Chapter 12
Anti-lawyer spell: Only borrowing, not making any money with it, promise to
return (although condition should have improved no guarantee is given).
Please review in abundance, it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Summary: Sometimes dreams can become reality, the problem is deciding which ones and when that line has been crossed.
Many thanks due to my wonderful beta, without whom this story would be much the poorer- Kellye you are a star!
Time stood still, one measurable second stretched to fill an eternity of silence as they gauged each other warily. The room was charged with emotions, which seemed to crackle, thick as a closing storm. Hermione, aware as she had never been before of the magical power of the man before her, trembled where she stood. She could not tell if her reaction was from the frisson of fear which brought the hairs on the back of her neck to attention, or whether the emotion that charged through her veins was also affecting her ability to stand upright. All she knew for certain was that, although it had seemed the only course of action open to her, it did not now seem such a good idea.
The man stood before her, wand in hand, but held casually by his side; she had never even seen him reach for it. What scared her most was the total lack of expression in his eyes. He stood before her as if he had been turned to stone, a silent, pale statue with no feelings.
"Would you care for some tea?" she asked, gesturing towards the chair by the fire. She hoped that he would sit; she wasn't sure how much longer her legs would last. He inclined his head once, a sharp nod that reminded Hermione of nothing more than a bird. Striding past her, his robes flapped against her leg as he moved to occupy one of the chairs. Sighing a little with relief, Hermione moved to the other chair and busied herself pouring tea, hoping that the activity (and the delay) would help order her mind.
She handed him his cup, allowing their fingers to touch slightly as she removed her hand. The electricity that arced between them was, for a millisecond, quite visible in the late afternoon gloom of the Headmaster's study. Hermione jumped, pulling her hand back and cradling it in her lap. Searching his eyes she saw nothing, no recognition, no emotion, nothing but anger and suspicion.
"Severus, I'm sorry to trick you into this meeting, but I couldn't think of any other way to get you to speak to me." She kept her eyes on his, hoping that the eye contact would convince him of her sincerity. He did not acknowledge her apology, but instead sipped his tea and remained silent.
"Severus, please! I am really sorry for my actions by the lake. I need to explain what went wrong; we need to work through this." Her voice was tinged with the defensiveness she could feel raging through her. Why wasn't he reacting? She had expected a huge raging fit because of her deception, followed by sulking and eventual reconciliation. She hadn't expected to get off lightly, but she hadn't expected that he would be able to ignore her presence completely either.
Checking that he had not cast a silencing spell on her whilst she was unaware, she continued her efforts.
"Love, please let me come back. I miss you so much. I love you," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper as she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his. Severus violently pulled away from her, wiping his hand against his teaching robes, as if subconsciously he was disgusted by her touch. It was a move calculated to hurt, and it worked.
Hermione smothered a gasp and rose quickly, turning towards the mantelpiece to cling to its support, her hand covering the tears which had sprung into her eyes. Sobbing uncontrollably, she turned to him, her hair flying about her head as she cried out her hurt, "How could you? I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore? I thought you loved me. I know you love me. Please, Severus, we can't just let this go like this. We need each other." Her voice broke, the sobs wracking her body as she became more impassioned. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't control my feelings. You made me feel guilty about my activities during my schooldays, and I was angry about you not being there, and I was worried about Harry and Ron, and it all just became too much. Everything you ever did to upset me all came flooding back. I was scared." she gabbled, interspersed with sobs until her tirade came to a shivering halt, her hands twisting the fabric of her robes, and the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Severus purposefully placed his cup on the side table between the chairs and rose to his full height. Wrapping his robes around himself in his most menacing manner, he finally broke his silence.
"Are you quite finished now?" he asked stonily. "Then can I presume that I am free to leave Miss Granger? "he drawled, his velvet voice filled with the anger reflected in his eyes.
He turned and walked towards the door, stopping momentarily for Hermione to alter the wards enough to let him pass.
"What can I do to ever persuade you Severus? What did I do that was so unforgivable?" she asked, feeling like a little girl in his presence.
He paused, and turning his head slightly, he spoke to her over his shoulder, never meeting her face. "Since the death of Voldemort, the one thing I have treasured more than any other is the freedom of choice I now enjoy. Being held captive by an overly emotional girl who is desperately trying to force my reactions to her benefit, does not make me conducive to any conversation. You have seriously misjudged me Miss Granger. Good Afternoon."
Listening to his bootheels as he strode away from her, back to his dungeon, she realised that she should have known. She should have anticipated his disgust at such a tactic. Force was never going to work with Severus; he had become used to being forced to go against his heart for so long that he had become disgusted by it. She had failed. She had lost him.
