Part four
There was a lot of running around in circles and panicking before the fellowship got ready to fight.
The orcs and troll burst in through the doors.
Pippin and Merry hit them over and over again on the head with their frying pans. Frodo, Aragorn and Boromir fought bravely with their swords. Sam was left with.......um lets just say he had a very big iron cooking pot.
Gimli was torn between Legolas' safety and fighting. He didn't want to put the elf down just in case he decided to go for a little 'walk' about again, but with Legolas in his arms he couldn't fight.
Pippin was at the back of the room and was mostly out of danger, so Gimli handed Legolas over to him, "look after him will you master Pippin?"
"Sure," answered Pippin, taking Legolas from Gimli, Legolas looked distressed and tried to reach out to the dwarf, but he was too far away.
"Don't worry Leggy, Gimmie will be alright," cooed the hobbit optimistically. Legolas looked up at him and for the first time he didn't scream. His eyes began to water and he hugged Pippin around the neck and buried his face in the hobbit's soft curls.
Pippin got an apple out of his pocket, "want an apple?" He asked, "It always cheers me up," Legolas just shook his head, "suit yourself, more for me."
An orc ran at them. Pippin didn't have his frying pan handy, so he threw the apple core. It hit the orc right between the eyes rendering it unconscious.
"Cool, apples kick arse," with this Pippin went straight to work building an.......um.......catapult out of old jock straps. (A/N: A hobbit with jock straps? You say? Well they were just laying around so there :p) He pulled it back and shot another apple core (A/N: He ate the other one....ewwww that touched an orc ) at the cave troll, who just happened by some weird stroke of luck had it's mouth open.
The cave troll choked to death on the apple core coz none of the orcs knew the Heimlich manoeuvre. (A/N: Plus they weren't tall enough)
There was a victory feast you know all the normal after battle stuff. (Roasting orcs that kinda thing) Finally when everyone (mostly the hobbits) had stuffed themselves close to puking, Aragorn decided for them to move on and find Gandalf (A/N: The wimp) Legolas, now reunited with Gimli started to grow restless and kept peering over the dwarf's shoulder.
"Stop wiggling little one, I'll drop you if you're not careful," grumbled the dwarf irritably.
"Maybe NOW he needs his nappy changed," piped up pip.
The dwarf started mumbling about 'over my dead body' and held Legolas at arm's length.
"No change," pouted Legolas
"Thank Durin," sighed a relieved Gimli
"Silly Gimmie," giggled the elf, pulling one of the dwarf's beard braids lightly.
"Oh, so he pulls gently with you, but with a poor old man? Nooooooooooooooooooo, yank as hard as he can, he does," came an angry voice from the shadows in front of them. Gandalf stepped out frightening the life out of poor Sam.
"Yrch!" Shouted Legolas pointing at the old wizard.
"Why you little...."
"Gandalf, why did you leave us back there? We needed you," asked Gimli, trying to distract the wrathful wizard from Legolas, who was hiding his face in the dwarf's beard.
"Ummmm.........................well I .......................................well you see..........................................uh........................................I needed to go to the bathroom," stuttered the one eyebrowed wizard.
"The bathroom?" Repeated Aragorn doubtfully.
"Yes, the bathroom," Gandalf nodded violently causing his hat to bob up and down.
This carried on for some time until................
"AI!!!!!!!!!!"
They all turned round to see Legolas trembling with fright and Gimli staring in shock at something in the doorway. They looked up to see what was wrong and came eye to eye? With a..........................well lets just say it didn't look like something that anyone would take to dinner (it might have put them off their food...or they might have ended up as food).
"This place is cursed, damned and yes your master is the devil, get out while you still can, from now on you are all free men, run, save yourselves," cried the Balrog (A/N: Wait a minute wrong movie, sorry, lets rewind shall we?) gorlaB eht deirc ",sevlesruoy evas, nur, nem eerf lla uoy no won morf, nac lilts uoy elihw tuo teg, lived eht si retsam ruoy sey dna denmad, desruc si ecalp sihT" (A/N: Lets start again )
"It's a bullhog.......I mean Balrog!" Despaired the 2 minus 1 eyebrowed wizard.
