No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Behind Blue Eyes – The Who

The steady beeping woke him slowly, echoing the throbbing at his temples. It took him a few more moments to get past the sharp pain that came with each breath, the rise and fall of his chest uneven as he fought against passing out again. A blurred sea of white came into focus as he cracked his eyes open, straining to bring an arm forward to touch the ache in his stomach. The harsh smell of antiseptic burned its way into the back of his throat as he gasped for each breath.

There's something heavy on my hand. Why won't it move? Where am I?

The weight suddenly lifted and a shadow blocked out the harsher glare of the lights.

"Youji-kun?" A worried voice whispered.

"Omi? Izzat you?"

"Youji-kun! You're all right! Thank God!" The smaller blonde fluttered about nervously. Finally seeming to remember, he blasted out "KEN!"

"AAARGH! Have a care for my ears Chibi", Youji moaned out, carefully raising a hand to his head to rub at the offended aperture.

Omi giggled softly, half joyfully and half hysterically. "I can't believe you're okay… you were so close… and then blood… and then the car…" Omi shook slightly with remembered fear "But you always come through it all, don't you?"

"'Course I do." Green eyes held blue reassuringly. "I promised you I'd never leave you, didn't I? So you've got nothing to worry about, all right Omittichi?"

"Um" Omi hiccupped, wiping futilely at the few tears that had leaked out, his small hands coming up carefully to thread his fingers through Youji's own. Carefully, so as not to jar the older man's injury, he clambered onto the bed and lay there. He rested his head gently in the curve between the other's shoulder and neck. A large, delicately boned hand came up to lie against his cheek.

"When I saw you…" A gulping sob.

"Shh… don't think about it. I just got cocky and made a mistake. It won't happen again, I swear."

Omi almost wrenched himself off the bed, shoulders heaving. "How can you say something like that?! You don't know if… when… don't make me promises that you can't keep!"

The older man looked upset, emotional upheaval unhidden by dark shades for once.

"Omi – "

"YOU ALMOST DIED!" the blonde yelled, blue eyes blazing furiously, fingers clenched and quivering with the force of his emotions. "You had NO… NO RIGHT to take a chance like that if you knew, you knew you might not make it back."

"Omi – "

"Don't talk to me… I can't… I can't…" he broke down completely, fingers digging into the bed sheets as he pillowed his head on the opposite bed.

"Omi" Youji whispered softly, "You know what I am. You know that we put ourselves on the line every night. There's always a chance that just one guy will come around the corner with a gun and I won't see him in time, the chance that just one knife will make it past my defense. If I didn't take on those odds… I'd have been dead a long time ago… probably at Kritiker's expense."

The thin shoulders shook harder as the boy shook his head violently in response. "They wouldn't – "

"Who're you trying to kid, Omi?!" The blonde burst out, finally losing his temper. "Of course they would! In less time than it would take for me to breathe, they'd kill me if they thought I wasn't cutting that edge. You know it as well as I do, so don't go putting the blame for this on me! I said I was sorry and that's all you'll get from me."

The older man's hand came up to soothe the pain pulsing through his lower stomach, unsure if it was from the wound or the bile roiling there. Turning his head away, he glared out the window, fervently wishing for just one cigarette. The bright sunny blue mocked his dark mood, the breeze causing the utilitarian white curtains to flutter gently against the ledge.

"Youji – " a hesitant whisper.

Youji frowned harder, tensing his body up further in rejection of that hesitant sound. Omi had no right to make him feel guilty. He was Balinese, for Christ's sake! Not some namby-pamby who'd call for back up the first sign of trouble. He had thought he could handle it.

A sharp pain in his stomach reminded him of his mistake. His hand hesitantly reached to finger the gauze that covered the newest scar on his body. If the amount of blood had been enough to get Omi this mad, then it must have been pretty bad. Maybe he should cut Omi some slack…

"Youji… onegai… I'm sorry… onegai?" a voice whispered next to his ear as a hesitant arm wrapped itself gently around him. "I just… I know what we are… I just wish…"

Youji turned carefully onto his side, to face the boy looking so earnestly at him, eyes red rimmed and fatigued… and suddenly, his anger just seemed to flow right out of him.

"I know Omi… I know. I wish too… sometimes." The thin arms tightened around him momentarily, as both of them lost themselves in the comfort of the embrace, Youji's arms coming up to lightly encircle those frail shoulders.

"Youji-kun… Ai shi –"

"Oy love birds!" A loud voice interrupted hastily, "I hope you didn't call me just to force me to watch this sort of thing. No offense, but you guys make my teeth hurt with all that mushy crap of yours."

Ken grinned gleefully at the sight of Omi's practically neon blush and Youji's innovative, if rather confusing, barrage of curses. If he saw the two of them surreptitiously wipe away a few tears, he gave no sign of it, continuing to smirk maliciously.

"Fuck off Kenken!"

