There is No If…
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am making no money from this. The copyright belongs to several book companies and to Warner Bros and no infringement is intended. This applies to all future chapters.
Coupling: Severus Snape and Hermione Granger.
Rating: R for eventual consensual sex between adults, some violence and adult themes.
Summary: Hermione slowly finds a friend in a man she never anticipated anything but hatred from.
A/N: Yes I have delved into the HG/SS world. This has been progressing slowly for a long time and I probably won't be updating any more than once every couple of months because I edit the death out of this piece in order to make it the best I can and I try to live a little. Reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome, flames will be used to try and burn down my workplace.
Chapter One
"Damn that stupid seeing slut." Severus growled as he stepped down and away from that pathetic excuse of a classroom. Had it not been sheer necessity that had forced Severus toward that farce he would have avoided that vanilla scented silly bint until her next annual drunken sexual advance at Christmas. Which he had never used to his advantage of course. He would sooner shag McGonagall and that was about as likely as Voldemort turning around and becoming a born anew good guy. No, his reasons for visiting were far from amicable. The dream had been recurring since the demise of his beloved flower of death nearly eighteen years ago; but over the past couple of months some of the faces had changed and it had become far more persistent. Consuming the Dreamless Sleep potion had proven futile and Severus did not wish to become addicted. Instead he usually added the scenes to the nearly identical collection in his penseive, but this was no longer a satisfactory process. It now lingered, spider threads revisiting at inopportune times. Vivid scenes, smells advanced like rampaging Death Eaters and haunted him far more than most of his nightmares. But the feelings that accompanied those flashing scenes were the worst facet of all. It made Severus remember that he had feelings, real, deep feelings that have the ability of making your viscera feel like it is doing the tango in your ribcage. The frigid face he portrayed before his students and colleagues was so effective that Severus himself often forgot that there were so many layers hiding behind that mask. This dream was a reminder. A fairly constant reminder. Severus didn't feel that he needed a reminder of the layers which had long been buried after their life on the surface during his youth. He simply did not wish to remember that part of what he considered his former self. So the visit to Trelawney had been a last resort, a pathetic attempt at trying to save an already lost soul. Somewhere deep in reason Severus had believed that Dumbeldore must have some faith in the abilities of the being beneath the organdie and lace. But after he had completely wasted his time Severus had lost that inkling of faith and seriously questioned the Headmaster's state of mind whilst hiring such a sadistic, pathetic excuse of a chiromancer. True that genuine seers are ultimately feared and extraordinarily rare, but Severus reasoned that most women possess some level of intuition and surely anyone would be a better candidate for teaching students than that evil flake of a woman.
Sibyll had asked for the finer details of Severus' dream, of which he had refused to give. Seer or not Trelawney was the Gossip Queen of Hogwarts and he would not divulge details that would serve to further slander his name. No wonder Miss Granger could not handle that woman; she had brains enough to see through that airy-fairy bullshit.
Miss Hermione Granger.
Had that insufferable Gryffindor not been muggle born, initially possessed a compulsion to raise her hand at anything that remotely resembled a question and had not been chosen by that bewitched hat as 'Loyal, valiant and true' there was definite potential for her to be a Slytherin.
That potential had amplified since the tragic events of fifth year.
Hermione's unbearable hand had not risen in almost two years, but her ambition had never wavered. Her willingness to learn was akin to Severus' own at a comparable age. Of course temperaments were vastly different, but that ability for absorption of knowledge through reading was something Severus felt was all too familiar. And in the unslept hours where the curtain of darkness was drawn across the land it worries the humanitarian in Severus Snape, which generally also remained sufficiently buried. The quest for knowledge, for experience does not always lead to a world of light. Aspects of Severus' mind would contest one another, like the two hemispheres of his brain had adopted opposing arguments and the corpus callosum rallied these from one side to the other. Hermione Granger being the companion of the confounded Boy-Who-Lived; her natural inclination would be of goodness; but that quest for knowledge, that elusive Holy Grail of experience was often more alluring than what would seem blatantly apparent. And since the slaughter of her parents she had lost the two things that probably were the most successful in keeping her grounded.
