Chapter Ten: Not Alone

Standard Disclaimer: No own Yu Yu Hakusho. Blah, blah, cry, cry....

Keiko's mouth tilted upwards to reveal a smile tainted with her nervous feelings. Yukina just sat quietly sipping her hot cocoa and gazing out the window. There was snow falling in quiet torrents outside. It was gentle, almost caressing the earth with their light feather touch before landing. Yukina's eyes seemed to melt into that image and for a while she stayed there undisturbed. Shizuru herself was caught up in the scene as she stood outside on Keiko's balcony, bundled up in a winter coat as the smoke from her cigarette circled around her like the doubts that had been dancing around in cut time through her head.

"I thought you told them to be here at nine o' clock? It's already ten twenty-three." Koenma sat down on the sofa in Keiko's living room as he looked in exasperation at the clock. He was tired, after a long day of relentless and not to mention predictable line of work, all he wanted to do was sleep. That prospect was invited warmly by Keiko's soft, plush couch. He almost drifted away into sleep...

"Sorry, but there's no time for naps right now." Yusuke said as he nudged Koenma's head with his elbow. "I'm not very happy with this either. Kurama being late is weird, almost weirder than me being on time." The young man grinned at toddler, whose eye lids were drooping ever so slightly as each second ticked by.

"Geez it's cold outside! I got the milk for ya Keiko!" The door opened and the tall carrot top entered the scene, causing heads to turn out his rough, yet comical voice. Yukina smiled as she pulled her eyes away from her window reverie.

Keiko got up from her seat to take the carton from Kuwabara's hands. "Thanks for running to the store and grabbing some more it for me." She looked down at the emptied cups on the table and at the faces of her friends. "Who wants some more hot chocolate?" Her lips were still frozen in that same haunting smile which was either nervous and worried, or blatantly false.

"What?! You mean you're making more of that stuff?" Yusuke yelled with surprise, nearly falling out of his seat in astoundment. He abruptly shut up when Keiko gave him a warning glare.

"And what do you mean by that exactly?" She asked with venom dripping from her voice. She set the milk down on the table, creating a loud thud that woke Koenma up with flailing arms.

"I wasn't sleeping on the job dad, just resting my eyes a bit! Please not the spankings, please no!" Koenma stopped short when he realized that everyone was staring at him, even Shizuru who, though confused, was rather amused also. She peered in with interest on the scene. After Koenma composed himself, he continued. "So...tell me. What's going on here?"

"Well, Yusuke is going to tell me what he meant when he made that rude comment. So tell me, what's wrong with the stuff I'm making huh?" Keiko was breathing heavy, and already she was upset. Shizuru stepped in from the cold, shedding her jacket to step behind Keiko and shake her gently by the shoulders.

"Get a hold of yourself girl." Shizuru spoke simpathetically.

"It's not that you're cocoa was bad Keiko. I enjoyed it very much." Yukina remarked thoughtfully. Kuwabara took a seat beside her, nodding profusely and hanging on his love's every word.

"It's just that you've made so much of it. I mean, everyone here has had at least four or five cups by now. Pretty soon we might just overdose on it." Yusuke took the carton of milk off the table and tried to laugh, trying to make Keiko give a real smile, but she just painted that same pained grin across her face. "I'm just well...kind of worried I guess." He shrugged his shoulders a bit and looked at her.

Keiko just took the milk from Yusuke, clutching it to her chest weakly. "Really, I'm fine. I'm just a little out of it." She started to walk away, turning right to go into the kitchen, when she felt the eyes of her friends on her back, gazing questioningly. "I'm just going to make some more cocoa--Kurama and Hiei will probably want some." Then she made her quick exit away from those discerning stares that weren't just coming from her friends, but seemingly everywhere.

The brunette leaned against the counter, trying to steady her irregular breathing. For a moment she sat herself down on a stool, just staring at the tiles on the kitchen floor. They shone in the dim light of the room, reminding Keiko that soon she would have to replace the old light bulbs with new ones. And then she froze.

Is that what I'm going to do about Botan...? When my memories of her fade, will I just replace her with someone else?

Keiko tried to shake off the thought as she bustled about the kitchen filling a pot with milk and heating it over the stove, but the thought just wouldn't leave her. She poured in the cocoa, adding the vanilla extract, and shook in the sugar a bit at a time as she stirred her mixture with a ladle. During the entire cocoa making ritual she was thinking about her friend.

I'll never see her again...I'll never laugh with her again. Nothing will ever---

"Keiko?"

