The Return of Dr. Evil
ACT II
Cut to Dr. Evil's sub-arctic HQ. Dr. Evil's normal cast of henchman are around, as well as a whole slew of new faces.
Dr. Evil: Aah, the great Zand. A Kleptomaniac of sorts, so I hear. I'm glad you and your minions have agreed to the terms set fourth by my agent, Fat Bastard.
Fat Bastard: Yeah, it was a pleasure doing business with ya! He even had a gold-plated toilet seat too, ya know? I'm telling ya, I had a curd that could have fouled up a septic tank! It was a wet one, to be sure. But Zand's hospitality was good enough even for this sexy boday. He even let me keep the lid!
Dr. Evil: Right....
Zand: Your purpose simply agrees with mine, and I like the idea of stealing something I could easily afford. But don't get the wrong idea; I'm expecting a generous amount of control as a result of my cooperation with you, Dr. Evil, or else the deal is off.
Dr. Evil: That certainly won't be a problem, as long as our two divisions work together.
Zand: So what's the plan to nab the Lacour Hope?
Dr. Evil: The plan will involve what I like to call... a "diversion." Using this 'diversion' both our parties will start a scene in Lacour, allowing an elite unit to steal the Lacour Hope laser! To aid in the process, we shall use unstoppable mechanized drones called "terminators" to up the seriousness of the riot, thereby allowing enough of Lacour's forces to pull away from the castle!
Scott: Oh my god....
Dr. Evil: What?
Scott: Oh, nothing Arnold.
Dr. Evil: Whose that? ... So anyways, due to the drones' armament of frost weapons from our sub-arctic HQ, the event will come to be known as 'The Cold War.'
Scott: Ass.
Dr. Evil: Alright, button your lip.
Scott: It's just a big-
Dr. Evil: Button it!
Scott: If you ever-
Dr. Evil: Ever try raw 'button?' With a side of ham?
Scott: Look. I'm just trying to say-
Dr. Evil: Wanna get your 'butt-on' and your groove down? Shake your booty!
Scott: Why can't you-
Dr. Evil: Look, it's frikkin freezing in here! Button your flap why doncha?
Scott: You're an-
Dr. Evil: A what? A butt-hole? Oh, an ass. Same difference, right?
Zand: Actually, Dr. Evil, I have a minion that would excel on working on your side of the fence; that is, actually attaining the Lacour Hope. Like me, he's a born Kleptomaniac; he is my son.
Dr. Evil: Oh?
Zand: Dr. Evil, I'd like you to meet...
A large, metallic ice-door slides open to reveal a man with Frosty-Blue hair, a snowy-white shirt, and the tightest brown shorts ever seen.
Zand: ... Yul. dum dum derr
Dr. Evil: What? Is that hair color natural? I like the frost motif and all, but this is just ri-goddamn-diculous....
Number 2: You know, Dr. Evil, the inhabitants of this planet can have nearly any hair color of the known spectrum.
Zand: It would be my honor if Yul could head your elite infiltration team and aid in your Cold War.
Scott: Heh.
Dr. Evil: So be it, then. After tomorrow, we'll be one step closer to taking over the world! Huhwa-hwa-hwa! Huhwa-hwa-hwa!
XXX
Cut to the Cross throne room. Rena, Ashton, Dias and Clother are all waiting around. Enter Celine.
Rena: Hi, Celine! Find out anything?
Celine: Of course, Rena darling. Using both science and my own latent powers, we were able to uncover remains of a distinct type of fish, found only on a snowy island North of the Hoffman Ruins mainland.
Ashton: It looks like we'll be headed for there at once, then.
Clother: A journey by sea from this continent would be too far. You shall first embark for Lacour at once. We will meet up with the king and show him our memo, which will grant official authorization for you to also get a ship from there to the island in question.
Rena: Wait... we?
Clother: Well, not I... but Celine will be coming with you.
Ashton: Cool.
Dias: We will also need extra resources from King Lacour if we're to infiltrate this ice island.
Celine: That won't be a problem, darling. We'll also send your own unit with you, Dias. We've all saved this world before, it is our part to make sure that it remains safe and sound from all manner of evil.