A month had passed since her last meeting with Severus, a long lonely month filled with her tears and anger. The initial grief had been replaced by a shortly held anger at his resistance that had finally begun to mellow into a deep-set regret. Harry and Ron had come to see her. With the topics of safe conversation having finally all been discussed, they had left. Hermione knew that they meant well, but their comforting noises and hugs had not helped her. She missed him. It was as simple as that.
Worse still, the dreams had stopped.
Although she could picture his rooms, could see herself open the door, feel him take her in his arms and kiss her, she was not really there. It was just an ordinary dream; the boundary had not been crossed. One of them no longer wanted the other with all their hearts and so their spell was broken.
Her morning routine generally consisted of cleaning the tears from her face and trying to repair the ravages of her nocturnal grief. She missed him so much.
Severus had not fared any better. He had remained moody, his anger dissipating slightly, but the sense of loss replacing it not improving his general demeanour. He had been extremely hostile to the Headmaster, ignoring anything but the most direct questions relating to school business. But with time even that anger had dulled, leaving him grouchy, but not life threatening. The students breathed a sigh of relief, but the Headmaster knew better and worried the more for the change in mood.
With the change in their moods, the weather also changed, the spring days moving into full-fledged summer, the days becoming warm and lazy. School holidays were only a week away, the swallows were nesting under the eaves of Hermione's flat and the evenings became warm and clammy.
The bedroom was too hot, even with her windows thrown wide open. Hermione lay on top of her cotton sheets and wished for air conditioning. What she needed was a decent spell to chill the room and circulate the air. She had been used to doing warming spells in her Scottish schooldays, but the need for cooling spells was limited to potions as a rule and so she found herself unable to bring the correct words to mind. She was tired and researching her library was surely going to be quicker than wracking her exhausted brain.
Sighing in annoyance, she rose and pulling on a tee shirt to cover her modesty, pulled open the door and stepped into the hall. She realised with annoyance that she had left the lights on. Her front room door was open a crack and the light spilled through, making shadows in the hall. Suddenly feeling nervous, as if there were not a perfectly reasonable explanation for the unexpected light, Hermione crept forward, straining her ears for any sound from the room. There, a whisper of a page being turned, she caught it's sound and froze. She was certain she had not imagined it, but still she waited, needing to hear it again to make sure. Creeping nearer again, she paused at the door to put her eye to the crack.
"Do come in Hermione. The cloak and dagger routine is getting tiresome," he drawled, turning to place the book by the side of the chair.
She knew that voice, had dreamed about it, and thought about it for months now. He could read a shopping list and still manage to make the hair on her arms stand to attention with the delicious warm feelings that she couldn't control. Damn him, she thought, as she fought to conceal her reaction to finding him sitting in her front room.
Severus' eyebrow rose, his gaze taking in her bare legs as the tee shirt just covered the top of her thighs. Her chin rose a little higher, glad that her appearance could affect him as well.
"What exactly are you doing in my living room at," she glanced at the clock on the table, " 2:30 am?" Her voice was steady, a major achievement she thought, as she stood there, hands on her hips and bristling slightly.
"It was not by my own volition, Miss Granger. I'm sure you know what I mean," he sneered, keeping his eyes focused on her reddening face and pointedly refusing to look at the long expanse of her legs.
"Is this the first time you've been here?"
"No," he retorted, refusing to allow her the satisfaction of drawing any more information from him.
"How many times, Severus? How long have you been coming here?" she asked, compassion unexpectedly filling her. She knew the answer; she could feel it in her bones.
"I have not kept up a running tally, but as it has been since the day after our little meeting," here his lips snarled uncontrollably, "I would say nearly 20 times," he finished, picking up his book and continuing as if her presence was of no consequence.
"How?"
He looked up at her, a faint frown on his face.
"The dreame I presume," he answered impatiently, sweeping his hair back as he continued his efforts to read.
"I guessed that," she spat, irritated by his high-handed tone. " I meant," she paused, making sure that she had his attention again, "I need to know why the spell is working the other way around now." His head was turned slightly to one side, his mouth pursed as he waited for her to continue. "Before, when I came to your room, Dumbledore explained it to me." she looked him directly in the eyes, willing him to answer the question she was hardly daring to ask. "We both wanted it Severus. It doesn't work if only one of us is committed. I came to you, Severus, because I needed to be with you. So, I ask you again. How is it possible that you are here Severus Snape? " The ache was sounding in her voice, but she couldn't have controlled it for the world.
He stood, a tall black shadow in the bright glare of the 60-watt bulb above his head. His expression was as dark as his clothing as he confessed to her, taking no joy in the pronouncement that he had been dreading ever since he realised why he had returned repeatedly to her flat.
"Because, Miss Granger, " he paused, struggling to spit the words out through clenched teeth, "because I don't want to be without you."