She turned her head away from Yusuke, ashamed of her tear-stained face. Haphazardly she tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks, but he stopped her. He took her hands and lowered them to her side, trying to get her to look at him. She just turned her head away from him again, sniffling and trying to stop the sporadic flow of tears.

"I'm fine. I just need to be alone." She smiled that awful smile again. "See?" Her voice cracked but she kept going. "The cocoa's almost done. And then I need to do some of these dishes. They've all piled up...so many..."

Yusuke looked down at her sadly, his brown eyes probing into hers, through her shut eyelids. "Keiko." He whispered her name this time and pulled her close. It was a tender gesture that was not often presented by him. "You've never said anything about it for three months. You need to--"

A sob echoed through her frail form, and she started shaking as she wrapped her arms around Yusuke. "...So many..." She said as she took a fleeting glance at the dishes then back to Yusuke's face. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. They looked glazed over, and attained a distant look to them. No longer was she looking at Yusuke's face, but past it to the pictures she had placed on her wall two years ago.

"It's all piled up." She whispered.

The couple stood there in that kitchen, with all the dishes in the sink, and the pictures on the wall smiling for the camera and for the memories they were making in that one moment. The cocoa started bubbling over the pot, overflowing onto the stove causing dark streaks to run across Keiko's once clean kitchen. Then, Keiko simply stopped sobbing. She wiped her eyes and looked bravely at her source of comfort.

"Are you ready to go back into the living room? I think Koenma's just about prepared to tell us what's going on." He leaned over and turned off the stove, the flame beneath the pot dying out swiftly into nothing. Keiko just nodded, sick of smiling. She just nodded grimly.

The ceiling lights in the hallway were soft, mellow in contrast to the harsh, and violent tones of other nights and days and places. They stepped out of the elevator, the sound of the glaring metal doors closing behind them securely melted into a mechanic hum.

"I despise those contraptions." Hiei sneered as he gave a look backwards towards the sealed doors. "Would it kill those ningens to walk a few flights of stairs." The koorime shook his head in distaste for the machine and then at Kurama who was attempting to hide his laughter behind his hand.

"Are you afraid of it Hiei?" Kurama laughed as inconspicuously as he could. "You did seem somewhat rigid as we were going up."

Hiei shook off the question, deciding not to dignify it with a comment or answer. Instead he switched subjects towards Kurama. "You seem to be considerably more cheerful fox. Why the sudden twist from despair to optimism?"

Kurama was slightly taking aback from the inquisition from his friend, but it was justified. Just an hour ago they had been sitting in silence and before that he had an onslaught of nostalgia. But that hour of silence had given him ample time to think. The comfort of his friend sent his thoughts from pessimissm to a more optimistic point of view, and he had set straight in his mind that he would never give up. This loss wouldn't change him because it wasn't a loss at all. He had resolved that somehow he would find her. Just as Kurama was about to answer Hiei interrupted him.

"Don't bother to answer fox. The ferry girl wouldn't want you to be depressed. So much sadness would probably make her want to vomit." Hiei's mouth stayed unchanged, no upward curl of his lips to form into a grin, but there was one in his voice. "And knowing you, anything that would make her do that would be like breaking some ancient taboo." Kurama just shook his head in amusement and gratefulness.

The two youkai strolled down the hallway with the soft lights casting shadows on their faces and finally they neared Kieko's door. Knowing they were late, Kurama placed his hand on the door knob and put his ear on the door, wondering with boyish curiousity if they were talking about their tardiness at hand. But they weren't speaking about that at all. They were discussing something entirely different...

Hiei looked up questioningly at his friend and crossed his arms almost scoldingly. It made Kurama want to laugh at the koorime, but he with held it not wanting to be discovered quite yet. Still Hiei stared.

Evesdropping now are we? I find that game to be for petty children.

Kurama just rolled his eyes as he gave an exasperated sigh.

It's not like you haven't done it before. Just be quiet and listen...I think they--they might be talking about me...

Kurama leaned back towards the door. Hiei shruggged in reluctant acceptance and also place his ear against the wood of the door. They stood there silently, probably looking absolutely ridiculous to other people who passed by. The voices inside were somewhat muffled but distinguishable. They all came quickly.

"So that's all we have to do?" Asked a voice. "It sounds pretty easy if you ask me."

"It sounds pretty cliche. Go save a princess, protect her, knight in shining armor deal. Are you going to fall in love with her too little bro?"

"No way! I only have eyes for one...."

Suddenly Kurama and Hiei heard the nervous giggles of Hiei's sister, it was undeniable. Hiei gripped the doorknob and his knuckles turned white from the death hold he had on it. But Kurama stayed his hand, yanking it away.

"So if this is so easy, then why are you acting like it's such a big deal?"

