Author's Note:
Well, here is another chapter. I think there is one more chapter before the players take a break from DDR. I think I will start a Dungeons and Dragons story arc. I've had thoughts into turning Naruto characters into playable characters on paper. Though I might be a bit rusty, haven't played DnD on PnP for so long, and my last character, a rogue, died way too many times for me to actually enjoy the adventure. My DM was too sadistic; he eats PCs for breakfast. To him, enemies carrying ridiculously powerful magical items do not increase their challenge rating. My first encounter involved me taking a whole shit load of reflex saves from about 5 different wands of fireballs, and I was only lvl 1!
When I started this little fic, I wanted to make it a satire. But I guess I'm just not funny enough or witty enough to turn this story into the Ultimate Machine of Irony. I still try though. So bear with me if my jokes aren't funny. Another thing, again, I thank you people for the suggestions, but I don't like to take up room and answer everyone in the story. To me, that seems like cheating; upping the word count by replying to reviewers. Instead, just remember that your comments and suggestions are indeed noted, and I will try and incorporate them into future chapters.
Enough of me, story now.
Brains Over Brawns - "Anyone noticed the name tags of Garaa and Hinata? During their match, it would have displayed LOVE vs. HINA. L33t punning skillz!"
"This is my song, Paranoia Survivor Max, Oni mode."
WTF! (Wtf indeed. The conjunctions of these 3 letters are in more abundance than products that are made in China)
"Ok, I don't believe this. I don't know if he is joking, stupid, or insane, but that's not even right! I mean, what kind of psycho freak show would pick a song that hard and try to freestyle to it? I can't even pass the damn song and I'm in maniac division! This is so not fair!" While Temari babbled on, Kankurou's lower jaw hits the floor, making a distinct thud sound.
To the Stage My Men, The Stage!
No one spoke a single word as Shino pressed OK to confirm his selection.
No one spoke a single word as Shino's Destruction Bugs came out of his clothes. (Though there were some retching sounds to be heard)
No one spoke a single word as Shino begin to moonwalk backwards across the doubles platform. His feet not even touching arrows, yet they were still registered as being hit.
No one spoke a single word as people noticed that all around Shino, the familiar blue flare of Chakra fluctuated, seemingly alive, and gathering itself onto the arrows. If they looked closely enough, they would have also noticed that the little blue lights pounded on the steps exactly in sync with the music.
No one spoke a single word when Shino abruptly stopped, dropped, and changed his routine from Disco to Breakdancing. Flares, Windmills, and a multitude of Six-steps were all thrown in for a good measure. But never once did he neglect the arrows, and his combo increased with each step he took.
However, someone did speak when Shino charged his hair with Chakra, did a back flip, landed on his Afro, and spun around, pivoting on his Chakra enhanced fro, and hitting the last few steps with his hands.
"Holy Shit, sweet mother of Jesus, take me now! I am not worthy!" The spectator that broke the silence then promptly fainted, rolled over and died.
The crowd was in an uproar! They didn't even need to look at the scoring screen. They all saw Shino full combo-ed Paranoia Survivor Max Oni while doing freestyle moves!
The judges were also too busy crying to give out comments. But their twin scores of 100 both spoke volumes about their opinions.
"539 Perfects and 74 Greats...is he even human?" Temari didn't believe it. There was no way some punk kid in shades could take the grand prize away from her. There was no Freaking way!
If it was possible, Kankurou's mouth slumped even further onto the ground.
"..." Shino asked Hokage-sama, between ragged breath, that she should announce the winners of this match.
"...Yeah, hold on a minute..." Apparently, Tsunade was still in shock. She can't believe she just saw that! Well, technically, it was a good thing she didn't see it earlier. She would probably have had Shino tethered up to a pole and performed on the street so she could pay back her gambling debts. "...um....Match 1, winner, Team Akamaru!" Well, still not too late to use this guy, maybe he'll be assigned to some "different" missions than his teammates.
"Well, that was unexpected." Shikamaru opened his left eye.
Munch munch "That Shino dude could really dance." Munch munch.
"Doesn't matter, we'll deal with them later on, it's too troublesome to think about it now."
"Get up you lazy excuse of a ninja! Our match is coming up! Go do some warm ups!"
"I'm a Chuunin. Chuunins don't do warm ups."
"What? How dare you lie straight to my face, get up!" And Ino kicked Shikamaru out of his stupor.
