Disclaimer: The following Draco is fanon. He does not exist in J.K. Rowling or our world. Fitting that we'd fall for a fictional character, isn't it?

Reason #3: He looks fetching in fur.

"I will not come out."

"But, Draco, you really do look fetching."

"Hermione, I'm not sure he cares."

"Malfoy, look. We've got twenty something more bloody reasons to get through. I want to be done with it so we can get back to the story where I'm the center of attention. Capice?"

"Weasley, really. What on earth have you been watching? Perverse Fantasies for Redheads Central? Spare us, please."

"That's it, Malfoy. I'm giving you to the count of three, then I'm pulling open the curtain, regardless of whether you're covered in dead animal or not."

"It's faux, Ron."

"Shut up, Harry."

Draco sighs. Rustling is heard behind the curtain. "All right then. Open away."

Hermione and Ron pull back the curtain, simultaneous with mouths dropping agape.

Draco is wearing mink, faux thankfully, stilettos, and heavy red lipstick. He bats his eyelashes, apparently curled.

"You look like a woman," Ron says unnecessarily.

"Really, I don't see why the drag was necessary. But whatever floats the boats of the ladies out there," he smirks and winks. "What ladies?" Ron mutters.

"Well, Draco. You picked out the shoes. I just did the make-up."

"Seriously, Hermione, I'm never letting you watch a cinematic again. Especially with that pirate fellow."

"Johnny Depp!"

"I really don't get girls."

"And besides the obvious, Weasley?"

"All right, Draco, let's move onto the next reason."

"Only until Weasley says I'm pretty."

Ron froths slightly at the moment before attacking Draco.

"Save me! He's maiming me."

"Merlin. It's going to be a long day."

"Harry! Help me get Ron off of him!"

Reason #4: And leather pants.

"Not ANOTHER fetching one!"

"Ron, really, if it helps the writers-"

"I don't care! It's hard enough that I'm participating in this repulsive affair; now I actually have to look at him!"

"Ron. For the good of the play. Come now."

"All right, all right. Come out, Ferretface. Just warn me before you do, so I don't sick all over Harry's trainers."

"Well, this is an improvement. Leather suits my Evil-Debonair-Genius look much better than fur."

Draco steps out with remarkably tight leather pants and well, no shirt. He grins, swiveling his hips at Hermione. "How about it, love?"

Hermione stands admirably firm, thinking about how cute Ron would look without a shirt and black leather.

"Morgan Le Fey! Didn't I tell you to warn me?"

Draco points to an invisible crowd, "This is for all the ladies out there. Any gents too, if that's your fancy. But look and no touch, capice?"

"Holy Staff of Gandalf, make the bad pictures go away!" Ron whimpers. Hermione drools. Harry laughs hysterically. Oh, and Draco swivels some more.

Reason #5: And anything.

"I won't stand for it. No more. I can withstand Cruciatus, but not this!"

"Ron, I'm sure they'll stop doing the fetching get-up soon. I mean, how many more things can they make Draco wear and look good in? Oh wait-"

"I mean it, Hermione! I'm feeling ill. This is worse than the slugs."

"Ha ha. That was very amusing, Weasley. That shade of green complements your flaming hair, actually."

"Soon as you get out here, Malfoy... Unspeakable things will happen."

"All right! That's enough, you two. Can we please move on?"

"Harry Potter, the voice of reason. Well I never."

Harry sighs. "Well, what do you have to wear now, Malfoy?"

"I'm not telling. It's revolting what these people think to put me in. I am a victim of fashion. Really bad fashion."

"Come out, Draco. We must move quickly."

Draco heaves a tremendous sigh before stepping out. His grey eyes are magnified by glasses that resemble Harry's. He blinks at them. "Well, how about it? Am I fetching?"

'Well. Quite, Draco. But isn't that my-"

"Jumper? Why yes, Granger it is. These would be your fuzzy pink slippers then too, I'd imagine?"

"Um, no. Those are Hagrid's."

Draco sneers, "How disgustingly quaint."

"Ron, you can open your eyes now. He has something on top."

"Thanks, mate. I just couldn't stand to- Hey! That's the sweater Mum made me last Christmas!"

"And a tragedy it is. I couldn't even magic the 'R' into a 'D'. I feel violated."

"Take that off quick, Malfoy, before I slug you one!"

"Reminiscing again, Weasley? Oh, and if you insist." Draco starts to inch the sweater up.

"IN THE DRESSING ROOM!" Ron bellows.

"Ron, really. You don't even like those sweaters."

"But they're mine." Ron pouts.

"Maroon doesn't quite fit you anyway, Weasley. Clashes terribly with your hair."

"Malfoy..."

"Yes, Potter?"

"Will you stop provoking him? He's a lot stronger than Hermione and me."

"Oh, right then."

Reason #6: And nothing.

"Oh no, not again. Not this. Anything but this."

Ron faints dead away.

"I think it finally got to him," Hermione says sadly.

"I absolutely refuse to come out."

"Malfoy, come on. Ron's fainted so he won't see. And the writers won't continue till you get your arse out here."

"Transfixed, aren't you, Potter?"

Harry rolls his eyes. "Hardly."

Draco sticks his head out. "Oh. The Weasel missed the best part of the show."

"Thank Merlin."

"Ron never would have survived."

"I'm not sure I will either."

"Can we skip this one, Malfoy? It's really starting to make me nauseous."

"And miss the look on your faces? Not bloody likely."

Then a miracle occurs.

"Hi guys. Dumbledore sent me here to take pictures for the Cauldron Corner. Kind of an update on the theater program. So what's going on right now?"

Harry grins wickedly. "Well, Colin, Malfoy here was just about to come out and model for the next segment of Reasons to Date Draco Malfoy. Click away."

Hermione and Harry reach for the curtain, at which point Draco screams rather shrilly, "Wait a moment, I haven't finished changing for Reason #7!"

Colin looks extremely confused as Hermione and Harry high-five.

A/N: We're not dead! Well, due to the extreme overload in school, we might soon be. But not yet. We have not abandoned HFM or Draco. We will prevail over the evils of academia. Never fear!