Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this little AU. Wish I did though. *sigh*
Notes & Warning: Shounen-ai, a hint of malexmale sex (later!), dark, depressive, rape…and the list goes on.
Long wait…blah x)
Angst, angst, angst. Almost as good as smut ^_________^ niko. Chapter 5 Shuichi's fingers were making small circles on the back of Yuki's neck, running through the short tendrils of blonde hair that were longer than the rest of Yuki's hair. The motion of Shuichi's fingers made the Angel tingle. Just holding Shuichi, lips against the younger boy's lips, made Yuki tingle.
His lips were soft and he smelt of strawberries. Strawberries. Yuki's favourite fruit.
He hadn't kissed anyone in a long time. A very long time. His last kiss had been…Yuki scorns his thoughts back into the dark corner they are kept in. He doesn't want to think of… that.
Shuichi's body presses against his and Yuki responds by tightening the embrace both of them are tangled in.
The kiss ends and the two bodies curl around each other. Yuki breathes in the scent of Shuichi's hair, feels Shuichi's face pressed into his chest.
'Mmmm,' the vibrations of Shuichi's sigh seep into Yuki's body.
The boy pulls back and looks up at Yuki. He smiles widely, causes Yuki's lips to twitch into a sort-of-smile. Gradually, Shuichi's smile eases into a dopey grin of utter contentment. Yuki pulls the boy into an embrace and lays a kiss on the crown of Shuichi's head.
'You should return to your apartment,' He mutters softly.
Shuichi gives a start. 'Yes, yes…er…' he looks around almost guiltily, 'I should.'
Yuki raises an eyebrow in question to Shuichi's sudden change in behaviour.
Shuichi backs away from him slightly. 'It's gotten very light,' he says absently.
Yuki grabs hold of his wrist, feeling the scars beneath his fingers tips; 'Is something the matter?'
"Of course something's the matter;" Yuki realises "Idiot, Eiri, of course. Regret. Or disgust now."
He drops Shuichi's arm as though it were red hot.
'Yes. I…was just realising-'
'I understand.'
'Eh?' Shuichi tilts his head in confusion. 'I was just thinking that I left Hiro by himself and…that was really horrible to do. I said I'd try and help him, and I just left him…Mouuuuuu,' His eyes lose the glimmer of happiness and fill with self-loathing.
'Hiro?'
'Yeah. My friend. We stay with each other…'
Yuki wrinkles his nose; trying to figure out exactly what Shuichi is saying to him.
'Stay…with…each…other?'
'Yeah.' Shuichi's eyebrows knit together; 'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'I'm sorry,' Yuki looks stern, feeling slightly angered by Shuichi's explanation of this Hiro, maybe even jealous, he realises, which adds to his frown, 'but I don't quite understand what your saying to me.'
'Eh?'
There's a heavy silence between the two of them as Shuichi tries to figure out the blonde man's words.
'OH!' He blushes; 'it's not like…like…that. Hiro's my friend!' Shuichi can feel his ears burn. 'Really.'
Yuki's eyes remain narrowed in a glare.
'Really,' Shuichi sounds desperate and the pleading look on his face makes Yuki soften.
He sighs and swipes a hand through his hair. 'I wasn't thinking that.'
'But you …you got all pouty,' Shuichi says, almost…teasing, his face relaxing back into a happy smile.
Yuki looks him in the eyes; 'Don't worry about it.'
'Un.'
'Go back to your apartment.'
'Yes.'
Shuichi makes no move to leave; he steps forward and loops his arms around Yuki's neck, stands on his tiptoes and kisses the man.
'Will I see you later?' He asks, quietly.
Yuki nods slowly and Shuichi detaches himself and waves goodbye, vanishing from sight mere seconds later.
Yuki sits on the bench and rests his head in his hands. He scuffs his foot along the dirt. 'What am I doing?' He asks himself.
"Something that's not right. Something that's not acceptable. But you don't care." * The months and the weeks (in Shuichi's mind) pass by in a blur. The more time he spends him Hell, the more he finds himself adjusting. His relationship with Yuki grows slowly, and Shuichi finds himself spending more and more time with the man, missing him when they're not together. When he's not spending time with Yuki, he's with Hiro and Suguru. The friendship he has with them makes him reason that death will always be better than life, which doesn't help Ayaka's job. Shuichi barely realises that he rarely goes to counselling sessions. Where as Hiro's are almost daily, Shuichi may see Ayaka once every two weeks or so.
'Maybe it's because we're all different types of "counselees" or something. Gotta have the amount of sessions which is best suited too us?' Was Hiro's only reasoning for this.
Suguru didn't help anymore than that either, having kept to himself when he was a resident of Hell.
Shuichi figured it wasn't much to worry about after a while. * "It must have been at least eight months since I died," Shuichi realises idly as he watches the occasional person pass by him. Sitting to his side is Suguru, amsuing himself by throwing small stones at the wall opposite and watching them crack or shatter. There's a dwindling pile of stones in between them.
Shuichi rests his chin on his knees and curls his hands around his ankles, looking sidelong at Suguru.
'What is it?' Suguru asks, his arm poised in the air, mid-throw.
Shuichi shakes his head and looks away.
'It's been a while--' Suguru starts.
'Been a while, what?'
'Since you just sat here and did nothing. You're always running off. Hiro said you vanish at night sometimes, as well.'
A pale blush springs to life in Shuichu's face.
'It's suspicious, that's all,' Suguru pauses, 'but if you have a secret I think you should tell me!'
'EH?'
'Would you rather tell Ayaka?'
'Well, no but, I rarely see Ayaka anyway, but really Suguru, it's nothing.'
Suguru raises an eyebrow and looks at him sceptically, 'Stop vanishing then.'
Shuichi's mouth opens and closes several times, trying to find a response. 'Well, I-I-I...'
Suguru throws another stone ar the wall, it splits into three pieces upon impact. 'I-I-what?'
'I'm seeing someone,' Shuichi blurts, eyes widening in realisation instantly. He claps his hands over his mouth.
'WHAT!?' Suguru bounces up from his seat.
Shuichi glares mildly at his friend.
'Is that allowed?'
'You're the Angel, you tell me!'
'Well, I obviously don't know. Anyway, whatever,' Suguru sits back down and tries to look dignified after his outburst. 'Who is she? Just so I can tell Hiro, of course.'
'Oh, and that makes it alright,' Shuichi bites his lip, 'and its not like she's a she,' he adds, mumbling.
'Huh? What did you say?'
Shuichi hesitates.
'Well?'
'She isn't a she...Think more along the lines of -well- another guy.'
'Geh?' Suguru says stupidly.
'You wanted to know!'
'You're gay?!'
Shuichi shrugs and goes back to resting his head on his knees. Suguru flops over onto the steps, lying down.
'Phew; you're obviously one for the records Shuichi.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' Shuichi asks, his eyes narrow.
'Nothing! So what's the lucky gi-er-guy's name?'
'Yuki,' Shuichi says, smiling fondly.
'Yuki--?'
'I only know him as "Yuki".'
Suguru lets out a long suffering sigh, 'Typical.'
Shuichi, in mature response, sticks his tongue out.
'I've heard of a Yuki before.'
'The name can't be that rare,' Shuichi reasons.
'Is he blonde?' Suguru asks.
Shuichi gaves him a look but nods.
'Golden eyes...maybe?'
'Yeah...'
With a frown; Suguru mutters, 'Can't be whom I'm thinking of. It's impossible.'
'What are you on ab--'
There's a cough behind them, and both boys turn to see the Counsellor Ayaka standing there.
