All That and a Bag of Hot Sauce
By White Oleander
I don't own:
Harry Potter
MADTV
Clerks
Queer
This Love
Zoolander
Spiderwebs
Fell In Love With A Boy
Feeling This
Cornflakes
The Fun Song
Pina Coladas
The Zephyr Song
The Arizona Diamondbacks
The Phoenix Coyotes
Summery: Uhhhhhhhh... like ya know, whatever
Thank you to my lovely beta, Robyn
Double Points if you can spot the Series of Unfortunate Events reference!
To be awesome, I'm listing all the characters I use and if I made 'um up I'll say who they're based off of.
They are:
Ron Weasly
Harry Potter
Chynna Hopeless-your lovely author
Draco Malfoy
Luna Lovegood
Maria Heart- my lovely beta
Sia Bakkura- Just a crazy chick my beta and I know
John Barton – A total Idiot Asshole who I have a Love/Hate thing with
Oliver Wood
Hermione Granger
Ok like one day, every one was like at total boredom in the Gryffindor common room (for whatever reason, Draco and Luna were there)
Ron: Ra, like let's go raise some hell!
Harry: How could we raise hell here? I mean uhhhhh.... FISHSTICKS!!!!!
Entire common room: stares at Harry for yelling odd things
Chynna: Yes, Fishsticks indeed... laughs feverishly
Ron: Whatever, I'm gunna go beat the crap out of Colin Creevy.
Draco and Luna in perfect unison: sighs dreamily, giggles, and bats eyelashes I lurve it when you say manly things like that. sighs again
Maria: Gigglemonkey! Did Draco just sigh dreamedly and giggle?
Sia: HA HA!! Draco's queer! throws popcorn at Draco
Chynna, Sia, Maria, Random Gryffindor girls 1 & 23: The queerest of the queer, the strangest of the strange, the coldest of the cool, the lamest of the lame...
Harry: Dig dat crazy beat!
Draco: Did you just like totally say "dig dat crazy beat" last I checked it was 2004 not the early 60s.
Ron: Shut the fuck up and let's go beat up some Creevys!
Just then a total idiot asshole by the name of John Barton walks in.
Johnny B: Where's Hermione? I haven't seen my pretend girlfriend for days!
Sia: I heard she killed herself after finding out Emma Watson was going to play her.
John: Wah! breaks out in girly tears
Luna: Like man dude she was like kidding. The slut was makin' with Oliver Wood last I saw.
John: sniffles OK!!!! I forgive her!! I mean, who couldn't resist Oliver Wood?
Oliver Wood: I know I couldn't!
Ron: Girly Man!!! beats the shit out of Johnny B
Hermione: swoons my hero! starts makin' with Ron
Harry: shivers I'm going to pretend I didn't see that.
Chynna: Giggleferret! Harry's grossed out by his best friends snogging! throws popcorn at the boy who lived
Maria: Would people still call him the boy who lived when he dies or if he's like 80?
Draco: Don't let the llamas get me!!! I'm too xylophone to die!!
Harry: I'll save you my Draky-kins! Chynna: HA HA!! Harry's queer! throws popcorn at Harry
Chynna, Sia, Maria, Random Gryffindor girls 1 & 23: The queerest of the queer, the strangest of the strange, the coldest of the cool, the lamest of the lame...
Luna: How can one be xylophone? I mean isn't that a noun?
Oliver Wood: Nice one Capitan Obvious! You've saved the day!
Sia: Spongemonkeys!
Hermione: Aw, screw you and your little dog too.
Maria: Screw off! throws popcorn at Hermione Where are we getting all this popcorn?
Chynna: Wouldn't you like to know?
Luna: What the hell happened to John and Ron?
John: moans in distance oh Ronnnnnnnnn!!!!
Chynna: You'd rather not know.
Maria: HA HA!! John and Ron are queer! throws popcorn at John and Ron
Chynna, Sia, Maria, Random Gryffindor girls 1 & 23: The queerest of the queer, the strangest of the strange, the coldest of the cool, the lamest of the lame...
Oliver: I got no regrets right now!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: The air is so cold and low!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Let me go in her room!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: I wanna take off her clothes!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Show me the way to bed!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Show me the way you move!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Fuck it it's such a blur!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: I love all the things you do!
Random Gryffindor boys 3 and 13: Faith fell short this time smile fades in the summer place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna!
Oliver: Where do we go from here, Turn all the lights down now, Smilin' from ear to ear!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Our breathing has got too loud!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Show me the bedroom floor!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Show me the Bathroom mirror!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: We're taking this way too slow!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Oliver: Take me away from here!
Luna: I'm Feeling this!
Random Gryffindor boys 3 and 13: Faith fell short this time smile fades in the summer place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna!
Oliver: Faith fell short this time smile fades in the summer place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna!
Random Gryffindor boy 3: this place was never the same again after you came and went how can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone on the street with a cigarette on the first night we met!?
Random Gryffindor boy 13: Look to the past and remember and smile and maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile I'm not in this scene I think I'm falling asleep But all that means is I'll always be dreaming of you!
Random Gryffindor boys 3 and 13: Faith fell short this time smile fades in the summer place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna! Faith fell short this time smile fades in the summer place your hand in mine I'll leave when I wanna!
Oliver and Luna: Are we alone do you feel it so lost and disillusioned?!
Sia: (sarcastically) that was fun.
Chynna: Whoa! I didn't know you guys were blink-182!
Maria: It's called a cover.
Chynna: Oh, how come they can finish their song but we can't?
Luna: 'Cause we don't suck
Draco: Corn muffins!
Harry: Frog.
Draco: Corn muffins!
Harry: Frog.
Draco: Corn muffins!
Harry: Frog.
Draco: Corn muffins!
Harry: Frog.
