Title: Arms Wide Open
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: If they were mine, Three of the four Marauders would live.
Summary: James watches over his baby boy during his first year of life.
Author's Note: My first MWPP era-fic. I thought it was sad, and rather sweet, and I hope you agree. I had the idea for this fic three months ago when my grandfather passed away, but I just didn't have the heart to write something like this. But last night, insomnia grabbed ahold of me and wrung this poor little plot-bunny out of me. So...here you go.
Well I just heard the news today,
It seems my life is gonna change
A...father? Merlin's beard, I'm about to be a father? I never would have dreamed...
I'm staring at Lily now, as she smiles that grin that lights up my world. 'Radiant' simply doesn't do her justice. She is beyond beautiful, beyond just being my wife. She is my everything.
A father.
It looks as though I may have to add a little more space to my heart for our child. A son? A daughter? I wonder, yes, but as I look at Lily's sparkling green eyes, I know it truly doesn't matter.
I've known about the miracle inside her for only moments now, but already something is different. The world seems brighter somehow, the very earth smiling. It's fitting.
I close my eyes, begin to pray
as tears of joy stream down my face
I look at Lily in bewilderment as she tells me to dry my face. I raise my hand to touch my cheek, and my fingertips grow wet with salty droplets I had not even realized had been shed. Perhaps this particular fact I will not share with my fellow Marauders.
But it really doesn't matter at the moment, does it? A father. I have never felt this feeling before, as though I could take on the world, be the hero of an entire bloody war!
And I feel my insides freeze. The war. I'd always considered it an adventure, but somehow, it seems anything but that now. It's dangerous, frightening.
So many people, dying every day. The Prewitts were killed just last week, along with their five year old daughter. Five years old.
And I find myself shaking. Shaking with the sudden leaden cold inside my chest, and the fear, and the Whatifs. And I'm happy, but dear God, I'm so afraid.
Before I know what I've done, I'm next to Lily, kneeling down, my face pressed against her soft abdomen. I imagine I can hear a hum of life in there, even if it's impossible.
Lily's hand comes down to tangle in my hair, and I shut my eyes tightly. I'm still crying, but now I'm also doing something I haven't done in years.
I'm praying.
I'm praying for the life of this child still so tiny inside my wife. I'm praying for everyone and everything in this world plagued by the war. I'm praying it's all over before my baby ever has to see any of it.
I'm crying, yes. Joy and fear, a combination I never thought I'd feel.
But mostly...I just pray.
Dear God...
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With arms wide open, under the sunlight
welcome to this place I'll show you everything
with arms wide open
I feel you deserve to know this, my tiny child, before you even fully make it out into the harsh light of this earth. You're mother as quite a set of lungs on her. And her grip...my child, I suggest you never run from her when she is angry.
Poppy has been so good to us. She's had nothing but reassurances for Lily and myself. Perhaps me even more than your mother. I'm still so afraid. So many things could go wrong.
But I can't really worry any more, I guess. You're coming to me, now, as Lily yells. Squeezed forcibly into this world into my waiting arms. This is the part where I always thought I would pass out, but I find myself riveted by the sight of your thick black crown of hair as I see it for the first time.
Soon the rest of you is with us too,kicking and screaming. You will do your mother proud. You're quickly bundled into a warm blanket, and brought to my side. Lily is quiet now, watching you and I as I take you into my wide, waiting arms.
My son.
You're beatiful. You have our mothers eyes, I can see already. With any luck, you'll have her kindness and compassion as well.
My Son!
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Well I don't know if I'm ready to be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath I'll take her by my side
We're standing on the created life
You've only been home for a month, and already I wonder how I thought I could do this. I feel as though I haven't stopped for breath in years, but maybe I'm just finding air for the first time.
Lily is moree precious to me than ever. My wife, and your mother. Sometimes, I find myself having to take a deep breath and step back from it all a little before I can get a grip on my awe and go on without falling to the ground at the amazement I feel at all of this. I promise you this, little one, Lily will remain by my side forever.
You're sleeping now in your crib, looking so peaceful and so innocent. I vow to myself not to be the one to steal that from you. I am not my father's son.
I have to fight it sometimes, this anger in me. A heated pulsing fury that makes me blind to all things reasonable. I hate evil, as I hate the anger in myself.
But as I look at you now, I know it's time to let that go. I would give my life for you, Harry James Potter.
But first, I'm going to have to teach you how to ride a broomstick.
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With arms wide open, now everything has changed
I'll show you love, I'll show you everything
with arms wide open.
It's late tonight, but that never seems to stop you, does it Harry? I must admit that my patience has been tested by this habit you have of not sleeping. But a much larger part of me holds this dear.
Your mother has such a skill for this, little one. She is such a wonderful mother. I'm sitting beside her now, watching you breast feed. She's crooning a beautiful little lullabye that comes from her heart, as I know I've never heard it before. I'd sing along, but you'd only start to cry. So I'll just watch.
