21. "Showtime", Part 1

[Avni: It's been a hard night. Everything that's been happening for the past month or two hadn't really hit me till last night. I saw North High absolutely dominate that stage and that tiny self- doubt that sprang up in my mind just grew and grew and consumed my night. And I'm not sure what's going to happen on stage today. And I know there's a lot hanging in the balance, a lot of responsibility on my shoulders so I just feel - terrible.]

"You ready?"

"I suppose so," Avni answered her mother. She opened her mouth to say something, but Avni cut her off, "Not a good answer- I know. Can we leave?" She looked around.

They all stared awkwardly for a second and then her dad moved out the door, breaking the spell. Her mum was next out. Avni was stepping out too when-

"Avni," her brother stopped her. She turned to look at him expectantly.

"Are you ok?"

"No."

"What did those North High kids do last night?"

"Khoon.1They killed it."

"I'm sure you guys will be good too."

"Yeah," Avni nodded. "But what happens after the curtain call?" She asked, her mind running too fast and too slow at the same time.

Her brother looked at her quizzically. She shook her head and started to make her way to the door.

"What happens after the curtain call?" he asked.

"It ends."

Avni sat cross- legged smack in the middle of the stage, eyes closed, tears streaming down her cheeks.

It was fairly dark- there was only faint light that poured out from backstage.

She was too much in her head, she knew. She had shake this off and put her best face forward-

"Avni?"

She wiped her tears quickly and whipped around.

"Yeah?" she asked casually.

He saw right through it.

"What's wrong?"

She turned to look back out at the rows of seats. "Nothing. Just feeling at one with the stage."

He sat down in front of her. "Looks like you're feeling a lot more."

A single tear escaped her right eye. Her right eye always teared up more, she'd noticed. It was weird.

She looked down at her hands, shoulders slumped. "I've just had a difficult day. I've come to terms with myself- and I don't really like what I see," she said slowly.

"That's not called coming to terms with yourself," he said. "You haven't liked what you saw for a long time now."

She looked at him, surprised, exposed.

"We've been friends for a while now, Avni. You have a way of talking about yourself," he replied before she could express her astonishment.

She looked away at his words. "You're making me feel really transparent right now. And I just got told that I'm a very hard person to read, so."

"You are. But I think I've made considerable gains over the years."

Avni half- laughed, guard slipping down completely. "I just- I did this whole Broadway plan thing- which was so under handed- without a second thought. Like, I just did it. I didn't think- and for what?"

"Our transformation is better because of it."

"Yeah, but we would've figured something out. I didn't have to do that. I only did it because I felt useless that day- which is fair because I'm not crafty- but I just can't stand not being good at something. The Physics test thing too- I only did that because I suck at Physics. I don't like being incompetent."

"Nobody likes being incompetent."

"Yeah, but I take it a step further. All of these things are so small and so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I still get ahead of myself and force things to go my way. I should be able to let it go and run out its course." She paused. "It's like- this sounds so stuck up- I told myself that there's certain things I just can't do terribly. Because I've gotten at a certain level of proficiency- and it only goes up from here. But I feel like that's not true. I've been fronting to myself and I don't know what to trust anymore."

"Is this about your acting? Because I think you're incredible. I think you're so skilled and I think you have what it takes to make it. And it's not just your talent- it's your drive, and determination and the fact that you care so deeply." He paused. "You got into Julliard."

"The whole Julliard process just made me feel terrible about myself. Like I wasn't good enough. And it turns out, I was- for Julliard. But surprisingly getting into a dream college doesn't fix everything else."

"Like what?"

"Like stuff that I can't force. The way that I think or act or-"

"I don't think any of that needs fixing or forcing. Avni-"

"But you did for yourself? You had reflective moment and you changed."

"I changed because what I saw was not myself. It was somebody who lived by what others thought of him. That's why I changed." He threaded his fingers through hers. "I don't think you've ever changed yourself for somebody else. You are who you've always been. Sometimes you do need to grow, and I think you have, I think you've come a long way since freshman year." He hesitated, at war with himself. But then he said- "Look I don't know what Hrithik said to you- but I'm sure it was unappreciative. I appreciate you, Avni. Just the way you are."