"Do you mind? The name's Bob," corrected the Balrog.
"Bob?" The wizard repeated, Blackadder style.
"RUN!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Aragorn from the top of the stairs.
They ran..........and ran..............and ran..........and ran.............and guess what...... they ran (A/N: If you haven't guessed yet, I'm running out of ideas)
While the fellowship ran, Gandalf and "Bob" were having an interesting conversation about potted plants.
"I always find they burn up whenever I go near them," confided "Bob".
"Ah, my dear Bob, have you ever considered that this is because you are a beast made of fire and shadow?" Asked Gandalf, the one eyebrowed wizard.
"You know I never actually thought of it like that before, would you like to come and see my hanging baskets?"
"Sure, why not? Its not like I've got anything really pressing to do," replied the wizard, with only one eye brow (A/N: I love rubbing that in )
Meanwhile outside:
"Look at him, he's filthy"
"Then YOU bathe him"
While Aragorn, their new leader and Gimli were arguing over who would bathe Legolas, since he was covered in dirt from crawling around Moria, Merry and Pippin were bugging Sam to cook 2nd lunch.
"You've had enough already," stated Sam stubbornly.
"Ohhhhhh come one, we only had a few sandwiches," widled Pippin.
"Not to mention the potatoes," said Sam, counting them off with his fingers," and the 4 chicken wings, 5 legs, 10 cheese orcburgers, 7 tacos, 2 orcs and the whole supply of crumpets." (A/N: My god, he must have been desperate YUCK)
"It's a wonder that I'm even strong enough to walk"
"It's a wonder that you can even stand up with the amount you ate"
Back to Aragorn and Gimli:
"Look he's just a baby, what's your problem?" Asked the ranger.
"If you're so comfortable with it, you bathe him," replied the dwarf, holding Legolas out to him.
Legolas looked as if he was watching a tennis match.
"I have other things to do," argued Aragorn, sneaking a glance at Boromir, who was hanging around the edge of the forest.
"Fine, I'll bathe the little brat, but when he's changed back again, he better not hear anything about this"
"Very well," agreed Aragorn, walking towards Boromir and they both disappeared into the trees, shouting about getting more firewood. (A/N: Oooohhhh fire, pwetty, sparkly), Gimli glanced at the large pile of firewood right next to him.
"I don't want to know," he mumbled, he looked down at Legolas, "come on little one, let's get you cleaned up," he started for the nearest lake. Childish screams of "no bath" could be heard.
Two hours later they were all sitting around the campfire, (A/N: Not being very cautious are they? Well I suppose they have to get rid of all that firewood some how) Gimli was braiding Legolas' damp locks, while the elf sat calmly on his lap sucking his thumb.
"All nice and clean," cooed Pippin
"Dirty," giggled Legolas, pointing at the hobbit
"I resent that remark," pouted the Took
Legolas grabbed Pippin's lip and wouldn't let go.
"Watch out he doesn't pull your lip off like he did with Gandalf's eyebrow," laughed Merry, Pippin gave him a look that said 'shut up or I'll tell them of the time with the carrots', that shut Merry up in no time at all.
"Legolas, let go of Pippin," ordered Gimli angrily. Legolas let go and looked like a kicked puppy.
"I'm sorry little one, I'm not angry," reassured the dwarf when he saw the affect his anger had on the baby. Legolas immediately brightened and went back to sucking his thumb.
"Awwww, he's so cute," cooed Sam, from where he was cooking supper.
Gimli just grunted in reply. The hobbits exchanged knowing looks.
"Anyone know where Gandalf is?" Asked Frodo, looking worried for his old friend.
The others looked around and yes the wizard wasn't there.
"Strange, I never noticed," muttered Aragorn.
End of part 4
M-C: And he calls himself a ranger
A: Shut up
M-C: Pouts Hey I'm letting you get some in this fic aren't I?
A: But Boromir?!
M-C: Yes A: But..........BOROMIR?!
M-C: Yes Boromir, my you are good at stating the obvious aren't you
A: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ¬¬;