Please review in abundance, it's the only thing that keeps me going.
Summary: Sometimes dreams can become reality, the problem is deciding which ones and when that line has been crossed.
Many thanks due to my wonderful beta, without whom this story would be much the poorer- Kellye you are a star!
Time stood still, one measurable second stretched to fill an eternity of silence as they gauged each other warily. The room was charged with emotions, which seemed to crackle, thick as a closing storm. Hermione, aware as she had never been before of the magical power of the man before her, trembled where she stood. She could not tell if her reaction was from the frisson of fear which brought the hairs on the back of her neck to attention, or whether the emotion that charged through her veins was also affecting her ability to stand upright. All she knew for certain was that, although it had seemed the only course of action open to her, it did not now seem such a good idea.
The man stood before her, wand in hand, but held casually by his side; she had never even seen him reach for it. What scared her most was the total lack of expression in his eyes. He stood before her as if he had been turned to stone, a silent, pale statue with no feelings.
"Would you care for some tea?" she asked, gesturing towards the chair by the fire. She hoped that he would sit; she wasn't sure how much longer her legs would last. He inclined his head once, a sharp nod that reminded Hermione of nothing more than a bird. Striding past her, his robes flapped against her leg as he moved to occupy one of the chairs. Sighing a little with relief, Hermione moved to the other chair and busied herself pouring tea, hoping that the activity (and the delay) would help order her mind.
She handed him his cup, allowing their fingers to touch slightly as she removed her hand. The electricity that arced between them was, for a millisecond, quite visible in the late afternoon gloom of the Headmaster's study. Hermione jumped, pulling her hand back and cradling it in her lap. Searching his eyes she saw nothing, no recognition, no emotion, nothing but anger and suspicion.
"Severus, I'm sorry to trick you into this meeting, but I couldn't think of any other way to get you to speak to me." She kept her eyes on his, hoping that the eye contact would convince him of her sincerity. He did not acknowledge her apology, but instead sipped his tea and remained silent.
"Severus, please! I am really sorry for my actions by the lake. I need to explain what went wrong; we need to work through this." Her voice was tinged with the defensiveness she could feel raging through her. Why wasn't he reacting? She had expected a huge raging fit because of her deception, followed by sulking and eventual reconciliation. She hadn't expected to get off lightly, but she hadn't expected that he would be able to ignore her presence completely either.
Checking that he had not cast a silencing spell on her whilst she was unaware, she continued her efforts.
"Love, please let me come back. I miss you so much. I love you," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper as she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his. Severus violently pulled away from her, wiping his hand against his teaching robes, as if subconsciously he was disgusted by her touch. It was a move calculated to hurt, and it worked.
Hermione smothered a gasp and rose quickly, turning towards the mantelpiece to cling to its support, her hand covering the tears which had sprung into her eyes. Sobbing uncontrollably, she turned to him, her hair flying about her head as she cried out her hurt, "How could you? I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore? I thought you loved me. I know you love me. Please, Severus, we can't just let this go like this. We need each other." Her voice broke, the sobs wracking her body as she became more impassioned. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't control my feelings. You made me feel guilty about my activities during my schooldays, and I was angry about you not being there, and I was worried about Harry and Ron, and it all just became too much. Everything you ever did to upset me all came flooding back. I was scared." she gabbled, interspersed with sobs until her tirade came to a shivering halt, her hands twisting the fabric of her robes, and the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Severus purposefully placed his cup on the side table between the chairs and rose to his full height. Wrapping his robes around himself in his most menacing manner, he finally broke his silence.
"Are you quite finished now?" he asked stonily. "Then can I presume that I am free to leave Miss Granger? "he drawled, his velvet voice filled with the anger reflected in his eyes.
He turned and walked towards the door, stopping momentarily for Hermione to alter the wards enough to let him pass.
"What can I do to ever persuade you Severus? What did I do that was so unforgivable?" she asked, feeling like a little girl in his presence.
He paused, and turning his head slightly, he spoke to her over his shoulder, never meeting her face. "Since the death of Voldemort, the one thing I have treasured more than any other is the freedom of choice I now enjoy. Being held captive by an overly emotional girl who is desperately trying to force my reactions to her benefit, does not make me conducive to any conversation. You have seriously misjudged me Miss Granger. Good Afternoon."
Listening to his bootheels as he strode away from her, back to his dungeon, she realised that she should have known. She should have anticipated his disgust at such a tactic. Force was never going to work with Severus; he had become used to being forced to go against his heart for so long that he had become disgusted by it. She had failed. She had lost him.
