Chapter 1: Inuyasha?? Drunk?!?
"Hi Mom." Kagome said to her mother after climbing out of the well.
Her mom looked up in slight surprise then turned around, smiled and said, "welcome back home honey. How was the feudal era?"
Kagome shrugged, "Uneventful."
"Uneventful?!" Sota exclaimed as he entered the shrine. "Last time you left you were yelling about Inuyasha and the others being in grave danger!"
"Oh yeah," Kagome realized. "Well we defeated the demon attacking the village, it turned out it had some jewel shards. Inuyasha had to use the Backlash Wave to defeat it." Kagome's mom's face looked dumbfounded, "The Backlash what?"
"Oh sorry mom I forgot to tell you." Kagome then went into the long ordeal of telling her mom when her mother interrupted her.
"So when are you going back?"
"Oh that would be tomorrow so I can eat some of your great food and stock up on supplies. They're not expecting me anytime soon so I might go to school and catch up a bit," Kagome explained.
Kagome's mom said, "whatever makes you happy dear."
Kagome stretched and yawned, "thanks mom, I think I'll go and take a shower and have a nap, see you later mom."
"Bye honey, have a nice nap."
Kagome bounded up the stairs into her room, "ahhh, it's good to be back." She went to her dresser and got a pair of sleeping pants with bunnies on them and a long sleeved shirt that had Sango on it slapping Miroku with Shippo in the background saying "Stupid Monk." She took her shower and went back to her room after getting dressed. She lay back on her bed, her hair fanning out on the pillow in midnight black waves. She gathered up some hair smelling it. "This is what my hair's supposed to smell like, not like Inuyasha's feet!" She set her alarm and went to sleep.
While Kagome was sleeping, Sota snuck in her room and put a bottle of Jack Daniel's in her bag for reasons unknown to me.
Kagome woke up the next morning and went to school. After a boring day of confusion and listening to her friends babble on about how she should dump her "bad boy boyfriend" and go after Hojo, she came back home only to find Sota trying to teach Inuyasha how to play "Go Fish."
"Inuyasha, what are you doing here?" Kagome asked after she set her stuff down.
"I came back to get you and since you weren't here I got stuck playing crads with your little brother."
"Crads?"
"Crads," Inuyasha held up the cards in his hand.
"Inuyasha, its cards. Not crads."
"So?" he protested.
Kagome rolled her eyes and walked off to her room. Inuyasha followed.
'Stalker' Kagome thought.
"When are you coming back Kagome?"
"What do you mean Inuyasha? I just got here yesterday."
"So? That's plenty time to gather supplies and be back."
"I'm not just gathering supplies. I'm going to school too." Kagome, in truth had actually planned to come home after she had gotten home from school, but right now she was trying to bug Inuyasha.
"But... I need you." Inuyasha complained.
"You need me?" Kagome asked, genuinely shocked.
"Yeah, to help me find the jewel shards."
"Ohhhh, WRONG ANSWER!!" Kagome yelled.
"What did I say?" Inuyasha asked.
Kagome pushed him out of her room slammed the door and yelled, "Go home Inuyasha!"
'Oh so she switches it from (I'm going home!) to (Go home!) very sneaky of her' "No wench, just try to make me!"
"Sit Boy!" Kagome screamed through the door.
"No Kagome, pleaooof!" Inuyasha's face made a permanent impression on the carpet.
Sota ran up the stairs only to find Inuyasha on the floor growling and Kagome above him smiling and saying evilly "You asked for it."
"I did not you wench!"
"Sit Boy!" Inuyasha went crashing back down just as soon as he had gotten up.
Inuyasha grumbled something inaudible into the floor. However, Kagome still understood what he said.
"Sit-"
"No wait, Kagome!" Inuyasha jumped up and covered her mouth just in time.
"Phew." Inuyasha sighed.
Kagome pushed Inuyasha back, but before he could hit the wall, yelled "Sit Boy!!"
Inuyasha had finally learned his lesson and said nothing. He just stayed there in case she decided to do it again.
"Good boy," Kagome said. "Would you like a doggie treat?"
It was all Inuyasha could do not to rise to her challenge.
Kagome turned around and began to close the door to her room.
"Kagome, wait!" Inuyasha yelled as he got up.
"Sit." She finished shutting the door.
