Harry Potter and the Search for Himself

Disclaimer: I own not Harry Potter nor any other characters from this marvelous world. I could only hope to have the imagination and writing ability of J. K. Rowling. I am making no money off of this story.

Author's note: This is my first story. I don't know if it is good but the bug bit me and I had to write it. Reviews are welcome.

Harry woke up to the smell of food that morning. Looking at the clock he saw that it was about 8:30. He slowly got out of bed and opened his trunk. Pulling out a set of clothes, he changed and headed downstairs to try to get some breakfast.

Upon entering the kitchen, the Dursley's stopped speaking and looked at him. Finally Aunt Petunia broke the silence.

"Don't just stand there. There's some food left over on the stove. Eat and be quick about it. I have your list of chores right here," she said shrilly, pointing to a piece of paper on the table.

Not waiting to let them decide otherwise, Harry quickly grabbed the piece of toast and the remaining slices of bacon. He walked over to the table and sat down across from Aunt Petunia. His aunt pushed the list across the table to him. While eating he looked down at the list.

Chores

Do dishes (Breakfast and Dinner) – Every Day

Mow the lawn

Weed garden

Clean bathroom

He didn't mind too much, seeing as how the chores weren't to bad. At the very least, it gave him something to do. Finishing up his small breakfast, he took his plate over to the sink and then started to collect the other dirty dishes. By the time the sink was full of water, Vernon had left for work and Dudley had wandered into the living room to watch the telly.

After finishing the dishes he dried his hands and headed back up to his room. He noticed Hedwig was still asleep, so he decided to go ahead and write the letter to Remus so it would be ready when she awoke.

Opening his trunk, he rummaged around untill he found some parchment, ink and a quill. Taking a seat at his desk, he contemplated how to start off. After a few minutes he finally started to write.

Remus,

How are you doing? As you probably already know, I got back to the Dursley's just fine. I know you probably are wondering how I am doing. It's hard to say exactly. I am doing OK, but at the same time I'm not. Don't worry if that doesn't make sense, I'm not sure what it means either. It is, however, part of the reason I am writing. I can't get my mind off of the things that happened at the end of last term. I need to be doing something, not just sitting here. I was wondering if maybe sometime within the next week if you would take me to Diagon Alley. I need to go to Gringotts and I want to go to a couple of stores to pick up some stuff. Mainly, and I don't believe that I am saying this, I want to go to Flourish and Blotts to pick up some books to read. Don't tell Hermoine or I'll never hear the end of it! I also would like to get some muggle money so that I have some for here. Maybe for some new clothes or something. Please let me know if it is possible to go or not. Also, and yes I know I only just got back here, do you know when Dumbledore will let me leave here. Hope to hear from you soon!

Harry (A.K.A. Bambi)

Harry signed the letter and looked pleased with the addition by the name. 'Let's see if he catches the reference!' he thought. 'If he does, maybe it will convince him to help me a lot more.'

Harry jumped in his seat suddenly from surprise when he heard a hoot from right beside him. Looking over, he saw Hedwig perched on the edge of the desk and looking at the finished letter.

"Don't scare me like that girl!" Harry said. "You ready for a delivery?" he asked her as he folded the letter and put it in an envelope. On the outside of it he wrote Moony. Attaching it to Hedwig's leg he told her, "Take this to Remus Lupin girl. Don't worry about waiting for a reply unless he askes you to."

Watching her fly off to complete the delivery, he sighed to himself. 'Time to finish the chores,' he muttered turning around and leaving the room.

The remainder of the day went by slowly for Harry. He completed his chores with no interuptions from the Dursleys. In fact, it seemed Dudley was actively avoiding him. If Harry walked into a room and Dudley was in it, he soon got up and left Harry alone in the room.

Dinner that night consisted of Vernon complaining about sales declining slightly, people running the government (and doing it badly), and anything else he took offense to. Petunia passed on the neighborhood gossip to anyone at the table who would listen and even those who wouldn't. Dudley sat quietly, stuffing his face with dinner. Harry was a bit surprised. While his portion was still smaller then anyone elses, it was still bigger than he had expected and was used to from them. He ate quietly and then cleaned up when everyone else was finished.