'I wish my job were as easy as yours, Suguru, in order to be able to sit around doing nothing, but no. It's not. I have to sit and listen to people's lives for hours and hours.'
'What's this leading to Ayaka?'
Ayaka raises an eyebrow, her lips set in a thin, stern line. 'Oh, I was just wondering if you'd like to do some work today.' She throws a rather thick file at Suguru, who catches it deftly. 'But then again, I'm not going to give you a choice.'
Suguru rolls his eyes and peers at the file.
'It needs to find it's way to Kei, preferably, or one of the little minions in third.'
'I'm not a messenger, Ayaka.'
'It's not a message. It's a file.'
'Why does it need to go to third?'
Ayaka shrugs. 'It needs to be in third. That's all I was told.'
Shuichi, who is being completely ignored, speaks up; 'Uh, what's "third"? If I'm allowed to know...'
Suguru turns to him; 'It's the third level, there are four known levels in total,' he explains.
'Suguru,' Ayaka says warningly.
'Okay, okay! Kei. Third. Done. See you later, Shuichi.'
Suguru strides off into the distance.
Shuichi sighs and makes to leave.
'Ah, Shindou, wait a minute.'
'What is it Ayaka?'
Ayaka frowns at him and takes him by the shoulders. 'I just thought I'd warn you about who you make relations with, you may not always know the real people behind the masks displayed here.'
'That's just the same as life,' Shuichi points out.
'It's a bit more vital here, but I'm not going to, nor is it correct conduct, to share why.'
Shuichi's eyebrows knit into the centre of his forehead. 'Huh?'
'Don't worry about it,' Ayaka lets him go and re-enters the counselling offices.
Shuichi stands still for a moment. 'Ayaka! Wait!' He dashes through the doors just in time.
'What?'
'I was just wondering.'
Ayaka looks at him questioningly.
'Just wondering why I haven't been having counselling sessions?'
Ayaka opens her mouth in silent response, pausing to think the question over. She smiles at him, pushing her hair back from her face. 'Because, I'm trying out something different. But don't tell anyone.'
She walks away.
Shuichi is left confused. * Ayaka doesn't return to her office. She pauses round the corner after her short discussion with Shuichi. She raises her hand to her mouth and bites down on her index finger, debating the thoughts in her head.
After a few minutes pass by, Ayaka decides and opens up the third door on her left and steps into a Synthetic Room, just like the one Shuichi entered to get the Second Hell's reception. The room is smaller however and this one leads to the Angel residence and the offices of the leaders. She finds herself (although, of course, it's no shock to her) in a room which always seems freshly painted and vividly alive. The Lobby. A few off-duty Angels are sitting in the Lobby, reading beaten books or drinking water from fiddly little glasses. They're all nameless faces really, Angels from other levels or other ranks. Ayaka pays them no heed; they're just the usual background decoration. Instead, she heads straight for her destination, already knowing the path without having to pay much attention.
She wonders about knocking first, even though she'd really just like to slam the door open, but Tohma might be there.
"ArchAngel or not, he's creepy, that Tohma," she thinks, reaching Yuki's office.
She knocks.
There's the muffled sound of a sigh from within, which is then followed by a reluctant 'Come in.' Yuki's bent over a thin stack of lined paper, which is crinkled beyond belief, almost as though it's been screwed up and then unscrewed repeatedly. An old, worn fountain pen is in his hand, darting across the page as he works to get his ideas down as fast as they come to him.
Ayaka coughs, folds her hands across her chest and taps her foot in impatience.
Yuki looks up. 'Can't you see I'm writing?'
'It can wait.'
Startling golden eyes narrow in anger. Ayaka glares back evenly.
'It's important.'
'It's one of your short stories, Yuki.'
His fountain pen drops onto the paper leaving little splatters of ink and Yuki leans back in his chair. He sends Ayaka a withering look.
'What?'
Ayaka counts to ten, slowly, curling her fingers into a ball.
'Well,' she says tersely, 'I heard a little something today.'
Yuki rolls his eyes to the ceiling, looking completely disinterested.
'Are you having a relationship with Shindou Shuichi?'
Yuki's eyes snap in to focus on her.
'Well?' She asks, 'are you?'
'I have no idea what y---'
'Don't. I heard it from the boy himself. You hypocritical bastard. So don't lie to me.'
Yuki stands, his hands in fists firm on the desk. 'Who are you too--? I can---'
'What was it you said? "They cannot socialise with angels", well...? I hope you realise that wasn't even all that long ago, not even a YEAR has past since you lectured me on methods of counselling Yuki!' Ayaka takes a breath, 'I'm not making any sense. You're a hypocrit, you told me I couldn't try out a new method of counselling to help one of my subjects, but I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.'
Yuki relaxes slightly; 'It's not like it's any of your business what I choose to do, I'm of a higher rank than you and you have no right to interfere with what I choose to do.'
'You're right, yes,' Ayaka levels with him, 'but I do have the right to...interfere...with what a subject chooses to do.'
Yuki's glare falters. 'What?'
'Oh, put it together Yuki, the boy I wanted to allow to 'socialise' with Angels was the same one you're having the smooches with.'
Ayaka resists looking smug or triumphant, having scored a point against second Hell's leader. Maybe even several points.
Yuki says nothing.
'Didn't know? Didn't figure it out? I thought I described him quite well in our conversation. Pink hair's not hard to miss.'
Yuki makes a feeble gesture with his hands; 'The youth of today...' he mutters.
Ayaka rolls her eyes. 'You're aware more than most of us that this is a huge "no-no" right?'
'Of course I know it, you damned bitch!' Yuki suddenly rages. 'I'm not stupid! Don't you realise? Nothing but a child in my eyes, is what you are! I can't help that the kid likes my company! I do know what is taboo in this little Hell.' He slams his fist down on the desk making Ayaka jump.
'Well...'
There's a tense silence. Ayaka has no idea what to say next. She's never seen Yuki mad before; the Angel is always calm and stoic.
Yuki sits and looks up at Ayaka calmly. 'Is there anything else you have to say?'
'Yes. There's a lot, but two matters come to mind at present.'
Ayaka notices the dangerous glint in Yuki's eyes and looks away.
'What does Shindou know? About you, that is.'
'That I'm here.'
'He doesn't know who you are,' she states.
'It never came up.'
Ayaka leans over too him; 'You never brought it up.'
'He never asked.'
'Really?'
Yuki shrugs.
'So you haven't told him you're an Angel. An Angel and Leader of Second Hell no less.'
'What does this matter to you?'
Ayaka rolls her eyes. 'I'm looking out for the best interest of my subject, Yuki. Or do you forget that the whole point of being an Angel is to help, not to do what we want.'
'I'm not stupid.'
'I know you're not.'
Yuki glares at her.
Ayaka hesitates. 'I must insist that you cease your relationship with Shindou, then.'
Yuki says nothing.
'If you don't,' Ayaka continues, 'I'll have to take further action. I'll have to tell Tohma.'
The blonde Angel remains silent, glaring over his hands at Ayaka.
'I'll be leaving now. I have a session,' she says coolly.
She leaves the room.
Yuki stares at the door for a second, before standing and hurling the pad of paper at the door in anger.
'What does she have to do with anything?'
He collapses back into his chair. * Shuichi finds himself sitting in exactly the same place the following day. Suguru sits alert beside him, casting wary glances towards the doors of the office building.
'Hiro will be out soon, Suguru,' Shuichi says. Suguru's nervous twitching and constant movement is making him edgy.
'I'm not looking for Hiro, I'm looking for Ayaka.' Suguru swings around quickly, tense, before turning back to Shuichi after seeing no one behind him.
