Disclaimer ~ I don't own the Teen Titans, and I don't think I ever want to. It'd be too much work, and I wouldn't have to time to write such horrible fan fictions that people can complain about, right? ^^
A/N ~ If all of you had waited until THIS chapter, you might have restrained yourself from being so mad. This chapter is her reflection on her reactions, and how BAD Beast Boy feels. He didn't mean a bit of it. And I wrote most of this BEFORE all the complaints came into my inbox, all right? So I didn't make this chapter for ANY of you! Not to make up for anything!
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Chapter 5 - Rat
I'm really on a roll, aren't I? First I have to apologize to Beast Boy, and now Starfire...I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUSHED HER! She's always so nice to everyone, and she was only trying to help the situation. I can't believe myself. 'She'll live,' I'd thought. It's not if she lives or dies, it's that I PUSHED her! And if I go there now, they'll think that I was just being over-dramatic. And, I'll probably end up breaking down or something. I need to let go again.
My head started to spin, my eyes were locked forward...wherever that was. The books slammed against the wall. Every light was burst through, holding my room in the darkness. That black veil that covers my mind...Such tranquility in such mayhem. It doesn't seem possible, does it? But this rush...it seems so human. So normal...in a way. Compared to the other Titans it's just...different. I almost feel like a druggee; coming back to my happy place for the addiction. So high, yet so low...
I wish that people made crashproof rooms. Heh. That'd be cool. Children could go anywhere they wanted to without worrying about breaking all the fine glass in their parents livingroom...I'm getting off the subject. Just a little. Can't release my emotions yet. Maybe I can meditate.
I have to concentrate hard. If I start to think about all the events of today, I'll get distracted again...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Antirats, Heroin, Mentos...not working...Mentos...that sounds good...NO! Off the subject again. Let's see what time it is...7:00 p.m. Well, I can go to bed early...Who am I kidding? That's way too early.
This is pure torture. I can't leave for fear of being laughed at, and for being feared. I HAVE to leave out of fear of dying of bordem, and for relaxation, though. I know! I'll just listen real carefully near the door to see where everyone is...OK...Starfire's in her room...Cyborg and Robin are training...and BB's...hmm...Where is he?
I opened my door to see if I'd be able to sense him better. I could see but a piece of green hair around the corner. How come I didn't feel him before? Maybe he turned into a flea or something...heh. Wait...that's BAD! What if he heard...no...he can't have. It's soundproof. In your face, changling! Well, at least I still have my privacy.
I tried to turn around to go back into my room, but something stopped me. An invisible something...Oh my gosh! He really DID turn into a flea!
I glared burning swords into his pupils. "Do you need something, Beast Boy?" I asked in a bitter, harsh voice while gritting my teeth, trying hard not to go with my first impulse and squish him.
He changed back into regular BB. "We need to talk...," he said quietly, looking down at the floor and fiddeling with his fingers. "I'm..."
"Don't say that you're sorry," I interjected. "Too many times has that word, gotten me into trouble." I went partially into my door and stopped. "And no: we don't need to talk. There's nothing to be said." I left him standing there. I could feel his eyes searching my back for an explanation to why I would not except his apology. I think he knows that I just needed time, though. I can't just be OK after I attacked both him and Starfire...
I waited until I heard no more of him. For any reason, I was positioned against the wall, looking to my right at the door. I winced in pain as I stepped on a piece of glass from my earlier display of emotion. Yeah...that's another thing to worry about; cleaning my room.
I usually keep my room well in tact, but lately it's just been a disaster area. I have to clean this up before I do anything else. Ah...finally...something to do! Wow...this is boring, though. I'll think of a poem while I'm cleaning. Let's see...
My honor...
Is there such a thing?
Every wrong I try to right
Every apology I give
Oh! That sounds nice!
The rat inside me
Dirty and black
Insists on clawing my last bit of honesty
Twisting it in ways inhuman.
It needs something...hmm...Shadows always make nice touches in angst poetry. Anything to make it sound better then what it is, right? Even if I didn't feel this way...
Always hiding
Until they are gone
In the shadows
Lurking...
Glad no one else can hear this. They would think I was just so over dramatic. That's what everyone is when no one understands their problem. When your consious tugs at you for doing something and you tell someone. They always think it's not a big deal...always. If only you could put them in your train of thought...Wouldn't THAT be interesting. If they ever did that, though, I'd kill them. Every last one of them for hearing in on my over dramatic life. Everything that happens to me is just the same as every single person on this planet, the only difference is that I play it into a much bigger emotion. Such a bigger level...
I don't think I would have done any of that if I'd had time to think about all of it. If I had thought about how angry he was at me before, and after, then maybe I would have just shrugged it off. I definitely wouldn't have hit Starfire if I'd had time to reflect. But, you know what. I didn't have time, so I can't do anything. The only thing that seems possible is to apologize, but even THAT doesn't seem like a regular option anymore...Beast Boy won't except it. Then again, does he have any reason to?...No...I'm only a team mate; a person whom he HAS to work with. It's not because he wants to.
Again; I'm glad no one can hear this.
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A/N ~ Now isn't that better? Tell me if you like the title. I had another title for the chapter, so if you think the title fits, tell me. If it doesn't fit...tell me. Just R&R, OK?
