(Usual disclaimer, yata yata)
It's a bright day, the sun pours in through my window. I sit in the silent living room, staring at my stand and clarinet. It's remained untouched since I put it there nearly three months ago. The inspiration that I usually have has suddenly vanished. The sunlight from the window behind it hits the metallic keys. My bell rings, stirring me from thoughts of lacking revelation, and I slowly rise. "Admiral, what a pleasant surprise," I say, the word 'surprise' not covering even a portion of how I really feel. I haven't seen anyone from Voyager since we landed, and only have received a few pictures from Tom and B'Elanna.
"It's so wonderful to see you, Harry," she says, stepping in as I move out of her way. Her warm smile reminds me of the old days, and I catch myself smiling also. To see her in a summer dress though is a bit awkward. I thought that the uniform was pasted to her at times. Her hair is longer, and a newer version of the 'bun-of-steel' has risen.
"As it is you. Please, have a seat," I say, motioning to my sofa. "Can I get you something to drink? Coffee perhaps?"
"That would be nice," she says, sitting down, her scanning eyes searching my living room as I disappear. As I walk into my kitchen, I start to wonder what brought her here. I do have a lot of questions to ask her. I return to my living room with two cups of coffee, and sit down in a chair across from her, a coffee table between us. She takes a long swig, and sets it down, a sigh of relief following.
"How have you been, Admiral, it's been a while," I say, nervously sipping my coffee. I don't know why I'm so jittery all of a sudden.
"Please Harry, we're not on duty, are we now? Call me Kathryn. And I'm doing fine. I've been living in Indiana with my mother. In fact, I brought you some of my vegetables, but they're out in my shuttle," she says. I thought I noticed her darker skin, and more freckles. "What about you, how is life onboard the Titan?"
"Not the same as Voyager, but I suppose patrol duty is never going to match up to the Delta Quadrant," I say, setting my mug of java down.
"Ah you shouldn't compare it to Voyager, Harry," Kathryn says, "It's clearly in a league of its own."
"I suppose," I say, wondering how anything could be worse than our adventures of in the Delta Quadrant. "May I ask you a question, Admi-" Her brow raises. "Kathryn?"
"Of course," she says, reaching for her coffee and holding it to her lips. I hesitate slightly, because I really don't want to ask it without making her tighten up.
"Why did you resign from Starfleet?" I ask, though my voice is low. She looks away, at the window behind my clarinet, bringing the coffee to her lips and taking a slow sip, as she obviously pieces together her answer.
"It was my time to go, Harry," she says softly, still not looking at me.
"But you were just promoted to Admiral," I say, trying to get more out of her. I know there's more than her age weighing on her early retirement.
"Yes, but that was because I had spent seven long years in the Delta Quadrant. Everyone was promoted, even you, Lieutenant," she said, with a smirk. I'm still not satisfied with her answer, and she's just going off topic.
"You must've been offered a desk job, or another ship. I doubt Admiral Paris would give up on you without a fight," I say, watching her intently.
"He did," Kathryn says, tightening her grip on the mug, as well as pursing her lips. "But I refused. I need time to adjust to the Alpha Quadrant."
"But retire, Kathryn?" I ask, my voice growing desperate. Her name is foreign to me though, and it leaves behind a tangy taste. I never used her name before, never. She smirks in my own displeasure at myself.
"I'm not as sharp, or young like I used to be, Harry," she says, looking out the window again. "Both are qualities you possess," she says, her prideful gaze falling me.
"Even Tom and B'Elanna didn't retire, and they have Miral," I say, ignoring her comment.
"Parenthood his no reason to retire," she says, shifting around, and sitting up taller.
"Then what is?" I ask, making my runaround, and final catching up with her. She tilts her head, obviously impressed with my weaving.
"I've already had the adventure of my life, Harry," she says with a sigh. "It brought me so much joy and closer to any crew I've ever been with. But it also brought me pain, and grief," she says, her gaze fogging over momentarily, but she regains control. "Though I would love to have another crew, and another adventure, I could never bring myself to that everyday harm, that everyday risk."
"You wouldn't have to, Kathryn," I say, her name flowing freely now. "You could work a desk job."
"Can you really picture me behind a desk, Lieutenant?" Kathryn says with a playful crooked smile on her face. I smile too the image of her even trying is amusing.
"I suppose not," I say, taking a step off my soapbox. "So what brings you here, to California?"
"I was going to see if you've heard the latest on Seven," she says, her comfort coming back now that the spotlight is off of her.
"I haven't had any contact with the crew since the celebration a week after we got home," I say, with a sigh. "I was assigned to the Titan after two weeks, and I just got back yesterday from our mission."
"She's fully human again," Kathryn says, a glowing smile appearing. She's obviously glad to deliver the news. "Our Doctor has been working with the medical staff on Jupiter Station, and finally developed a procedure, though it was extremely risky."
"How is she doing?" I ask, interested.
"I'm not quite sure. I received a call from Chakotay just before he went on an archeological dig on Ajilon Prime."
"Seems that neither of you can stand a desk job," I say with a smirk. "Are you sure there's nothing else that brought you here? You could have just as easily called me as Chakotay did you."
"To be honest, I've missed your cunning youthfulness," she says, with a wink. "But you're no longer my little Ensign. I was worried that promotion would have made your head spin."
I laugh lightly at this. It did make my head spin. Very much so.
"So tell me, Mr. Kim, is there someone special in your life now that we've returned?"
I sigh, and internally slump. "No ma'am," I say, reaching for my coffee, avoiding her pitying glance. "I just haven't found the right one yet."
"Join the crowd," she says with a huffing laugh, sipping her coffee.
"Has Mark called you since we've been here?" I ask, the thought forming and just slipping, though I instantly regret it as her eyes flash and look away painfully. "Forgive me; it wasn't my place to ask."
"No, you're quite fine, Harry," she says softly, making me feel even worse. "Mark hasn't contacted me yet, but I suppose he's just preoccupied." I nod, reading the underlying message, and move along. Suddenly my combadge chirps from across the room.
"If you'll excuse me," I say, standing up and walking over to the sound's origin in my dining room. I tap the badge. "Kim here."
"I hate to cut your shoreleave a little short, Lieutenant, but there's been a reported dispute along our patrol route. Starfleet is requesting that we return to handle the situation."
I sigh, hating to cut Kathryn's visit so short. I could talk to her for hours. "Understood, Captain," I say. "When are we leaving?"
"As soon as the crew returns. Hopefully in a few hours."
"I'll be right over, sir. Kim out," I say, taping the badge again.
"Well," Kathryn says with a groan as heaves herself up. "Duty calls, Mr. Kim. You'll have to give me a call when you're on shoreleave again. I'd love to show you my garden."
"That would be nice, Admi-" I pause, shaking my head. "Kathryn."