Eh.... Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. You all know the drill. None of us (Katie, Jenny, or myself ,"the technical director of this story.") own Harry Potter or anything related to him. Katie and Jenny do, however, own various assorted characters such as Wipwop, Burrito Monkey & company, and GETIMIMITY, KRAMERICA. Any recognizable characters, phrases, or areas from others stories that are making cameos do not belong to us either. Yes. I am only doing this once, so, that is all.

HARRY POTTER AND THE KAJEN SISTERHOOD

By, The Kajen Sisterhood Chapter 1: Naked In The Dark

"What do you think it is, Harry?" Ron asked feebly. But Harry did not know. It was the first day of summer vacation, and Harry was staying with Ron at the Burrow, along with Hermione, Malfoy, Hagrid, Neville, and Dobby. What the others did not know, however, was that Harry and Ron had taken a stroll down the lane and had discovered a mysterious forest.

"Well, Harry, what is it?" Ron persisted.

"I don't... Eurgh! I just stepped in something wet!" Harry yelled out.

"Er...sorry." Ron mumbled quietly.

"That's okay," Harry murmured, "I don't blame you. I blame your bladder control problem." Harry turned from the puddle of noxious liquid to face the woods ahead of them. "Well, this is it," Harry sighed, "Gnome country."

"That looks bloody brilliant!" Ron yelled in anguish. "It could go on for miles!" he sighed anxiously.

"Well, should we keep going?" Harry asked.

"Let's go." Ron said quickly. As they headed in, the forest appeared more and more sinister every time they looked at it. Its stubby crab grass loomed over them menacingly. The dead and crackling shrubberies seemed to thicken with every step. The shrill cackle of a distant sparrow haunted Harry's thoughts and memories. Ron whimpered in the dark beside him. Harry could only faintly make out with the trees in all the darkness. But suddenly a white light shone down on them, beckoning them to come closer. Ron shrieked as they heard a deep booming voice address them. "Experience the wonder... Experience the excitement... Experience the magic... that is... WIPWOP!" Confetti began to fall from the sky and Harry and Ron watched, horrified, as a platform lowered to the ground. It appeared to be holding a gnome. But this was no gnome. This was Wipwop.

"Greetings!" Wipwop cheered, "Welcome to Gnome country. May I escort you to Popopstropolis? I think I will!" and before he could add in more about cucumbers and monkeys, they were being led deep into the forest.

"So, er, Wipwop, who...are you?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"Stray from the road and I'll step on your toad!" Wipwop replied. Harry and Ron exchanged puzzled glances. A while later, Harry, Ron, and Wipwop stepped in front of an enormously streetwise tree.

"What's this?" Ron asked. "Do we go in there, or something?"

"Oh, heavens, no. That old thing? Ha!" Wipwop clapped his hands twice, and a hole appeared in the ground. Wipwop pushed them in and then jumped in after them. They fell a ways and then landed in a circular room. It was filled with gnome holes, stacked on top of each other. Suddenly gnomes popped out of the holes and cheered, "Greetings! Welcome to Popopstropolis! Would you like to hear the gnomie national anthem?" Harry and Ron exchanged puzzled glances.

"Oh, Gizz, Gizz, Glorious Gizz, everyone is talking 'bout you!

Oh, Gizz, Gizz, Glorious Gizz, let thy heart be true!

Oh, Gizz, Gizz, Glorious Gizz, there's nothing to deny!

Oh, Gizz, Gizz, Glorious Gizz, hail thee to the sky!

Gizz, Gizz. Gizz, Gizz. A-Gizzy-Gizz. Gizz, Gizz.

OOH! ah. OOH! ah. OOH! a-Gizzy-Gizz.

OOH! Chihuahua. OOH! Chihuahuahua.

OOH! Chihuahua. OOH! Chihuahuahua.

LET'S GO GIZZ!"

Harry and Ron were flabbergasted. "Uhh... excuse me? Excuse me!" Harry said, "yeah... well, we kinda have to leave, um, now, because, um... because..."

"We are on a mission!" Ron broke in. "Yes, we are on a mission...and on this mission (purchased at the mission store for $25.95) we must...uh...doi..."

"Defeat Lord Voldemort!" yelled Harry, "So if you'll excuse us, we must be going. We've got a lot of work to do..." Harry tugged on Ron's sleeve.

Ron pulled his arm away. "Harry, wait!" he said, "I bet the gnomes can help us on our quest!"

"Ron! We aren't on a quest! Now, let's go!"

"Fellow gnomes!" Ron bellowed. "We are on a quest to defeat Lord Voldemort! Will you help us?"

"No!" Harry shouted.

"Yes!" Wipwop reassured them. "We will help you. My gnomie friends and I are quite familiar with fighting against ceaseless evil. Take for example, Wipwipe. But I digress. My gnomes will get into their armor and begin packing immediately. They will be ready momentarily." Wipwop then left, giving orders to the gnomes.

Ron spun around to face Harry. "What'd you do that for? You-Know-Who? That's what our mission is about? Destroying You-Know-Who? Oh, you're bloody mad. Okay, brilliant, just brilliant.... Now we have an army of these gnome thangs expecting to be led into battle against the Grand Old Vole! I mean, really, Harry, how do we get out of this one? If we tell them we're lying, they'll probably cut our heads off, and if we do go into battle, which is basically impossible considering we have absolutely no idea where he is, how do you expect us to defeat the Old Vole, possibly the most powerful wizard alive? I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver!!!!... I'm sorry, did you say something, Harry?"

Harry looked as if he would explode with frustration.

"Eh? Harry? Whatcha gonna do? What're we gonna do now? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? How do we get out of this one?"

"Why, you don't!" Wipwop said, "Gnomes are impervious to magic, by the by." Wipwop had been standing behind them the whole time Harry and Ron had been talking.

"Have you been standing there the whole time?" Ron yelled.

"Yes, and frankly, Ron, I don't care for you're attitude. Anyway, the troops are scrambled and ready to set out. The question is, are you?"