"Well, Yusuke, if you must know....I'm a little worried about Kurama. He's been distracted lately. His mind is still occupied by--well you know."

"What do you expect Koenma? Huh? Did you think he was just going to get over it? We don't even know where she is, or if she even exists anymore..."

The echo of sobs resonated from the apartment out into the hallway. Kurama shut his eyes slowly, taking a long and drawn out breath of air.

"He didn't mean it like that Keiko. All he's saying is that if Kurama's distracted all it could take would be one little mistake and something could happen. We've already lost one person and we don't want to take the chance of losing another."

"Can everyone just stop it now? You're all just bickering and--"

Shizuru's voice stopped, at least Kurama thought it was her voice. He pressed his ear harder against the door, thinking that perhaps she just lowered her speaking volume, but still he heard absolutely nothing. Hiei turned his head up towards Kurama and rolled his eyes, yet his friend took no notice of him, even when the koorime stepped away from the door. The kitsune still leaned against it, controlling his breaths into soft utterances of silence. He didn't notice the doorknob turning until he fell forward at Shizuru's feet.

"I thought I sensed something, or someone familiar." She gave him her trademark grin, a teasing sort of scolding without letting you realize she was scolding you with that smile. She gave it to Kuwabara all the time. "There is such a thing as knocking." She just gave that grin again and walked back to the couch.

Kurama didn't respond to the remark or the smile, or the stares of his friends. Hiei stood in the hallway shaking his head at his friend's stupidity.

Kurama, you idiot.

The redhead glared back at his friend. "How about you just let me handle this?" He asked out loud. Hiei shook his head and shrugged in submission. It was then Kurama turned his head back to the committee of people who were discussing whether or not he was capable of completing something simple. It made him angry that they thought he was suddenly incompetent. As the anger surged through him, he could feel the ripples of Youko consciousness rising. They were faint, but they were there all the same.

Koenma coughed and looked around the room. "Well...this is awkward isn't it?" He loosened his collar as if it were burning up in the room. He drummed his fingers on his leg and looked at Kurama trying to think of something to say. "Since you and Hiei were so late we just decided to start the meeting and fill you in later."

Kurama kept his eyes downcast, his fists clenched until his knuckles were pale. "You think I'm incompetent? When have I ever done anything to make you question my capabilities?"

"Listen Kurama." Yusuke stood up and walked around the coffee table to stand face to face to him. "Don't blame Koenma for being worried. You can be angry at us for talking about this without you here. Well at least we thought you weren't here. It was stupid. But when you got injured by that hunter when you were still Youko it was because you had gotten careless after Kuronoue was killed. We didn't want to force you into something so soon after all of this crap has happened. That's all." Yusuke nodded and turned back to Keiko.

Kurama swallowed. His throat felt so dry.

They could be right about me.

"Kurama." The young man looked up at the soft call of his name. Crimson eyes stared back at him, soft and understanding. "You're ready aren't you?"

"Yes."

Koenma nearly spit out his pacifier. "I thought we had discussed this. The Kuronue example. What about the little speech Yusuke just gave? Grieving equals carelessness, which equals death." He placed his face in his hand. "This is insanity."

"But ya gotta remember the circumstances Koenma." Kuwabara said as he studied the glow of the lamp, and the gathering of people in the small apartment. He stared at Kurama and then at Yusuke, and Hiei. He stared at everyone of them. "We're all grieving. We all could become careless. What's different this time is the fact that--"

"We aren't alone." Finished Hiei. All eyes rested upon his frame that stood in the door way. It appeared small, but in the light of the doorway it made him seem huge, magnificent, and holy. Things that normally wouldn't be said about the fire demon. He stepped away, back into the subtle lighting of the hallway, his silouhette flickering on the wall. His words echoing through the corridors of their minds.

We aren't alone.

Author's Note:

Ah, yes! This update was a bit quicker and I'm getting back up on my feet!! Sorry if there are any/a lot of grammar/spelling/whatever errors in this chapter because my Papa's computer doesn't have microsoft word, just wordpad (which isn't all that great) Yet, I've been workin' hard for all of you folks and I thank you for reading this fic. I am so very honored. bows Thanks for stickin' through the long periods of lack of updateage. I'm horribly inconsistent and lazy, forgive me.

But anyways, how did you like this chapter? I hope you've enjoyed this. I didn't really plan out this one, or the last chapter. They just sort of came to me...a spur of the moment type thing. At least, I write correct? -lol- Please review because those things keep me going on with my whole writing process. I'll try and update some other stories too, so until next time! I love you all!!!!!!!!

Reika