'Why?'
'Because I'm not about to be sent on another stupid errand today,' Suguru snaps, 'I was running around for hours yesterday! Kei doesn't even spend anytime in third! And he's meant to be running it! Too busy having stupid chit chat with that admin, Sakano!'
The Angel's face falls into pout mode. 'And on top of that! Ayaka was meant to take that file to him personally! Grrr, she was just giving me pointless jobs because she can!'
'Er--calm down?'
Suguru looks Shuichi in the eyes and smiles, almost creepily. 'I am calm.'
'Oookay.'
There's a short silence between them, broken only by a sigh from Suguru.
'I was thinking about what we talked about yesterday, you know?'
Shuichi tilts his head. 'Oh?'
'Yeah. Did you see...Yuki...last night?'
Shuichi shakes his head before resting it on his knees. 'I stayed with Hiro. He was pretty upset after counselling yesterday.'
Suguru nods; 'You haven't had a session in ages.'
'No. Ayaka said she was using a different method or something,' Shuichi shrugs, 'doesn't matter, right?'
'Guess not. Anyway. I was thinking about your relationship with this...Yuki.'
'If you don't want to talk to me cuz I'm gay Suguru, just say it,' Shuichi says impatiently.
'It's not that! No, it's just; if this Yuki is the Yuki I know, then Shuichi, you're going out with the Leader of Second Hell.'
'What?'
'The description matched. And well, if they are the same...Angel, person...whatever, then, it means there could be quite a lot of trouble.' Shuichi stares at Suguru wordlessly.
'I mean; I'm not even supposed to be friends with you, Shuichi, but having a relationship with a subject...I don't know what will happen, but it's guranteed not to be pretty.'
'So if Yuki is...who gets punished?'
'Well, probably him. Ayaka too, because she should be filling your time with counselling. I'd get in trouble. And you...you'd have to go back.'
'Back?'
'And start again, with all this...You'd have to start your counselling over, with no memory of whats happened.'
'No.'
'Shuichi, you have to stop seeing Yuki, even if he's not an Angel.'
'No.'
'Shuichi.'
'Leave me alone,' Shuichi stands up, 'I want to be alone.'
Suguru watches Shuichi leave with a sad look.
'Why didn't you just choose me, Shuichi?' * Yuki finds Shuichi waiting for him that night. The boy looks distracted, far away off in a different world perhaps. Yuki frowns when he spots him and immediatly goes to comfort Shuichi, in the only way he can. But he holds himself back, sharply reminding himself of Ayaka's words.
"I don't want Tohma involved. It's better for Shuichi this way. I don't care about myself."
He sits down on the stone bench. 'Shuichi,' he offers as a greeting. He puts space between them. He feels oddly nervous and out of character.
The boy remains in his daze. Yuki can see up close that Shuichi has been crying. His face is tearstained and his hair in disarray. His shoulders are hunched over and his head is ducked down. 'Did you have a counselling session today?' Yuki asks, cautiously.
The mass of pink hair shakes slightly. 'Yu...ki...' Shuichi's voice croaks.
'Shuichi; there's something we need to talk about.'
'I know,' Shuichi whispers hoarsely.
Yuki tenses; Ayaka told him. Ayaka told him." Shuichi looks up, his eyes wet. 'Yuki, I don't want you to get in trouble.'
'What?'
'Really. Truely, I'm not worth it. I know I'm not because that's all I know. I'm not worth trouble.'
'What are you on about?'
Shuichi stands up, shakily. 'I know I'm not worth you being in trouble okay. But...just tell me--' he chokes back a sob, 'who are you?'
Yuki stares at the boy before him, wordlessly.
'Are you just Yuki?' Shuichi wipes his rapidly forming tears away with his sleave, 'Or are you some Angel? Someone I don't know? The Leader of Second Hell?' He throws his arms out, 'The leader of all this?'
Yuki's mouth hangs open. He can't push himself to answer. He stands up and tries to draw Shuichi to him.
'DON'T! Don't make it harder for me. I just want to know and then I won't be trouble anymore.'
'Shuichi.'
'I don't care if you lied! I don't! Don't think it, because I like you. I like you so much. But IT'S NOT WORTH IT IF IT'S GOING TO BE BAD!'
'Shuichi! Stop. Explain.'
'I don't want to go back. And I don't want to forget you. I don't want anyone to be in trouble over me. I'll be good, I'll sit and I'll regret what I did. Because you're worth it. Because I like you. BUT TELL ME. What are you?'
'I'm an Angel. You're right. I'm the Leader of Second Hell,' Yuki says slowly. 'But it doesn't matter.'
Shuichi shakes his head.
'Shuichi.'
Shuichi's hands dig into his scalp. 'I can't. It matters, Yuki. It matters. Don't lie!'
Yuki puts a hand on Shuichi's shoulder, but the boy shrugs it off.
'I can't because I love you,' the boy says, eye's glistening. 'I'm going now.'
He turns on his heel and runs as fast as he can, holding back the initial break down. Running.
'SHUICHI!'
But Yuki's voice doesn't reach him. * Yuki stares after the boy, body shaking, hand reaching outwards. He drops his hand back to his side and stares at floor.
He can't think what to do. 'It wasn't meant to happen like that.'
"I can't because I love you."
Shuichi's words circle about in the blonde's head, confusing him and making his heart ache.
'What did he mean?'
Yuki slumps onto the bench, almost as if he had no bones in his body.
The fake daylight dims slowly, if it were the real world it would be a beautiful sunset. Yuki can feel tears in the corners of his eyes and wipes them away. He doesn't cry, he hasn't since...for a long time.
'I don't know what to do.'
He watches the nothing above him. No sky in Hell. Just Hell. Pain and regret over life and no one can escape it. The only way to Heaven is through Hell.
Yuki smiles idly; 'Could have been in this place for at least another four lifetimes,' he says, randomly, even though it doesn't matter.
He turns his head in the direction Shuichi had gone.
'Shuichi.'
Not like Kitazawa because he cares. Because he loves. Because he's innocent.
Yuki rises from his seat and goes back to his office. * 'Hiro,' Shuichi finds the red haired boy sitting outside his apartment.
'Hi, Shu.'
'Are you okay?'
'Fine...you don't look so good though.'
'I'm fine,' Shuichi turns away. 'I'm sorry for not waiting for you.'
'Suguru explained that you were upset, so it doesn't matter okay.'
'I'm fine.'
'What happened?'
'I'm fine. Look, are you going to come in?' Shuichi asks, pushing the door open.
'I'm going to stay in my apartment tonight. I need some time to think.'
'Think?'
"No, please stay with me Hiro."
'I just want to be alone,' Hiro says, pushing his hair back.
'Oh.'
'I'll see you later yeah?'
'Okay.'
Shuichi closes the door and slumps down behind it. * 'Eiri-san.'
'Tohma, I'm not in the mood to deal with you, I've had a bad day.'
Tohma stands in the doorway of Yuki's cluttered office. 'Deal with me Eiri-san? Am I chore?'
Yuki grits his teeth and sets down the papers he had in his hands, old counselling files. His old counselling files. He slips his beaten glasses off his face and settles them onto the files, before looking at the ArchAngel.
'Not a chore. More like an annoyance.'
Tohma's eyes narrow slightly. 'Keep in mind who you're talking too, Eiri-san.'
'I know exactly who I'm talking too, Tohma,' Yuki responds sharply, 'and quite frankly, I don't want to be talking to anyone. I've had a bad day. Please, just leave me alone.'
Tohma ignores Yuki's request and enters the office further, perching on an old chair by a filing cabinet, opposite Yuki. Yuki glares at the blonde for a while, before picking up his fountain. He begins to etch words into the page.
