Tainted Romance

Chapter IV

'Broken Shards'

A Weiss Kreuz Fanfiction

Part four of seven

Revised

Soft murmurs spilled from the pillow, softly carrying across the darkened room. Night had fallen, and darkness had come, taking away the lingering light that wished to stay. The stars didn't play in the sky, but rather hid in fear behind broken clouds, the moon barely visible in its lonely perch.

Alone, Ken awoke, his eyelids slowly rising to meet darkness in encounter, to a still form in the chair across the room. From the forms features, it looked to be Youji, asleep. Confusion crept through his mind in search of answers.

"Ken" the voice recalled in his mind the searing pain that flooded his body and the gentle touch of slender fingers about him as he hit the floor. The touch that seemed to make it all go away. And the overwhelming darkness that suddenly took him away.

A weary hand slid over his stomach, lightly grazing over the freshly bandaged area.

The blood.

His hand again slid to his forehead, befalling the frigid icepack atop his head, and the heated flesh underneath. The answers coming to him at will. That didn't explain how he'd gotten to his bed though. Had Youji carried him? From the way the bandage looked, Omi must have cared for it. Youji's doctoring skills usually left a patient in shabby shape.

Inhaling in a silent sigh, he struggled. The air about him seemed claustrophobic and old, to stale to breathe; his lungs burned. Ignoring his body's protest to drift back to sleep, Ken rose from the bed, slowly sliding his feet to the end of the bed. Pausing for breath, he pushed himself from the beds edge, pulling a shirt silently over his head from the pile of clean clothes at the foot of his bed.

At Youji's feet, Ken crept silently, plucking the brown leather jacket underfoot and grabbing the shoes close at hand to creep from the room in stealth.

With the silent snores reassurance, he closed the door quietly, slipping into the jacket and shoes before weakly clambering past Aya's door and to the stairs upward.

The feel of overwhelming cold overcame him as he ascended the stairs, pausing to fight the wave of dizziness that threatened every so often. But the cold felt good, inviting almost. Sweeping over him with open arms welcomed, he pushed through The Koneko's rooftop door, letting the cold wash over him like broken waves in mid-spring.

The white soft carpet overlapping the rooftop surprised him, biting against his cheeks as it continued to fall.

Snow.

Walking to the roofs edge, he stared out over the railing. It had been a while since he'd last seen snow like this. Blanketing everything as far as the eye could see, draping delicately over streetlights and trees. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually felt the tiny snow crystals fall across his cheeks, only to melt into tears. It seemed forever ago. When he'd had a home, a home and a family with people he loved and people who loved him.

But that had been taken away, and nothing he could do would bring that back. It had fallen from his fingers in a single moment of the deepest betrayal… But he had another family now. He had Omi, and Youji, and... Aya.

But this family too seemed only at the tip of his fingers, any movement threatening to take what little grasp of a family he had away from him.

The lingering sadness he'd tried to brush away returned in full force once again, setting heavily upon his heart. Sinking to his knee's he turned to lean against the railing for support as he settled to sit down, lowering his head to rest upon the higher rail to gaze into the hidden stars above and the snowy crystals falling to their deaths.

The look in Aya's amethyst eyes that night over took him.

He didn't want this. He couldn't take it anymore. His heart was falling into pieces in another's hands, slowly, painfully shattering into crystal dust to be blown away with the wind. It hurt so much, this aching feeling, this emptiness that threatened to consume him.

But he wasn't able to see the way he looked at him.

He never would. For all the skills Aya had as an assassin, he wasn't able to see. And he wasn't able to tell him, for if he did, what little he had of a family, would surely disappear forever. And he'd once again be alone. Alone in complete and utter darkness.

But this feeling wasn't leaving, it was only growing stronger.

He wished the sleeping darkness would take him again. There, he didn't have to think, he didn't have to feel. That's all he wanted anymore. Maybe if sleep would take him, he could truly be at peace. He wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. He wouldn't have to feel… He could just sleep.

He didn't hear the rooftops door open again, or the sound of footfall crunch into the unbroken snow. He let his mind fall broken in shatters with every emotion he'd been able to hold.

