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Chapter Q: Heninah, HENINAH!
(I'm sorry. This chapter is not actually Chapter Q. It is Chapter 10. As we all know, chapters are numbered, not lettered. If chapters were lettered, life would be anarchy and Old King Cole was a merry Old Vole, but I digress. Back to the story.)
"So, where were we?" Jenny demanded.
"Well," Harry began, "We've been traveling for about a month now in a deserted forest that actually isn't that deserted without really doing anything, then we met Wipwop, who forcefully made us accept their gnome army, then Gollum came along, then you two did and so, we arranged our marriages, then we went to Snapevine Lodge where a demented professor tried to hold us as hostages and disco at us, then we left and met the Bee-Bop Womp and Dr. Bojangles Sr., then we met the lemurs at Getimimity and were tossed out a window into a herd of Mexican Food Monkeys, then the insano band came and we ran for our lives. Then, Katie purchased Dobby at the Gap and Ron and Dobby were in a walkoff but Dobby was crushed when the Bee-Bop Womp fell from the sky and I shot him and now...." He took a breath.
Ron gasped. "Look!" He screeched, pointing past Harry. They all turned to see a theater. It towered over them menacingly, with a short line of people filing in.
Jenny gasped too. "Let's go in!" she shouted. As they went in, they could see a sign that read: 'Pokemon 56'. They entered the room and took their seats.
"Aren't we supposed to get tickets?" Ron asked Jenny.
Jenny looked uneasy. "Um... maybe..."
The theater hushed as the previews began. They watched intently as the words 'Alien vs. Predator' showed up on the screen. A booming voice seemed to come from nowhere. "Alien vs. Predator... What side are you on?" A picture of an Alien appeared on the screen and began to speak.
"I am Alien, and I approve this message... When you think of terror, what do you think of- a horrifying, blood-curdling, gut-wrenchingly fearsome alien monster that can strike fear into the hearts of even the bravest? Or a dull, lethargic Ghostbusters wannabe who can't even come up with an original costume? Vote No on Predator- I'm the real deal. Predator is so over-rated, nothing but a lot of talk. They think they're so great with their fancy bowties and such. Well, you're NOT, Predator! YOU'RE NOT! You're just the average Joe!" he screamed into the camera, then left the screen.
Then, a picture of Predator appeared. It looked uneasy. "Uh, umm..." it stammered, then ran off of the screen.
The booming voice came back. "So, make your choice, now. Alien, or Predator." Suddenly, stands rose from the ground in front of every chair. Each contained 2 buttons. One was labeled: 'Alien', and the other: 'Predator'.
"Who are you voting for, Harry?" Katie whispered.
"I dunno... Alien, I guess." At that, Katie began to shake with fury, and then stood up in her seat.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?" she bellowed, "AFRAID TO LOOK UGLINESS IN THE FACE!?" She then picked up Harry and screamed, "WELL, HERE! LOOK AT IT! IT'S UGLY, ISN'T IT!? YOU LOOK AT IT! YOU LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT!!!"
Soon, everyone ran from the theater, screaming in terror. "You think I'm ugly?!" Harry yelled at her.
Katie looked at him, gasped, and threw him to the side. "What are you doing here?! I thought you were Malfoy in this light. Oh, well, the best seats are open!" She sat back down, as the movie began.
On the screen it said 'POKEMON 56: THE MOVIE'.
The first scene appeared on the screen. Ash was sitting in a tub of lard, staring blankly at a wall and talking to himself. "Ooagh. I need to reflect upon my inner self if I ever hope to win that solid fiberglass trophy from Gary!" he muttered.
"Gary the snail?" he asked himself.
"No! Gary my archenemy, you idiot!" he countered.
"You mean Gary the snail."
"Whatever. First we just need to concentrate on getting out of this tub of lard. Okay, I have a plan. We need a sack of poker chips, a baker's dozen brightly colored markers, and a highly flammable yardstick."
"Not to mention a foot."
"Right. So when I say the word, you... wait what?"
"You know, you really should work on your anger issues."
"True. But you really need to learn on managing your insurance money. You should consider State Farm. I'm not sure what they do, but man- watch their commercials. They are there."
"Hmmm... Maybe, but what's your opinion on 'Scooge on Ice Featuring Saturday Night Scoogel'?"
"Well, I think it was a little repetitive. I mean, it was just grand, but you get kinda bored after the 8th rendition of the Muffin Man Song. Especially sung by Snapevine. Honestly, he is not meant for the stage. I much prefer Wipwop and Wipwette's Tango Spectacular."
"F is for friends who do stuff together! U is for you and me! N is for... Oh, sorry. What?"
"All right then. Anyway, when I say the word, you scramble for the exit while I deviously flounder in guilt. Ready? One... two... three... GO!"
Then Ash began snoring loudly.
The next scene appeared. Ash and Pikachu were hang-gliding above a city. "Boy, Pikachu." He said. "It sure was hard to get out of that tub of lard. Do you know how hard lard is to get out of?"
"Pikachu!" Pikachu responded.
"What!? I am not bragging. Why do you say that?"
"Pika- Pika."
"I always do?! Pikachu, I'm getting the feeling that you don't love me anymore."
"Pika. Pikachu!"
"Well, my first clue was that you told me that I brag too much."
"Pika."
"Oh, that was meant to be sarcastic? Well, good thing you still love me, then."
"Pika."
"You don't? Oh, that was probably sarcastic, too."
"Pikachu, Pika."
"Oh, it wasn't?"
"Pika."
"You hate me and always did?! That's it!" Ash cried, and pushed Pikachu off the hang-glider. But Pikachu grabbed the edge, swung back on, and electrocuted Ash, who fell off into the city. Then Pikachu hang-glided away.
After falling for a few hours, Ash crashed into the back seat of a hot pink convertible. In the driver's seat was a man dressed in completely black, with a black cape and dark sunglasses. In the passenger seat was a Pizza delivery boy with one eyebrow. The man in black turned to see him and asked, "Good evening, sir. Would you happen to be a mister Patrick Star?"
"Uh... no..." Ash replied.
"Excellent. We've been waiting for you. We have a special job for someone with your exact eye color, hat size, and extremely low intelligence level. Are you in?"
"Absolutely!" Ash yelled, leaping to his feet.
The man leaned in closer. "BUT! Under one condition. You must never speak a word of this to THAT pizza delivery boy." He yelled, pointing to the Pizza guy. "This is a top secret mission that you must do alone, only alone, and with no one else. You can bring along someone else, but they can't come with you. You need to do this alone, and just with you, yourself, and you. If I could come along, I wouldn't, because you have to do this alone. You can't go with anyone, and no one can go with you. It's just you. If anyone goes with you, they won't, because you have to go with no one. You cannot. If you do, you won't, 'cuz you can't. Got it?" he accused. Ash nodded willingly. "Good. So, go purchase your mission." He said, pointing to a store labeled: THE MISSION STORE.
"All right!" Ash cried, "Can I bring Pikachu?"
"Sure!" The guy replied. As Ash ran into the store, he sighed. "Finally! It took forever to get rid of that one." He said to the Pizza delivery boy, then turned to look at him. "OH, MY GOSH! Who are you!?" He cried.
Outside of the movie, Ron stood up. "I can't take this anymore!" He shouted. "This movie is complete nonsense! There is no non-random clip in the whole thing! This is stupidity! C'mon, Jenny, we're leaving." He said.
"Ron, do you have to do this every Monday?" Jenny muttered, but, even so, they all left.