'I came to make a proposal, Eiri-san.'
Yuki continues to write.
'It's not like I haven't asked before though. I've asked many times, and you've always refused. I don't think you quite know the extent of my offer.'
Yuki digs the pen into the page in annoyance. The weak, overused nib bends threateningly.
Tohma continues to talk, not noticing Yuki's hostile posture; 'You would stay in absolute comfort. And you'd barely have to work. No more papers or files. No more filing cabinets filled with people's inane lives,' the ArchAngel raps his knuckles on the metal cabinet beside him, 'you understand yes? I want you to accept the position of my assistant. You can leave now, and they'll have filled your job within five minutes, Eiri-san. They don't need you for this. You're too good for this.'
The nib of the fountain pen snaps and ink bursts onto the page.
Yuki stands, knocking his chair back. 'No.'
'Eiri-san, I'm not leaving without you.'
'I'm fine here! I like it here,' Yuki snarls.
'You can't disobey me.'
'I don't care! DAMMIT TOHMA!'
'Eiri-san, I am superior to you. I am superior to any Angel other than the two Significants and God himself. Do not press on my temper.'
'I'm staying here.'
'You will come with me,' Tohma says, matter of factly.
'No.'
'You will, Eiri-san.'
'Get out of my office, Tohma.'
'Eiri-san.' Tohma's voice is filled with an underlaying anger, barely kept in check.
'If you won't leave, I'm leaving. I will not be coming with you.'
'So many others can do your job. It's not right for you. Come with me. I'm not accepting "no" as an answer. Realise, Eiri-san: You have no choice.'
'No!'
Yuki strides to the door and pulls it open. 'I will not be codemned to serving you,' he proclaims and slams the door behind him.
Tohma attempts to calm himself, staring at the closed door which Yuki has just vanished through. 'You have no choice, Eiri-san,' he says to no one, a malicious smile spreading across his face. * Yuki stares at the white door in front of him. His breathing is uneven and heavy, anger at Tohma still making his body shake.
He looks around, feeling out of place in the long hallway. He's never stepped foot in the Residential Area of Second Hell before, never. The apartments are different from the one's he stayed in during his days in Hell. Never in all his time as a Counsellor or Leader has he bothered to know what the accomodation of the occupants was like.
He observes the door and reaches out to open it, pausing, his hand hovering over the handle.
"What if it's locked?"
He tries the door, pulling the handle down. The door clicks open with ease. He steps inside.
He takes a look around. It's dark, but that's not suprising, and no one seems to be about. It's late. Yuki can barely make out the apartments features. He clicks on a light and takes a better look. It's nice. He silently approves. It has everything someone would need to live a basic life. The apartment is nothing like the Angel's. It's less fancy, less ornate. Yuki feels at home in the small apartment. More at home than he ever did in his.
He passes the doorway to the kitchen and enters the living room. It's empty and bare.
'Shuichi must be asleep,' Yuki murmurs. He feels a pang of sadness in his chest. 'What am I doing here?'
To his right is the doorway to a small bathroom. To his left the door is closed. The bedroom. He opens the door as quietly as possible. The room is small, painted white. There's a window with a blind hung over it above the bed. Yuki can make out Shuichi on the bed. He steps closer. Shuichi is sleeping fitfully, the sheets tangled around his legs. One hand is thrown up, half covering the pale and tearstaind face. Yuki watches the boy sleep.
Shuichi shivers in his sleep and lets out a muffled sob, before turning onto his side. Yuki reaches out and brushes the pink hair back from the boy's face, before leaning in and laying a soft kiss on Shuichi's lips.
Shuichi stirs but doesn't awaken.
'Shuichi,' Yuki attempts to coax the boy awake. 'Shuichi, please, wake up.'
Shuichi's eyelids flicker slightly and his breathing pattern changes. He slowly opens his eyes. 'Hiro?' he asks sleepily.
Yuki does a double take, but doesn't get angry. 'No.'
Shuichi rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks at Yuki tiredly, his eyes squinting in the darkness to make the Angel out. 'Yuki?' he says, before shifting backwards quickly. 'Why are you here?' he asks, panicked.
'Shuichi, stay calm.'
'Did they find out? About us? Yuki...you shouldn't be here...' he pauses, 'I thought you'd hate me anyway.'
Yuki tries to make sense of Shuichi's words, but decides he doesn't care. 'I don't hate you. Come here,' he grabs Shuichi wrist and draws him into a hug; 'I don't care what you said earlier. I didn't understand what the hell you were on about, so I'm ignoring it.'
'Yuki...'
'Shhh.'
He kisses Shuichi, parting Shuichi's lips with his tongue and pressing against the boy. Shuichi moans softly.
They untangle from each other.
'It's alright if I stay here tonight right?'
Shuichi nods.
'Good, I had no intention of leaving.'
'Yuki; I love you,' Shuichi says, hugging the Angel from behind, 'I don't care if you're an Angel or not.'
Yuki says nothing, but pulls Shuichi around into his lap and kisses him again. Shuichi presses against him, shifting so there's a leg either side of Yuki's thighs. He wraps his arms around Yuki's neck and rests them on the Angel's broad shoulders.
Yuki weaves his hands under Shuichi's t-shirt, caressing the soft skin underneath. He tugs on the t-shirt, before pushing Shuichi back slightly and pulling the t-shirt over Shuichi's head and discarding it.
'Yuki?'
'I'm staying.'
'Eh?'
Yuki doesn't respond and removes his own shirt, pulling Shuichi to him again, relishing in the feel of Shuichi's soft skin on his.
Shuichi shivers as Yuki nibbles and lays kisses along his collar bone. 'You have to stop now, if you don't want this.'
Shuichi buries his head on Yuki's shoulder and says nothing, trailing his fingers down Yuki's bare back.
'Shuichi?'
'I don't know what exactly you want to do, but don't stop.'
Yuki tentatively kisses Shuichi's neck. 'Sure?'
'Sure.'
Yuki pushes Shuichi off his lap and onto the bed. He kneels down on the matress, feeling it dip slightly beneath him.
He leans over to kiss Shuichi.
'I love you too,' he murmurs against the pink haired boy's lips.
He pushes Shuichi back onto the pillows. * Shuichi shifts against Yuki, trailing his fingers over the Angel's shoulders. He curls around his lover, sighing. He rests his head against Yuki's cool chest and smiles.
'Go to sleep,' Yuki says, brushing Shuichi's hair with his fingers. He's sitting up, resting against the headboard, happily letting Shuichi use him as a pillow, enjoying the feel of Shuichi's light fingers on his skin, circling lazily.
'Don't know if I can...' Shuichi murmurs, his voice drifting.
Yuki looks down. Shuichi's eyes have drooped shut andhis hand's fallen to rest on Yuki's stomach. His lips are curled in a smile.
Yuki smiles down at the boy, feeling content for the first time in a long time. He lifts Shuichi up and settles him on the pillows and leans over to kiss him.
He freezes at the heavy sounds of footsteps outside. The bedroom door suddenly opens, so heavily it almost comes off its hinges. Yuki jumps and turns around, shielding Shuichi, who wakes up at the noise.
'Yuki?' He whispers, fear tinging his voice.
'Eiri-san.'
Tohma stands, glowering, in the doorway. To Be Continued... Footnotes: Okay, so this chapter is...er...okay. Was gonna write an extra bit to Yuki and Shu's bed scene, I may still do, but I won't post it here XD *teasing*
Sorry about the cliffhangar...oh wait, no I'm not. BWAHAHAHA! *falls over* More as soon as possible!