Clother: You all shall leave this place by nightfall. Preparations are complete otherwise, so you can use the remaining time to your will.
Rena: Sounds excellent, sire.
Clother: Please, call me Chris. Good luck everyone, and God speed. Celine... I'll miss you.
Celine: We'll be sure to return with news of victory.
XXX
Cut to an aqua-colored expanse of sea. A grand vessel, richly adorned, rides Eastward.
Celine: My, I've forgotten how beautiful the Ocean could be.
Ashton: Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick....
Dias: Please, spare us your misery. We'll soon have some serious business ahead.
Rena: Look everyone! I can see Lacour!
Dias: One step closer, we are....
XXX
Cut to the city of Lacour. Dias, Rena, Ashton and Celine - flanked by two dozen soldiers from Cross - walk through the gates.
Celine: Oh my Goodness....
The city is seen to be in complete chaos, with people running about madly. Soldiers are holding off robed figures.
Rena: Zand's minions!
Ashton: Damn they're fast.
Dias: Looks like Lacour can use our help.
Rena: I hope nobody innocent's been hurt....
Ashton: Gyoro! Ururun! Ready yourselves!
Dias: You beat me to it, Ashton. Everyone, attack!
Fighting ensures. Dias, Ashton and the soldiers charge head-on into the fray, while Rena and Celine hang back to cast supporting spells.
Celine: Southern! turns Wait, what is that!?
She looks to her six to see a 12-foot-tall robot of sorts towering over her. Zapping lightning at it - which took no time at all to ready up - proves ineffective as the mech marches onto her.
Celine: Dias! A little help!
Rushing towards the mech, Dias provokes its attention while Celine readies a more powerful spell.
Celine: Southern Cross!
The latest spell proved effective enough to obliterate the robotic threat. However, more robots are abound!
Dias: They're using Ice attacks!
Celine: Definitely from a cold region....
Even against the robots and the bad men, the good guys had the advantage now that reinforcements from Cross had shown up. Soon, everyone was obliterated.
Ashton: Phew, that was close.
BUT... a Helicopter-like machine is then seen carrying off none other than....
Leon: THE LACOUR HOPE!!!! Come back, you thieves!
Fat Bastard: (from atop chopper) I doubt you'd be able to keep up with us sunny-jim!
Yul: (next to Fat Bastard) Quickly! Retreat with haste! We have what Dr. Evil wants.
Rena: Yul? to her comrades I know this guy....
Yul: (not heard by any of the protagonists) Drop the screen!
A sizeable, not-so-fragile television screen with the letter 'E' on it falls from hinges below the chopper, a parachute opening up to slow down its descent to the ground below.
Leon: What the-
Dias: Looks suspicious....
Leon: They're getting away!!!! ... Oh, hi guys! (smiles)
All: ....
Leon: Anyway, we must go after them!
Dias: No! Apparently the fight here was a diversion, all the soldiers were out here instead of guarding the castle. They must've been spread too thin to prevent the security breach. There's no telling if they're trying to lure us away into another trap.
Leon: But if they figure out how to use the Lacour hope we're done for....
Celine: Didn't that flying thing drop something, darlings?
Leon: Oh, right, better take a look at it.
XXX
Cut to the Lacour throne room.
King Lacour: Looks interesting... what is it?
Leon: This looks like a sort of remote viewing device. Maybe it was left intentionally? I doubt it was a time bomb or something, it would have already gone off.
Dias: We've all been duped by the enemy. We must think of a way to counter; no doubt their defenses have been augmented significantly by their mechanical allies.
Celine: Yes, the plan was to come to Lacour to stage an infiltration on the Winter stronghold near the Hoffman mainland.
King Lacour: Indeed it was a promising idea. And we shall still counter in that way; we cannot risk an all-out invasion, too many lives will be lost.
Rena: So the plan remains the same....
Ashton: I hope we get it over with soon, though.
King Clother: The fact is, they now have the Lacour Hope. We don't know if the enemy has figured out its usage, but we must expect the worst....
What IS that strange device that Yul dropped? Read on to find out....