An hour and a half later, Inuyasha was still sitting in front of Kagome's bedroom door waiting for her to come out. He finally got fed up with waiting for her and opened her bedroom door. She wasn't in there. Inuyasha went downstairs to look for her, but found her mom instead.
"Oh hello Inuyasha," she greeted him. "What might you be looking for?"
"Kagome. Have you seen her?"
"Hmmm... I think she left for the feudal era about half hour ago."
"Thanks," Inuyasha said with his teeth gritted and a vein popping out of his forehead.
"Oh, by the way Inuyasha. You wouldn't happen to have seen a bottle of Jack Daniel's anywhere would you?"
Sota had just begun entering the room. When he heard this he turned around and walked off unnoticed.
"Jack Daniel's?" Inuyasha wondered, "who's that?"
"Never mind, go get Kagome back and good luck in the feudal era." Kagome's mom said.
"Thanks, bye Kagome's mom," ' oh if only I could get my hands on Kagome without her threatening me with the "s" word.' Inuyasha growled, stomped his foot and jumped back to the shrine. He hopped into the well, jumped back out after he crossed over and traveled to Kaede's hut.
He noticed Sango out front with Kirara. "Hey Sango, hey Kirara," Sango yelled a greeting and Kirara just meowed, 'close enough of a greeting to me' Inuyasha thought.
Miroku came from around the side of the hut and said, "I wouldn't suggest you go inside yet for Kagome is unpacking and is quite upset by a certain thing she found. So advice for the people or demons of a healthy mind, don't go in there."
"Well the wench will just have to put up with me, for she ditched me while coming back. I have a few select things I would like to talk to her about."
Miroku shrugged and said, "It's your life."
Inuyasha walked into the hut just after Kagome shoved back in her bag the bottle of Jack Daniel's growling out "Sota you brat, just wait until I get back home!"
Somewhere back in normal Japan, Sota felt a shiver of foreboding travel through him.
Back in the feudal era Inuyasha yelled "Hey Kags, what's up with you ditchin me back there?"
Kagome raised a cool eyebrow, "what did you just call me?"
"Uh... Kags?" Kagome leaned forward and said "Kags is not my name, it is Ka-go-me. Kagome, you got it?"
"Uh... yes ma'am Ka-Kagome." Inuyasha stuttered out shuddering.
"Oh yeah, your mom wanted me to ask if you knew where Jack Daniel's was." Kagome jumped as if Miroku had goosed her.
"No, no I don't."
'Whew that was close, if Inuyasha knew it was a drink I'd be in biiig trouble.' Kagome walked over to her bag, brought out some goodies for everyone and handed them out as everyone came in due to her yelling for them.
"Candy!" Shippo exclaimed. "Mmmm. Coke is that right?" Miroku asked. "Oh yes, was this what you call Dr. Pepper?" Sango asked. Inuyasha just munched on his chips.
Kagome sat back and sighed. 'I think I need that hot spring out back very much right now.' She picked up a towel and went outside only to find Inuyasha following her again, ' as I thought before, major time stalker, sheesh.'
"Can't I go and relax at the Hot Springs without you following me to only oogle my goodies?"
Inuyasha blushed scarlet and snapped back, "I didn't know and you don't have anything TO OOGLE." 'Yeah she does but that's not the important thing here' Inuyasha thought angrily.
"WHAT?!?" Kagome fumed, "SIT BOY!!!" She stomped away, looked back and saw Inuyasha spitting grass out of his mouth and stomping after her only to realize what would happen and just turning around to stomp back into the hut.
Kagome continued her trek to the hot spring. As she slipped into the water she almost had a heart attack as Inuyasha ran through the trees yelling for Shippo to stop.
Shippo, stripping off his clothes as he ran, jumped through the air and dived into the water. Inuyasha ended up in Kagome's lap after he tripped over a rock. He immediately jumped up turning the color of his clothes.
Kagome, so red that you could almost see smoke rising from the heat, dived under water and swam to the other side of the spring and his behind Shippo.
"Yeah, right! Like that little twerp is enough to cover you!" Inuyasha yelled across the hot spring.
Kagome almost told him to sit but decided that giving him the opportunity to go underwater right then wasn't a good idea. Instead she screamed, "thought I didn't have anything!"
"Yeah! Well..." Inuyasha couldn't think of a good comeback so he let it go and left.
"Why does Inuyasha always throw a fit whenever I want to get in the hot spring with you Kagome?" Shippo asked innocently.