Notes & Warning: Shounen-ai, a hint of malexmale sex (later!), dark, depressive, rape…and the list goes on.
Long wait…blah x)
Angst, angst, angst. Almost as good as smut ^_________^ niko. Chapter 5 Shuichi's fingers were making small circles on the back of Yuki's neck, running through the short tendrils of blonde hair that were longer than the rest of Yuki's hair. The motion of Shuichi's fingers made the Angel tingle. Just holding Shuichi, lips against the younger boy's lips, made Yuki tingle.
His lips were soft and he smelt of strawberries. Strawberries. Yuki's favourite fruit.
He hadn't kissed anyone in a long time. A very long time. His last kiss had been…Yuki scorns his thoughts back into the dark corner they are kept in. He doesn't want to think of… that.
Shuichi's body presses against his and Yuki responds by tightening the embrace both of them are tangled in.
The kiss ends and the two bodies curl around each other. Yuki breathes in the scent of Shuichi's hair, feels Shuichi's face pressed into his chest.
'Mmmm,' the vibrations of Shuichi's sigh seep into Yuki's body.
The boy pulls back and looks up at Yuki. He smiles widely, causes Yuki's lips to twitch into a sort-of-smile. Gradually, Shuichi's smile eases into a dopey grin of utter contentment. Yuki pulls the boy into an embrace and lays a kiss on the crown of Shuichi's head.
'You should return to your apartment,' He mutters softly.
Shuichi gives a start. 'Yes, yes…er…' he looks around almost guiltily, 'I should.'
Yuki raises an eyebrow in question to Shuichi's sudden change in behaviour.
Shuichi backs away from him slightly. 'It's gotten very light,' he says absently.
Yuki grabs hold of his wrist, feeling the scars beneath his fingers tips; 'Is something the matter?'
"Of course something's the matter;" Yuki realises "Idiot, Eiri, of course. Regret. Or disgust now."
He drops Shuichi's arm as though it were red hot.
'Yes. I…was just realising-'
'I understand.'
'Eh?' Shuichi tilts his head in confusion. 'I was just thinking that I left Hiro by himself and…that was really horrible to do. I said I'd try and help him, and I just left him…Mouuuuuu,' His eyes lose the glimmer of happiness and fill with self-loathing.
'Hiro?'
'Yeah. My friend. We stay with each other…'
Yuki wrinkles his nose; trying to figure out exactly what Shuichi is saying to him.
'Stay…with…each…other?'
'Yeah.' Shuichi's eyebrows knit together; 'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'I'm sorry,' Yuki looks stern, feeling slightly angered by Shuichi's explanation of this Hiro, maybe even jealous, he realises, which adds to his frown, 'but I don't quite understand what your saying to me.'
'Eh?'
There's a heavy silence between the two of them as Shuichi tries to figure out the blonde man's words.
'OH!' He blushes; 'it's not like…like…that. Hiro's my friend!' Shuichi can feel his ears burn. 'Really.'
Yuki's eyes remain narrowed in a glare.
'Really,' Shuichi sounds desperate and the pleading look on his face makes Yuki soften.
He sighs and swipes a hand through his hair. 'I wasn't thinking that.'
'But you …you got all pouty,' Shuichi says, almost…teasing, his face relaxing back into a happy smile.
Yuki looks him in the eyes; 'Don't worry about it.'
'Un.'
'Go back to your apartment.'
'Yes.'
Shuichi makes no move to leave; he steps forward and loops his arms around Yuki's neck, stands on his tiptoes and kisses the man.
'Will I see you later?' He asks, quietly.
Yuki nods slowly and Shuichi detaches himself and waves goodbye, vanishing from sight mere seconds later.
Yuki sits on the bench and rests his head in his hands. He scuffs his foot along the dirt. 'What am I doing?' He asks himself.
"Something that's not right. Something that's not acceptable. But you don't care." * The months and the weeks (in Shuichi's mind) pass by in a blur. The more time he spends him Hell, the more he finds himself adjusting. His relationship with Yuki grows slowly, and Shuichi finds himself spending more and more time with the man, missing him when they're not together. When he's not spending time with Yuki, he's with Hiro and Suguru. The friendship he has with them makes him reason that death will always be better than life, which doesn't help Ayaka's job. Shuichi barely realises that he rarely goes to counselling sessions. Where as Hiro's are almost daily, Shuichi may see Ayaka once every two weeks or so.
'Maybe it's because we're all different types of "counselees" or something. Gotta have the amount of sessions which is best suited too us?' Was Hiro's only reasoning for this.
Suguru didn't help anymore than that either, having kept to himself when he was a resident of Hell.
Shuichi figured it wasn't much to worry about after a while. * "It must have been at least eight months since I died," Shuichi realises idly as he watches the occasional person pass by him. Sitting to his side is Suguru, amsuing himself by throwing small stones at the wall opposite and watching them crack or shatter. There's a dwindling pile of stones in between them.
Shuichi rests his chin on his knees and curls his hands around his ankles, looking sidelong at Suguru.
'What is it?' Suguru asks, his arm poised in the air, mid-throw.
Shuichi shakes his head and looks away.
'It's been a while--' Suguru starts.
'Been a while, what?'
'Since you just sat here and did nothing. You're always running off. Hiro said you vanish at night sometimes, as well.'
A pale blush springs to life in Shuichu's face.
'It's suspicious, that's all,' Suguru pauses, 'but if you have a secret I think you should tell me!'
'EH?'
'Would you rather tell Ayaka?'
'Well, no but, I rarely see Ayaka anyway, but really Suguru, it's nothing.'
Suguru raises an eyebrow and looks at him sceptically, 'Stop vanishing then.'
Shuichi's mouth opens and closes several times, trying to find a response. 'Well, I-I-I...'
Suguru throws another stone ar the wall, it splits into three pieces upon impact. 'I-I-what?'
'I'm seeing someone,' Shuichi blurts, eyes widening in realisation instantly. He claps his hands over his mouth.
'WHAT!?' Suguru bounces up from his seat.
Shuichi glares mildly at his friend.
'Is that allowed?'
'You're the Angel, you tell me!'
'Well, I obviously don't know. Anyway, whatever,' Suguru sits back down and tries to look dignified after his outburst. 'Who is she? Just so I can tell Hiro, of course.'
'Oh, and that makes it alright,' Shuichi bites his lip, 'and its not like she's a she,' he adds, mumbling.
'Huh? What did you say?'
Shuichi hesitates.
'Well?'
'She isn't a she...Think more along the lines of -well- another guy.'
'Geh?' Suguru says stupidly.
'You wanted to know!'
'You're gay?!'
Shuichi shrugs and goes back to resting his head on his knees. Suguru flops over onto the steps, lying down.
'Phew; you're obviously one for the records Shuichi.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' Shuichi asks, his eyes narrow.
'Nothing! So what's the lucky gi-er-guy's name?'
'Yuki,' Shuichi says, smiling fondly.
'Yuki--?'
'I only know him as "Yuki".'
Suguru lets out a long suffering sigh, 'Typical.'
Shuichi, in mature response, sticks his tongue out.
'I've heard of a Yuki before.'
'The name can't be that rare,' Shuichi reasons.
'Is he blonde?' Suguru asks.
Shuichi gaves him a look but nods.
'Golden eyes...maybe?'
'Yeah...'
With a frown; Suguru mutters, 'Can't be whom I'm thinking of. It's impossible.'
'What are you on ab--'
There's a cough behind them, and both boys turn to see the Counsellor Ayaka standing there.
