A Test of Faith
Chapter 21 - The Hinge of Fate
Everything seemed to be going quite well, if only Dooku's condemnation wasn't included in the equation. He'd been rebuked before, but he had a feeling that this time he might be giving a more sever sentence. He wasn't going to waste time dwelling on what that might be, however, and, along with Qui, tried to get back on with his life as best he could. Allyaah also seemed to be progressing well, and some said she might be out of hospital within the week, though, with only one arm, it might take her time to adjust to her own dependence again. Serenn joked that she should take on a Padawan just to act as a doer of her chores, but she told him she would do no such thing in return.
Jinn also felt that it his Master was getting him ready for the Trials. He didn't know how far ahead it might be before he would be put forward for them - maybe not quite yet - but he could tell that his mentor thought him more than capable of taking on the world alone now. He knew that he couldn't protect him forever…
Suddenly, however, a dark cloud cast itself over the scenario…
It was some time around midnight when Serenn was awoken by an old Jedi comrade, Hran Beling; the small Vicon Jedi Master shook him with haste, whispering his name over and over; "Serenn, wake up! Serenn!"
Dooku grunted, opening his eyes and focusing them on the small Jedi, "What is it?" he drearily frowned in the darkness.
"It's Allyaah," Hran continued, a sombre look on his face.
Serenn immediately came round, "What?" he uttered faintly, sitting up in bed and throwing his duvet across the mattress.
Hran put a hand on the lofty Jedi's arm, "Come quickly…" And, almost as if he knew what Dooku would do before he left, he added, "And she asked that you come alone."
Serenn sighed - as Beling had predicted, he had been about to go and fetch Qui-Gon. Instead, he adhered to Allyaah's wishes, and just got up, throwing on his Jedi cloak, before hastily following Hran to see Allyaah.
----
The sun filtered in through Qui-Gon's window. Rolling over and sighing in the intense morning light, he promptly fell onto the floor with a thud and woke up. Managing to unscramble from his captivity within the duvet, he then trudged across the floor and slammed the button by his door, watching it swish open.
As he paced into the main chambers of the quarters he and Dooku shared, however, he immediately realised that things were amiss. For one, there was no Dooku sat at the breakfast table, drinking grossly black coffee and indulging himself in the tedious news reports over the holo-network.
Qui-Gon frowned; "Master…?" he asked aloud, looking dopily around the room as he plodded across it, before he fell over a padded stool on the floor and hit the ground again with an 'Oooof'. Whilst he mumbled insults at himself for his own clumsiness, his eyes suddenly caught the flicker of something under a table leg, not far from where he'd fallen. Frowning, he reached out and grabbed hold of it, finding that it was one of the small pieces of paper his Master had a habit of scribbling notes upon. Dooku usually stuck them all over the place in order to remind himself of 'things to do' and whatnot, but it was not the case this time; rolling onto his back and holding the note above him (taking a minute to interpret his mentor's appalling handwriting), Qui-Gon realised, beyond all comprehension, that the note was actually for him. It said:
"Qui, Room of the Thousand Fountains
Master D."
Jinn blinked, reading the overly simple note through several times, even trying it backwards to see if this was some kind of eccentric test on his teacher's behalf, but in the end, he decided that it was just a normal note. Normality wasn't a quality his Master possessed in spades, however, so this all worried him. And how he'd known to put the note exactly where Qui-Gon would fall, and trust that he would find it, was beyond him.
Still, Qui didn't quite know why, but as he washed and dressed, he couldn't help but feel uneasy about the whole thing…
Within half an hour, he stumbled quickly through the Temple halls, halls which were still deserted at this early hour, and eventually made it to the Room of the Thousand Fountains. Stopping by the entrance, Jinn gradually peered round it, his heart feeling inexplicably heavy…
Silhouetted by the far windows was his Master, back turned, hands clasped behind him, staring out over the sunrise beyond. Jinn looked unsurely about before he took a few steps into the room and halted once more. The patter of the water was loud in the void.
"Master?" he murmured in a faint whisper, though his voice reverberated round the room like the boom of a gong.
Dooku didn't turn to him, but he rose his hand and gestured for him to approach. Qui hesitated once more before he paced steadily toward his mentor and drew up uneasily by his side. He stared up at him, following Dooku's line of sight out across to the horizon, before he looked back at him again - his Master's eyes were tired and distant, his face was again very pale, and his eccentric disposition, which had come back to him in leaps and bounds as of late, was simply absent.
Qui sighed, waiting…
Eventually, after swallowing hard, Serenn turned to his Padawan and stared at him; his eyes were more ravaged than Jinn had first thought.
