The Return of Dr. Evil
ACT IV
Cut to the main chamber of Dr. Evil's sub-arctic HQ:
Dr. Evil: We have now moved on to step nine of out 12-step Recovery (of Expel) Plan - we have the Energy Stone! We have captured a resistance group as well. Yul, bring them out!
Yul: Yes sir!
Enter Rena, Celine, Ashton, Dias, and Leon. All are bound in some way with restraints that prevent the use of magic as well as muscle.
Rena: Yul, why?
Yul: ....
Zand: What's it to you????
Dr. Evil: Ah, hello everyone. Sit down. everyone gets seated Hope you enjoy those string beans I've prepared, they might be your last.
Scott: Why are you feeding them? You did that the first time and look what happened. Just kill them already!
Mini-Me: (growls)
Scott: (makes faces)
Dr. Evil: You know, Scott, when you become the big man you can do things your own way. And by that time you'll see that my way is the right way.
Scott: That's not the point-
Dr. Evil: Shut it!
Scott: You're like a child-
Dr. Evil: Shut it!
Scott: Not aga-
Dr. Evil: Shush.
Rena: ....
Dias: (mumbles to Rena) Talk about a freak show.
Dr. Evil: Anyway, we now have the "Energy Stone" so now, the Lacour Hope "laser" will soon be fired upon Lacour. And you all shall watch from your frozen jail cell.
Celine: You scum!
Frau: Nah ah ah. He's my scum. Right, doctor?
Dr. Evil: Right. Anyways, send them to the jail cell!
Frau: Send them to JAIIIIL!!!!
Dr. Evil: Ugh!
Yul escorts the group away.
XXX
The group finds themselves inside a cold, dark ice cave of sorts. The bright light of the cold sky shines through a window, through which can be seen the Lacour Hope.
Rena: Yul! Why are you doing this!?
Yul: Just following the orders of my father, Rena, who in turn works with Dr. Evil now.
Rena: Zand!? Zand is your father?
Yul: I never mentioned it to you, I know. I was a brat those days, defying him whenever I can. But now I understand things clearly. I now see- continues rambling
Rena: (whispers) Guys, we have to get out of here past Yul, we don't have time to waste!
Dias: (whispers) Rena, everyone... on the count of three break through the bars! They look to be relatively weak.
Ashton: (whispers) Nothing to lose. Okay!
Dias: (whispers) One... two... shouts THREE!!!!
Yul: Huh? (the bars break) ARGH!!!!
The group collides into Yul, pushing him off a ledge into an icy-cold river below!
Rena: Good-bye, Yul....
Ashton: My, that was "cold" of you....
All: ....
Ashton: You certainly gave him a "frosty" reception....
All: ....
Ashton: That act was pretty "numb...."
Rena: ... That's enough.
Ashton: Yeah.
Dias: Let's go! To Dr. Evil!
Exit group.
XXX
Cut to Dr. Evil's main chamber.
Dr. Evil: Two minutes and counting until we shall fire the "laser!" Frau.
Frau: Laser ARMED!!!!
All: ....
A counter for two minutes can be seen, whose number rapidly decreases....
Number 2: Dr. Evil, what are your plans regarding our hostages?
Dr. Evil: After they watch the laser fire and their continent disappear, they shall starve to death over the course of a few weeks!
Scott: It's not worth the risk! Just kill them now!
Dr. Evil: How 'bout "no," Scott, okay?
Scott: ....
Without warning, the protagonists suddenly emerge into Dr. Evil's main chamber!
Dr. Evil: Oh, they've escaped, I see. You guys are too late, you've already lost the Cold War.
Scott: ....
Celine: The battle isn't over yet! SOUTHERN CROSS!!!!
Dr. Evil: Alright, TERMINATORS, ATTACK!!!!
Part of Celine's spell singes Dr. Evil's head for a bit.
Dr. Evil: Whoa, hello! Hotter than frikkin Hell! Zand, frikkin do something!
Zand: With pleasure!
Swords, frost, electricity, flares and fire all clash in a spectacular light show.
Number 2: The chamber can't support this level of shock!
Frau: Ten seconds and counting!
Dias: We have to disable it! (parry's Zand's swing)
Rena: There's not enough time! (dodges a Terminator) Unless....
Rena takes off her shoe over all the terminators and guards ; it hits the Lacour Hope!
-STARTUP ABORTED-
Ashton: Whoa, good shot Rena!
Dr. Evil: You may have won the battle, fools, but this world shall someday fall into my hands. (presses the 'self-destruct button) Come, Mini-Me!
Mini-Me: Eek!
Dias: I took care of Zand, get Dr. Evil!
Rena: He's getting away!
Ashton: No time! Let's get outta here!
Dr. Evil and Mini-Me: Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Huhwa-hwa-hwa....
Dr. Evil and Mini-Me escape through a door. Cut to the outside of the Sub-Arctic HQ; the repaired spaceship that Dr. Evil came to this planet on can be seen, the one that looks just like-
Cut to a Cathedral exterior, during a wedding.
Priest: A long, life-giving implement, compete with-
Cut to a marketplace somewhere.
Vender: Two balls! Two more balls in stock! Huh? What's that? Looks just like a-
Cut to the Lacour Castle exterior. Two guards are on post.
Guard: Willy. What's that, up there? It's like my-
Cut to the Lacour Castle interior.
King Lacour: Twig and berries. Where are the royal vines I've requested for good luck on our friends' mission?
Collector: So sorry, sir. I was distracted by the sight of a flying object, that looked like it had-
Cut to the interior of Dr. Evil's ship.
Dr. Evil: Nuts! We've been thwarted again! But we shall stick together, right Mini-Me?
Mini-Me: (smiles)
As they start their maniacal laughter, their ships is again sucked into a Space/Time vortex... it is once again orbiting Earth! Now, the duo shall move on to World Domination... in Goldmember!
Epilogue
Ashton: It's been three months since that incident with Zand and Dr. Evil; things have seemed to quiet down a bit.
Alan: Glad you know so, I still remember how last time one of Zand's own was working under me!
Rena: Yeah, I remember that all too well. Ashton had me finish my meal with an unconscious man lying next to me.
Celine: Really? Ashton?
Ashton: ....
Dias: Well, in any case, it's all over....
-knock knock knock-
Leon: Whose there?
CRASH!!!! It's Fat Bastard!
Dias: ... What do you want?
Fat Bastard: There's a meal going on here, right?
All: ....
END