'I wish my job were as easy as yours, Suguru, in order to be able to sit around doing nothing, but no. It's not. I have to sit and listen to people's lives for hours and hours.'
'What's this leading to Ayaka?'
Ayaka raises an eyebrow, her lips set in a thin, stern line. 'Oh, I was just wondering if you'd like to do some work today.' She throws a rather thick file at Suguru, who catches it deftly. 'But then again, I'm not going to give you a choice.'
Suguru rolls his eyes and peers at the file.
'It needs to find it's way to Kei, preferably, or one of the little minions in third.'
'I'm not a messenger, Ayaka.'
'It's not a message. It's a file.'
'Why does it need to go to third?'
Ayaka shrugs. 'It needs to be in third. That's all I was told.'
Shuichi, who is being completely ignored, speaks up; 'Uh, what's "third"? If I'm allowed to know...'
Suguru turns to him; 'It's the third level, there are four known levels in total,' he explains.
'Suguru,' Ayaka says warningly.
'Okay, okay! Kei. Third. Done. See you later, Shuichi.'
Suguru strides off into the distance.
Shuichi sighs and makes to leave.
'Ah, Shindou, wait a minute.'
'What is it Ayaka?'
Ayaka frowns at him and takes him by the shoulders. 'I just thought I'd warn you about who you make relations with, you may not always know the real people behind the masks displayed here.'
'That's just the same as life,' Shuichi points out.
'It's a bit more vital here, but I'm not going to, nor is it correct conduct, to share why.'
Shuichi's eyebrows knit into the centre of his forehead. 'Huh?'
'Don't worry about it,' Ayaka lets him go and re-enters the counselling offices.
Shuichi stands still for a moment. 'Ayaka! Wait!' He dashes through the doors just in time.
'What?'
'I was just wondering.'
Ayaka looks at him questioningly.
'Just wondering why I haven't been having counselling sessions?'
Ayaka opens her mouth in silent response, pausing to think the question over. She smiles at him, pushing her hair back from her face. 'Because, I'm trying out something different. But don't tell anyone.'
She walks away.
Shuichi is left confused. * Ayaka doesn't return to her office. She pauses round the corner after her short discussion with Shuichi. She raises her hand to her mouth and bites down on her index finger, debating the thoughts in her head.
After a few minutes pass by, Ayaka decides and opens up the third door on her left and steps into a Synthetic Room, just like the one Shuichi entered to get the Second Hell's reception. The room is smaller however and this one leads to the Angel residence and the offices of the leaders. She finds herself (although, of course, it's no shock to her) in a room which always seems freshly painted and vividly alive. The Lobby. A few off-duty Angels are sitting in the Lobby, reading beaten books or drinking water from fiddly little glasses. They're all nameless faces really, Angels from other levels or other ranks. Ayaka pays them no heed; they're just the usual background decoration. Instead, she heads straight for her destination, already knowing the path without having to pay much attention.
She wonders about knocking first, even though she'd really just like to slam the door open, but Tohma might be there.
"ArchAngel or not, he's creepy, that Tohma," she thinks, reaching Yuki's office.
She knocks.
There's the muffled sound of a sigh from within, which is then followed by a reluctant 'Come in.' Yuki's bent over a thin stack of lined paper, which is crinkled beyond belief, almost as though it's been screwed up and then unscrewed repeatedly. An old, worn fountain pen is in his hand, darting across the page as he works to get his ideas down as fast as they come to him.
Ayaka coughs, folds her hands across her chest and taps her foot in impatience.
Yuki looks up. 'Can't you see I'm writing?'
'It can wait.'
Startling golden eyes narrow in anger. Ayaka glares back evenly.
'It's important.'
'It's one of your short stories, Yuki.'
His fountain pen drops onto the paper leaving little splatters of ink and Yuki leans back in his chair. He sends Ayaka a withering look.
'What?'
Ayaka counts to ten, slowly, curling her fingers into a ball.
'Well,' she says tersely, 'I heard a little something today.'
Yuki rolls his eyes to the ceiling, looking completely disinterested.
'Are you having a relationship with Shindou Shuichi?'
Yuki's eyes snap in to focus on her.
'Well?' She asks, 'are you?'
'I have no idea what y---'
'Don't. I heard it from the boy himself. You hypocritical bastard. So don't lie to me.'
Yuki stands, his hands in fists firm on the desk. 'Who are you too--? I can---'
'What was it you said? "They cannot socialise with angels", well...? I hope you realise that wasn't even all that long ago, not even a YEAR has past since you lectured me on methods of counselling Yuki!' Ayaka takes a breath, 'I'm not making any sense. You're a hypocrit, you told me I couldn't try out a new method of counselling to help one of my subjects, but I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.'
Yuki relaxes slightly; 'It's not like it's any of your business what I choose to do, I'm of a higher rank than you and you have no right to interfere with what I choose to do.'
'You're right, yes,' Ayaka levels with him, 'but I do have the right to...interfere...with what a subject chooses to do.'
Yuki's glare falters. 'What?'
'Oh, put it together Yuki, the boy I wanted to allow to 'socialise' with Angels was the same one you're having the smooches with.'
Ayaka resists looking smug or triumphant, having scored a point against second Hell's leader. Maybe even several points.
Yuki says nothing.
'Didn't know? Didn't figure it out? I thought I described him quite well in our conversation. Pink hair's not hard to miss.'
Yuki makes a feeble gesture with his hands; 'The youth of today...' he mutters.
Ayaka rolls her eyes. 'You're aware more than most of us that this is a huge "no-no" right?'
'Of course I know it, you damned bitch!' Yuki suddenly rages. 'I'm not stupid! Don't you realise? Nothing but a child in my eyes, is what you are! I can't help that the kid likes my company! I do know what is taboo in this little Hell.' He slams his fist down on the desk making Ayaka jump.
'Well...'
There's a tense silence. Ayaka has no idea what to say next. She's never seen Yuki mad before; the Angel is always calm and stoic.
Yuki sits and looks up at Ayaka calmly. 'Is there anything else you have to say?'
'Yes. There's a lot, but two matters come to mind at present.'
Ayaka notices the dangerous glint in Yuki's eyes and looks away.
'What does Shindou know? About you, that is.'
'That I'm here.'
'He doesn't know who you are,' she states.
'It never came up.'
Ayaka leans over too him; 'You never brought it up.'
'He never asked.'
'Really?'
Yuki shrugs.
'So you haven't told him you're an Angel. An Angel and Leader of Second Hell no less.'
'What does this matter to you?'
Ayaka rolls her eyes. 'I'm looking out for the best interest of my subject, Yuki. Or do you forget that the whole point of being an Angel is to help, not to do what we want.'
'I'm not stupid.'
'I know you're not.'
Yuki glares at her.
Ayaka hesitates. 'I must insist that you cease your relationship with Shindou, then.'
Yuki says nothing.
'If you don't,' Ayaka continues, 'I'll have to take further action. I'll have to tell Tohma.'
The blonde Angel remains silent, glaring over his hands at Ayaka.
'I'll be leaving now. I have a session,' she says coolly.
She leaves the room.
Yuki stares at the door for a second, before standing and hurling the pad of paper at the door in anger.
'What does she have to do with anything?'
He collapses back into his chair. * Shuichi finds himself sitting in exactly the same place the following day. Suguru sits alert beside him, casting wary glances towards the doors of the office building.
'Hiro will be out soon, Suguru,' Shuichi says. Suguru's nervous twitching and constant movement is making him edgy.
'I'm not looking for Hiro, I'm looking for Ayaka.' Suguru swings around quickly, tense, before turning back to Shuichi after seeing no one behind him.
'Why?'