He couldn't hide it, he loved Aya. He loved him in every way imaginable. His heart longed to melt the icy block shrouding Aya so completely. To be the one Aya would turn to if ever needed. For months, he'd stared from afar, afraid to grow to close to the red head, to afraid of being hurt. But the feelings didn't dissipate, instead continued to grow, consuming him. For weeks afterwards, he'd come to the male to help comfort him after every mission, only to be turned away. For weeks he'd offered any helping hand, only to be refused. In subtle hints he'd given to Aya for his feelings, he'd been rejected. And the pain was growing to become too much. He couldn't take much more. He was slowly breaking inside, slowly destroying himself.

"He's not worth it, Ken. He's not worth the pain he's causing you." Youji's words came to mind, the night he'd confronted Ken. He's not worth the pain. Yotan, why does it have to be this way? What is it that isn't enough for him? Why can't I be the one he comes to when he needs someone... I only wanted to be that person Yotan.. Why…

"Ken?" A voice interrupted his thoughts, the sound of breaking footfall becoming apparent. Who's voice his mind asked? His eyes didn't care. He was broken.

"Ken? What are you doing out here"

Aya's voice… Was that worry he could hear? No... Aya didn't worry.

The words seemed almost distant, and far away; the fever must be returning, his head spun. But he didn't care; all thoughts had fallen out of reach from him, lingering within his sight to taunt.

Ken raised his head from the bar it had fallen against, keeping his gaze to the snow-covered floor in which he sat. A hand appeared in his line of vision, brushing under his chocolate strands and against his forehead, "You're still sick Ken, you shouldn't be out here."

Ken batted his hand away weakly, his voice softly spoken in the wind, "I'm fine."

"Quit being such an ass Ken, get up! I don't exactly feel like dragging you back downstairs." The voices owner suddenly registered in his mind, batting away its original theory.

"I'm fine Youji, I don't need a babysitter."

A single slender eyebrow rose, "Like hell you don't. With the kind of stunt you pulled, hell you don't! Ken, why didn't you tell us?" Ken didn't answer, unable to meet the eyes searching for his. Why didn't he tell him what? His hand slid to his abdomen, lying overtop it gently. That he'd been hurt? Why…

To see Aya's endearing eyes? To his ever haunting voice? To the words that would cause him so much pain; the words that would tell of his failure to his team, to Aya. The words that would tell of his weakness; berating him, destroying him.

A soft sigh escaped above him, as Youji slid slender fingers through his unkempt blonde hair. His lit cigarette fell from his mouth, smoke escaping through parted lips as he stomped the cigarette into the tarnished snow. "Ken-"

"Is he angry?"

Youji blinked in confusion, "Aya?" Understanding hitting him at once, his voice softened as he slid to sit down beside the broken brunette "No..." He shook his head sadly.

"Don't lie… You're a horrible liar Yo-tan." Ken's voice broke, and his head fell to Youji's shoulder, seeking comfort in the tall blonde. "I can't do this. I can't do this anymore." Unbidden tears fell freely from behind closed eyes, as the boy sank into oblivion. "I'm so tired Youji. I'm so tired."

Youji's eyes saddened behind darkened glasses, as his arm gently wrapped around the trembling form against him, "Ken…" The lost broken form beside him was so shattered he feared there wasn't a way to reach him, he felt so far gone. Youji desperately searched for a way to bring him back. Bring back the smiling boy so in love with life, so in love with everything life could offer. But the boy only seemed to slip farther away from everything holding him here, any and all words of comfort lost with each fallen snowflake

The unbidden sobs died as the boy slipped into a state of half consciousness and unconsciousness and his surroundings became unclear. Drawing the fragile form closer to him, Youji gently lifted the younger boy into his arms and carried him from the frozen rooftop and into the warmth inside.

Checking the bandages to see the boy hadn't reopened the wound across his abdomen; he pulled the thick layers of blankets atop him and kneeled beside him, brushing the stray strands from the brunette's eyes. "Ken, before … I wasn't lying…Ken.. You should have seen him. He was so lost today. He couldn't think straight, he was so lost without you Ken." Youji's whispered tone fell to the boy he believed to be asleep, and with a sad smile, he rose to leave, leaving the single tear that fell from the brunettes eyes, unnoticed.