Author's note: Thanks for the continued reviews. Updates will continue to be daily because this fic is long finished. It's nice to be able to do that! – Swordy
Til the Clouds Roll By
Part 4 – And Nothing We Do Or Say.
I awake to darkness and presume it's the middle of the night. Then I realise what I already know and wonder how long it will take for me to recall my blindness before a stupid thought like that pops into my head every time I open my eyes. My hand wonders across to the bedside cabinet in between our single beds and, after a little groping, finds the clock, which I assault with my fingers until I have found the right button.
"The time is four fourteen am," the clock informs me in its jerky robotic speech.
Like the sunglasses, the talking clock was another of Quatre's thoughtful gifts.
In the bed across from me, Heero is awake like a shot. He's been trained to sleep so lightly the sound of the clock is like someone shouting into his ear. I feel guilty for waking him but that soon fades as I realise he's slept in his own bed rather than being squashed with me in mine.
"Heero," I say, my voice still thick with sleep despite my wakefulness. "Why aren't you in here with me?"
There's a pause as I hear Heero turning over in his bed. "You needed to rest," he says in his slightly patronising 'Heero Yuy knows best' voice. Then his tone softens and he says, "and I thought you'd fallen out with me."
I think about it and realise he's right. I had fallen out with him and now I've blown my sulk by speaking to him. Damn!
"Yeah well…" I say grumpily pushing my hair off my face, "You never normally take any notice of what I say."
Silence reigns for several moments before my recall of the previous day kicks in and I recognise that I must have slept right through from when I returned from Howard's.
"Hey!" I cry out, "I missed dinner! Why did no one wake me?"
Heero's response indicates that he doesn't see the importance of missing a meal. "Don't worry, I gave you a supplement shot while you were asleep."
That's Heero all over. Food to him is nothing more a collection of essential vitamins and minerals needed to function to his fullest potential.
"Gee thanks," I say, sincerity completely absent from that remark.
Heero ignores that to deliver some news. "Sally rang for you while you were asleep."
I shift in my bed to free my braid from under my back. "What did she want?" I reply, not bothering to disguise my disinterest.
"I don't know," my lover says quietly, "She wanted to speak to you."
I contemplate what the good doctor wants with me. "Probably ringing about my seeing eye dog," I say sarcastically.
"That's not funny, Duo," Heero replies shortly and I can sense his tenseness transmitting through the space between us.
I consider explaining sarcasm to Heero but I decide against it. Instead, I mull over recent events, including Howard's offer. As I weigh up the pros and cons I come to the conclusion that the decision rests with Heero. The next few days will be a test, of his love and loyalty towards me and whether he can maintain his feelings for me now I'm no longer a partner in work as well as play. Firm in my resolve, I decide that there's no time like the present and the test will start now.
"Heero?" I say, undoubting that he is still awake.
"Yes?" comes the sleepy reply.
"Make love to me."
There's silence punctuated only by Heero moving slightly in his bed.
"Now?" he says finally, his response allowing me to let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding.
I roll my eyes. "No, a week next Tuesday! Of course now, you baka."
It feels weird for me to be calling Heero an idiot when that's what he's called me ever since we first met. To my surprise, I hear his bed creak as his weight is removed from it. The next thing I know, he's lifting my covers off and climbing in bed beside me. My heart soars as a strong arm comes around my shoulder and pulls me into a firm embrace. With a gentleness that no one would think possible of the soldier known as Heero Yuy, he strokes my hair away from my forehead and kisses the cool skin beneath. I raise my head to meet his lips and we kiss, slowly and passionately as I bring my hand up to caress his strong chest. After several moments of kissing and touching, Heero shifts slightly so I am underneath him. He's taking the initiative just as he always does, and inwardly I am cheering that he didn't reject me but also cursing that I went to sleep fully clothed.
As if he senses my wish to be as God intended, Heero starts to unbutton my jeans and I raise my hips in anticipation of the struggle that always ensues when trying to remove denims whilst horizontal. Said item of clothing reaches my knees and I giggle as Heero pulls at them like his life depends on it. Finally they drop to the floor and Heero crawls back up my body to continue our frenzied osculation.
"I love you, Heero Yuy," I say as we both come up for air.
Before he can respond the moment is shattered by a firm, insistent knock at the door.
"Heero?" says the voice from outside, which is quite clearly Wufei's.