'Because I'm not about to be sent on another stupid errand today,' Suguru snaps, 'I was running around for hours yesterday! Kei doesn't even spend anytime in third! And he's meant to be running it! Too busy having stupid chit chat with that admin, Sakano!'
The Angel's face falls into pout mode. 'And on top of that! Ayaka was meant to take that file to him personally! Grrr, she was just giving me pointless jobs because she can!'
'Er--calm down?'
Suguru looks Shuichi in the eyes and smiles, almost creepily. 'I am calm.'
'Oookay.'
There's a short silence between them, broken only by a sigh from Suguru.
'I was thinking about what we talked about yesterday, you know?'
Shuichi tilts his head. 'Oh?'
'Yeah. Did you see...Yuki...last night?'
Shuichi shakes his head before resting it on his knees. 'I stayed with Hiro. He was pretty upset after counselling yesterday.'
Suguru nods; 'You haven't had a session in ages.'
'No. Ayaka said she was using a different method or something,' Shuichi shrugs, 'doesn't matter, right?'
'Guess not. Anyway. I was thinking about your relationship with this...Yuki.'
'If you don't want to talk to me cuz I'm gay Suguru, just say it,' Shuichi says impatiently.
'It's not that! No, it's just; if this Yuki is the Yuki I know, then Shuichi, you're going out with the Leader of Second Hell.'
'What?'
'The description matched. And well, if they are the same...Angel, person...whatever, then, it means there could be quite a lot of trouble.' Shuichi stares at Suguru wordlessly.
'I mean; I'm not even supposed to be friends with you, Shuichi, but having a relationship with a subject...I don't know what will happen, but it's guranteed not to be pretty.'
'So if Yuki is...who gets punished?'
'Well, probably him. Ayaka too, because she should be filling your time with counselling. I'd get in trouble. And you...you'd have to go back.'
'Back?'
'And start again, with all this...You'd have to start your counselling over, with no memory of whats happened.'
'No.'
'Shuichi, you have to stop seeing Yuki, even if he's not an Angel.'
'No.'
'Shuichi.'
'Leave me alone,' Shuichi stands up, 'I want to be alone.'
Suguru watches Shuichi leave with a sad look.
'Why didn't you just choose me, Shuichi?' * Yuki finds Shuichi waiting for him that night. The boy looks distracted, far away off in a different world perhaps. Yuki frowns when he spots him and immediatly goes to comfort Shuichi, in the only way he can. But he holds himself back, sharply reminding himself of Ayaka's words.
"I don't want Tohma involved. It's better for Shuichi this way. I don't care about myself."
He sits down on the stone bench. 'Shuichi,' he offers as a greeting. He puts space between them. He feels oddly nervous and out of character.
The boy remains in his daze. Yuki can see up close that Shuichi has been crying. His face is tearstained and his hair in disarray. His shoulders are hunched over and his head is ducked down. 'Did you have a counselling session today?' Yuki asks, cautiously.
The mass of pink hair shakes slightly. 'Yu...ki...' Shuichi's voice croaks.
'Shuichi; there's something we need to talk about.'
'I know,' Shuichi whispers hoarsely.
Yuki tenses; Ayaka told him. Ayaka told him." Shuichi looks up, his eyes wet. 'Yuki, I don't want you to get in trouble.'
'What?'
'Really. Truely, I'm not worth it. I know I'm not because that's all I know. I'm not worth trouble.'
'What are you on about?'
Shuichi stands up, shakily. 'I know I'm not worth you being in trouble okay. But...just tell me--' he chokes back a sob, 'who are you?'
Yuki stares at the boy before him, wordlessly.
'Are you just Yuki?' Shuichi wipes his rapidly forming tears away with his sleave, 'Or are you some Angel? Someone I don't know? The Leader of Second Hell?' He throws his arms out, 'The leader of all this?'
Yuki's mouth hangs open. He can't push himself to answer. He stands up and tries to draw Shuichi to him.
'DON'T! Don't make it harder for me. I just want to know and then I won't be trouble anymore.'
'Shuichi.'
'I don't care if you lied! I don't! Don't think it, because I like you. I like you so much. But IT'S NOT WORTH IT IF IT'S GOING TO BE BAD!'
'Shuichi! Stop. Explain.'
'I don't want to go back. And I don't want to forget you. I don't want anyone to be in trouble over me. I'll be good, I'll sit and I'll regret what I did. Because you're worth it. Because I like you. BUT TELL ME. What are you?'
'I'm an Angel. You're right. I'm the Leader of Second Hell,' Yuki says slowly. 'But it doesn't matter.'
Shuichi shakes his head.
'Shuichi.'
Shuichi's hands dig into his scalp. 'I can't. It matters, Yuki. It matters. Don't lie!'
Yuki puts a hand on Shuichi's shoulder, but the boy shrugs it off.
'I can't because I love you,' the boy says, eye's glistening. 'I'm going now.'
He turns on his heel and runs as fast as he can, holding back the initial break down. Running.
'SHUICHI!'
But Yuki's voice doesn't reach him. * Yuki stares after the boy, body shaking, hand reaching outwards. He drops his hand back to his side and stares at floor.
He can't think what to do. 'It wasn't meant to happen like that.'
"I can't because I love you."
Shuichi's words circle about in the blonde's head, confusing him and making his heart ache.
'What did he mean?'
Yuki slumps onto the bench, almost as if he had no bones in his body.
The fake daylight dims slowly, if it were the real world it would be a beautiful sunset. Yuki can feel tears in the corners of his eyes and wipes them away. He doesn't cry, he hasn't since...for a long time.
'I don't know what to do.'
He watches the nothing above him. No sky in Hell. Just Hell. Pain and regret over life and no one can escape it. The only way to Heaven is through Hell.
Yuki smiles idly; 'Could have been in this place for at least another four lifetimes,' he says, randomly, even though it doesn't matter.
He turns his head in the direction Shuichi had gone.
'Shuichi.'
Not like Kitazawa because he cares. Because he loves. Because he's innocent.
Yuki rises from his seat and goes back to his office. * 'Hiro,' Shuichi finds the red haired boy sitting outside his apartment.
'Hi, Shu.'
'Are you okay?'
'Fine...you don't look so good though.'
'I'm fine,' Shuichi turns away. 'I'm sorry for not waiting for you.'
'Suguru explained that you were upset, so it doesn't matter okay.'
'I'm fine.'
'What happened?'
'I'm fine. Look, are you going to come in?' Shuichi asks, pushing the door open.
'I'm going to stay in my apartment tonight. I need some time to think.'
'Think?'
"No, please stay with me Hiro."
'I just want to be alone,' Hiro says, pushing his hair back.
'Oh.'
'I'll see you later yeah?'
'Okay.'
Shuichi closes the door and slumps down behind it. * 'Eiri-san.'
'Tohma, I'm not in the mood to deal with you, I've had a bad day.'
Tohma stands in the doorway of Yuki's cluttered office. 'Deal with me Eiri-san? Am I chore?'
Yuki grits his teeth and sets down the papers he had in his hands, old counselling files. His old counselling files. He slips his beaten glasses off his face and settles them onto the files, before looking at the ArchAngel.
'Not a chore. More like an annoyance.'
Tohma's eyes narrow slightly. 'Keep in mind who you're talking too, Eiri-san.'
'I know exactly who I'm talking too, Tohma,' Yuki responds sharply, 'and quite frankly, I don't want to be talking to anyone. I've had a bad day. Please, just leave me alone.'
Tohma ignores Yuki's request and enters the office further, perching on an old chair by a filing cabinet, opposite Yuki. Yuki glares at the blonde for a while, before picking up his fountain. He begins to etch words into the page.
