Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I wish i did though, I want Jake Epstein.

Talking In Your Sleep

I hadn't talked to Craig in three weeks. It was now the week before Winter Holiday, and all the teachers were feeling lazy, so We didn't have much homework. Mrs. Kwan assigned for us to write a poem for English.

"Who would like to read their poem first?" She says and Ashley raises her hand and she nods.

"you can dangle your carrot

but i ain't gonna reach for it

cuz i need both my hands

to play my guitar

and life is a sleazy stranger

who looks vaguely familiar

flirting with a bimbo named disaster

at the end of the bar

and i am telling you that i am different

than you are

at night when you're asleep

self hatred's going to creep in

you can try to blame it on the devil

the one who's bed you sleep in and don't tell me what they did to you

as though you had no choice

tell me, isn't that your picture?

isn't that your voice?

if you don't live what you sing about

your mirror is going to find out

i'd like to go to all the pretty parties

where all the pretty people go

and i ain't really all that pretty

but nobody will know cuz everybody loves you

when you're a star and nobody questions

what it takes to go that far

and life is a sleazy stranger

and this is his favorite bar

no i don't prefer obscurity

but i'm an idealistic girl

and i wouldn't work for you

no matter what you paid

and i may not be able

to change the whole world but i could be the million

that you never made."

"And what inspired this?" Mrs. Kwan asks.

"It's for all the people who ever turned me down, or never believed in me, i guess."

"Very good. Delia, why don't you go next?" I stand up.

"she went over to his apartment

clutching her decision

and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?

so she built a skyscraper of procrastination

and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window

of her reply

and she felt like an actress

just reading her lines

when she finally said

yes. it's really goodbye this time

and far below was the blacktop

and the tiny toy cars

and it all fell so fast

and it all fell so far

and she said:

you are a miracle but that is not all

you are also a stiff drink and i am on call

you are a party and i am a school night

and i'm lookin' for my door key

but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear

just how much i loved you

you'll probably think this was

just my big excuse

but i stand committed

to a love that came before you

and the fact that i adore you

is but one of my truths

but then what kind of scale

compares the weight of two beauties

the gravity of duties

or the ground speed of joy?

tell me what kind of gauge

can quantify elation?

what kind of equation

could i possibly employ?

and you'll never know, dear

just how much i loved you

you probably think this was

just my big excuse

but i stand committed

to a love that came before you

and the fact that i adore you

is just one of my truths

so i'm goin' home

to please the one i so love pleasing

and i don't expect

he'll have much sympathy for my grieving

but i guess that this is the price

that we pay for the privilege

of living for even a day

in a world with so many things

worth believing

in."

I look up from my paper and see Craig staring at me.

"Okay.. that was amazing, Delia. Craig, how about you go next?"

He looks at me and starts his poem. "And if I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean,

Swim out to where you were floating in the dark.

And if was blessed, I'd walk on the water you're breathing,

To lend you some air for that heaving sunken chest.

'Cause they chose you as the model for their empty little dreams,

With your new head and your legs spread like a filthy magazine.

And they hunt you, and they gut you, and you give in..

And if I was brave, I'd climb up to you on the mountain,

They led you to drink from their fountain, spouting lies.

And I'd slay the horrible beast they commissioned

To steer me away from my mission to your eyes.

And I'd stand there, like a soldier, with my foot upon his chest,

With my grin spread, and my arms out, in my bloodstained Sunday's best,

And I'd hold you, and remind you who you are.. under their shell...

I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes

These soles are useless without you

Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;

My soul is useless without you...

And if they send a whirlwind, I'd hug it like a harmless little tree

Or an earthquake, I'd calm it, and I'd bring you back to me,

And I'd hold you in my weak arms like a first born

Now I've walked through hell for you

What's an adventurer to do,

But rest these feet at home with you?"

'I'm screwed.' I think, walking out of the classroom. The bell had just rung.

"Did you HEAR Craig's poem, Delia? it was kind of obvious that i was about you."

"I feel really bad now, El. Totally guilty. I think i'm going to cut lunch and go home. I really need to think."

"Well... okay. I'll see you later. Are you going to Jimmy's party tonight?"

"Yup. I'll see you later... do you want me to pick you up?"

"Yea. Later."

I drop my books off at my locker and walk out of school with no problem and walk out to my car. Once i'm in my car my cell phone rings and i look at the Caller ID. It's Ashley.

"Deel, wait for us." I look to my right and see Ashley and Ellie running out and i unlock the doors and they come in. I turn around in my seat and grin at Ash.

"Are we having a girl's day or what?"

[A/N: Ashley and Delia's poems are from 'The Million You Never Made' and 'School Night' by Ani DiFranco, and Craig's Poem is from 'Walk Through Hell' from the movie Say Anything... ]