Chapter 2

Summer Loving

A few months later, around the Summer Solstice, Cassius got Remus into his bed, under the pretense of needing him there in order to sleep better. It was the first time that they had gotten together during the week and Cassius had to go to auror training the next day so they were going to bed early.

"You'll really sleep better if I'm in here?" Remus asked suspiciously as he wiggled down under the covers. He was wearing pajamas but he still felt self-conscious.

"Well, remember a couple weeks ago when you spent the night." Cassius closed the door and started to walk towards the bed. He was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt that clung to his chest, showing off his muscles.

"In the guest bedroom." Remus reminded him quickly. They'd had a little too much fire whiskey and Cassius had persuaded him to spend the night.

"Yes, I know, but I slept better than I have in years. So I thought if you were actually in my bed." Cassius looked innocently at Remus. "I'd be able to sleep even better."

"We're not doing anything except sleeping." Remus said sternly.

"Right." Cassius nodded as he placed his wand on the nightstand. He'd insisted that Remus sleep on the far side of the bed. 

"Because I'm a werewolf."

"Are you really?  I know my memory can be bad and all, but honestly, Remus, do you think you have to remind me daily of that fact?" Cassius looked offended.

"Well, I just - it's important because werewolves mate for life and so sex isn't something to be taken lightly and so we're not doing it." Remus knew he sounded ridiculous, he'd said the same thing so often, he knew Cassius had it memorized, in spite of his bad memory.

"Again, all things I have heard before. And all we're doing is sleeping." Cassius arched his eyebrow at Remus. "Unless you find me irresistible and are worrying about being able to keep your hands off me." His hand stroked slowly down his own chest.

Remus' face turned pink, he had, actually, thought about that when Cassius had first brought up the idea of them sharing a bed. 

"Really, Remus Lupin! I'm shocked." Cassius was grinning.

"I.I'm going to sleep." Remus turned over and faced the wall. He heard Cassius laugh as he got into bed.

"So does this mean no spooning?"

"No! No spooning!" Remus yelled.

"But I'm cold." Cassius whined.

"Well, if you're cold." Remus started to waver, then he realized Cassius was teasing him, Cassius was never cold. "Get another blanket." Cassius laughed.

Remus couldn't remember falling asleep but he woke up to the feel of strong arms surrounding him and a long muscular leg laying over his hip and down his leg.  He could feel Cassius breathing on his neck, and if he concentrated, he could feel Cassius' heart beating. He felt warm and safe.and loved.  He slowly moved his hand and stroked Cassius' forearm as it lay across his chest. After a few moments, he felt Cassius move, his neck was being kissed. He tilted his head to allow Cassius more access.

"I said no spooning." Remus said softly.

"You moved, I didn't" Cassius replied in between kisses. Remus looked and noticed that he was not in the place he had started on the bed, he was definitely on Cassius' side of the bed. "At first, I thought some sort of ice monster was attacking me -  but it was only you.  Honestly.I think I have frostbite on my legs because your feet were so cold."

"Oh." Remus often felt cold, especially in the weeks around the full moon, which happened to be three days away.

"I'm not complaining.much." Cassius murmured against his throat. "Could I kiss you some more if I swear not to have sex with you?" His tongue traced a path across Remus' jaw.

"Uh huh." Remus grunted as Cassius' hand slid down his stomach.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes." Remus sighed. Suddenly Cassius moved and Remus found himself flat on his back with Cassius on top of him. Cassius' mouth crashed down on his in a wet, demanding kiss. His hands unbuttoned Remus' shirt and he pulled away enough to lift up Remus to remove the shirt completely, not breaking the kiss. Remus felt a moment's alarm, he had scars all over from his transformations and from the original bite. He didn't stay alarmed for long, it was hard to because Cassius was a very good kisser - Remus wondered who those other six males had been, maybe he'd have to thank them for letting Cassius get so much practice. Cassius tilted his head the other way and deepened the kiss. Remus felt a wave of arousal sweep over him and he glided his hands up Cassius' arms, rocking his hips against Cassius'. Cassius moaned in response. He moved his hands down Cassius' back and then under his shirt, he needed to feel Cassius' skin. He slid his hands up Cassius' back towards his shoulder blades, and suddenly, through the fog of desire, he noticed thin bumps under his fingers.  He jerked his head away from Cassius'.

"What happened to your back?" He asked with alarm, looking at Cassius, as his fingers skimmed over the raised horizontal and diagonal lines that crossed Cassius' back. He watched as Cassius' eyes went dead. He flung himself off Remus, landing on his back next to him.

"Nothing." His voice was cold.

