Days passed. With no food, rest, or water, and having made absolutely no progress whatsoever on their quest, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Gollum, Katie, Jenny, etc., etc., etc., were exhausted.
Ron groaned. "It feels like days have passed with no food, rest, or water, and that we've made absolutely no progress whatsoever on our quest!" he sighed.
"We need to find a place to stop!" mumbled Harry.
"Hey!" shrieked Wipwop from behind them, "Look at that conveniently placed Snapevine Lodge!" They all looked up to see a giant Snape statue looming over them with a sign labeled "Snapevine Lodge". The statue had a large door and a chimney jutting from its shoulder.
"Let's go inside!" Hermione wailed.
"I dunno guys. It's a Snape statue- it could be very stupid." Harry replied. Something about it didn't seem right.
"Oh, what do you know?" Ron gurgled fiendishly next to Harry.
"Yeah, let's just go in! It can't be worse than running around in a forest with nothing but Harry's pajamas!" Gollum grunted.
"All right, fine!" Harry said, pointing to the statue. "Let's go." Ron fainted next to him. They all headed inside, after stuffing Ron into a sack once more. Harry wasn't sure, but he thought for a second that he heard screaming coming from the lodge.
As they approached the front desk, they were startled to see none other than The Snapevine. He looked up from the desk with a puzzled expression.
"Uh, we'd like to check out a room." Harry said.
"Really?" Snapevine asked. "Hey, guys! Somebody's checking in!" He bellowed to a nearby wall. As he did, it burst open, and about eighty Snapevines poured in. "Somebody's checking in?!"
"You heard me! Code 394! Somebody's checking in!" the Snapevines all at once burst into song. "Ahem.......
Well, I'm a grumpy old teacher who lives in a tree!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
Slimy and greasy and smelly are we!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
If you're scared of bad haircuts, then run while you can!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
If not, do the Snapevine-y walk or can-can!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
Snapebob Lodgepants!
Snapebob......... Lodgepants!"
In unison, Harry, Ron, etc., etc., ran for the exit, screaming in terror. Snapevine stood up and yelled, "I don't think so!" He slammed his hand down onto a button on the desk. Suddenly their exit was blocked by a massive metal door.
"We're trapped!" screeched Hermione.
Suddenly they fell through a trapdoor, down into a dark room, landing on fluffy, brightly colored eggplants. They sat there for a second or two, stunned. Then a shaft of light shone down in front of them. Standing in the light was Snapevine. He stood with his back to them. "Good day, class." he said. He slowly, dramatically, turned his face towards them. Silence filled the room. Suddenly, he whirled around and started to disco. "Are you ready to PARTY?!" Snape twirled around the dance floor.
"YEAH! I'M READY TO PARTY!" Ron yelled. A disco ball was lowered down into the room. The Snapevines lowering the disco ball were hesitant.
"You know, if this doesn't go as planned, Snape could be fired."
"So? What do I care if Snape gets himself fired?"
"You're Snapevine too, you know!"
"Oh, yeah."
"No matter. I'm sure the kids won't catch on to the master plan. Why would they?"
"Because a copy of the master plan just fell out of Snapevine's pocket."
"Oh. That could be a problem."
Indeed, the master plan had just fallen out of the now-discoing Snape's pocket right in front of Harry and his friends.
"Jenny, look!" Katie shouted.
"Oh, my god! A roll of parchment that says 'Master Plan'! Quick! Evasive maneuver 12!" Ron hurriedly leapt onto Snapevine's head and covered Snape's eyes. "Stand back, everyone! Please let this be an Arnold field trip!" Everyone scrambled out of the way as Snape stumbled, Ron still on his head, and ran head-on into a wall. He fell on the ground, and there was a giant hole in the wall where his head had been.
"Adios, me jote pelicano!" Jenny called, jumping through the hole.
"See you in the afterlife!" Katie said, jumping through after Jenny.
"Me, too!" Ron yelled, and ran to the hole. He was about to leap through the hole, but just then the Snapevine S.W.A.T. team slid down from the ceiling on ropes. They had badges that said 'Special (delivery) Weapons and Tactics' on them. They landed on Ron's head and stuffed him into a sack. He squirmed around on the ground.
"Hey, this bag's burlap! Not bad burlap, either! Nice paneling. Where do you guys gets these things? This is exquisite! It's possibly the best bag I've ever been stuffed into!"
As Ron ranted about the bag material, a member of the Snapevine S.W.A.T. team pulled out a handy-dandy avalanche in a can and threw it at the hole in the wall. It exploded, sending snow flying every which way, and blocking the exit.
"Ron!" screeched Jenny, "I'll never forget you!"
"Harry!" Katie wailed, "Oh, the humanity!" Then Katie and Jenny left.
"Who was that, Harry?" Ron asked from inside the bag. "Someone I should know about? Are you cheating on me?"
"Oh, shut up, Ron."
"You know, we never talk anymore."
"We aren't engaged!"
"That hurts my feelings, honey."
"Don't use that tone with me!"
"Harry, I'm sorry that your past relationships didn't work out. I'm sorry you could never get a date with Legolas, but you don't have to take it out on those closest to you."
"Legolas? Please, Ron, everyone knows Legolas is your dream boyfriend and has been since 4th grade!"
"Oh. That hurts, Harry. I'm starting to get the feeling that you don't love me anymore. Is there someone else?"
"WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED! You, if I do recall, are getting married to Jenny, though. Does any of that ring a bell?"
Ron was still for a minute, staring into space, then began to drool. "Hey, look!" Ron shouted, pointing to the master plan. He picked it up, read it, and whispered to Snape, "So. This is what you were planning all this time. And to think I almost married you!" He pointed accusingly at Snapevine.
"Let me see that!" Harry said, snatching the paper from Ron. It read:
MASTER PLANDillon's:
Yogurt
Milk
Bread
Cheese
Wal-Mart:
Bird seed
Toilet paper