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A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!! I totally love you guys!! Hope you like this chapter!!
"No, Professor McGonagall, I'm sorry, you can't come in," James stuttered as he stood in the doorway of the boys dormitory trying to block the professor from entering. She had come to find out why Sirius hadn't been to class in two days. James, Remus, and Peter had been attempting to cover up that Sirius was unconscious in the dormitory.
"Potter, I don't know what you're hiding in there, but I want to know where Black is," Professor McGonagall said sternly with her lips thin.
"I'm not hiding anything. Sirius is in here. Why would you think we were hiding something?" James asked nervously, eyes darting around. He hoped he didn't seem/look too suspicious.
"Black hasn't been to class in two days. As head of the house, it is my responsibility to find out," Professor McGonagall said sternly.
"He's just had a touch of the flu," James said, sweat pouring down his forehead. He reached up and wiped the sweat. This lying stuff was really hard.
"Well, then why hasn't he been to Madam Pomfrey for a dose of Pepper Up Potion?" Professor McGonagall asked with an eyebrow raised.
"He—He—" James stuttered. "I'm sorry, I can't lie for him anymore." At this, Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrow even further in interest. "He wanted to skip class." James said, nodding his head for emphasis. It was believable that Sirius would skip class, right? He had done it before. Sure, that was because he actually did have the flu, but…
"Where is he? He's getting detention. It was good of you to tell me the truth, Potter," Professor McGonagall said, "Now, where is he?"
"He—He… He's in the prefects bathroom," James said, nodding his head for emphasis. See where telling one lie got you? Now he was making up more and more lies to cover up for the first one.
"He's not a prefect," Professor McGonagall gasped.
"I know, said he wanted to float on thick bubbles. We couldn't talk him out of it," James said. Ok, it was definitely believable that Sirius would do this. He was always blabbering on about how if he didn't like breaking rules so much, he would become a prefect just to see what the bubbles were like.
"Very well, Potter, when he comes back, tell him to report to my office immediately," Professor McGonagall said sternly before turning on her heal and walking away, leaving James gasping for breath out of relief.
"So, where do you think Sirius has been?" Ava asked nonchalantly that afternoon when she and Lily were in the common room. Sirius hadn't been to class in two days. Ava was really starting to wonder just how far James had gone to keep him quiet…
"I don't even know if he's conscious yet," Lily said as she continued to do her homework. What she couldn't figure out was why Sirius was unconscious. James had simply stunned him, right?
"Do you really think James knocked him out that… Well?" Ava asked, furrowing her eyebrows. Someone would have to get hit in the head pretty hard to stay unconscious for three days, today being the third.
"Well, that book was very thick," Lily said after considering it for a moment. It was true. Their History of Magic book was huge and boring. Just like the class.
"What book was it?" Ava asked curiously. It would have to be a pretty large book to do someone in for three whole days. Right?
"History of Magic, of course," Lily said as she jotted something down on her parchment. That was the class they had been in when it had happened. What other book would James have on his desk?
"The book is just as long and boring as the teacher," Ava commented in a bored tone. She hated that class and Sirius and James' pranks were the only thing that ever made it anywhere near interesting.
"Are you sure he isn't dead?" Peter asked in a panicked squeal as he, Remus, and James hovered over an unconscious Sirius. Sirius sure had been unconscious for a long time.
"He can't be dead," Remus said in awe. A History of Magic books to the head surely couldn't kill a person, could it?
"He would have started to smell funky if he were dead," James said knowledgeably. It was Sirius who had taught him to tell the difference between the smells of dead people and people who just plain hadn't bathed in a long time.
"He does smell bad," Remus said, wrinkling his nose. Stupid Sirius couldn't have managed to take a bath before being knocked unconscious.
"Yeah, but this is just the normal Sirius-decided to see how long he could go without bathing-stench. Not a disintegrating body stench," James said knowingly. At least he hoped it was just the normal Sirius-decided to see how long he could go without bathing stench. James hadn't been paying too much attention when Sirius had explained the difference. He now regretted that.
"How can you tell?" Peter asked curiously. To him, Sirius just had a strong stench coming from him.
"You just know," James said with a nod. He hoped dearly that he was right. That History of Magic book wasn't large enough to kill anyone, was it? James couldn't go to Azkaban. He was too delicate!
"How?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. He really wanted to know for sure if Sirius was dead of not. If he was, Remus would have to go to Azkaban as an accomplish!
"You just can," James said. He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt. You know, for the sake of the other lads.
Remus and Peter exchanged a disbelieving look which James failed to see.
"Can I ask how you learned to tell the difference?" Remus asked. Had James already killed someone?
"Sirius," James said as he stared off into space. He remembered when Sirius had decided to teach him the difference. It had been such a great day.
"What should we do?" Peter squeaked in James' direction. Peter still wanted to take Sirius to the hospital wing.
"Why would you ask me?" James asked in confusion. Shouldn't Peter be asking Remus?
