, and no weapon but their words."
The man ends abruptly, bows to the camera, does an about face and walks back to
the door in the distance, his footsteps once again reverberating throughout the
room. The door squeaks loudly as he opens it and he closes it silently.
The white room stays on the screen for a moment before fading back to static and
a voiceover announces, "This concludes the Public Service Announcement and
you will now be returned to your regularly scheduled program."
The view pulls back to reveal the entire TV set and finally, Lucius Malfoy
sitting in front of it, with an angry look on his face. Suddenly, without
warning, and before he can get a single nasty word out, his head spontaneously
combusts, leaving naught but blood and brains splattered on the back of his
chair.
To the reviewer who was not quite brave enough to leave a name, I have only two things to say: "Hark! Forest sounds!" and watch your language or else I'll have to get out the Life Boy.
As for Quasar: Ah, Douglas Adams. RIP. Best author ever!
Chapter 4: Public Service Announcement
Scene: A television screen, the rim of which can be seen quite readily, showing
nothing but static. Suddenly it whitens out and words appear across the screen:
"THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED TO BRING YOU THE FOLLOWING PUBLIC SERVICE
ANNOUNCEMENT." A white room appears and way in the back of it, a small door
opens and a man, dressed completely in black, steps out of it and walks towards
the screen. To show how big the room is, he starts off relatively small and gets
bigger as he nears the camera. His footsteps reverberate throughout the
completely white room.
Man (speaking in BBC English): "It has often been said that the pen is mightier
than the sword and time and time again this has been proved correct. Words can bring
down the mightiest men in a single stroke or even reveal a fool where there was
thought to be wisdom. However, when using the gift of writing, it is important
to keep certain rules in mind.
First of all, correct spelling. Although English is a tricky language to spell
due to the fact that so many words sound like one another ('waist' and 'waste',
for example), a moment of quiet reflection before writing will prevent this
mistake. We also tend to repeat letters quite frequently, as in the word
'speech', which is not spelled S-P-E-A-C-H, with no other reason than the fact
it seemed like a good idea at the time. Be careful with this rule, however,
because sometimes we don't use it. Words like 'excuse' have only one 's' and is
followed by another English quirk: the silent 'e'.
The silent 'e' had been known to cause breakdowns among writers in the days
before the word processor and spell check, however, today, it is nowhere near as
frightening. But, once again, there are exceptions to this rule and not every
word is followed by a silent e. For instance, the word 'standard' has no 'e' at
the end and is therefore 'standards' in the plural.
Another difficulty facing writers using the English language is that of finding
the right word that expresses the deep, soul-wrenching concept the writer is
trying to get across. Hate or loathe? Kill or murder? The simple word
'incompetent' has over 30 synonyms:
Amateur, amateurish, awkward, bungling, bush, bush league, clumsy,
disqualified, floundering, helpless, inadequate, incapable, incapacitated,
ineffectual, inefficient, ineligible, inept, inexperienced, inexpert,
insufficient, maladroit, raw, skill-less, unable, unadapted, uncool,
unequipped, unfit, unfitted, unhandy, uninitiated, unproficient,
unqualified, unskilled, untrained, useless.
It is no wonder that many a writer has met his doom trying to find the proper
word to express his meaning. Sometimes, however, the English language fails in
its duty to provide us with the proper cutthroat word and we have only vulgar
words left to describe our meanings (i.e., wanker).
Just how acceptable is foul language it today's modern society? Some are of the
opinion that somehow, there is just no other way to get your meaning across when
you are angry because swear words have a certain 'shock value' to them that
leaves the person they are directed to so shocked he cannot even muster a
response. This would have some merit, were swear words used infrequently, which
they are not today. Today, cuss words are a dime a dozen and instead of showing
the daring and rebellious nature of the user, they show him to be a rather
immature, unkempt fool. To put it simply, an idiot.
Writing is not all words and language, however, but also a mixture of ideas,
sometimes mundane, sometimes brilliant. These ideas are what really make a story
sparkle and make any writer, no matter the age or skill with a dictionary, worth
reading. They can make you laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it or cry when
your favorite characters die or otherwise part company. They can return you to
the world looking at it as though for the first time, aware of so many new
concepts you would have only dreamed of before. This is perhaps what makes
writing the most frightening for authors because, as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
said, "If you would create something, you must be something." Writers, whose
craft is creating both worlds, ideas and prose, must always stand for something
and try, whether through comedy, tragedy or one of the thousands of genres in
between, show what they stand for and what they believe. It is for this reason
that writers, more than any other group have been so persecuted. They have no
shield to hide behind, and no weapon but their words."
The man ends abruptly, bows to the camera, does an about face and walks back to
the door in the distance, his footsteps once again reverberating throughout the
room. The door squeaks loudly as he opens it and he closes it silently.
The white room stays on the screen for a moment before fading back to static and
a voiceover announces, "This concludes the Public Service Announcement and
you will now be returned to your regularly scheduled program."
The view pulls back to reveal the entire TV set and finally, Lucius Malfoy
sitting in front of it, with an angry look on his face. Suddenly, without
warning, and before he can get a single nasty word out, his head spontaneously
combusts, leaving naught but blood and brains splattered on the back of his
chair.