A/N ~ If all of you had waited until THIS chapter, you might have restrained yourself from being so mad. This chapter is her reflection on her reactions, and how BAD Beast Boy feels. He didn't mean a bit of it. And I wrote most of this BEFORE all the complaints came into my inbox, all right? So I didn't make this chapter for ANY of you! Not to make up for anything!
==============================================
Chapter 5 - Rat
I'm really on a roll, aren't I? First I have to apologize to Beast Boy, and now Starfire...I CAN'T BELIEVE I PUSHED HER! She's always so nice to everyone, and she was only trying to help the situation. I can't believe myself. 'She'll live,' I'd thought. It's not if she lives or dies, it's that I PUSHED her! And if I go there now, they'll think that I was just being over-dramatic. And, I'll probably end up breaking down or something. I need to let go again.
My head started to spin, my eyes were locked forward...wherever that was. The books slammed against the wall. Every light was burst through, holding my room in the darkness. That black veil that covers my mind...Such tranquility in such mayhem. It doesn't seem possible, does it? But this rush...it seems so human. So normal...in a way. Compared to the other Titans it's just...different. I almost feel like a druggee; coming back to my happy place for the addiction. So high, yet so low...
I wish that people made crashproof rooms. Heh. That'd be cool. Children could go anywhere they wanted to without worrying about breaking all the fine glass in their parents livingroom...I'm getting off the subject. Just a little. Can't release my emotions yet. Maybe I can meditate.
I have to concentrate hard. If I start to think about all the events of today, I'll get distracted again...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...Antirats, Heroin, Mentos...not working...Mentos...that sounds good...NO! Off the subject again. Let's see what time it is...7:00 p.m. Well, I can go to bed early...Who am I kidding? That's way too early.
This is pure torture. I can't leave for fear of being laughed at, and for being feared. I HAVE to leave out of fear of dying of bordem, and for relaxation, though. I know! I'll just listen real carefully near the door to see where everyone is...OK...Starfire's in her room...Cyborg and Robin are training...and BB's...hmm...Where is he?
I opened my door to see if I'd be able to sense him better. I could see but a piece of green hair around the corner. How come I didn't feel him before? Maybe he turned into a flea or something...heh. Wait...that's BAD! What if he heard...no...he can't have. It's soundproof. In your face, changling! Well, at least I still have my privacy.
I tried to turn around to go back into my room, but something stopped me. An invisible something...Oh my gosh! He really DID turn into a flea!
I glared burning swords into his pupils. "Do you need something, Beast Boy?" I asked in a bitter, harsh voice while gritting my teeth, trying hard not to go with my first impulse and squish him.
He changed back into regular BB. "We need to talk...," he said quietly, looking down at the floor and fiddeling with his fingers. "I'm..."
"Don't say that you're sorry," I interjected. "Too many times has that word, gotten me into trouble." I went partially into my door and stopped. "And no: we don't need to talk. There's nothing to be said." I left him standing there. I could feel his eyes searching my back for an explanation to why I would not except his apology. I think he knows that I just needed time, though. I can't just be OK after I attacked both him and Starfire...
I waited until I heard no more of him. For any reason, I was positioned against the wall, looking to my right at the door. I winced in pain as I stepped on a piece of glass from my earlier display of emotion. Yeah...that's another thing to worry about; cleaning my room.
I usually keep my room well in tact, but lately it's just been a disaster area. I have to clean this up before I do anything else. Ah...finally...something to do! Wow...this is boring, though. I'll think of a poem while I'm cleaning. Let's see...
My honor...
Is there such a thing?
Every wrong I try to right
Every apology I give
Oh! That sounds nice!
The rat inside me
Dirty and black
Insists on clawing my last bit of honesty
Twisting it in ways inhuman.
It needs something...hmm...Shadows always make nice touches in angst poetry. Anything to make it sound better then what it is, right? Even if I didn't feel this way...
Always hiding
Until they are gone
In the shadows
Lurking...
Glad no one else can hear this. They would think I was just so over dramatic. That's what everyone is when no one understands their problem. When your consious tugs at you for doing something and you tell someone. They always think it's not a big deal...always. If only you could put them in your train of thought...Wouldn't THAT be interesting. If they ever did that, though, I'd kill them. Every last one of them for hearing in on my over dramatic life. Everything that happens to me is just the same as every single person on this planet, the only difference is that I play it into a much bigger emotion. Such a bigger level...
I don't think I would have done any of that if I'd had time to think about all of it. If I had thought about how angry he was at me before, and after, then maybe I would have just shrugged it off. I definitely wouldn't have hit Starfire if I'd had time to reflect. But, you know what. I didn't have time, so I can't do anything. The only thing that seems possible is to apologize, but even THAT doesn't seem like a regular option anymore...Beast Boy won't except it. Then again, does he have any reason to?...No...I'm only a team mate; a person whom he HAS to work with. It's not because he wants to.
Again; I'm glad no one can hear this.
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A/N ~ Now isn't that better? Tell me if you like the title. I had another title for the chapter, so if you think the title fits, tell me. If it doesn't fit...tell me. Just R&R, OK?