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Chapter 8: You Better Believe In Fairies, Or I'll Die!

"Uh... right." Harry said. "Oh, hi, Katie! Hi, Jenny! Where have you guys been?"

Katie and Jenny mumbled to each other. Harry could only catch phrases of their mumbling. "Thought we were shopping..." "...out so long..." "...left Yankee Tank for all the work..." "...uh, mayonnaise..."

"Yeah. Well, uh, we're kind of lost, and thought we could use your help. That is, if you're not too busy getting groceries." Hermione said.

Katie and Jenny began to whisper again, and then Jenny faced Hermione and said, "No, we're good."

"Well, let's go, then!" Ron cheered. "Oh, and by the way, Jenny, I love you. Will you marry me?"

"Why, but, Ron, 'Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro.'"

Ron was puzzled. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry, was I speaking in Italian again? I meant to say, 'yes'!" Jenny replied. "Now, let's resume that quest. Uh, what was it, again?"

"To defeat the Grand Old Vole!" Wipwop announced.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, Harry," Ron uttered, "but you never loved me for who I am. I had to move on. I had to make a new life. I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me."

"Finally!" Harry sighed.

"...But on one condition," Ron stated, "You must promise never to get involved with that despicable Katie girl. She's no good. She's a bad seed. A horrible seed. One of the worst seeds I've ever seen. She's pure evil."

"What are you talking about, Ron? You've hardly even met her!"

"Oh. Then it's settled!" Ron said. "I'm getting married to Jenny!"

"All right, then. Let's go!" Hermione said. "Where's the exit?" she asked, looking around.

Chloe stood up. "Oh, it's right over here." She gestured toward a door.

Harry went over and opened the door. He was surprised to see straight outside the tree, a complete drop-off from where he stood. "We can't jump out there! We'll kill ourselves! It must be hundreds of feet down!" He shouted at Chloe.

"Nonsense!" Chloe laughed, and pushed everyone out the door.

As they fell, Ron screamed, "We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die, that's it for me! I'll be a little greasy speck on the road! Oh, the humanity!"

"Don't panic!" Katie yelled back at Ron. "We'll be perfectly safe as long as we use our parachutes!"

"WHAT PARACHUTES!?!?!?!?" Harry bellowed, as Jenny and Katie released their parachutes.

"Didn't you bring any?" Jenny yelled over the wind. She quickly grabbed Ron's arm.

Harry looked horrified as he crashed through the roof of a nearby building, along with Hermione, Malfoy, Hagrid, Wipwop, and the gnomes. Jenny, Katie, and Ron floated safely to the ground. After Katie and Jenny took off the parachutes, Harry got up. He had no serious injuries, other than a growing feeling of dread. When he looked around, he realized that they were in a restaurant full of monkeys. In the corner was a band playing a Mexican song by a furry dark brown monkey with a Hatesohl. None of the monkeys at the tables seemed to notice their unexpected visitors.

A monkey with frizzy fur and who was about 2 feet tall walked over to Harry. "Hi!" he cheered. "Would you like a table?"

"Uh... okay..." Harry said. "Um, how come none of them noticed us falling through the roof?" he pointed to the other monkeys.

"Oh, they're used to it by now. We have a lot of customers come in that way. It's almost like there's a giant civilization of lemurs pushing people out a door to fall to their doom right outside there. Pretty ridiculous, isn't it?" He laughed. "But seriously, the damage really adds up in the end. Now, if you'll follow me, I will seat you immediately."

They all followed as the small monkey led them to their table, near the stage. The monkey then began to hand out menus and said, "Hello. My name is the Enchilada Monkey, and I'll be your waiter today. Our special today is a spicy sludge pudding grilled to perfection and marinated in jalapeno sauce, then topped with barnacle loaf. If there's anything you need, please hesitate to ask." He announced.

Malfoy hesitated. "Who's the band that's playing now?" he asked.

"Why, that's the Mashed Potatoes! The lead singer, A Potato, had to be replaced due to a serious accident involving a human trying to eat him. Poor old bug. Anyway, now the lead singer is our very own Burrito Monkey. It's just grand, if I do say so myself." He looked at the gnomie army. "I'm sorry. Gnomes aren't allowed at the tables. You'll have to wait outside. Wipwop, you can stay."

The gnomie army trudged away. Harry looked around him. "There sure are a lot of monkeys here. Are they... all named after Mexican foods?"

The Enchilada Monkey laughed. "But of course!" He began pointing to random monkeys. "There's the Fajita Monkey, Taco Monkey, Gordita Monkey, Nacho Monkey, Jalapeno Monkey, Tortilla Monkey, Tostada Monkey, Salsa Monkey, Quesadilla Monkey, Guacamole Monkey, etc., etc. Yep. Any monkey that hangs out here is a Mexican food Monkey. Can I get anything else for you?" They shook their heads, and the Enchilada Monkey left.

