Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this little AU. Wish I did though. *sigh*
Notes & Warning: This is not within the main storyline of LtBF and follows a first person perspective of Yuki and what happened to him when he first arrived in hell. Much bastardising of character.
Basically, I figured I should myself away from reading/writing smut and get some work done cuz I love this fic. ^-^ Enjoy the x amount of pages of random blathering on. Annex//Yuki When I died, I was nineteen. Don't even ask me how old I am know, I wouldn't know how to begin counting my years. I'm younger than Ryuichi, much younger than Tohma. And slightly older than Tatsuha, much older than Shuichi…which is why I'm hesitant about all this. I mean; Shuichi's a child in my eyes. A baby, really. And these feelings are wrong.
He doesn't know what I am.
Don't misunderstand me though, they're not wrong because we're both male. I've been through this sort of relationship before, in the events leading to my death. It's wrong because it feels right. But I think I'm sidetracking.
I was nineteen, but I looked older. My mother said I was handsome; my mother treasured me, apparently. She made great strawberry cakes, just the right amount of sweetness. I don't know what happened to my mother.
I lied to Shuichi when I said I didn't remember how I died. I'm not going to tell him that though. Only Ryuichi knows and that's because Ryuichi was my counselling angel. I think he did more damage than good.
Oh, and one other person. I try my best to avoid him.
It's not Tohma either…even though he asks.
Staff meetings are not a nice thing to go through, though.
Again, I'm wandering from my topic. I'm usually good at telling tales, putting them down in words. Maybe this is because it actually happened? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't thought about this in a long time. Perhaps kissing Shuichi brought this all back.
Shuichi.
What's so special about this boy?
When I died, I was in love. Yes, with another man. I don't know about now, but society wasn't in the mood for acceptance then. I was also engaged to a woman, my father having arranged it all so I could "carry on the great family name". This man killed me…and took his sweet time about it. I was too blind, I didn't see, but I was a mere toy.
He was older than me.
I suppose that's a given.
I can remember looking up into his eyes as I died, and what I had once seen as a loving look was nothing but poisoned lust. He enjoyed it. Killing me, that is.
Kitazawa.
I don't know what happened afterwards. I know no one ever found out, he told me, scathingly. I can remember the exact words he said to me, the tone and the look on his face.
He's the leader of 4th Hell. The real punishment area. None of the crappy counselling stuff. I did wonder for a long time, while I wallowed in bitterness, what had happened when I first arrived in Hell. There were no levels, then. Knowing this, it makes me feel ancient.
I'm sidetracking again…aren't I?
I'll go back to the start.
I was nineteen when I died. The man I loved killed me; it was an unrequited love I realised as I died. Through my time in hell, I've managed to get over this, gradually.
I died, and I was sent to Hell. I blamed myself for driving Kitazawa to killing me and I figured this was just my punishment.
I was wrong.
Hell shocked me. It was just as huge as I had imagined, and was divided, not into levels, but into sections, which were restricted. The levels came about much later, so as to stop any definite muddles up.
And there was no fire. There was no brimstone. No wicked little red me with black moustaches and pitchforks to put you into agony for the rest of your eternal life.
In fact, it was just like life, perhaps with a few more restrictions, if anything. And a bit more advanced. I'd never seen elevators before.
And everyone had to see these happy crappy counselling Angels into order to advance onto 'Heaven'.
I just wanted to be left alone. I figured anyone would understand that. But no, I had a counselling Angel assigned to me.
Ryuichi.
We clashed. We didn't get on; he tried in vain to become nothing but my friend, to help me. I learned, later on, that Ryuichi used unorthodox methods. He spoke to me, rather than show me what I'd caused. The little memory flashes, the past and the present combined. I never saw any of that. I was left to wonder if my mother cried. If my father just shrugged as I imagined he would and pass the obligation to carry on the family to my younger brother.
Ryuichi. And that damned bunny, which I've never seen him without.
I don't know what happened to Ryuichi, but I know it's worse than what happened to me. He smiles, but he hurts. Even know, with Tatsuha.
I spent more time arguing with my counselling Angel then I did healing, recuperating. Counselling can go on for any length of time…until you are considered ready to pass on. Mine never seemed to finish. I didn't hate Ryuichi though, he just tried to be happy too much and it drove me insane. And then, one day he passed this piece of paper to me.
That was my last counselling session.
And I was left to regret.
He cheered me on and told me that I was lucky.
I choose to be an Angel.
I told Ryuichi I wanted to be his friend. And he threw Kumagorou at me. "You're already my friend!"
But he told me I shouldn't have become an Angel.
I didn't understand then and I don't understand now.
Tohma.
I met Tohma because Ryuichi introduced me to a group of Counselling Angels and Tohma was there. I smiled cordially at him, nervous because everyone else was. It was a staff meeting of sorts, discussing possible new systems as Hell always had problems.
And Tohma never stopped watching me. Even after the meeting.
