Chap 2:
Ryan had heard her car pull up. He knew he was going to have to face the music now. He couldn't believe what he'd done. He was just like all of them. He had promised himself that he would never be like them but now he had done it. He should leave before he damaged his own beloved family beyond repair.
He had heard both Jamie and Kristy crying but he couldn't bring himself to look into their tear filled eyes knowing the monster he had now become. He heard Naomi changing and comforting Kristy, he then heard Jamie's crying stop as well and knew she'd been in here soon.
He wanted desperately to pull himself together. To calmly and rationally explain to Naomi what happened and then leave. The disappointment and fear that he knew that he would see in her eyes was what kept him hiding in the corner.
Hiding like he always did. Hiding from the monsters that filled his childhood nightmares and reality. But he couldn't hide from himself and he couldn't stop the sobs that were racking his body. He wanted so much to take it all back and start the day over but he knew he couldn't. What was done was done and his family was shattered forever because of him. He didn't know how to tell her what he'd done but he was going to tell the truth. He had no plans of adding lying bastard to his list of faults.
He heard he door knob turn but didn't look up. He didn't want to see her face, her caring eyes, her soft hair, the look of concern upon finding her entire family bawling upon her return home from a long day of work. He felt her freeze at the sight of him. Knew she was confused and scared because he never broke down. He was the strong one, the one that fiercely protected everything he loved. He was so scared, scared of her reaction, scared of losing his family, and most of all scared of what he had become. He now felt her rush towards him, felt her cool, soft hands stroke his coarse hair.
He had an odd flashback to Kirsten comforting him after his and Teresa's baby had miscarried. He hadn't expected to break down that day either. Kirsten's love for him that day had overwhelmed him and much as Naomi's was right now.
Thinking of Kirsten only upset him more because he would have to explain to the Cohens why he had left his family. See the disappointment in their eyes when he told them of the monster he had become. Tell them that all their years of love and support meant nothing. He had reverted to the days of his childhood.
He heard her murmur "What's the matter, sweetie" And he finally looked into her eyes and told her he had fucked up. He told her how he woke up this morning with a killer headache; how Jamie had been whining all day about wanting that damn Tonka truck they had been advertising on tv; how Kristy could not settle down today and how when he finally got her asleep, Jamie started yelling at him to come see the Tonka truck commercial and woke her up again.
He told her that he lost it on Jamie he yelled at him for a long time and when Jamie tried to run away scared while he was yelling he'd grabbed Jamie's arm and yanked him back. He told her when Jamie kicked his Daddy because he hurt his arm; his father and the other assholes in his life had taken over his arm and he'd slapped his baby boy. He told her about the fear and hurt he saw in his son's eye. Fear and pain he had caused. He then told her that he understood that he could no longer be apart of this family and one day he hoped she would forgive him.
Ryan had heard her car pull up. He knew he was going to have to face the music now. He couldn't believe what he'd done. He was just like all of them. He had promised himself that he would never be like them but now he had done it. He should leave before he damaged his own beloved family beyond repair.
He had heard both Jamie and Kristy crying but he couldn't bring himself to look into their tear filled eyes knowing the monster he had now become. He heard Naomi changing and comforting Kristy, he then heard Jamie's crying stop as well and knew she'd been in here soon.
He wanted desperately to pull himself together. To calmly and rationally explain to Naomi what happened and then leave. The disappointment and fear that he knew that he would see in her eyes was what kept him hiding in the corner.
Hiding like he always did. Hiding from the monsters that filled his childhood nightmares and reality. But he couldn't hide from himself and he couldn't stop the sobs that were racking his body. He wanted so much to take it all back and start the day over but he knew he couldn't. What was done was done and his family was shattered forever because of him. He didn't know how to tell her what he'd done but he was going to tell the truth. He had no plans of adding lying bastard to his list of faults.
He heard he door knob turn but didn't look up. He didn't want to see her face, her caring eyes, her soft hair, the look of concern upon finding her entire family bawling upon her return home from a long day of work. He felt her freeze at the sight of him. Knew she was confused and scared because he never broke down. He was the strong one, the one that fiercely protected everything he loved. He was so scared, scared of her reaction, scared of losing his family, and most of all scared of what he had become. He now felt her rush towards him, felt her cool, soft hands stroke his coarse hair.
He had an odd flashback to Kirsten comforting him after his and Teresa's baby had miscarried. He hadn't expected to break down that day either. Kirsten's love for him that day had overwhelmed him and much as Naomi's was right now.
Thinking of Kirsten only upset him more because he would have to explain to the Cohens why he had left his family. See the disappointment in their eyes when he told them of the monster he had become. Tell them that all their years of love and support meant nothing. He had reverted to the days of his childhood.
He heard her murmur "What's the matter, sweetie" And he finally looked into her eyes and told her he had fucked up. He told her how he woke up this morning with a killer headache; how Jamie had been whining all day about wanting that damn Tonka truck they had been advertising on tv; how Kristy could not settle down today and how when he finally got her asleep, Jamie started yelling at him to come see the Tonka truck commercial and woke her up again.
He told her that he lost it on Jamie he yelled at him for a long time and when Jamie tried to run away scared while he was yelling he'd grabbed Jamie's arm and yanked him back. He told her when Jamie kicked his Daddy because he hurt his arm; his father and the other assholes in his life had taken over his arm and he'd slapped his baby boy. He told her about the fear and hurt he saw in his son's eye. Fear and pain he had caused. He then told her that he understood that he could no longer be apart of this family and one day he hoped she would forgive him.