"You see," Remus began. "Normally Sirius is the first one we look to for our schemes. With him out of commission, you're next in command," Remus said as Peter nodded along. Sirius normally came up with all the crazy ideas, but he wasn't really able to give them advice now. James was logically the next person in line, right?
"I'm second?" James asked horrorstruck. How could he be second? Second was the first loser!
"Sorry man," Remus said as he raised his shoulders. He knew that James was currently thinking something along the lines of second being the first loser, but he had to tell the truth. James had to find out sooner or later…
"What are we going to do?" Peter asked in a panicked voice. What if James' senses were off and Sirius was actually dead?!
"I guess we should… Just leave him be…" James said with a shrug. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Leaving his alone. Thing was, things were a bit boring without Sirius around to make them interesting.
"Want to go nick some food?" Remus asked. It was usually one of their favorite activities. Then again, it was usually because of Sirius.
"Isn't the reason we're always nicking food because Sirius is always hungry?" James asked, scrunching his nose in wonder. Now that he thought about it, he really had no clue why they were always nicking food from the kitchen.
"Maybe," Remus said, looking around pensively. Weren't they always nicking food because Sirius had a bottomless pit for a stomach? Or was it James?
"How about we go anyway. We can pretend Sirius is with us," James said, nodding his head. It seemed like a good idea. James could even come up with crazy ideas along the way.
There was a bit of an awkward silence.
"Sure," Remus agreed. Maybe things would be like normal… Like before James decided to attempt to kill Sirius.
"Why not," Peter said, shrugging his shoulders. He wasn't hungry, but they always nicked food from the kitchens on Saturdays. Sure, it was because of Sirius, but…
"Come on, Frank, let's just go to the Astronomy tower," Bellatrix said as she and Frank walked out of his dorm room.
Frank had snuck her into Gryffindor common room with the intention of snogging in his dorm. When they got there, they discovered his dorm mates were there. In other words, they couldn't make out in his dorm.
"There might be a class there, it's not dark yet," Frank said as he pondered.
"Well, how about we go to my dorm?" Bellatrix said as she tugged him by his hand down the hall. She stopped when she saw the door to one of the other dormitories wide open. There didn't appear to be anyone in there…
"Your dorm is always fully. Besides, guys can't get up into girls' dorms," Frank said. He followed Bellatrix's gaze into the open room. The sixth year's dorm room looked completely empty.
"Who's dorm?" She asked sweetly. It looked like a prime snogging place.
"Sixth years," Frank said. "It looks empty," He said with a grin. The couple could snog there. It would be hours before the Marauders got back.
"Do you think we could…" Bellatrix said with an evil glint in her eye.
"I'm sure their off torturing someone. They'll be gone a while," Frank said, swallowing. It didn't matter how long they were gone. Frank really wanted to snog…
Bellatrix tugged his arm and they ran into the room and collapsed on one of the beds, snogging and not noticing the unconscious figure in the next bed.
"You know, it's just not the same without Sirius," Remus said as he, Peter, and James walked away from the kitchens, arms overflowing with food.
Peter grunted in agreement.
They had gone to the kitchens and gotten food that they weren't even hungry for. It just didn't feel right without Sirius. It just wasn't right without him making rude comments. Normally, they all grabbed food and Sirius ate most of it, but now their arms were full of food and there was no one to eat it.
"Do you think he's conscious yet?" James asked. Maybe he could eat all the food if he was…
"I don't know. How about if you go check on him and meet us in the library?" Remus asked. He really didn't want to have to eat all this food.
Sirius opened his eyes groggily. He felt as though he had been asleep for years. He rolled over and looked at the clock between he and Remus's bed.
A noise came from the opposite side, thinking it was James, he rolled over to ask how long he had been sleeping for.
James walked upstairs cheerfully. When he got to their dormitory, he found the door wide open.
Sirius let out a scream of fright as he realized it was his cousin and Frank snogging in James' bed.
Frank and Bellatrix stopped snogging and looked up to find Sirius, screaming with horror. Not knowing what to do, they began screaming with horror.
James walked in to find Sirius in bed screaming with horror and Frank and Bellatrix—having been obviously snogging—in his own bed screaming with horror. Not knowing what to do, James dropped all his food and began screaming with horror.
~~Sorry it's short. I think it's by far one of the funniest things I've ever written. I hope I didn't offend anyone… Did I? They were just snogging… You know, kissing… Oh well, review if you liked it or whatever…~~
Hannio~ Whicked good, right? Lol! I'm glad you like my characterization…
PotterChick1~ I hope this chapter waz interesting… *Evil laugh*
Queen of Zan~ I hope I helped you sort it out!
MintyToothPick~ Lol! I thought the "Mrs. Lily Evans" thing waz funny too!
Austrailaman~ I just did!
LililVR~ Yes, very poor Sirius… Especially now… Good luck w/ur room!
MBlack1~ I know, I love Sirius!! He's me fav! I waz in denial for a while after finishing OOP! Lol! James was desperate!!