Draco: Corn muffins!
Harry: Frog.
Sia: monkey sauce!
Hermione: Go to hell.
Maria: Yes! Road trip!
Chynna: F is for Fire, burn down the town! U is for Uranium bomb! N is for No Survivors!
Ron: girly scream there are bees in my hair!
John: Now who's the girly man beats shit out of Ron
Sia, Maria and Chynna: Dashing threw the snow, on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go, bashing into trees! The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead; I woke up in the hospital with splinters in my head!
Hermione: Go Sia, go Maria, go Chynna does little dance
Sia, Maria and Chynna: Shut up! throws anchovies at Hermione
Harry: (to the batman theme song) na na na na na na na na... FISHGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Draco:wearing tin foil hat Aliens are hiding in my trees!
Chynna:also wearing a tin foil hat you too?
Maria: wearing a tin foil hat as well I am now Capt. Tinny!! Capt. Tinny is my name and you shall call me Capt. Tinny and I will respond to Capt. Tinny and only Capt. Tinny!!!!! Capt. Tinny! Capt. Tinny! Capt. Tinny! Capt. Tinny! Capt. Tinny!
Chynna: Whatever.
Capt. Tinny: la la la la la la la Tinny Tinny Tinny Tinny Tinny Tinny Tinny Tinny!!!!!!
Sia: throw a monkey wrench in the works!!!
Hermione: Do you Like Pena Coladas?
Ok now-ish, everybody was sick of the common room, so they were like chillin' on the roof.
Chynna: on a mad sugar high Whoa! Like, man dude I can like totally see my fuckin' dwelling from here!
Harry: wearing huge sunglasses and eating a lollipop You tell untruths! sucks on lollipop all flirty and crap
The Ronical!: I peed in the kitchen!
Maria: that's nice.
Draco:giggles madly for no apparent reason
Sia: This place is full of savages! Savages I say!
Draco: Damn Straight!!!!!!
Hermione: This Love has its toll on me he said goodbye too many times before and his heart is breakin' in front of me, and I have no choice 'cause I can't say goodbye any more...
Chynna, Sia, and Maria: Shut up! throws corndogs at Hermione
Oliver: Earth to Hermione! Who the hell are you yo-yoing for?
Sia: Earth to Oliver! It's a fucking song!
Oliver: Earth to Sia! I was joking!
Sia: Earth to Oliver! I knew it was a joke!
Oliver: Earth to Sia! When you said "Earth to Oliver! It's a fucking song!" you made it sound like it wasn't a joke!
Sia: Earth to Oliver! I...
John B: Earth to y'all! What's with all the Earth to's?
Sia: Earth to John! It's not like the earth is really calling you, but wouldn't that be awesome?
Chynna and Maria: Shut up! throws corndogs at Sia, Oliver, and John
Draco: The Penguins are coming to slowly steal my sanity! Harry: The Clowns are coming to get me! The Clowns are coming to get me! The Clowns are coming to get me! The Clowns are coming to get me! The Clowns are coming to get me! The Clowns are coming to get me!
Ronnikins: I'll save you my Harry-Berry!
Chynna, Sia, and Maria: giggles Ron's still queer! throws corndogs at Ron
Hermione: Santa is a slave driver! Poor elves, hell, I don't think they're even elves, obviously dwarfs! Forcing the poor dwarfs to build toys in factories simply make children happy! So vindictive...
Harry: Remind me why I care.
Maria: La la la la tra la swooooooooosh! De dededededede lalalalalalalaalala ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo khakis!
Sia: Yeah! Queens of awesomeness wooo!
Chynna: And I thought flying monkeys wore cherry tube tops.
Draco: Didn't we all?
R-r-r-r-r-r-r-Ron!: AHHHHH! FREAK ON THE ROOF!!!!!!!!!!!
Luna: Ya don't pronounce.
Charlee: Liberate the spongemonkeys!!!! They shall not liberate themselves!!!!
Oliver: using dental floss between toes Squeaky hygienic!
Hermione:stares into legroom
John: Woo! Anybody home?
Hermione: in automated tone sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking in the spiderwebs, leave a message and I'll call you back, unlikely story, but leave a message and I'll call you back, and it's all your fault, I screen my phone calls, no matter who calls, I godda screen my phone calls beep
Draco: Jeeze, Who peed in your Cornflakes?
Luna: waves colossal foam finger in the air GO D – BACKS!!!!!!
Chynna: You don't watch baseball!
Luna: still waving finger GO 'YODIES!!!!!!
Sia: Much Better.
Charlee: jumps onto John's back Fell in love with a boy!
John: That's nice but... I don't like you that way...
Sia: Who said she was talking about you?
Charlee: kisses Draco
Hermione: lucky Bitch...
Chynna: throws newspaper at Sia
Sia: reads all dramatically Mamma dog wins lottery!
Maria: Foolish Mortals, I'll kill you all unless I can pet your cat Ms. H!!!!
Hermione: one minute! eats a corndog moments before being thrown into a pool OK!! Thrown in to pool
Ms. McMeow-Meow: is cat
Maria: is handed Ms. McMeow-Meow AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! IT'S A REAL LIVE KITTEN-CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SHALL DESTROY US ALL!!!!!!!
Charlee: Ummm...Ok Ms. McMeow-Meow:meows all innocently YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Fly away on my zephyr, I feel it more than ever, and in this perfect weather we'll fly away together...
Draco: You have a zephyr? Tubular!
Will Maria really go on a road trip to hell? Is it a real live kitten-cat?? Is blue really a color? Will Clay Akien admit he's gay? Frogs or corn muffins? Pizza or polka dots? Santa!! Find out next time on Elmo's World!!
REVEW OR MS McMEOW-MEOW GETS IT!!! Ms. McMeow-Meow: meows all scared and crap