"Gah...stupid girl, go chase after Sasuke or something, leave me alone."
At the mentioning of her "Sasuke-kun", Ino looked left and right "Where? Where? Ooo! Sasuke-kun! Come over here!" and she tried her best at seducing the Uchiha prodigy with her flat chested-ness. No wonder our favorite pre-pubescent angsty child is scared out of his wit everyday. If you were being chased by ugly and flat females that all knew how to use sharp blades, you'd be paranoid everyday too.
Sasuke crawled back into the stands and ducked, while motioning Kakashi to come over there and hide him.
"Cowards, all of them, cowards." Well, it was about time Neji's ego came up; we haven't seen it in so long.
"5HU7 7he phUx0r UP, 1m 5LEep1N'." (Please be quiet, I am still meditating for the upcoming match.)
"There is no need, we will not lose the next match. Our opponents are too weak." Maybe it was the fact that I called Sasuke our favorite pre-pubescent angsty child; that didn't sit well with Neji. "Look at them try. Ha! They think they stand a chance against our mighty powers?"
"81z07cH, cl053 j00 7r4P5 83f0R3 1 571ck J00" (You want to be roasted like a skewered pig?)
"All of these weaklings will bow down to me when I'm through with them! I am chosen by the heavens to smite those that are unworthy! I am-" Neji never finished his rant, because Tenten managed to stuff twenty-five shurikens inside his mouth.
"D1e joo PhUXOrt4rd!!!1!" (Copulating retard, I will not be subjected to your useless bantering.)
"Hey guys! Come on! We are up!" Only Lee's timely announcement brought Neji back from being turned into a pincushion. What you say? Neji is stronger than Tenten? He can use his freaky eyes and that twirly thingie to block the weapons? Hardly! I mean, have you ever faced down a woman who just got up from her rest, with hair all messed up, and sometimes drool across her chin? What? You have? So that's why you are missing an arm... What? You are a girl? Um...then you should now what I'm talking about! Don't you get all groggy and PMS-y when you wake up due to some idiot? Slap! What the crap! I was only informing my readers about the might of the fairer sex. What? You won't read my story anymore, because you think I'm a sexist and chauvinistic pig? I don't care! Don't read my story! Even better, go have a daughter now so you'll have the pleasure of stopping her from marrying me!
Ahem...sorry about that, apparently some people don't believe that Tenten's mighty female power, fueled by the pains of menstruation (she is thirteen isn't she?) could outmatch any ancient Hyuuga techniques. Neji certainly knew. As he gingerly removed the sharp metal weapons from his mouth, he thanked Kami-sama that he didn't speak further. He didn't want to be beat up by the most useless girl in all of Ninja history.
As Neji plucked yet another shuriken from his teeth (that reminds him, his dental appointment is on Tuesday, he will have to make sure to bring his Shinobi Dental Insurance card), Lee frolicked all the way onto stage. To say Lee was happy is an understatement. The correct word would be ecstatic, even orgasmic. Lee was so elated that his team didn't go last (if you want to go last, you will never go last!), he vowed to do 200 squats when he finishes his match. If he doesn't finish 200 squats, he will do 400 Punch-The-Log, if he doesn't do 400 Punch-The-Log, he will do 600 Kick-My-Dog, if he doesn't do 600 Kick-My- what the hell? Where did Kick-My-Dog come from? Lee puzzled as Tenten forcibly dragged him down from the machine.
"5H1Tw1t, m0vE J00r 422 n0W!" (Detritus for brains, please remove your Gluteus Maximus from the dancing machine.)
Glad he wasn't on the receiving end of Tenten's tantrum, Neji surveyed the opposing team. From their forehead protectors (and in the case of the girl, thigh protector) they seemed to be shinobis of the Hidden Grass. However, there was something wrong about them. Their clothes were simply too nondescript. Gone were the flashy hair-dos and the weird eye colors, instead, these three ninjas seem to be the most average ninja you could find. Maybe they are hiding some immense secret, like that Shino kid. I bet one of them could AAA Max 300 with one foot while eating a hamburger. I think I'll observe them further.
"Don't approach the other team, got that? We don't know what they are hiding. Let's play them firs – LEE! Get your ass back here NOW!" Neji should have known that Lee would be the first to engage in a conversation with the enemy. That boy has some serious problems.
"Aww! Don't be like that! I was just talking to them Neji. They are nice people!" Lee shouted all the way from across the stage.