"It's not nothing. Tell me, please." Remus pleaded.

"It's..they're nothing." Cassius moved swiftly to the far side of the bed, and put his back against the wall. Remus suddenly felt very cold without Cassius right next to him.

"You felt my scars. Why don't I get to feel yours?" Cassius didn't answer, but Remus could see the gleam of his eyes in the dark. "Cassius?"

"Because your scars aren't your fault." The answer came in a hoarse whisper.

"What?"

Cassius didn't answer.

"You're one of only three people I've let see my scars, other than my parents, and Madam Pomfrey at school." Remus said slowly, moving closer to Cassius.  He reached out until he found Cassius' hand. "This one is from where the werewolf bit me." He moved Cassius' fingers down his ribcage to the bite mark the werewolf had left. It had bit him on the side, lunging at him from out of the woods. He'd never seen it coming. "This one is from my first transformation." He moved Cassius' fingers towards a long scar on his arm. "This one is from another transformation, I don't remember what number, but it was an early one." Cassius' fingers were moved to a diagonal scar that went from one side of his chest to the other. "This one."

"My father beat me."  Cassius hissed.

"He beat you?" For a moment, Remus couldn't comprehend what Cassius had said.

"That's what I said, Remus." There was anger in the voice now, which, in Remus' opinion, was better than no emotion at all.

"Why?"

"Why did I say it?  Or why did he do it?" The questions were snarled at him.

"Why did he do it?" Remus moved slowly towards Cassius.

"Because I did something wrong - sometimes I knew what I'd done, other times -  I had no idea." Cassius' voice was losing the edge of anger now. "He'd use a whip - sometimes a belt - sometimes he'd just hit me."

"Why don't I get to touch you? Did the other men you dated get to touch you?" Remus was close enough to Cassius now to feel the heat coming off of him.

"They didn't, I mean they did, but they didn't feel the scars..there's a concealment charm so you can't see or feel them..Lucius taught it to me when I went away to Hogwarts - Dobby, our house-elf, had taught it to him when he'd gone to Hogwarts..but I..you said.you said you wouldn't do anything tonight so I thought I didn't need to do it and then.you were in my arms and I couldn't think about anything but you once you said I could kiss you."  Cassius voice sounded thick, like he was crying. Remus reached out his hand and found Cassius' face. There was wetness on his cheeks. "I didn't want you to know." Cassius whispered.

"Oh, sweetheart." Remus murmured. "I love you. This doesn't change how I feel, it changes nothing. I think you're beautiful and smart and wonderful and." He moved closer to Cassius, until their chests were pressed together. He moved his hand slowly to Cassius' side. "I love you." He kissed him gently. Cassius didn't respond. "I love you." He kissed Cassius' cheek. "I love you." He kissed his eyes, his forehead, his chin. "I love you."

"You love me." Cassius sounded incredulous.

"That's what I've been saying for the past minute or so. Glad you finally joined me." Remus decided the moment called for some of the sly humor he was always getting from Cassius.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Even - with the scars?"

"I have scars too, remember?"

"But you're beautiful." Cassius shook his head slightly.

"You're beautiful too." Remus said firmly. "Now, I want you to take off your shirt. Your horrible father isn't going to ruin our night."

"Remus!" Cassius actually squeaked as Remus reached for the hem of his shirt.

"Come on, you're getting your wish, I can't keep my hands off of you. Take your shirt off!" Remus tickled Cassius' ribs causing him to laugh. "Have you already forgotten that I love you? Because I could tell you again if that would get you to take your shirt off."

"You've never said you loved me before. I need at least 3 days of repetition to remember something."  Remus could see Cassius smiling in the dark.

"Well, starting tomorrow I will tell you every day."

"Really? Will you really, Remus?" Cassius sounded unsure.

"Only if you take your shirt off now."

"Your wish is my command, Mr. Lupin." Cassius sounded normal again. Remus moved away a little and Cassius pushed himself up to sit and pulled his shirt off over his head.

"Now." Remus laid on his back on the bed. "Where were we?" He opened his arms to Cassius.

"I think we were right about here." Cassius laid down on top of Remus and started kissing him. Remus wound his arms around Cassius' waist, not wanting to spook him so soon after the conversation about the scars. Slowly, when Cassius starting rocking his hips into him, Remus moved his hands up Cassius' back, stroking over the old scars. He felt Cassius start to pull away and rocked his hips up sharply, Cassius groaned and Remus felt his weight come back down. Remus hadn't been this close to someone since Sirius..and he could feel the build-up of almost three years of loneliness and frustration start to let go as his body got hotter and hotter.