'I came to make a proposal, Eiri-san.'
Yuki continues to write.
'It's not like I haven't asked before though. I've asked many times, and you've always refused. I don't think you quite know the extent of my offer.'
Yuki digs the pen into the page in annoyance. The weak, overused nib bends threateningly.
Tohma continues to talk, not noticing Yuki's hostile posture; 'You would stay in absolute comfort. And you'd barely have to work. No more papers or files. No more filing cabinets filled with people's inane lives,' the ArchAngel raps his knuckles on the metal cabinet beside him, 'you understand yes? I want you to accept the position of my assistant. You can leave now, and they'll have filled your job within five minutes, Eiri-san. They don't need you for this. You're too good for this.'
The nib of the fountain pen snaps and ink bursts onto the page.
Yuki stands, knocking his chair back. 'No.'
'Eiri-san, I'm not leaving without you.'
'I'm fine here! I like it here,' Yuki snarls.
'You can't disobey me.'
'I don't care! DAMMIT TOHMA!'
'Eiri-san, I am superior to you. I am superior to any Angel other than the two Significants and God himself. Do not press on my temper.'
'I'm staying here.'
'You will come with me,' Tohma says, matter of factly.
'No.'
'You will, Eiri-san.'
'Get out of my office, Tohma.'
'Eiri-san.' Tohma's voice is filled with an underlaying anger, barely kept in check.
'If you won't leave, I'm leaving. I will not be coming with you.'
'So many others can do your job. It's not right for you. Come with me. I'm not accepting "no" as an answer. Realise, Eiri-san: You have no choice.'
'No!'
Yuki strides to the door and pulls it open. 'I will not be codemned to serving you,' he proclaims and slams the door behind him.
Tohma attempts to calm himself, staring at the closed door which Yuki has just vanished through. 'You have no choice, Eiri-san,' he says to no one, a malicious smile spreading across his face. * Yuki stares at the white door in front of him. His breathing is uneven and heavy, anger at Tohma still making his body shake.
He looks around, feeling out of place in the long hallway. He's never stepped foot in the Residential Area of Second Hell before, never. The apartments are different from the one's he stayed in during his days in Hell. Never in all his time as a Counsellor or Leader has he bothered to know what the accomodation of the occupants was like.
He observes the door and reaches out to open it, pausing, his hand hovering over the handle.
"What if it's locked?"
He tries the door, pulling the handle down. The door clicks open with ease. He steps inside.
He takes a look around. It's dark, but that's not suprising, and no one seems to be about. It's late. Yuki can barely make out the apartments features. He clicks on a light and takes a better look. It's nice. He silently approves. It has everything someone would need to live a basic life. The apartment is nothing like the Angel's. It's less fancy, less ornate. Yuki feels at home in the small apartment. More at home than he ever did in his.
He passes the doorway to the kitchen and enters the living room. It's empty and bare.
'Shuichi must be asleep,' Yuki murmurs. He feels a pang of sadness in his chest. 'What am I doing here?'
To his right is the doorway to a small bathroom. To his left the door is closed. The bedroom. He opens the door as quietly as possible. The room is small, painted white. There's a window with a blind hung over it above the bed. Yuki can make out Shuichi on the bed. He steps closer. Shuichi is sleeping fitfully, the sheets tangled around his legs. One hand is thrown up, half covering the pale and tearstaind face. Yuki watches the boy sleep.
Shuichi shivers in his sleep and lets out a muffled sob, before turning onto his side. Yuki reaches out and brushes the pink hair back from the boy's face, before leaning in and laying a soft kiss on Shuichi's lips.
Shuichi stirs but doesn't awaken.
'Shuichi,' Yuki attempts to coax the boy awake. 'Shuichi, please, wake up.'
Shuichi's eyelids flicker slightly and his breathing pattern changes. He slowly opens his eyes. 'Hiro?' he asks sleepily.
Yuki does a double take, but doesn't get angry. 'No.'
Shuichi rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks at Yuki tiredly, his eyes squinting in the darkness to make the Angel out. 'Yuki?' he says, before shifting backwards quickly. 'Why are you here?' he asks, panicked.
'Shuichi, stay calm.'
'Did they find out? About us? Yuki...you shouldn't be here...' he pauses, 'I thought you'd hate me anyway.'
Yuki tries to make sense of Shuichi's words, but decides he doesn't care. 'I don't hate you. Come here,' he grabs Shuichi wrist and draws him into a hug; 'I don't care what you said earlier. I didn't understand what the hell you were on about, so I'm ignoring it.'
'Yuki...'
'Shhh.'
He kisses Shuichi, parting Shuichi's lips with his tongue and pressing against the boy. Shuichi moans softly.
They untangle from each other.
'It's alright if I stay here tonight right?'
Shuichi nods.
'Good, I had no intention of leaving.'
'Yuki; I love you,' Shuichi says, hugging the Angel from behind, 'I don't care if you're an Angel or not.'
Yuki says nothing, but pulls Shuichi around into his lap and kisses him again. Shuichi presses against him, shifting so there's a leg either side of Yuki's thighs. He wraps his arms around Yuki's neck and rests them on the Angel's broad shoulders.
Yuki weaves his hands under Shuichi's t-shirt, caressing the soft skin underneath. He tugs on the t-shirt, before pushing Shuichi back slightly and pulling the t-shirt over Shuichi's head and discarding it.
'Yuki?'
'I'm staying.'
'Eh?'
Yuki doesn't respond and removes his own shirt, pulling Shuichi to him again, relishing in the feel of Shuichi's soft skin on his.
Shuichi shivers as Yuki nibbles and lays kisses along his collar bone. 'You have to stop now, if you don't want this.'
Shuichi buries his head on Yuki's shoulder and says nothing, trailing his fingers down Yuki's bare back.
'Shuichi?'
'I don't know what exactly you want to do, but don't stop.'
Yuki tentatively kisses Shuichi's neck. 'Sure?'
'Sure.'
Yuki pushes Shuichi off his lap and onto the bed. He kneels down on the matress, feeling it dip slightly beneath him.
He leans over to kiss Shuichi.
'I love you too,' he murmurs against the pink haired boy's lips.
He pushes Shuichi back onto the pillows. * Shuichi shifts against Yuki, trailing his fingers over the Angel's shoulders. He curls around his lover, sighing. He rests his head against Yuki's cool chest and smiles.
'Go to sleep,' Yuki says, brushing Shuichi's hair with his fingers. He's sitting up, resting against the headboard, happily letting Shuichi use him as a pillow, enjoying the feel of Shuichi's light fingers on his skin, circling lazily.
'Don't know if I can...' Shuichi murmurs, his voice drifting.
Yuki looks down. Shuichi's eyes have drooped shut andhis hand's fallen to rest on Yuki's stomach. His lips are curled in a smile.
Yuki smiles down at the boy, feeling content for the first time in a long time. He lifts Shuichi up and settles him on the pillows and leans over to kiss him.
He freezes at the heavy sounds of footsteps outside. The bedroom door suddenly opens, so heavily it almost comes off its hinges. Yuki jumps and turns around, shielding Shuichi, who wakes up at the noise.
'Yuki?' He whispers, fear tinging his voice.
'Eiri-san.'
Tohma stands, glowering, in the doorway. To Be Continued... Footnotes: Okay, so this chapter is...er...okay. Was gonna write an extra bit to Yuki and Shu's bed scene, I may still do, but I won't post it here XD *teasing*
Sorry about the cliffhangar...oh wait, no I'm not. BWAHAHAHA! *falls over* More as soon as possible!