Chapter 6: The bee-bop womp and dr. bojangles sr.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were speechless. "I don't believe it!" Hermione said in disbelief.

"I know!" said Ron. "You shop at Wal-Mart?"

"Exposed!" Snapevine cried out. "What will the other Snapevines say? What will I say? I, after all, am a Snapevine, too! Oh, no! I'll kill me if I find out! I can't let that happen to me! Oh, the humanity!"

"Let's leave while we still have the chance." Harry said quickly.

"But how will we get out?" Hermione asked.

"Well, how about that giant door with the neon sign that says 'EXIT'?" Harry offered.

They all went in, and appeared outside. Somehow Ron had managed to get into yet another sack.

"What is this? Nylon?"

Harry turned. In front of them stood Wipwop, Gollum, and the gnomie army. "Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting?" Wipwop asked, toe-tapping. Before Harry could reply, they heard a motor echoing down.

"Echo?" Ron said, his voice muffled in the bag.

They all stared up as a huge motorcycle plummeted down to them. On the bike was Hagrid, holding a picnic basket with Malfoy inside. When they hit the ground, Hagrid stepped off the motorcycle and said, "Yer a wizard, Harry."

Harry was flabbergasted, but bravely stood, unmoving. He blinked. "I'm a- what? No. You must have made a mistake. I'm not a- a wizard!"

Hagrid hesitated. "Uh, actually I was talking to Ron."

"I'm a wizard?!" Ron's head popped out of the bag.

"No lie!" Hagrid replied, "And, if you call now, you can get the set of all 3 episodes of The Shoe, complete with a free sock, for just $19.99!"

Harry looked overjoyed as he said to Hermione, "Hey, that's a great deal!"

Hermione stepped forward. "Uh, that's... great, Hagrid, but..."

"HEY!" Hagrid interrupted. "From now on, I shall be known as: The Bee-Bop Womp."

"Okay, er, Bee-Bop Womp, why are you carrying Malfoy in a picnic basket?"

Hagrid laughed. "Oh, this isn't Malfoy! This is my sandwich!" Hagrid looked at Malfoy, yelped, and flung the basket away in horror. "How DARE THEY!!!" He bellowed. "This isn't my low-calorie Club sandwich! Those fools at SUBWAY messed up my order AGAIN!" He yelled in fury.

Malfoy looked confused as he stepped out of the basket. "What happened? All I remember is being stuffed into a sandwich bag and now I'm in the middle of a forest about to join my arch-enemies on a quest to defeat The Grand Old Vole!"

"What!?" Harry shouted, "Who said you're joining us?"

"Why, he did!" Malfoy replied, pointing behind him to Neville, who was holding Senora Norris.

Neville looked confused. "Hey, don't drag me into this!"

Harry sighed. "Oh, well. Who am I to question the all-knowing powers of a boy with a cat? Okay, Malfoy, you're in!"

"Finally!" Malfoy cheered.

"Well, what about the Bee-Bop Womp? Is he coming too?" Hermione asked.

Harry grinned mischievously. "There's only one way to decide that!" Harry snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. Then Ron crawled out of the bag.

"No, no, Harry. Like this!" Ron clapped his hands twice. Suddenly, a long, red carpet unrolled next to them, from out of nowhere. Along with it came crowds of people, a camera facing Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and a microphone that appeared in Harry's hand.

Hermione looked confused. "How is this going to help at all?" she asked.

Completely ignoring her, Harry looked down the red carpet and gasped. "Look, everybody! It's none other than... Dumbledore!" Dumbledore walked up to them. "So, professor, if that is your real name, how do you feel about being portrayed as a naked puppet on the Internet?"

Dumbledore began to speak, in 3 syllable phrases, it seemed. "Well, Harry, I find it, to be a, quite funny, cartoon. Also I, see Ron has, taken the, liberty, of opening, your, Chocolate Frogs!" Ron looked away in shame.

"Next!" Harry called impatiently, tapping his foot until the next person came. "Hey, and it's Scabbers!" He cheered. "So, tell us Scabbers, how does it feel to be a disgusting, ugly mole-person? It must be devastating!" The rat looked up at him curiously then ran off.

Harry's face saddened from the rejection, but soon brightened as Hedwig waddled toward him. She was wearing a blue T-shirt with writing on it. "Hey, Hedwig!" Harry called, "I see you're wearing clothes today. Good for you! What's it say?" Hedwig turned to show the words: I am the devil. Do as I command. "What a statement! So original!" Harry cried in amazement. Hedwig flew away, and Snapevine appeared.

"Hey, the old Snape!" Harry bellowed. "Hey, Snape! Over here! ... Hey, SNAPE! C'mon! Um, Snape, over here! Come over here! HEY! SNAPEVINE! I'M TALKING TO YOU!" Snapevine walked past, not bothering to glance in Harry's direction. "Boy, Snapevine's such a great sport!" He told the camera, just as Filch was coming toward them.

"Hey, look, folks! The star of the day! It's Filch! So, Filch, care to comment on your newest album?" Filch growled. "Hear that? So, there it is, folks. Check out his newest album, 'Poison', today! The hit song, also called 'Poison', is also on the Shrek 2 soundtrack, #9, and if you have the CD 'Poison', well, it's the only song on it." Filch scowled and slunk away, followed by Professor Lupin.

"Hey, Lupin/zombie!" Harry called. "Is it true that you are a zombie? You did look suspiciously dead in quite a few scenes of the 3rd movie. Care to comment?"

Lupin looked confused. "What?"

"All right, NEXT!" Harry shouted.

Lupin walked away quickly, and Dobby took his place. "So, here's the next person, or should I say, thing?" Harry said.

"Dobby's not just a thing!" Hermione protested.

"Well, he's not a human!"

"And he's not a thing, either!"

"Maybe he's a plant!" Ron interrupted.

Harry looked at Hermione, then shrugged. "Works for me. So, Mr. Plant..." But Dobby had already left. "Oh, well. That's everyone!" Harry announced, and clapped twice. The red carpet, crowds, microphone, and cameras disappeared. "So, Hermione, does that answer your question?"

Hermione looked very frustrated. "What?! How did that make any difference?! That didn't have ANYTHING to do with the Bee-Bop Womp!" she cried.

Harry looked confused. "Bee-Bop Womp? I thought you asked if Ron and I had the amazing power to transport absolutely random people and carpets to this exact spot with a clap of our hands!"

Hermione sighed and said, "Okay, Bee-Bop Womp, I guess you're in."

Malfoy looked heartbroken. "Well," he stated, "If he's going to be Bee-Bop Womp, then I'm going to be called Dr. Bojangles, Sr."

Ron looked perplexed. "Who's Dr. Bojangles, Jr.?"

Malfoy proudly held up a lunch bag. "This sandwich!"