Kagome smiled a maternal smile and said, "you'll find out someday."
Meanwhile, Inuyasha got back to the hut and began thinking about Jack Daniel's. He thought Kagome was a little jumpy about something in her bag and decided to have a look.
He opened the bag and in the bottom of the bag he found a bottle. "This says Jack Daniel's." Inuyasha said out loud. He took off the cap and smelled it.
It was a scent he'd never smelled before. He decided it couldn't hurt to take a small drink.
"Mmm. That is pretty nasty but it gives me a Great feeling. It couldn't hurt to have another."
And another.
And another.
And another.
Before he realized it he had drunk half of the bottle.
Meanwhile...
Kagome had gotten out of the hot spring and had just finished getting dressed when Koga showed up.
"Hey Kagome."
"Oh, hey Koga. What are you doing here?"
"Things have been quiet with the demons for a while so I figured I'd drop by."
"Oh, okay. Me and Shippo were just about to head back to the village."
They got back to the village just in time to see Inuyasha stumble out of Kaede's hut and fall on his back.
Kagome ran ahead of the others and crouched over Inuyasha.
"Inuyasha what's wrong?"
Inuyasha opened his eyes, saw Kagome and said "Hey there beautiful," with the look of a lecher.
Before Kagome had the chance to do anything, Koga began beating him yelling, "what the hell did you just say to my Kagome?"
"Hey there beautiful," Inuyasha repeated unfazed.
Koga was about to pound his face in when Kagome yelled at him to stop. She ran into Kaede's hut and saw the half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel's laying on the ground. "Uh-oh."
Kagome came out of the hut with the bottle in her hand.
"What's that?" Koga asked.
"Jack Daniel's," Inuyasha said dreamily.
"Huh?"
"It's a very strong drink. It'll make you loopy," Kagome said.
Inuyasha began chanting, "Loopy, loopy, loopy."
"I see," Koga said. "Kagome, may I see that?"
Kagome handed him the bottle. Koga sniffed it. "Other than the mutt's smell all over it, it doesn't smell bad."
Inuyasha noticed the bottle and said, "drink it wolf boy. Drink it! It's good. It gives you wings!" Inuyasha threw his hands up in the air and started running around.
While Kagome was running around trying to catch Inuyasha, Koga drank the remainder of the bottle.
Suddenly he realized what Inuyasha was talking about. 'Inuyasha, he's not really that bad a guy.' Koga thought to himself.
Kagome looked over at Koga to ask him for help then noticed the empty bottle in his hands.
"Yay," Kagome said with mock joy.
Koga went over to Inuyasha. They hugged each other then had the brilliant idea of playing hopscotch.
'Well,' Kagome thought. 'As long as they're acting like little kids I guess all I have to do is watch over them. Great so now I'm babysitting guys older than me. Alas, the irony gods must hate me.'
Sango came out of the nearby forest with Kirara and came over next to Kagome.
"What are they doing?" Sango asked puzzled.
"Being drunks." Kagome complained.
"How'd they get drunk?"
"They found Jack Daniel's in my bag."
"Who's Jack Daniel's?"
"It's a drink, a verrrry strong drink."
"Oh"
Ten minutes after they got bored with hopscotch, Inuyasha discovered something: his hair.
"Wow," he said. "I have pretty hair. Where did I get it? Kagome, where did I get my hair?"
"You were born with it." Kagome sighed.
"Gee. You're smart. How old am I?"
Kagome realized for the first time that she didn't know Inuyasha's age. "I don't know."
"And I thought you were smart."
Kagome huffed and stomped into Kaede's hut. "Hey Kaede, how old is Inuyasha?" Kagome thought inwardly 'how old is Koga?'
Kaede looked up from what she was working on and replied, "well as I believe, Inuyasha to my mind was 18 when he met Kikyo, so I would think he was 68 by now. But don't ye take my word, for demons age slowly, so he could be much older. Follow your own mind Kagome."
Kagome mused 'well Inuyasha acts quite adolescent so I will go with Kaede's answer, if only I could know Koga's now.'
She walked outside only to find Inuyasha trying, unsuccessfully I might add, but trying nonetheless to braid Koga's ponytail while Koga tried to form Inuyasha's hair into a ponytail. It was all a huge jumbled mess. Finally they both fell down after Koga tripped over Inuyasha's foot while holding his hair which caused them to both fall down into a drunken mess.