Her jade eyes are so full of love for you, my son. I know her expression reflects mine when I look at you. As we lay you down in your crib, already snoring softly, I can not resist leaning down to kiss your smooth, perfect forehead. Luckily, ou do not wake.
Everything about you is perfect, down to your messy hair. There is no scar or blemish on your body. You are untouched.
The war still rages on around us. The Longbottoms...well, little one, someday, you shall meet their child- Neville. I think you'll like him. I know I will never forget Frank.
But you are still perfect. I sometimes think that frightens me more than if you had already been hurt. It means that the first time you do not arrive to me unscathed, it will be my failure.
Will I let you get hurt, little one? Would I let you become scarred by the evil of Voldemort? (This fear of his name is so foolish.)
But as I look from you to a smiling Lily, I know that will not happen. The only thing that will ever leave its mark on you is our love.
And that certainly can't be a bad thing.
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If I had just one wish
only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands that he can take this life
and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open
Happy birthday, Little Harry! You're my prince, did you know? Although you hardly look it, covered in cake and ice cream. Your mother is currently berating Padfoot and Wormtail for letting you get into it before you had opened your presents. I'd never tell her this, of course, but I couldn't care less.
Moony is grinning in the corner with Albus and Minerva. I smile back at all of them, but don't worry Harry, I would never give them the grin I save for you and Lily. That belongs to you alone, forever.
You're a trouble-maker, Harry, I can already see it. But you've got your mothers kindness to level it, so perhaps you can break loose from my mold. I hope you can.
I'm not perfect, Harry. Maybe you're too young to know that, but I'm not. I'm quick to judge, and I can be cruel. I regret it, Harry, but I can be. I'm short tempered and wild, and my hair never will lie flat. I apologize that you inherited that trait.
I'm foolish sometimes, Harry. I've done a lot of stupid things. I'm far from perfect, really.
But maybe you can love me anyway.
I'm not going to let you make the same mistakes I have, Harry, and I'm not going to do what my father did. We're going to be our own people, aren't we, little boy? Just remember, I'll always be there for you, even if you can't see me. You'll feel me.
It's your birthday, young Potter. And I'll tell you now what I'm going to tell you for every birthday to come. Love life.
It isn't about what people want from you, or even what they want for you, Harry. It's about you.
It's important to consider others, Prince, but you must not hide yourself away from the world. Live each moment to its fullest capacity. Do not hold yourself within boundaries. You can do anything, and you can defeat any obstacle that comes in your path.
Say hello to every morning, Harry. Greet the world each day with the innocence you posses now. Life is a gift, Harry, and you never know how much of it you have left. Embrace it, even the bumps and bruises along the way.
Lily's cleaned you up now, and you're sitting on my knee, pulling at my robes. I'm grinning like an idiot, as usual. Here, in this quiet little house we've made home, with our closest and most trusted friends, no violence or pain could ever reach us.
The war still goes on, little one. People still die every day. But that is not your problem, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure it never is.
So Happy birthday, my Son. I can hardly wait to see the difference in you next year.
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With arms wide open, under the sunlight
welcome to this place, I'll show you everything
with arms wide open
Happy Halloween, Harry! Tonight, we go 'Trick Or Treat'-ing with Arthur and his children. It's a muggle tradition, I know, but you get to dress in a sill costume, and you get candy. So...we're going. I'm not going to let you miss out on a single experience of this life.
I love to hear you giggle. I've never seen you so happy as you are right now, and I can't believe I waited this long. As long as you mother doesn't find out, we are safe.
She's fiercely protective of you, little one, she'd take a curse or twelve for you, if she had to. But in this, I think she's off her mark a bit.
Uh-oh, young Potter, I think we've been caught. Your mothers fiery hair can match her temper, and she's really rather violent with that wooden spoon of hers. Do you think she would ground you this young? I suppose I'd better take the fall for you this once. (You know I'm only joking, my son. I'll always take any fall for you I can.)
So, we've been soundly reprimanded, little Harry, and you seem entirely un-phased. You most certainly are my son. And don't worry, Prince, it was well worth it.
I am a little dissapointed we got caught so quickly, kiddo. I wanted you to see this beautiful little pasture a few miles east. But it isn't such a horrible loss, and you do have 'Trick Or Treating' to look forward to tonight.
And, all in all, we won, I think. After all, I did get you on a broomstick. I somehow know it will always be something I hold dear. It is a first of yours I have waited for since your birth.
And don't worry about seeing that field, little one, we'll do it later, when the sunset turns the sky a golden red, so that the grass itself shines fiery orange as we look up into the heavens. Don't fret over it, Harry, my son. There is always tomorrow.
With arms wide open...
::sniffle:: so wha'd'you think? I hope you all got a creeped-out sort of feeling with soem of the stuff he said. Good, Ok, Should be burned by atomic flame-throwers? Any and all feedback as welcome.