Neji sighed. Why do I have to work with stupid people? I should have been paired up with that Chunnin kid, at least he doesn't cause unnecessary troubles. Neji trudged all the way across the stage, hoping that maybe, just maybe Lee would die instantly to a bolt of lightning. Look at that idiot, talking to those losers as if they were long time friends....Sigh....
In the Lair of the Unknown Enemy"So what's your name?" Lee asked the girl.
"Hi, today is nice isn't it?" The girl replied.
"Um...yeah, today is nice, but I kinda want to know your name..." Lee blushed.
"Hi, today is nice isn't it?" The girl replied.
"Yes, of course the weather is nice, we rarely get days like today. But what about your name?" Lee was beginning to get frustrated.
"Hi, today is nice isn't it?" The girl replied.
"Oh, Ok, I get the hint, See ya later then!" Lee bounced to the next guy.
"Hi, my name is Lee, what's yours?"
"We are going to win! No one is going to stand in our way! The Ninjas from Hidden – Press X to continue."
"What? What X?"
"Grass will be the last ones out with the cash! We are going – Press X to continue."
"Um... X?"
"to beat everyone else! Press any key to finish."
"Any key? What key is that?" Never mind. This guy is even creepier than the girl! I guess I'll talk to the last guy, let's hope he's more fun than the others.
"Hey, what's your nam – never mind. How about your teammates huh? You are OK with those weird people?"
"We are the best DDR players in Hidden Grass. How about you people? Are you any good?"
"Well, we are pretty...umfff...mmm...ummfff....uffff?" What the hell? Where did my voice go? Lee was certainly regretting his earlier decision. Never will he talk to another stranger again.
"What are you doing Lee? Get back to our booth, we are up you idiot!" Neji finally made his way across the stage.
"Ummmmffff.....Umfff...Aeeemmmm!!"
"What, did Tenten stick kunais into your mouth too? What are you ooofing about?"
Lee was desperately trying to make some kind of coherent words with his mouth. Suddenly, he noticed the space above the Grass ninja's head formed some kind of a bubble, and on that bubble were two lines. "Yes, of course! We are the best!" and "No, we are pretty good though." Lee was wondering what kind of jutsu that bubble was, before Neji kicked him in the rear.
"Dumbass! Move!"
The sudden movement caused Lee to lose balance. And in a wild attempt at grasping on to anything that would give him support, Lee waved his arm over and over and accidentally poke the bubble on the "Yes, of course! We are the best!" part. Suddenly, the bubble disappeared, and was replaced by normal scenery like nothing had happened.
"Ouch! Why did you have to kick m- Hey my voice is back!"
"Are you really the best? Well, we'll just have to see in this tournament now don't we?" The Grass shinobi replied back to Lee.
Lee scuttled away from the Grass trio as quickly as his legs allowed him.
"Lee, if you go wandering off from us again, I'll stick in you in a room with Tenten after I tell her you play CounterStrike with map hacks."
"But you don't understand! Those people were so weird! This girl repeats the same line over and over! The second guy kept on asking me to press X, and the last guy had this weird bubble with text in it!"
"What did you say? Those people did what?"
"I told you, this girl kept on repeating the same line, and the other guy –"
"Never mind that, I heard you the first time. What do you think it means though?"
"gh3Y RPG." (From the description, it sounds like they were from a badly made role-playing game.)
"RPG?"
"900d j0B Dumbfux0R." (Of course, from what Lee gathered, our opponents resemble NPCs from an RPG game.)
"Wait, are you saying that those are generic NPCs from a game?"
"N0 Shi7 dICkW4d." (Of course. Their behaviors all but point to their origin.)
"If what you say is true, then we don't need to sweat at all for this round!"
"Come again?"
"Let me explain. Those 'people' you just met Lee, are actually not people at all. They are scripted AI, acting as filler in this tournament. You see, since there was no way to program every single action of an NPC, the programmers gave each generic character some lines. These lines are to be repeated whenever the players engage them in conversation, usually through the usage of the O or X button. Some AI have more complicated scripts, and they can either prompt the player for a choice, or have multiple lines they can recite."
"And that benefits us how?"
"That means we are winning this round for sure. You can almost call this a scripted sequence. Trust me, those players will play the standards song; not too hard, not too easy."
"You mean I can pick any song and still beat them?"
"I don't know about any song, maybe this is not merely a scripted scene. Maybe it's one of those easy challenges. I don't know, but just go and pick any 7 or 8 feet songs and we'll be set."