"What is it, Master?" Qui-Gon whispered, his brow creasing.
"It's Allyaah…" he muttered, heaving a great sigh, his eyes darting away again toward the horizon; Jinn wondered why he wouldn't look at him for long.
"She died last night…" he finally added, barely able to speak the words.
Qui felt like he'd just been shot; "What?" he gasped in utter disbelief. He took a few steps back, shaking his head.
Dooku nodded sadly, "It seems that the poison was stronger than we thought... It grew in her, and waited and… well…"
Jinn hadn't wanted to see his Master like this again - he was unsteady, unable to keep himself calm, filled to the brim with many a thing that he couldn't pinpoint, and some things he was sure he didn't want to…
Serenn inhaled once more and looked up to the ceiling, his hands tightening their grip behind him, "I went to see her last night," he explained, "She called for me. She knew the end was coming and coming fast, and…" He breathed again, chest heavy with grief, "She died in my arms."
Qui was shaking his head - this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening…
"Why…?" Dooku whispered, almost echoing his protégé's very thoughts, "Why did she have to die? What went wrong?"
Qui felt his legs go weak beneath him, but he forced himself to keep standing, for his Master if for nothing else.
"W-Why?" Serenn went on, glancing at his feet.
"Please don't cry, Master" Qui-Gon found himself uttering; he could see the water building up in his mentor's gaze, could see him trying his hardest not to break.
"I'm not crying…" he insisted.
Jinn remained silent - he didn't know what to do; it was hard to help a person who refused to help themselves.
"Why am I feeling like this?" he continued quietly, trudging a few steps away toward the huge windows, his form becoming embossed with the morning's glorious sunlight, "I've seen comrades die before, but I… I've never felt like this. Why don't I know how to react?"
'You know how, you just won't let yourself,' Qui wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to utter it. Instead, he said something which, in retrospect, he wished he hadn't; "But you've never loved anyone so much before."
Serenn glared at him, a combination of insecurity and astonishment in his drained, reddened gaze.
Qui suddenly realised what he had said and tried to shrink away from that potent stare that he knew oh-so-well… but he couldn't.
After what seemed like an age to the discomfited Padawan, Dooku turned away again; "I won't be teaching you today, Qui-Gon," he said, "I'm sorry."
Jinn nodded meekly; "I understand completely, Master."
Qui stood there for a while longer, unsure of what to do, until, after a while, Serenn gestured shortly to him with his hand, and asked him, this time, to leave. With a swift bow of respect, despite the fact his mentor wasn't looking, Jinn then turned and plodded out, numb to the world and empty inside…
----
Qui found himself back in he and his Master's chambers before long, though he couldn't recount the journey he had made there from the Room of the Thousand Fountains. He sat on the low cushioned seats, legs crossed, his mind a barren wasteland of devastation and grief. Eventually, the doors slid open, and, out of the corner of his eye, Qui caught the sight of his best friend, Tahl. She slowly walked over to him and stopped a few feet away, looking down at him uncertainly.
"I'm so sorry, Qui," she whispered, "I… I don't know what to say."
Jinn gave her an empty smile in greeting, unable to put any joy into it; "It's okay…" he muttered, "You don't have to say anything."
She lowered herself onto a stool by his side, looking at him with understanding.
Jinn glanced to her, "Why did she have to die?" he asked her.
She put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it affectionately; "I don't know Qui, but at least you know that she's one with the Force now, something we'll all be one day - we'll all become part of that one, great spirit."
Qui attempted to smirk, but it failed miserably; "That's a scary thought," he tried to joke.
Tahl could hear his voice breaking, could see him torn within, the shock slowly seeping in toward his core; "Oh please don't cry, Qui!" she asked him, feeling powerless.
"I can't help it!" he choked, a tear rolling down his face.
"Then cry, Qui-Gon," she resolved, taking a hold of him by both shoulders, "Cry."
"Thanks Tahl," he muttered as floods of tears were set lose down his face; Tahl held him to her and let him cry out his woe on her shoulders. His Master never had, never could, nor ever would, teach him how to grieve…
Meanwhile, up on the roof of the Jedi Temple, Serenn stood alone, leaning onto a barrier with his head in his hand. Many tears of his own ran down his gaunt face, but he had no shoulder to cry on. The only entity he would allow to be privy to his grief was the skies…
Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
You and I will meet again
Sleep now
Dream---of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across a distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping
TBC…
Author's Notes: Lyrics above taken and remixed from "Into the West" by Annie Lennox on the "Return of the King" soundtrack. Some of it just seems to fit the moment.