Over the next few months I found myself investing in more people. At first I only kept up the bare minimum correspondence with the few shrewd business people who'd wormed their way into regular correspondence with me that I felt I had to, but since I wasn't going to school anymore, I was over 18 and definitely had full control of my bank account, I found myself naturally slipping into more funding than I did before. Instead of replying to the people who mailed me, I looked at magazines and catalogues of the new and rising companies in the wizarding world today, and called a few that were open to investment's or a benefactor backing them up, and attempted to put some of my own capital there.

It was early days but even in just the span of a few months I already saw more of an increase to my galleons than only replying to the businesses that contacted me first. I stuck to my mother's general preference - which was to invest in businesses that I knew. Which were similar to my mother's, mostly beauty, cosmetics, that sort of industry, but I did rather well at it. I was currently investing in three.

I continued attending all the family gatherings, Hogwarts get togethers, and occasional outings with my friends.

I felt a little sad and lost for life sometimes.

What did I want in this life?

When I was young I didn't particularly want to achieve nor accomplish anything in life because I was already accomplished. I was well aware ever since the toddler years that my family were wealthier than others. I could see it in the house we lived in, the furniture around us, the items we owned, the clothes we wore, the food we ate. I could see it in the upper class mannerisms both of my parents and extended family carried themselves around with. I could see it in the way other people treated me. Yes, people did bow or courtsey towards us in real life sometimes. Like they did not quite know how to behave in front of people like us and stuck to doing the first thing that came to mind. It was embarrassing and awkawrd for us both but we all pretended not to notice.

I could see it in the way some people's gazes flickered away when they saw me looking at them. As if they thought I was royalty of some sort. That they were afraid of seven a three or four year old child. I could see it in the way that if I ever rose my voice, pointed or shouted in public, people seemed a little scared as if they would lose their jobs, or scared of my parents.

I could see it all.

Ever since a young age I'd looked down on everyone else. I'd shown disgust at people who were poorer at us, at their clothes, their houses, their hair, their items, their rough mannerisms. I'd sneered as if on instinct. Like that bit of disgust was bred within me and I did not have to try hard at it. I still remember a childhood memory where I sneered at some kids whilst mother carried me upon her hip when I was a toddler, and how instead of her telling me of (god forbid I sneer at her) there was a look of relief upon her face, as if she was glad I'd recognised my place in the world.

Ever since I was young I knew deep down, that I was perfect. I was wealthy. I was magical. I was rich. I already sat at the top of the food chain. If there was ever perfection for how a six year old child should be, a seven year old child, that was me. Wealthy, so bathed in excess I barely knew of it, magical, through generations, high-class, aristocratic. Sometimes I wanted to wind back to when I was before the age of nine I'd say. For I believed I was the most perfect version of myself then. All those memories flashed back. Childhood memories, where I fit the ideal for my age at that current time. Where I was perfection.

When I started 'school' which was really the governesses, I became more ambitious and began trying to be the best at things because I already thought I would naturally be good at everything and merely wanted to show it of. I was in the best in all the classes I had governesses for, except for athletics, that I was ever good at, but everything else I tried very hard. I would practice on purpose if I didn't pick it up naturally to show everyone I was superior than them all. That I could do it.

I was considered talented at many things throughout the majority of my childhood. My parents had no complaints about me, I remember boasting and bragging about it and lording it over the other kids when we had get togethers sometimes with one or two of our governesses supervising everyone, but not closely enough that we wouldn't get away with a little bit of one-upping.

I had wanted for very little for most of my childhood.

Why want or yearn for anything if you already believed you were perfect?

I supposed I wanted self-preservation.

Most purebloods did probably.

I didn't want to fall. I didn't want to become a laughing stock. I didn't want to lose the house, the furniture, the items, my clothes, the food, my manners, everything that made me me. I suppose I didn't want to go backwards in society. I felt like I was born in a high class cocoon and I guess I didn't want to one day find I no longer fit in it anymore.

There was that sense of self-preservation and wanting to stick to the status quo as I aged, if that counted for anything.

I largely wanted very little.

When the Hogwarts years began I did want to be popular, I did bully and work hard in the junior years to make sure I had a favourable spot out of all the girls in my Slytherin dorm. Hierarchies were established early. I didn't want to be the loser or the left out one so I made sure to be super charismatic to all my fellow Slytherisn in first year actually. Well, I already knew Daphne so that wasn't hard, Millicent I was a bit cool with but she was a bit thick back then she didn't notice, and Celestia and Tracey I kept far away at just the right sort of distance. Though in my memories of those junior years, I had also found them more comforting than the non-Slytherins and appreciated them even then.

I guess I did want small things like that. Popularity, being on top, still turning my nose down at everything, I wanted to impress Draco because some part of me felt that as the wealthiest socialite pureblood in Slytherin house, I ought to have a boyfriend, or a male equal, and that was what lead me to idolise and worship him so much these years.

But mostly, I didn't want for much.

Except maybe I didn't want the war to start.

Except maybe I didn't even like the idea of the First Wizarding World War and whatever I could understand of that from what I overheard from my parents. They didn't want me to get in trouble for speaking wrongly of it, and it had not been something we were involved with much so I didn't have to speak about it much if it wasn't on my mind and they tried so hard not to make it a thing on my mind. They said little about it except to be careful with what I said and enough for me to get the main gist of the from the pureblood's perspective.