Time passed, I grew to know more about Tohma and he told me he wanted me. Wanted me? I refused. He shrugged it off and changed the topic.
He's never stopped trying however. He's resorted to threats now. He's powerful. I don't know what he'll do. Maybe I'm beyond caring anymore. I don't hate him.
Hell changed, and nobody noticed apart from the Angel's. Because the souls were two wrapped up in themselves to care.
I revelled in counselling, it was like rebuilding a person. But then, Kitazawa arrived. He was older, ancient almost, but he had died and was classified a murderer. I refused to counsel him and he was triumphant. The bastard. Tohma helped me, even though he didn't know the circumstances, Ryuichi fought with me, a Counselling Angel does not refuse to do their job. I didn't counsel him. But I wasn't relieved, in spite, I knew. He stayed. He stayed and I felt that maybe now there really was a devil. He became leader of the fourth level.
Hell continued to change and the levels came about.
Ryuichi told me he didn't want to counsel anymore, and with the new system it was his perfect chance. He asked to help lost children, those who weren't supposed to be dead. I never knew why, I still don't. But he was permitted to do so and was left to go about it as he wished.
Children don't deserve the same course of 'treatment' as their elders; their souls aren't mature enough. But when are souls mature enough?
Ryuichi left and I continued to counsel. I rarely saw my only friend, my only true friend. When I met Tatsuha, I knew immediately that we were somehow related. He looked like me, he said it himself how much it shocked him, the only difference being our eye and hair colour. His is dark, black hair and brown eyes, compared to my tawny hair and eyes. He was the last soul I counselled before I became leader of the second level, where I am now and nothings changed.
I liked Tatsuha, we became friends, and I introduced him to Ryuichi. I felt left out after that, but grew not to care. As Tatsuha earned to the right to move on, he chose to stay with Ryuichi, their friendship developing into something more. They love each other. And they complement each other. And I've often questioned myself over being jealous by it. I don't know.
And time passed.
And I haven't changed; I'm bound to this body. I suppose you could ask if I were bored with it and sometimes I am. But things come along and are exciting.
You see so much, people passing through and I don't really notice any of them. They stay a long time, but its nothing to me, because I'll always be here.
I died and I lived on.
How contradictory.
Oh, there's another reason its wrong.
I'll hold Shuichi back.
Won't I? End Annex//Yuki Footnotes: Okie dokie. Yeah, I'll try and get the next chapter out ASAP. Will probably do more of these as well. Hehe ^-^ Fun.
Notes & Warning: This is not within the main storyline of LtBF and follows a first person perspective of Yuki and what happened to him when he first arrived in hell. Much bastardising of character.
Basically, I figured I should myself away from reading/writing smut and get some work done cuz I love this fic. ^-^ Enjoy the x amount of pages of random blathering on. Annex//Yuki When I died, I was nineteen. Don't even ask me how old I am know, I wouldn't know how to begin counting my years. I'm younger than Ryuichi, much younger than Tohma. And slightly older than Tatsuha, much older than Shuichi…which is why I'm hesitant about all this. I mean; Shuichi's a child in my eyes. A baby, really. And these feelings are wrong.
He doesn't know what I am.
Don't misunderstand me though, they're not wrong because we're both male. I've been through this sort of relationship before, in the events leading to my death. It's wrong because it feels right. But I think I'm sidetracking.
I was nineteen, but I looked older. My mother said I was handsome; my mother treasured me, apparently. She made great strawberry cakes, just the right amount of sweetness. I don't know what happened to my mother.
I lied to Shuichi when I said I didn't remember how I died. I'm not going to tell him that though. Only Ryuichi knows and that's because Ryuichi was my counselling angel. I think he did more damage than good.
Oh, and one other person. I try my best to avoid him.
It's not Tohma either…even though he asks.
Staff meetings are not a nice thing to go through, though.
Again, I'm wandering from my topic. I'm usually good at telling tales, putting them down in words. Maybe this is because it actually happened? Maybe. I don't know. I haven't thought about this in a long time. Perhaps kissing Shuichi brought this all back.
Shuichi.
What's so special about this boy?
When I died, I was in love. Yes, with another man. I don't know about now, but society wasn't in the mood for acceptance then. I was also engaged to a woman, my father having arranged it all so I could "carry on the great family name". This man killed me…and took his sweet time about it. I was too blind, I didn't see, but I was a mere toy.
He was older than me.
I suppose that's a given.
I can remember looking up into his eyes as I died, and what I had once seen as a loving look was nothing but poisoned lust. He enjoyed it. Killing me, that is.
Kitazawa.
I don't know what happened afterwards. I know no one ever found out, he told me, scathingly. I can remember the exact words he said to me, the tone and the look on his face.
He's the leader of 4th Hell. The real punishment area. None of the crappy counselling stuff. I did wonder for a long time, while I wallowed in bitterness, what had happened when I first arrived in Hell. There were no levels, then. Knowing this, it makes me feel ancient.