"Ok...I don't get what you are talking about, but I'll go and pick 7 feet songs!"
Neji had an urge of smacking himself on the head. But then he thought about it again and smacked Lee instead. Satisfying his urge and hurting Lee, it's like killing two birds with one stone.
59366102 Microseconds Later
"You know, somehow that match was very unfulfilling. It left me with an empty feeling in my stomach. I hope in our quest for the grand prize, there will be more worthwhile opponents. Beating weak opponents cannot satisfy my urge." Neji shook his head. The match with Team Generic was not similar to his ideal match. It seemed like the opposition was having trouble just trying to survive. There was no joy nor fun involved when Green Beast took the match.
"R J00 0n cr4Ck?" (It is unfortunate that we came across such weaklings in our first match, but it still counted as a win for us.)
"Good point, what the hell am I talking about? You'd think that I would have less of a conscience when I spend my time around you two. We so totally pwnz0r3d them."
"pHuX0R j00." (Do not duplicate my ways with words; find your own way to express yourself.)
"Yeah, second round here we come!" Lee was exuberant as ever. Even after he suffered from the massive head wound that Neji inflicted on him (Gentle Fist style really does cause excessive bleeding), Lee still managed to beat the "Any Key" guy. In fact, Lee is so happy (and not because he is lacking oxygen), he went to the nearest photo booth and took 10,000 Yen worth of photo stickers. Apparently, Lee felt that it was necessary to stick his pictures everywhere as a mark of his victory against Team Generic.
"jEsu2 hA71n' re7ARd, 9e7 JooR A22 8ACK 1NS1DE, N0w!" (Lee, please do not damage public properties, we do not have the required funds to pay for the proper repairs.)
"But I'm advertising us Tenten! I bet if I stick enough stickers, those talent scouting people will come looking for us. We can be famous!"
And for the first time, Tenten was unable to reply to Lee's idiocy. So instead, she took a leaf out of Neji's book. Tenten poked Lee firmly in the behind with her spear (Not like that. Eww... Get your minds out of the gutter) and herded her less intelligent teammate back to the arena.
Booth 6 (Who told you that Sea Sponges are the most docile animal?)
Shikamaru yawned.
Chouji ate.
Ino bitched.
These are just some of the accepted facts regarding Team Sasuke2. Just like how the grass is green and the sky is blue, the behavior patterns for this particular Genin team never changed from the first day these three Ninjas met. Today is no different.
"Get your butt up there! We are competing in 5 minutes! I don't want to be disqualified because you are too lazy to move! Did you hear what I just said? Move!"
Yawwwnnn.
Munch, Munch.
"You too Chouji, quit eating for once and go up there!" Ino raged.
Scratch, Scratch.
Munch, Munch.
"Did any of you hear what I've just said? That's it! I've had it with you people! Ultra Hidden Technique!" said Ino as she unleashed her most fearsome move: She dragged both Shikamaru and Chouji across the floor, holding each one by the ear.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow! What was that for? We still have 5 minutes left!" It's a wonder how Chouji could stuff his face and talk at the same time.
"3 minutes now! Get up there fool!"
"Crazy girl..." muttered Shikamaru.
"What was that?"
"Um...Daisy swirl?"
We may never find out whether Ino bought that excuse or not, because precisely at that moment, Naruto jumped up to the stage.
"Oy! Hurry up so I can cream you! I don't think everyone wants to wait all day!" RoxyFoxyBoy directed his voice towards booth 6.
"Shut up Naruto! Why can't you be more like Sasuke?" And two female voices directed themselves at Naruto.
Sasuke was about to smirk at Naruto, before he realized that smirking could be viewed by some as an invite to the two stalkers. So he wisely kept his mouth shut. Anything is better than those two.
Look at him, even though he has girls chasing after him, he still acts all high and mighty. I'll beat Ino's team, and then Sakura-chan will like me instead. Naruto never did like that Ino girl...She is no where as near as Sakura-chan in terms of looks.Oddly enough, Sakura would probably have been flattered by Naruto's unspoken compliment, that is, if she weren't busy kicking Naruto in the rear.
Match of the Millennium? More like Match of the Losers.
"Show him your 16 hit combo Chouji!"
"I don't have a 16 hit combo, Shikamaru does...." Chouji was about to respond.
"Whatever, just beat him!"