I often erased this little objection I had to my otherwise perfect world but I suppose I didn't like the two wars that were close to my time. That was a life experience in my otherwise perfect wealthy socialite paradise I didn't like very much.

I didn't like the idea of Hogwarts having a Second Wizarding World War. Of what would happen if Lord Voldemort won. Of possibly having to fight and risk my life. Of a new regime under him and having to be a soldier or lackey under him.

I also wanted to keep the status quo.

Even after Hogwarts was over, although I complained a lot about how everyone were suck-ups, beneath me, I wanted to maintain the status quo. I wanted them to keep thinking I was superior, I wanted pureblood wealthy socialites to still be superior, just not for the reason of 'wanting to personally murder mudbloods and muggles', I wanted to continue playing the image of Pansy Parkinson the perfect bubbly wealthy socialite girl.

All these balls, events, that I kept faking happiness for when I had my own sorrows about Draco Malfoy and everything. All these gatherings I had with people who wanted to suck up to me.

I suppose I wanted to keep to the status quo, and I still did.

I suppose that was what I wanted. What I worked for. Like a fire burning bright and strong inside of me that I would not let die.

I did have a life's purpose. I hadn't quite found it yet, or how to truly unlock happiness in the situation I was born in and be happy from the inside, but there was a yearning, a thirst, for things I didn't have, a spot in my life I didn't have, that I lived for, and worked very hard for.

I'm not working a normal job like many others, but that was never part of my plan. Instead I'm doing everything a wealthy socialite should do (investing one's own money), and it seems like I didn't want to do poorly compared to the status quo on that either and I had actually put effort in finding the three companies I ultimately invested in.

I guess in a way, I was still fighting, struggling, kicking, screaming, the same fight in life as much as anyone else.

I did have goals, hopes, dreams, things to live for.

Even if I doubted the realness of that in myself sometimes because there were so few like me I could look at and see myself reflected in them. Feel that sense of normalcy. Draco Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass, Millicent, were some of them. Neither of them worked after Hogwarts for the same reasons, they were all probably investing their money, and so I felt a little more normal when I thought of them.

I could get into magic some more. Many pureblood witches and wizards dedicated their life to studying magic.

I had never done particularly well at Hogwarts. Well, before Hogwarts I was simply the best in all my classes with private governesses because I had wanted to be. My parents praises for the governesses and tutors were extremely decadent, they were the best of the best, and had only acquired such a position through extensive sucking up to the upper classes, reading of cues, and planting themselves in the right position. One could be assured that by the time a tutor found themselves with us, they had minted their positions on top like snakes cutting through grass.

I had wanted to do well then. It was a worthwhile thing. Hogwarts had always been tinged with many complaints from my parents, my family, and the family's of other purebloods around us. Before Hogwarts came about the wealthiest witches and wizards were educated at home by the best governesses and tutors. Some families believed they could do better without Hogwarts, more freedom, more flexibility, but Hogwarts was the only option in England, and everyone was required to go there by law for the most part, or it was too questionable to resist, so all purebloods and wealthy families went.

Hogwarts didn't have the best teachers for their subjects, nor the best subjects even, and in the world of purebloods, wealthy aristocratic socialites and politics, going to Hogwarts didn't hold much prestige. Many a wealthy socialite pureblood had only increased their wealth once they got out of Hogwarts through investing, many had been able to attain high positions in politics or power through their connections and other more interesting things they discussed with their contemporaries - none of it was through going to Hogwarts or anything. Wealthy socialites also had many events outside of Hogwarts so we all met each other and had connections before we began at Hogwarts.

Many wealthy socialite pureblood family's didn't care all that much about Hogwarts grades. If we cared more about any subject or anything, our parents could easily hire more governesses or tutors for us. We usually stopped receiving it sometime in Hogwarts, and then we studied on our own to varying degrees of interest. Some individuals were intelligent and liked to do well at all Hogwarts had to offer, some didn't care but only wanted to do well enough to avoid suspicion and fuss.

I fell in the latter category, never caring too much about my lofty grades. I did alright but struggled a bit in third year, pulled myself back together for the OWLs and NEWTs where I did well in my favourite subjects, didn't do badly in my worst, though overall I wasn't great.

So that was my history with magic. I had never exactly done well at Hogwarts but yet...

I knew quite a lot about ward magic, about household charms, transfiguration, why they worked, blood magic, contractual magic, and many more branches related to a pureblood's life that I probably knew in more depth than any muggle-born or halfblood at Hogwarts. When I'd chanced to catch a conversation in those topics at times with other witches and wizards I'd found myself a rather intelligent witch clearly capable of understanding the magic, it was just that I didn't care or bother with some parts of Hogwarts.

I was not feeble nor weak when it came to magic, simply unbothered. I could learn more magic as a goal in my adult life, but I also preferred to sit back and have magic chase me. If I'm in a situation where I need to learn more magic I would. If I'm not I won't. What's meant to happen would happen.

The thing about being a pureblood was that I felt so secure and sure in my magic, I didn't need to learn more if I didn't have any particular need to. I was never in fear of losing it.