I'm sidetracking again…aren't I?
I'll go back to the start.
I was nineteen when I died. The man I loved killed me; it was an unrequited love I realised as I died. Through my time in hell, I've managed to get over this, gradually.
I died, and I was sent to Hell. I blamed myself for driving Kitazawa to killing me and I figured this was just my punishment.
I was wrong.
Hell shocked me. It was just as huge as I had imagined, and was divided, not into levels, but into sections, which were restricted. The levels came about much later, so as to stop any definite muddles up.
And there was no fire. There was no brimstone. No wicked little red me with black moustaches and pitchforks to put you into agony for the rest of your eternal life.
In fact, it was just like life, perhaps with a few more restrictions, if anything. And a bit more advanced. I'd never seen elevators before.
And everyone had to see these happy crappy counselling Angels into order to advance onto 'Heaven'.
I just wanted to be left alone. I figured anyone would understand that. But no, I had a counselling Angel assigned to me.
Ryuichi.
We clashed. We didn't get on; he tried in vain to become nothing but my friend, to help me. I learned, later on, that Ryuichi used unorthodox methods. He spoke to me, rather than show me what I'd caused. The little memory flashes, the past and the present combined. I never saw any of that. I was left to wonder if my mother cried. If my father just shrugged as I imagined he would and pass the obligation to carry on the family to my younger brother.
Ryuichi. And that damned bunny, which I've never seen him without.
I don't know what happened to Ryuichi, but I know it's worse than what happened to me. He smiles, but he hurts. Even know, with Tatsuha.
I spent more time arguing with my counselling Angel then I did healing, recuperating. Counselling can go on for any length of time…until you are considered ready to pass on. Mine never seemed to finish. I didn't hate Ryuichi though, he just tried to be happy too much and it drove me insane. And then, one day he passed this piece of paper to me.
That was my last counselling session.
And I was left to regret.
He cheered me on and told me that I was lucky.
I choose to be an Angel.
I told Ryuichi I wanted to be his friend. And he threw Kumagorou at me. "You're already my friend!"
But he told me I shouldn't have become an Angel.
I didn't understand then and I don't understand now.
Tohma.
I met Tohma because Ryuichi introduced me to a group of Counselling Angels and Tohma was there. I smiled cordially at him, nervous because everyone else was. It was a staff meeting of sorts, discussing possible new systems as Hell always had problems.
And Tohma never stopped watching me. Even after the meeting.
Time passed, I grew to know more about Tohma and he told me he wanted me. Wanted me? I refused. He shrugged it off and changed the topic.
He's never stopped trying however. He's resorted to threats now. He's powerful. I don't know what he'll do. Maybe I'm beyond caring anymore. I don't hate him.
Hell changed, and nobody noticed apart from the Angel's. Because the souls were two wrapped up in themselves to care.
I revelled in counselling, it was like rebuilding a person. But then, Kitazawa arrived. He was older, ancient almost, but he had died and was classified a murderer. I refused to counsel him and he was triumphant. The bastard. Tohma helped me, even though he didn't know the circumstances, Ryuichi fought with me, a Counselling Angel does not refuse to do their job. I didn't counsel him. But I wasn't relieved, in spite, I knew. He stayed. He stayed and I felt that maybe now there really was a devil. He became leader of the fourth level.
Hell continued to change and the levels came about.
Ryuichi told me he didn't want to counsel anymore, and with the new system it was his perfect chance. He asked to help lost children, those who weren't supposed to be dead. I never knew why, I still don't. But he was permitted to do so and was left to go about it as he wished.
Children don't deserve the same course of 'treatment' as their elders; their souls aren't mature enough. But when are souls mature enough?
Ryuichi left and I continued to counsel. I rarely saw my only friend, my only true friend. When I met Tatsuha, I knew immediately that we were somehow related. He looked like me, he said it himself how much it shocked him, the only difference being our eye and hair colour. His is dark, black hair and brown eyes, compared to my tawny hair and eyes. He was the last soul I counselled before I became leader of the second level, where I am now and nothings changed.
I liked Tatsuha, we became friends, and I introduced him to Ryuichi. I felt left out after that, but grew not to care. As Tatsuha earned to the right to move on, he chose to stay with Ryuichi, their friendship developing into something more. They love each other. And they complement each other. And I've often questioned myself over being jealous by it. I don't know.
And time passed.
And I haven't changed; I'm bound to this body. I suppose you could ask if I were bored with it and sometimes I am. But things come along and are exciting.
You see so much, people passing through and I don't really notice any of them. They stay a long time, but its nothing to me, because I'll always be here.
I died and I lived on.
How contradictory.
Oh, there's another reason its wrong.
I'll hold Shuichi back.
Won't I? End Annex//Yuki Footnotes: Okie dokie. Yeah, I'll try and get the next chapter out ASAP. Will probably do more of these as well. Hehe ^-^ Fun.