Memories – part 2
Authors notes: See part 1
It was a little past midnight when Neil finally pushed open the door to his large apartment. It was a beautiful old place on the upper west side close to the Cloisters as that had been Todd's favourite place in New York to gain inspiration for his poetry.
It was the fourth place that they'd lived in together and Todd had always joked that you could tell how successful a person was by their moves up the property ladder. After graduating college when they were still both struggling they'd lived in a tiny studio in the east village. When Todd published his first book of poetry they moved to a one bedroom place on the lower west side then when Neil got his first part on Broadway they bought a place in Chelsea. Finally when Todd's fifth book came out and Neil got a main part in a long-running show they'd bought this two bedroom place on the upper West Side.
Their favourite place however was Neil's parent's house in New England which Neil had been left by his mother. After he'd abandoned Harvard and gone to Julliard his father had cut him off but when his father had died a few years later his mother had made an effort to get back in touch with him. Although his mother had also died a number of years previously he'd kept the house and he and Todd would spend as many weekends as they could there.
As Neil chucked his keys in the dish by the door and let his coat drop by the door he surveyed the apartment. Todd had been meticulously neat and tidy but Neil was the exact opposite and without Todd's good influence he'd let it go. Half-read books and scripts lay haphazardly around the living room and the coffee table had disappeared under old copies of the New York Times which he kept forgetting to throw out. The Kitchen wasn't much better with unwashed mugs and plates piled high in the sink.
He carefully picked his way through the mess to the kettle and switched it on then inspected the mugs to find one which wasn't too dirty and put the last remaining tea bag in it.
As he made his way back towards to his bedroom he noticed the closed door that had been closed for the two months since Todd's death. It was the door to Todd's study but he didn't dare open it. It was Todd's sanctuary and he couldn't imagine going in there without him but after tonight he needed to be reminded. He'd spent the whole evening listening to people talk about Todd and read his poetry but suddenly he felt like he didn't remember him anymore.
He put his tea down and, taking a deep breath, opened the door.
Suddenly it was like he was in a new world.
It was a lovely room. It was intended to be a second bedroom but they'd converted it into a study shortly after moving in. Although it was Todd's study he had always spent time in here with Todd. Whether he was charging in to yell some good news, sharing excitement with Todd or simply irritating Todd to relieve boredom he'd always felt at home in this room but now to look around it and remember all the good times it made him ache.
It was painted dark green but you could hardly tell as the walls were lined with books. There were hundreds of them. Old ones and new ones; beautiful leather bound ones and ratty old paper backs; famous classics and trashy modern novels. Reading had been Todd's favourite hobby and he'd hoarded everything. The bits of the wall that weren't covered with book shelves were covered with frames. There were some newspaper reviews of his books and some posters from a few shows that Neil had been in but mostly there were photographs which traced them all right from Welton almost to the present day. The rest of the room was taken up by a squashy old sofa bed which was the first thing that they had bought for their first apartment and a huge old desk with a chair behind it.
Neil walked slowly around the desk and sat down. As he did so he was reminded of the painful night 40 years ago when he'd tried to take his own life. He'd sat in his father's study and taken an overdose of whatever he could find lying around the house. Luckily he'd been found and saved but his life had never been the same. The road back had been arduous and without his friends he knew he would never have made it. He remembered his first night back at school. Todd had broken down and admitted he didn't know what he would have done if Neil had gone away and Neil had promised him he never would again.
As he sat there he noticed a book in the middle of the desk. It was Todd's last book of original poetry which was called "Seize the Day". He opened the front of it and read the inscription.
"For Mr. Keating who taught me to seize everyday and for Neil - to me you are everything and without you there would be nothing."
As he read it he wept. He wept until there was nothing left inside him. Since Todd's death he'd felt numb but now suddenly he was released. As he got up and picked up the book he noticed something sticking out of it, obviously being used as a bookmark. He pulled it out. It was a picture of him and Todd which Charlie had taken when they'd graduated Welton. They had their arms around each other and they looked so young and carefree.
Neil folded it and put it in the breast pocket of his shirt. It would always stay there and Todd would always stay next to his heart.
Finished! Any feedback would be most welcome.