For some odd reason, after having a huge clump of both their hairs ripped out, they started laughing hysterically and yelling for Kagome to come over.
When she didn't opt to come over, they started singing some mumbo jumbo of slurred words and too high music keys. But they seemed to be having a good time of it.
"Kagome," Miroku asked as he approached. "They are singing about creatures called (Umpa Lumpa's). Why?"
"Because they're drunk, Wait! How would they know the Umpa Lumpa song?! They've never seen nor heard of Willie Wonka!"
"Drunkenness can do strange things to a man. Not that I would know, I've just heard.
"Sure, Miroku."
Suddenly, Koga and Inuyasha stopped singing and looked at each other. They spoke privately to each other for a few seconds. They then ran at Kagome and picked her up. They ran to the edge of the lake, Koga with Kagome's arms while Inuyasha taking her feet. They swung her back and forth yelling "1...2...3!" At three, they flung her into the lake despite her screaming.
Kagome came up from underwater and glared at the pair of drunks with her left eye twitching uncontrollably, "you two... will... DIE!!!" Even in their drunken state, Koga and Inuyasha hid behind Kirara, unaware that Kirara got up and jumped to Sango's shoulder. They both tried their hardest to be invisible as Kagome slowly walked towards them.
"Time for the number one death of today." She dropkicked Koga while at the same time yelling for Inuyasha to sit!
They both tried to run away but even Koga's jewel shards in his legs with Inuyasha on his back didn't make them fast enough. With her continually yelling sit boy, she wounded two birds with one stone. They didn't stand a chance, they knew, even in a drunken state, that they were going to die.
Finally as Kagome caught up, Inuyasha already had a black eye, bloody nose, and his lip was beginning to bleed. He stood no chance whatsoever.
Koga on the other hand was seeing little birdies as his eyes swirled.
Kagome, even though they were wounded, promptly started kicking, stomping, pulling hair, slapping, and punching them. All the way until they had bumps on their bumps.
Still, she wasn't quite satisfied, she needed to truly vent her anger. Sit just wasn't enough. From behind the drunks, a huge boulder was lifted into the air, Kagome had realized her true power: levitation. She moved the boulder above their heads and dropped it on top of them to her extreme satisfaction and to their extreme torture.
"Aaaaahhhh!!!" Inuyasha and Koga muffle screamed in pain. Kagome stormed off in anger, leaving the duo to get the rock off of themselves.
"I think we should leave her alone," Koga stated.
"Yeah, she'll end up yelling, "I'm going home!" Inuyasha mocked Kagome's voice. They both fell down in fits of laughter. They walked back to the village and immediately found something to do: pester Kaede.
"Who are you?" they questioned.
"Ye know me," she replied.
"No, I don't."
"Ye mean ye don't know who I am?"
"Yeah." They replied.
"I am the Lady Kaede."
"Yeah? Well I am Lord Inuyasha! Leader of the half-demons and the guy that gets totally and helplessly confused when looking at Kagome's math homework!"
"Ha! I am Koga, Leader of the wolf-demon tribe! No woman has any chance against my charms!"
"My intro was longer," Inuyasha bragged.
"Was not!"
"Was too! Look above. My paragraph was longer!"
"So? Mine was still better. You just bore everyone with your stupid intros."
"Hmmm... you're right. How's this? I am Lord Inuyasha! I stand for love and justice! In the name of half-demons, I will punish you! Bwahahahahahaha!"
"Much better." Koga complimented.
Inuyasha squealed with joy.
Sango walked up to them and told them they were being way too loud and needed to calm down.
Koga muttered to Inuyasha, "her intro is worse than your first one."
Inuyasha giggled and told Sango, "We just wanna have fun."
Koga started singing, "Oh girls just wanna have fu'un!"
Sango looked disgusted and left them singing. They began walk dancing while they were singing. They came to a hill with a bunch of gofer holes. They gofers would randomly pop their heads out in curiosity.
"Heeey!" Koga yelled, "Let's play whack-a-mole!"
As they commenced with the game, they exhausted themselves until they couldn't stand and whacked the moles while sitting.
After all they had done while drunk, running around, playing hopscotch, playing with each others hair, throwing Kagome into the lake, not to mention her beating the crap out of them, and crushing them with a rock. Then of all things they played whack-a-mole. After all of this they promptly passed out from exhaustion.