"Now, now Youji. There's no need for language like that in front of Omi. Think of his young and impressionable ears…"

Ken trailed off into helpless laughter as the older blonde flushed. He knew that the other man preferred not to swear around the youngest member of Weiss as far as it went – Omi had already lost so much of his innocence that it didn't seem fair to make him give up a consideration like that before he had to. Knowing this, Ken took full advantage of the present opportunity. Youji was safe, unable to hurt him, and best of all… unable to verbally wipe the floor with him as he'd done so many times in the past because of all the drugs that were probably racing through his system… It was too good to resist!

Shamelessly pushing his advantage, he leaned back against the doorframe, letting his head fall back to lie against the expanse of white wood.

"Well well… looks like someone's going to be unable to smoke… or drink… or do anything else for that matter, for a while. Sounds like loads of fun, ne Youji?" Ken taunted, smirk widening with each pause.

"Just let me at him." Youji muttered as he pushed frantically away from Omi, who giggled and held him down on the bed. "Just one little punch, Omi! Just one?" He begged eyes widening as wide as they could in an attempt to copy his lover's most pleading expression.

Ken cackled wildly at the sight, as Omi grinned at Youji and shook his head slowly in the negative. The blonde started to swear softly, and then catching Omi's quelling look settled back grumpily (and silently) against the pillows.

Ken opened his mouth to push his luck but received his quelling look from Omi in turn. He settled down immediately. Omi held absolute power in the Weiss household – he cooked, he cleaned, he actually knew how to operate the damn washing machine and seemed to always have both the socks of a pair when his loads were done. In short, Ken wasn't stupid enough to get the sole reason for his survival so far mad at him and lose out on the chance of beef stir-fry that night.

A soft snore caught his attention as Youji's hand fell back onto the bed from Omi's waist. Obviously, the sudden exertion had tired Youji out enough for the sedatives administered on his arrival to finally kick in. Omi's face was partially obscured by his hair, but Ken could see the melancholy, yet indulgent smile that played over his features. It was at times like this that Ken felt the most awkward around Omi – like he should help ease his thoughts somehow, without knowing how to go about the process at all.

Omi looked almost old, Ken mused, old and beaten down and tired. Keen brown eyes watched the movement of those small hands gently stroking against one high cheekbone. The blue-eyed boy turned to look back at him for a moment, and Ken was shocked at the depths of emotion running through those dark pools. He had just a moment to gather his thoughts as Omi stood and his mask slid back into place. When Omi turned back to him, his genki smile was firmly in place and he skipped slightly over to him, assuming his innocent schoolboy persona again.

"Let's go Ken-kun. I think Youji-kun will need his rest for a while. We can come back later after the shop shuts, okay?"

Blue-eyes blinked guilelessly at him. If Ken hadn't seen the expression hidden in their furthest depths, he might have convinced himself that his earlier impressions were false. But he saw, and in his own awkward way, he attempted to comfort – an arm slung over a shoulder and the reassurance,

"He's okay Omi. He's tougher than he looks, pansy boy that he is. So don't worry about it, okay?"

The younger boy looked down, solemn again, discarding his disguise.

"This time, Ken-kun. What about the next? And the one after that? I don't know if… what if…"

Ken thought about that. Omi had bared a portion of his soul to ask that question. He deserved a well thought out answer.

"I don't know, Omi. I just don't know. I can't say that it'll be easy to go on with that knowledge. But if you think it's worth it… there's nothing more important than the feeling of knowing that you've got someone to come home to. I've got that with you guys and you guys have it with each other. Although the way it's with me and you isn't the way it's with Youji and you obviously. But it's that much nicer for you to go home to him because of that special feeling that's tearing you up inside so much. I don't have that… but I really want it." Ken smile self-consciously at the wondering expression that had entered Omi's upturned face. "What? I think you guys are really cute. It's so obvious that you two love each other… I guess, I want a bit of that for myself…"

Ken quickly turned away after that confession, embarrassed to have revealed so much.

"Ken-kun… you… you…"

"Omi?" Ken looked back to find Omi pointing a shaky finger up at him.

"You… You…"

"Omi? You okay?"

"You… you were actually eloquent! And jealous of us! WAI!" Omi practically squealed. Youji stirred slightly on the bed and Ken started guiltily, hastening Omi towards the door.

"Yeah, well… don't tell anyone, okay? Especially not the walking clothes rack there!"

Omi smirked at him. And said nothing.

"Omi?" Ken prompted.

Omi's grin grew wider and progressively wickeder. "What'll you give me Ken-kun?"

"OMI!" Ken whined, "You're going to blackmail me? Your buddy? Your pal?"

"Yup" Omi shot back smugly.

"Darn!" Ken muttered, "You've obviously spent way too much time with Youji. He's making you scarier and scarier. Next thing I know you'll be wearing crop tops too."

Omi grinned and opened his mouth but Ken hastily held up a hand. "I don't want to know! I really don't!"