"Don't lose to Ino-pig's team Naruto!"
"Who are you calling pig forehead girl?"
"I'm calling you pig, pig!"
"Large forehead!"
"Pig!"
"Forehead!"
"5HU7 73H pHuCK UP J00 N008!" And it took the other useless female ninja (no, not Hinata, the other one) to shut up the two bickering bitc...gals.
"Ok, once we are settled down, we will commence the first round of the third match, Naruto Uzumaki of Team Sasuke vs. Akimichi Chouji of Team Sasuke2. Maniac players, step up to the mat. You may begin to choose your song."
"I choose Dead End, on Heavy!" Fat-ass, let's see you last through this.
"I'll choose no mods." Remember what Shikamaru told you, remember what Shikamaru told you, remember what...Chouji finished his pick as he chanted his mental mantra.
"I'll pick Secret Rendezvous."
What song is that? Never heard of it. Better not risk anything. "Um...no mods."
"OK. Players you may begin!"
As the judge announces the beginning of the third match, one must wonder whether Chouji could last through Dead End, one of the ultimate stamina testers. Also, what did Shikamaru tell Chouji? Is it something that could lead Team Sasuke2 to victory? Find out in the next chapter: Intermission.
Author's Note:
Yes, hate me for stopping it here, but next chapter is going to be the most exciting one ever. I can say that Intermission will feature the best DDR battles so far.
School is starting soon, and I will have University applications to fill and essays to write. I hope that I will still find time to update Video Game Violence, but just in case, I'm telling you guys now what could possibly hinder me from writing.
This chapter will feature 2 team summaries, that's right 2.
And just in case if anyone was wondering, the scoretag of Sasuke is BEST because I'm trying to play on his superiority complex. I don't think Sasuke is the best character (Actually, I don't even like Sasuke). Same situation with Sakura. I'm trying to emphasize on her uselessness. I am in no way trying to bash any character.
Though I have to admit, I have favorite characters: Tenten, because she is totally useless, and it's easier to write about Tenten simply because she has had zero character development. Haku is another one of my favorite characters, but with one restriction. Haku must be a girl. I refuse to acknowledge Haku as a guy, that's just ... creepy. Naruto is another favorite. Like somebody once said: "So sue me, I root for the underdogs."
Team Green Beast
Name: Rock Lee
Tag: LEER
Best Song: Irresistiblement
Division: Maniac
PA: 63
Stamina: 59
Reflex: 163
Knowledge: 42
Overall: 72
Name: Tenten
Tag: LEET
Best Song: Drop The Bomb (System S.F.Mix)
Division: Trick
PA: 92
Stamina: 43
Reflex: 75
Knowledge: 61
Overall: 83
Name: Hyuuga Neji
Tag: NEJI
Best Song: Twilight Zone (R-C Extended Club MIX)
Division: Freestyle
PA: 72
Stamina: 64
Reflex: 72
Knowledge: 15
Overall: 64
Team Description: Ahh, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, now available in team formation. After their intense training, Team Green Beast now have excellent coordination and teamwork. Add some awesome skills displayed by Lee and Tenten, the majority of the their points are already in the bag. Now if they can only get Neji to boogie down with them...
Team Sasuke
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Tag: FOXY
Best Song: Drop Out
Division: Maniac
PA: 62
Stamina: 114
Reflex: 58
Knowledge: 38
Overall: 61
Name: Haruno Sakura
Tag: SUCK
Best Song: My Sweet Darlin'
Division: Trick
PA: 86
Stamina: 34
Reflex: 77
Knowledge: 91
Overall: 57
Name: Uchiha Sasuke
Tag: BEST
Best Song: Burning Heat
Division: Freestyle
PA: 69
Stamina: 73
Reflex: 89
Knowledge: 43
Overall: 67
Description: Team 7, led by the Genius Hatake Kakashi, is on its way of becoming the finest Genin team ever produced by Konoha. That is, if only it could overcome some internal problems first. Uzumaki Naruto - "Demon Child", "Dead Last" and "Dobe-kun" aimed to prove himself one day and shove his success in Sasuke's face. Uchiha Sasuke, sole survivor of the Uchiha clan, seems to have some sort of superiority complex, and could care less about what happens to his teammates. Haruno Sakura might be book smart, but as a ninja, she sucks at it. Her obsession of Sasuke doesn't make the situation better either. Team 7 better get their acts in gear if they want the grand prize.