Avni felt the urge to hug him, to tell him what the words meant to her. But she had a feeling he already knew.

"I've been thinking about how you'd fare as a lawyer," he said.

Avni grinned, "Oh yeah?"

"I think you'd look great in a pant suit."

"And?"

"That's about as far as I got."

Avni laughed. It felt good.

"Did you talk to your dad?" she asked.

He nodded.

"What did he say?"

"He's upset. But I'm going to stand my ground."

Avni nodded, "That's good. I'm really proud of you."

He smiled at her, staring intently. Something hung in the air between them, and as she stared at their clasped hands, Avni felt the familiar pull and yearning.

She suppressed it, and settled for, "I love Ricky, but I really wish you were on stage with me as the Beast today."

He nodded, "Me too."

"I really don't want to kiss Ricky," Avni joked.

EJ half-smiled. "Maybe you should have at least one good kiss today," he said quietly. Before his words could sink in, he removed his hand from hers and wound it around the nape of her neck.

And pulled her in for a kiss.

Avni was definitely caught off-guard, but she caught on quickly, ignoring the mass of confusion in her head and kissing him back, trying to communicate everything.

But it seemed like he already knew.

The kiss was soft and sweet and unrelenting and electric and over way too soon.

"See you in a few," EJ said, getting up and exiting through the backstage door.

As soon as the door closed behind his back, firework sounds went off around the stage. "Woo hoo!" someone cheered from above.

Avni squealed, covering her face with her hands.

"Fuck you, Big Red," she called, laughing.

"Okay, half hour call!"

Avni squealed, nervous energy getting the best of her. She'd been on a high since that kiss- it won't be permanent obviously, and she still had some things to work through with herself, but it would get her through opening night for sure.

"Wildcats! Villagers! My friends and allies," Miss Jenn said. They all circled up. "As you know, there is a judge out there in the audience tonight who is very important to the future of this theatre program. He is going to score every performance, our music, our sets, Lord help us, even me. And in two weeks at the Menkies, we could win $50,000." Her words were followed by cheering. "So tonight, we are going to put the "U" in Utah!" her joke sort of- fell.

"And to Ricky and Avni, some words of inspiration. My deep and shameful disappointment in your recent accident has mellowed to a- sort of numbness, so there's that."

Avni stole a glance at Ricky. "Were those the words of inspiration?" she asked.

"Yes, they were!" Her words were followed with an awkward silence. Avni wasn't sure what to think.

"Okay. Where is LeFou?" Miss Jenn asked.

Right on cue, Big Red ran in, looking terrible. "Sorry I'm late. Just some dry heaving."

"Dude!" Ricky said.

"My thoughts exactly!" Avni said.

"Dry," Big Red protested.

"Biggie, I got you a little something for your big debut," Ashlyn gave him a huge basket of flowers- almost bigger than the one Big Red had given her last semester. "There's a card and everything," she said.

"Oh," he smiled, but then immediately ran away to throw up.

Ricky and Avni looked at each other, horrified for him.

Oh god.

Avni watched as Ricky transformed behind Steph's skirt- it actually worked.

"Hey," Nini said. She'd been standing there awkwardly glancing at Avni ever since Steph had walked on stage.

Avni looked at her and then looked away, "I'm fine. I don't need a- pep talk"

"Yeah- um- I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the whole EJ-"

"It's fine. It's in the past."

"Also for telling Ricky about your crush on him."

"Also in the past. It's fine, Nini."

The set rearranged, Mr. Mazara set the scene, and the orchestra geared up to play Belle.

"Look, Avni-" Nini insisted.

"Nini, its fine. Let it go. I have," Avni said with conviction, prepping for her entry.

"Good luck out there," Nini conceded, and Avni nodded at her, smiling slightly.

Here we go.

A/n

1- Murder

I'm assuming you've figured out why the story's named Showtime.

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I can't-

Part 2 will be up tonight