Harry opened his menu. "What're you getting, Katie?"

Katie sighed. "I think I'll get the Choco-Covered Algae Bits. What about you?"

Hermione cocked her head to the side. "Do you... hear something?" She asked.

Suddenly, they heard screaming coming from above them, getting louder and closer to the restaurant. Just then, an object plummeted through the roof and onto their table, leaving a trail of smoke. When the thick haze cleared, they could see Gollum in his bucket.

"Wheee!" Gollum cheered. "Let's go again! Let's go again!" As he sat there, babbling more about coconuts and dental floss, the Enchilada Monkey returned with a large plate of food. When he spotted Gollum on the table, he gasped.

"Shocking! Like, what zoinky labels, man! Begone with you, pesterer from where I don't know!" And with that, he served the plate of food to them, and used the empty plate to smack Gollum in the back of the head. He then shot back up through the hole he had just entered, leaving a trail of smoke up through the roof.

"I know how that feels!" Ron muttered to himself. "Hey, wait a minute; this food is Choco-covered! I can't eat this! C'mon, Harry. We're leaving!" Ron stood up.

Harry sighed and muttered, "Ron, do you have to do this every Friday?"

"I can't eat this!" Ron cried in fury.

The Enchilada Monkey looked impatient. "So, if you're leaving, how will you pay? Cash, check, or sneak out the back?" He pointed to a door.

"We'll sneak out." Jenny replied.

"Popular choice." The Enchilada monkey responded, and then left.

"All right, fine!" Harry shouted at Ron. "I'm not eating with you anyway!"

They all headed outside. They could see that night was starting to come, and the sky was darkening. Katie yawned. Then, Jenny yawned. Ron began to yawn. Seeing them, Harry yawned. Hermione started yawning. Hagrid yawned. Malfoy began yawning. Wipwop followed, with a small yawn. One by one, the gnomes began to yawn. Harry yawned. Hermione began to yawn. Finally, they stopped.

"Anyway," Jenny said, "We need some sleep. Is the Snapevine Lodge still there?"

"Are you crazy?" Harry cried, "We can't go back there!"

"Well, where else can we go?" Katie said. As if in answer to her question, band music began to play loudly, behind them. They whipped around to see a marching band, led by Mr. Hunt. The tubas were in the back, riding on skateboards. They were bobbin', and weavin', and struttin' their stuff, and talkin' trash. (Quite hard to do while playing a tuba, so they wrote trash by typing on laptops with their toes.) "Who are they?" Katie whispered to Harry. Harry shrugged. As the band marched through the clearing, they heard a familiar noise.

"Oh, no." Jenny sighed, as Gollum plummeted from the sky, screaming, toward the band.

The band began to panic, until Mr. Hunt bellowed, "STAND YOUR GROUND! STAY IN A LINE! DIE WITH PRIDE!" Still, the band members scattered, leaving Mr. Hunt alone, directly in Gollum's path. "COME ON, BAND! NOBODY LIVES FOREVER!" He yelled. Finally, at the last second, Mr. Hunt dove to the side, Madam Hooch style, to make way for the falling bucket.

Gollum crashed to the ground. Then, the restaurant door opened, and the Enchilada Monkey stuck his head out. "YOU AGAIN!?" He called, running over and slamming Gollum again with the tray, sending him into the sky. Then the Enchilada Monkey ran back inside and shut the door.

Mr. Hunt stood up, wiping the dirt off his shirt. "Good thing we stood our ground." He remarked.

As Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, Malfoy, Wipwop, and the gnomes stared at the strange band in horror; Katie tugged on Jenny's sleeve. Quietly, they snuck over behind the restaurant. "Don't you see what's going on here?" Katie whispered to Jenny.

"Um, Mr. Hunt and his band are randomly marching around in a forest?" Jenny guessed.

Katie shrugged. "Besides that."

Jenny shook her head.

Katie leaned in closer. "They're trying to find us so they can make us join their band!"

"Why us?"

"Because! He's trying to enlist as many band members as possible to be an army of slaves that will help him defeat the Grand Old Vole!" Jenny gasped in horror. "And we can't let that happen!"

"Why not?"

"Because then, Mr. Hunt would rule the world, and he would be an evil dictator who would force everyone to practice their instruments!"

"That's HORRIBLE!" cried Jenny, "But, how do you know all this?"

"Oh, I have my sources." Katie replied mischievously.

"Right! So, how do we stop him?"

Katie shrugged. "I thought you would know."

Jenny thought for a moment, and then a devilish grin crossed her face. She began to cackle fiendishly. "I have an evil deal." She whispered.