After he finished cleaning up, he went up to his room to get started on his homework. Opening the door to his room, he was pleased to note that Hedwig had returned. She didn't have a return note from Remus however, not that he had expected one. After greeting her he walked over and pulled out his transfiguration book and walked to the desk.

Harry thought it a bit funny and a bit unfair that he had any homework at all considering the fact he still didn't know how he had done on his OWLs. Until he received his results he wouldn't know what classes he had qualified to take next year. Even then, he would chose his classes then also, but McGonagall had called him into her officea couple days before term ended. She told him that if he still wanted to become an Auror, he would need to be ready for the classes he wanted to take. She then informed him that she expected a three foot long essay on the uses of transfiguration in a duel when he returned to school at the end of summer. Harry didn't mind too much since, while having second thoughts about being an Auror and working for the Ministry, the skills an Auror needed would be a definate help in his fight against Voldemort.

The next couple of days followed the same type of schedule for Harry. His sleep, while still troubled by nightmares, was better than it had been before he left school. He got up in the morning and had breakfast before starting the chores the Dursleys assigned him for the day. He had dinner at night and then went to his room to read and work on his homework or just read a bit before he went to bed.

Three days after he sent his letter to Remus he walked up to his room after breakfast to change clothes. Today he was supposed to paint the shed in the back yard. However, upon walking into his room, he found a plain brown owl sitting on his desk with two letters on its leg. Harry quickly walked over and removed the letters from the owl. He then gave it a couple owl treats for waiting patiently for him and then it flew off. Looking down at the envelopes, he realized that while one was from Remus, the other was from Dumbledore.

Deciding to open the one from Remus first and hoping it was a yes, he quickly read though it.

Harry (Bambi),

It is good to hear from you. You asked how I was, well to seal your line 'I'm doing OK but at the same time I'm not.' I understandexactly what you mean by that. I do like the reference to Bambi! However I must say, as a responsible adult, that you should not try to make it a reality. As a Marauder, I say 'Go for it, but don't tell me if you try until you are done!' Just so you know, I will deny that I wrote that if anyone asks me.

Unfortunately, on to the bad news portion of the letter. I am pleased that you asked me to take you to Diagon Alley. I went to Dumbledore and asked for permision to do as you requested. He is not allowing you to go unfortunately. I am sorry about that. If you want to, tell me what books and subjects you are interested in. I will pick them up and send them to you. I even swear not to tell Hermoine or Ron either. I remember that I always had to drag James and Sirius to the library to work. You are like them in that you may read something you are interested in but you're not interested in quite the amount Hermoine would want you to.

I also talked to Dumbledore about how long you need to stay with the Dursleys this summer. His response was vague and ambiguous, so I cannot give you a day or even an estimate on when you could leave. If I do hear anything I will be sure to let you know as soon as I can.

One last thing Harry. I know how you must be feeling about the events at the Ministry. Please understand, Sirius wouldn't want you to dwell to hard or long on the results. He always said that he would gladly die to keep you safe. Greive for him, be upset for the loss but don't let this destroy you. He died for a cause he believed in and, more importantly to him, the chance to try to keep you safe. There is more than enough blame to go around. His death wasn't completely or even mostly your fault. The blame lands on many of us. I know I'm not Sirius but please know that if you need to talk about anything, I'm here. I'm also supposed to tell you that Tonks says 'Wotcher!'

Love,

Remus (Moony)

Upon finishing the letter, Harry didn't quite know what to feel. He was pleased that Remus wanted to hear from him and that he had tried to get permision to take Harry to Diagon Alley. Unfortunately, he wasn't quite as happy about the fact that he wouldn't take him even against Dumbledore's wishes

'I bet Sirius or even mum and dad would have taken me anyways!' Harry thought. Having a good idea what the other letter contained, he slowly opened it.