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Chapter 14: The cold spaghetti western
Once there was a bug. Yes, a bug. That bug had nothing to do with the story, but it did in fact have a driver's license. The end. Anyway...
The Royal Vine had rounded up the gaggle of children and in sand they sat, tied to a vine in the middle of the Dungeons. Snapevine was slinking around the vine, chanting, chanting, and more, chanting. Harry, Ron, and Hermione cowered in fear, tied to the vine. Katie and Jenny cowered too, but they just pretended to be tied to the vine. They were, in actuality, chained to the vine. There is a difference. And since they were different, they wanted to fit in and pretended to be tied to the vine as well. Somehow, the gnomes also ended up tied to the vine, along with Wipwop. They, however, were not cowering in fear, but were instead playing poker. Wipwop won. Special moments.
So anyway, Snapevine slithered around the vine, handing out vine-covered books. "Um... Dr. Snape von Rertigan..." Jenny questioned.
But before she could say anything else, Snape whirled around and shouted, "DO NOT QUESTION THE VINE! Turn to page 394..."
"But..."
"Turn to page 394!"
"Mr. Snapevine?"
"TURN TO PAGE 394!"
"But..."
"Page 394! Turn to page 394."
"Yeah, I kinda know that by now, but..."
"Page 394!"
"ALL RIGHT!"
"Page 394..." He muttered to himself. "Page 394...Page 394..."
Jenny leaned over and whispered to Ron, "Well, I was going to tell him that his cloak's on fire, but I guess he can find out for himself."
"SILENCE!" the vine roared, "PAGE 394! &$%#!!"
"Ooh, language!" Katie said, "You're gonna get in trouble!"
"Oho? And who's going to stop me?" the vine queried, grinning maniacally. Cackling. Cackling madly. "It's not like a horde of lemurs is going to burst in here, first asking for the directions to the restroom, then sacking me and telling me my cloak's on fire!"
Suddenly, the door was kicked down, and a lemur hobbled in. "Which way to the men's room?" it asked Snapevine.
"Over there," he responded.
"Thanks," it said, "Hey, guys, come on! I think we finally found it!" And with that, a horde of lemurs came flooding into the room. They pondered, then headed for the restroom. When they had fled the scene, one remained. It turned around and said, "Oh, and by the way, you're fired. And you're on fire." Then it ran off to the men's room.
"Grr!" Snapevine said. "Oh, well, at least I still have my captives..." but as he looked over to the vine, he saw that the children were gone. In their place were Fred and George, wearing toupees and spraying each other with spray paint. "What are you doing here?!" he roared.
Fred and George looked at the Vine, untied themselves, and left. Snapevine was about to chase after them and eat them as side dishes, but all of a sudden he realized that his cloak had caught on fire.
"All right, guys, I think the coast is clear!" Fred screamed at the top of his lungs, pouring Harry, Ron, Hermione, Katie, and Jenny out of his coat pocket. George also poured out the contents of his cloak, Wipwop and the gnomes.
"We'd better leave soon." Katie said, "Who knows how fast Vines are capable of running!"
"GASP!" cried George, "I know where we can go! The ski lift of tomorrow!"
"The ski lift of... tomorrow?" Harry pondered.