A pause. Then,

"So, what do you want out of me?"

"It's simple Ken-kun. I want the rest of the day off to get Youji-kun something special. So you'll manage the flower shop alone for this shift. Deal?" A calculating gleam had begun to appear in those seemingly innocent eyes and Ken gulped, before attempting to wriggle out of the arrangement.

"Aw, come on Omi! You're leaving me to mercy of the fan girl barrage all alone? Do you really hate me that much?!!"

Omi giggled, vastly amused by the expression on Ken's face. "Yup."

Seeing no way out of his current predicament, Ken decided to concede, if somewhat ungraciously.

"Fine then. But keep in mind that I'm cutting you out of my will." Ken sulked, lower lip thrust out in a childish pout.

"Ken-kun… you can't really make a will. You've ceased to exist for the rest of the world, remember?" Omi prodded gently.

"Oh yeah." Ken pondered this development for a while before marching towards the exit, waving his hand behind him, "it's the principle of the thing. Even if I could make a will, which I can't now, I'd leave everything to Youji… and soccer charities."

"Youji-kun would share with me, no sweat. And I don't really think there are any soccer charities." Omi threw back, jogging slightly to keep up with Ken's longer stride.

"Really?" Ken turned large brown eyes on Omi "I guess it's up to me to start one then and leave them all my money in a secret unofficial will that'll come to light only when you open the secret drawer in my desk."

"You don't have a secret drawer in your desk, Ken-kun" Omi stated the obvious.

"Well, I can buy one with the money I'm no longer leaving you, ne?" Ken declared, his fingers up in the victory sign now that he'd circumvented all of Omi's annoying logic. Taking off down the street towards the flower shop, he called out over his shoulder –

"See you round Omi. I'm gonna get while the going's good."

His laughter rang out after him. The small blonde stood on the sidewalk for as long as it took for the running figure to make it out across the sidewalk, a smile lighting up his face. Shaking his head slightly at the stupidity of the previous conversation, he took off in the opposite direction towards the mall to look for something with which to brighten up a bare hospital room.

Author's note: - I live! It has been a while, hasn't it? I wasn't actually planning on updating this story until I'd worked all the kinks out of Ken's second encounter with Aya, but what the heck! I've been swamped with college work, extra-curricular activities, trying to loose the extra weight that the holidays insist on torturing me with and crazy pet care (My cat Lucy seems to have officially entered her sulky teenager stage. Winces.

Anyway, I haven't had the chance to send this to my beta-reader, being that she's not been too well lately and we've both been really busy. So, if anyone sees something that doesn't gel or that should be changed, please don't hesitate to let me know, kay?

Big thanks to all my reviewers!

Rosetears2218 – I love the idea of Ran and Ken bantering as well. I'm sure Ran would be really good at it… and when Youji and Ran get together… well, let's just say I'm really looking forward to that part. The dialogue in this section may not be as well written, possibly because celeste (my beta) didn't have the chance to thump some sense into me and also because it's four in the morning and I've long since run out of tea. Either way you look at it, it's a miracle I was able to get anything out at all.

Stef – I aim to please. You've asked for more and I've provided. Heh heh heh… you should always be careful what you ask me for. You never know what you're gonna get… (Great. Now have 'Forest Gump' running in my head – "Run Forest! Run!")

HeatherR – There isn't much action in this section, but I promise some in the next chapter (whenever I get around to finishing and posting it). I'm so happy that you like 'Bent'. I've been yearning to work on it but can't seem to find myself a song that matches the mood I want to write the chapter in – I normally write the chapter with the featured song on repeat to get a feeling for what I want to put on paper. I'm thinking about two or three songs, but I haven't had the chance to hunt those CDs out yet. Keep your fingers crossed though.

Neko-nya – Nya! Nya! I want to dreenk your blood! Nya! (I yam Dra-cula! Nya!)

iJ3i – Yup. Poor Youji-kun. But his sacrifice was not in vain… as you shall soon see. (Yay! You like my writing! Yay! :squeals with glee and jumps up and down:)

xXLil Yu JahXx – As you ask, so shall you receive. Besides, I aim to please!

Murasaki – Yanagi – I love AU fics, mostly because they let you develop your character so much more than just messing with them. You get to lead your character so far that sometimes they're just barely recognizable (eg. Me happily quoting the contents of this really great Inuyasha story as the truth just cause the development of the characters was so plausible in that sort of setting.) And I totally agree – Ran/Ken forever!

Kage Miko – I actually owe you the most. I had almost forgotten completely about this story, and your review just popped up in my inbox and made me curious. I actually had to re-read my story before I realized which story you were talking about. So thanks for making me get off my duff and do something about it. Don't know what the results are like… but hey! Writing's a process, ne? I'm bound to get better soon…

Big thanks to you all.

As always I try to think of myself as just a little,

Diabolique.