I allow my head to fall back onto the pillow in resignation. I know exactly where this is leading and I sure as hell don't like it.
"Heero," Wufei says again a little louder this time. "Problems. We need to talk."
"Okay I'm coming," Heero responds before I can beg him to negotiate five more minutes.
We listen as Wufei's footsteps disappear down the hall before Heero untangles himself from me and leaves the warmth of our bed in search of clothes.
"I don't fucking believe it," I say, not caring what Heero thinks of my choice of language. I'm pissed off and frankly I intend to let the world know about it. Although I know it's irrational, I'm pissed off with Wufei aka 'Mr Justice' who has unwittingly just caused the greatest injustice of all.
"I have to go, Duo," Heero says and I'm slightly comforted to hear the apologetic and slightly wistful note in his voice as he leaves me half naked in bed. He comes over and kisses me quickly before he heads for the door and goes to join the others downstairs.
I lie there for several moments cursing at what I see as my utter bad luck. If I didn't know better, I'd say there were forces at work trying to keep me and Heero apart. I'm a firm believer in fate and the notion that 'God works in mysterious ways' but sometimes it's hard not to be angry at what life sends your way. I'd have thought I deserved a bit of happiness after my rather crap start in life but evidently that's not the case. Sister Helen always used to say I would 'get my rewards in Heaven' and I'm damn well hoping she's right since I don't seem to be getting any on earth. Ah, listen to me moaning. Three cheers for self-pity!
Aware that I'm not likely to get back to sleep any time soon, my mind begins to ponder what 'problems' Wufei could have been talking about. With that thought comes the realisation that Wufei had obviously felt that there was no point involving me in the discussion and I start to grow angry. I may be blind but I still have an opinion!
Throwing the covers off, I grope for the jeans that Heero had removed for me and pull them back on with movements that convey my annoyance. I find my way to the door and open it but then I am forced to pause. I've never been downstairs without assistance and that realisation only exacerbates my irritation. I've allowed myself to be treated like an invalid, giving up the independence that has been mine since birth.
"Come on, Duo," I mutter to myself as I begin to feel my way along the wall. Eventually the wall disappears and I tentatively put my foot out, realising that I've found the stairs. Jubilantly I find the handrail and I begin to descend with the confidence of a seeing person. Part way down, I hear the others' voices and curiosity causes me to pause to see if they are talking about me. After listening for a couple of seconds, I realise that they are.
"He's safer with going with Wufei in Shenlong." That was Heero.
"But surely a gundam is more likely to be attacked?" Quatre that time.
"I don't mind taking him on the bike," Trowa interjects.
"But if Oz is close by like Sally thinks then you'll be too vulnerable on the bike," Heero insists. "Having Duo with you will only slow you down further."
Goddamnit Maxwell, why do you listen in to these conversations? I'd be lying if I said it didn't play havoc with my self-esteem. I continue down the stairs, treading heavily so that the others are alerted to my presence. Yeah, I'm gracious enough to give them time to stop talking about me. Wouldn't want them to be embarrassed, would I?
"Duo," Heero says, surprised that I'm here, "you should be resting."
"Yeah, yeah," I reply, waving a hand dismissively as the other appendage remains firmly attached to the banister. "All the excitement kept me awake."
I reach firm ground and allow myself to grin in self-satisfaction. I'm going to carry on and score a perfect ten by finding my way outside to my favourite porch swing on my own. Don't ask me why, but I don't want to turn round and go back up to bed, but I equally don't want to sit down with them.
"Where are you going, Duo?" Quatre asks, sounding slightly nervous. He's not stupid; he knows I'll have heard them talking about me.
"To sit outside," I reply, as if going to sit outside at four o'clock in the morning is the most natural thing in the world.
"But it's raining," Wufei adds.
"So?" I reply, as if going to sit outside in the rain at four o'clock in the morning is similarly okay.
No one stops me so I head on outside. I find the swing and sit down despite the fact that it is colder than I'd anticipated. The air out here is fresh and seems perfect for clearing my head. In the Howard versus Heero contest I've devised in my mind, both have now scored their first points; Heero for not denying me love when I asked and Howard for… well, strictly speaking Howard isn't actually scoring the points, more so the negative actions of Heero and the others are scoring on Howard's behalf and pushing me towards his offer, if that makes any sense. The way they all talked about me like I was a rag doll to be passed around just then was a huge minus for Heero and my so-called friends.