Severus also realised that Miss Granger had drawn significant attention to herself in both pastel and midnight circles. With Mr. Potter's premature acceptance into the Order of the Phoenix and his subsequent training of Mr. Weasley of course Hermione would be spoken of and her actions scrutinised for future potential as an Aurora or something greater requiring more cognition. But she had also drawn attention from darker circles of existence and Voldemort had been attracted to her diligence, passion and intelligence. All desirable qualities for servants of the Dark Lord. Lucious Malfoy also kept a cold eye on her, but this seemed more because of the way his noticed his son and heir watched that dark-eyes mudblood. But Draco was not alone in his staring at Hermione as though she was a ripe peach, waiting to be consumed.
As Severus stormed back down the levels of Hogwarts to his dungeons he wondered at the necessity for teaching Divination at all. Whilst trying to extract information Sibyll Trelawney had gently touched on Severus' more primal thoughts towards Miss Granger, but Severus had swiftly steered her away from such things. The Queen of would revel in some of the thoughts of any many still possessing a libido.
Severus had of course considered Hermione's relationship future, although he would never admit the true reason why his thoughts would linger in what would seem such delectable, but inaccessible corners. Severus supposed that it was simply the result of the subconscious acknowledging a like-minded creature, who happened to be a rather pretty young woman. He also knew the positive and negative repercussions of these characteristics. Intelligence initially hides in the shadow of charisma, thus attracting attention, sexually intended or otherwise; as seen through Viktor Krum who had been coldly discarded after a sexual pass had not been to Hermione's liking. Also, once intelligence reveals itself alone over an extensive period of time it pushes people away. People attract people of similar intelligence, so once acceleration beyond one's own intellect is recognised, rejection ensues. Severus feared this process would be accelerated in Hermione's case, because being a woman it would be viewed as a form of intimidation; and men, admittedly or otherwise generally cannot accept a woman who can run rings around their mental capacity. This, in Severus' mind was the reason that Ronald Weasley fights with Hermione so frequently. He believes he loves her but cannot stand the fact that he makes her appear as if he is in a stupor. Severus could certainly understand why Ronald was drawn to his female companion; Hermione was the first woman without the distinctive hair of flames of the Weasley clan that had shown him care. She had changed from a young compadre to an admired young woman, who despite of maturing and changing still clung onto him as a shoulder to cry on and a friend to laugh with. Although a strange rumour had recently erupted, it speculated that Hermione had forgotten to laugh. Even Weasley and Potter despite their antics found themselves truly challenged in attempting to get some cheerful noise peeling from Hermione's mouth. This was quite possibly another contributing factor towards the Granger/Weasley tumultuous friendship, however this was no means the pivotal aspect. Severus believed that Mr. Weasley found Hermione's intelligence something of an athame. Ronald admired Hermione's brains and appreciated the outcomes of her brains when it involved illegal matters or general mischief; but cannot stand the little scholar who appreciates the grandeur of the written word and absorbs so many things, which in Mr. Weasley's mind remain far beyond comprehension. Hermione had also never picked up the rose tinted glasses, which Weasley rarely seems to take off.
The friendship between the confounded boy-who-keeps-on-living and Miss Granger is somewhat more complex and yet simpler Severus believed, but did not wish to attempt to find rest with Potter on the mind. So his thoughts continued to wander with him along the ancient and empty hallways. Severus pondered little on his own past walking the same areas, instead preferring to darkly wonder if he should be cursed to walk the same hallways until he could walk no more or his hair had fallen out from too many years of absorbing botched potions. While he did not like this possibility, he reasoned that his penance would probably never be completed and his cycle of Samsara would continue infinitely.
Severus rounded the corner closest to once again entering his own domain when something of middle height and evidently not looking where it was going crashed into him. It did not occur to Severus that he himself had also not been at the height of observation. Just as he was preparing to lecture about the importance of watching where one was going and losing numerous points for being out after curfew and daring to run into him a gentle, barely audible sob escaped the mouth of the perpetrator.
"Sorry." It croaked in a manner making it difficult to discern gender.
"Well I should think so…" Severus stopped as the student also stopped and the hood of the cloak fell to reveal a great bush of waves and coffee eyes, bordered in pink and puffiness. It was the first time Severus could recollect seeing her cry or show any deep, genuine emotion since she had been informed of her parents demise.
"Miss Grang… Hermione, are you quite alright?"
Hermione's head jerked up at her Potions Professor's use of her first name for the first time.
"Not really" she whispered and bolted down the hallway.
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