A month had passed since her last meeting with Severus, a long lonely month filled with her tears and anger. The initial grief had been replaced by a shortly held anger at his resistance that had finally begun to mellow into a deep-set regret. Harry and Ron had come to see her. With the topics of safe conversation having finally all been discussed, they had left. Hermione knew that they meant well, but their comforting noises and hugs had not helped her. She missed him. It was as simple as that.
Worse still, the dreams had stopped.
Although she could picture his rooms, could see herself open the door, feel him take her in his arms and kiss her, she was not really there. It was just an ordinary dream; the boundary had not been crossed. One of them no longer wanted the other with all their hearts and so their spell was broken.
Her morning routine generally consisted of cleaning the tears from her face and trying to repair the ravages of her nocturnal grief. She missed him so much.
Severus had not fared any better. He had remained moody, his anger dissipating slightly, but the sense of loss replacing it not improving his general demeanour. He had been extremely hostile to the Headmaster, ignoring anything but the most direct questions relating to school business. But with time even that anger had dulled, leaving him grouchy, but not life threatening. The students breathed a sigh of relief, but the Headmaster knew better and worried the more for the change in mood.
With the change in their moods, the weather also changed, the spring days moving into full-fledged summer, the days becoming warm and lazy. School holidays were only a week away, the swallows were nesting under the eaves of Hermione's flat and the evenings became warm and clammy.
The bedroom was too hot, even with her windows thrown wide open. Hermione lay on top of her cotton sheets and wished for air conditioning. What she needed was a decent spell to chill the room and circulate the air. She had been used to doing warming spells in her Scottish schooldays, but the need for cooling spells was limited to potions as a rule and so she found herself unable to bring the correct words to mind. She was tired and researching her library was surely going to be quicker than wracking her exhausted brain.
Sighing in annoyance, she rose and pulling on a tee shirt to cover her modesty, pulled open the door and stepped into the hall. She realised with annoyance that she had left the lights on. Her front room door was open a crack and the light spilled through, making shadows in the hall. Suddenly feeling nervous, as if there were not a perfectly reasonable explanation for the unexpected light, Hermione crept forward, straining her ears for any sound from the room. There, a whisper of a page being turned, she caught it's sound and froze. She was certain she had not imagined it, but still she waited, needing to hear it again to make sure. Creeping nearer again, she paused at the door to put her eye to the crack.
"Do come in Hermione. The cloak and dagger routine is getting tiresome," he drawled, turning to place the book by the side of the chair.
She knew that voice, had dreamed about it, and thought about it for months now. He could read a shopping list and still manage to make the hair on her arms stand to attention with the delicious warm feelings that she couldn't control. Damn him, she thought, as she fought to conceal her reaction to finding him sitting in her front room.
Severus' eyebrow rose, his gaze taking in her bare legs as the tee shirt just covered the top of her thighs. Her chin rose a little higher, glad that her appearance could affect him as well.
"What exactly are you doing in my living room at," she glanced at the clock on the table, " 2:30 am?" Her voice was steady, a major achievement she thought, as she stood there, hands on her hips and bristling slightly.
"It was not by my own volition, Miss Granger. I'm sure you know what I mean," he sneered, keeping his eyes focused on her reddening face and pointedly refusing to look at the long expanse of her legs.
"Is this the first time you've been here?"
"No," he retorted, refusing to allow her the satisfaction of drawing any more information from him.
"How many times, Severus? How long have you been coming here?" she asked, compassion unexpectedly filling her. She knew the answer; she could feel it in her bones.
"I have not kept up a running tally, but as it has been since the day after our little meeting," here his lips snarled uncontrollably, "I would say nearly 20 times," he finished, picking up his book and continuing as if her presence was of no consequence.
"How?"
He looked up at her, a faint frown on his face.
"The dreame I presume," he answered impatiently, sweeping his hair back as he continued his efforts to read.
"I guessed that," she spat, irritated by his high-handed tone. " I meant," she paused, making sure that she had his attention again, "I need to know why the spell is working the other way around now." His head was turned slightly to one side, his mouth pursed as he waited for her to continue. "Before, when I came to your room, Dumbledore explained it to me." she looked him directly in the eyes, willing him to answer the question she was hardly daring to ask. "We both wanted it Severus. It doesn't work if only one of us is committed. I came to you, Severus, because I needed to be with you. So, I ask you again. How is it possible that you are here Severus Snape? " The ache was sounding in her voice, but she couldn't have controlled it for the world.
He stood, a tall black shadow in the bright glare of the 60-watt bulb above his head. His expression was as dark as his clothing as he confessed to her, taking no joy in the pronouncement that he had been dreading ever since he realised why he had returned repeatedly to her flat.
"Because, Miss Granger, " he paused, struggling to spit the words out through clenched teeth, "because I don't want to be without you."