In my solitude, I think I hear a noise above the incessant drumming of the rain. I suspend my ruminations for a moment to listen more carefully and yes! There it is again. I stand slowly and contemplate going back inside to get Heero and the others, but I decide against it. Heero won't take kindly to me interrupting their urgent discussions to tell them I heard a bird or something. So instead, I make the decision to move away from the porch in order to be more certain about what I've heard. I ignore the rain, which instantaneously soaks my clothes and sticks them to my body, and edge around the house, keeping my tread soft so as not to alert whatever it is that is making the noise. My blind stealth is suddenly foiled as my foot makes contact with the gravel that forms the parking area at the side of the house. I freeze, inwardly cursing the homeowner's choice of outdoor surfacing, as I listen for that noise again. Instinct tells me to return to the house but alas, the warning bells have sounded too late as I feel cold steel being pressed into my neck as a voice growls quietly: "don't move or I'll blow your brains out."
I do an instant mental calculation and realise the odds are stacked against me. I could try and fend off this attacker but my chances of being shot, probably fatally, are very high since I have no way of knowing if this person is alone or not.
"Put your hands behind your back. Slowly," the voice insists, punctuating the demand by pushing the gun further into my neck.
Reluctantly and against my tried and tested soldier instinct, I do as he says. Immediately, my wrists are encased in icy metal and I realise my chances of escaping unscathed have slipped another notch. The next time my attacker speaks, I notice the increase in confidence in his voice now that I am shackled.
"Start walking, 02," he demands as he shoves me roughly in the shoulder. I don't intend to antagonise him, but my feet remain still as my lack of sight causes a surge of fear through me. I've barely even registered the fact that my identity is no longer unknown.
"Don't fuck with me, 02," he growls pushing me again and causing me to stumble. I hit the ground hard as I don't have my hands to break my fall and a cry of pain escapes my lips as my shoulder jars. The ease of my apprehending is evidently unnerving my captor who kicks me hard in the stomach to vent his anxiety. Needing to replace the air that has just been booted out of my lungs, I roll over onto my back, coughing and wheezing as the rain pounds my face and melds me with the muddy ground.
"What's wrong with you?" he yells, trying to drag me up and growing more agitated by the second. "Don't you fucking understand what 'walk' means?"
"I'm blind, you moron!" I scream back at him from my position in the dirt, cringing at the mire that is coating my hair and body.
He pulls me upright and prevents me from doubling up in pain, which is my instant reaction. The voice that then floats through the downpour chills me to the bone.
"Is that so?" he says, sounding genuinely pleased. "Well if you're that useless then maybe I should kill you on the spot."
At this proclamation of death I snap, forgetting my pain in an instant. "Go on then!" I yell, partially sobbing as anger consumes me. "Do it! You're right! I am useless, so do me a favour and end my miserable fucking existence!"
The fact that I am still alive five seconds later only enrages me further. If this is what having a death wish is like then boy, have I got it bad. "What part of that don't you understand, you loser?" I scream hoarsely, "I want to die so go on, shoot me!"
Finally a gunshot rings out but there is no pain. I hear a body crumple into the earth and as it lands at my feet, I realise that the end has come, but not for me. Denied the conclusion that I have just begged for, I too hit the ground after my attacker, my tears now coming as thick and fast as the rain.
"Duo!" I hear Quatre shout but he sounds very far away.
Gentle but firm hands pull me into a sitting position and someone frees my hands, presumably using the key that my now lifeless assailant was carrying. Someone else pushes my sodden bangs off my face as I start to struggle, my mind disorientated by this whirlwind of events.
"Easy, Duo," Trowa says as he, Quatre and Wufei try in vain to hold me still but I am not to be placated. "Heero!" he shouts over my anguished sobs as my wild writhing threatens to defeat them, "Come and help us!"
But Heero doesn't come.
Much later, when all these events were nothing more than a distant memory, Quatre would tell me that he, Trowa and Wufei could only watch as Heero lowered his gun, turned and, without a word, went back inside the house, leaving the four of us sprawled on the floor as the rain continued to beat down mercilessly upon us.
Heero had heard every word as I, his lover, pleaded for death from a total stranger and Quatre would later also insist that that was the reason for the presence of a single tear on Heero's pale cheek as he retreated inside the house and away from the madness that was being played out at four am one cold September morning.
TBC…