Author's Notes: Responses to reviews at the end of the chapter! :-)

Chapter 36 Letters

Moony,

We didn't really have a chance to talk before… I'm sorry I thought you were the spy. I realized as soon as James and Lily were dead that I had made a terrible mistake. I dreamed of you in Azkaban...even though I knew you thought I was the murderer. I love you. I missed you so much. Do you think we could ever go back to the way we were...the way we were before all the suspicions started?

Padfoot

"That damn Umbridge woman. Drafting that horrid legislation. Remus, I'm so sorry." Clara had tried to get Remus a job in her department and failed.

"Clara, it's all right, you tried, I appreciate it. I'm used to it by now. Until Aspasia hired me, I had been shunned most of my adult life." Remus said softly. He gazed out the window. They were at their favorite tea shop in York. Since he'd returned from Hogwarts, Clara had insisted they start their own tradition of weekly outings since Stevens and Cassius always played chess weekly.

"Oh, it's just so fucking unfair!" Clara's tea cup rattled in the saucer as she slammed it down.

"It just means that I'm always free for social engagements." Remus tried to smile.

"You are a saint. I'd be hexing up a storm."

"I thought about it but Cassius would go mad if I got sent to Azkaban."

"True." Clara smiled. "And we don't want a mad Cassius."

"Clara," Remus fidgeted with his spoon, "Could I tell you something?"

"Why are you asking? You know you can."

"Sirius wrote me. He says he still loves me." Remus pulled the letter out of his pocket and handed it to Clara. She read it quickly.

"Wow..." Clara handed the letter back to Remus. "What did you write back?"

"I…I haven't owled him back yet. I wanted you to read the letter before I sent it."

"Of course. Let me see it." Clara held out her hand and Remus reached into his pocket again and handed her the letter he had agonized over. She read it and then reread it. "It's good…it's as good as a letter is going to be handling this sort of thing. Send it to him today." Remus let out the breath he'd been holding as he took the letters back. "Remus, can I ask you something?"

"You know you can."

"If you and Cass were just together, not mated…would you go back to Sirius now?"

"I thought about it…the day after we had the 'big fight'." Clara nodded, Remus had told her about it. "I told myself I didn't need to since I could never leave Cass. But that was a coward's way out." He poured himself another cup of tea. "Sirius and I…we weren't a perfect couple."

"No one is." Clara interrupted gently.

"No, I know…before we were dating, he tried to use me, the werewolf, to hurt Snape." Clara nodded. "I forgave him because he'd been the first real friend I'd ever had. Then…we started dating. He didn't want to mate with me, have sex with me. I told myself I wasn't ready to mate either. But he had sex with other people."

"He cheated on you?"

"I told him it was all right, that it didn't hurt my feelings…I thought he needed to do that, needed the release, that he couldn't get from me. But Cass never wanted to have sex with anyone else, once we were dating. He didn't care that I wasn't ready or that he wasn't ready. He wanted to be with me. And he found ways…" Remus blushed.

"Oh." Clara's cheeks flushed too. "Ok, no details, Stevens doesn't get home until tomorrow."

Remus gave a short laugh. "I…I wanted Sirius to like me, love me so much that I let him do anything he wanted, even if I didn't like it. Cass never made me feel like that. He made me feel like I could just be myself, I could speak my mind without worrying that he wouldn't like me. So I was just me. And he liked me, he loved me just the way I was, just the way I am."

Padfoot,

I missed you too. But I'm sorry, I can't go back, not to our romantic relationship. I wish I could tell you this in person, but you deserve to know right away so there aren't future misunderstandings. I mated with someone, eight years ago. He's an auror and a wonderful man. I hope you can meet him someday soon, I think you'd like him, you have a lot in common.

I do want our friendship back. It was so lonely being the only Marauder. I hope we can still be friends.

Moony

"Remus!" Cassius clomped up the stairs quickly and into their bedroom. "Moody's gotten hired at Hogwarts! He's going to be the DADA professor!"

"Really?" Remus felt a surge of jealousy and quickly squashed it. "He'll do a good job."

"Not as good as you." Cassius said loyally. Remus was touched since he knew how much Cassius admired and loved Moody.

"Thanks." He smiled. "Any other news?"

"No…it was a boring day…I made up a whole report about trying to find Black in the Alps." Cassius shrugged as he sat down on the bed. Remus was feeling ill since it was the day before the full moon.

"But you did go to the Alps." Remus said calmly.

"Yes, but obviously he's not there, so I had to make up realistic sightings of him." Remus had received his first letter from Sirius a week ago, he hadn't said where he was but the letter had been delivered by a large tropical bird. "I hate pretending he's smarter than I am." Cassius plucked at the quilt.

"I know. And he's not smarter." Remus said firmly. "Thank you for pretending." Cassius shrugged. "I could thank you properly if you moved closer."

"You're tired." Cassius said as he moved closer.

"I'm never too tired for you." Remus smiled.

"I love you." Cassius kissed Remus gently.

"Take off your clothes." Remus whispered, as he unbuttoned his pajama top.

"How are you going to thank me?" Cassius whispered back as he stood and stripped his clothing off.

"I'm going to let you have your way with me." Remus pulled his pajama pants off under the covers.

"Really? I get to do whatever I want?" Remus nodded. Cassius pulled the quilt down the bed, revealing Remus's body. "Oh…" Cassius' eyes glazed over as he surveyed Remus. "I…" His fingers trailed down Remus's naked chest as he moved to straddle Remus's hips.

Moony,

It was too much to hope, but I had to ask. I am glad you found someone worthy of you. I know I wasn't that person, if I had been I never would have though you were the spy. And yes, of course, we are still friends. We're the last two Marauders, nothing could keep me from being your friend. We were friends first, weren't we?

Padfoot

Cassius came into the kitchen from the mudroom as Remus was sitting at the table reading another (different from above) letter from Sirius.

"He writes a lot, doesn't he?"

"Well, I think it's lonely on the run so he likes to get owl post. He loved your cookies, Tabby." She nodded an acknowledgement as she made toasted cheese sandwiches for their lunch.

"You sent him cookies?"

"He needs to eat." Remus responded reasonably.

"If you only send cookies it's not very nutritious." Cassius pointed out, just as reasonably.

"I sent sandwiches too."

"Oh. Just..."

"What?" Remus asked gently.

"Don't send him any cinnamon rolls, those are mine."

"All right." Remus reached over and took Cassius's hand in his. "You don't mind me writing him, do you?"

"No." Cassius shrugged. Remus gazed at him for a long moment. "I'm a little jealous."

"You needn't be, husband of mine."

"I'm working on it." Cassius smiled ruefully. "Come for a drive with me."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know...how much time have you got?"

"I don't have a job, remember? And...what are you doing home?" Remus realized it was just before lunch time on a workday.

"I'm sick."

"You don't look sick."

"Worth put me on a committee with Umbridge and I can't stand her so I said I was sick and had to go home."

"Did he believe you?"

"Tessen did a spell on me so I looked sick when I told Worth. He took it off before I came home."

"Ah. Sneaky."

"Slytherin." Tessen and Cassius had been friends, of a sort, since Auror training. Both had had to battle prejudice, Tessen because of his house and Cassius because of his name. "You should have seen the prank he did on Kingsley last April Fools."

"What was it?"

"Can't remember now, but it was brilliant."

"Here." Tabby placed a basket on the table in front of Remus. "Have a nice drive." She transformed into her animagus form and trotted quickly from the kitchen.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She was at Hogwarts this morning for a brunch with Minerva and her sister. She's all talked out. Ready for that drive then?" Remus stood and picked up the basket. Cassius leaned down and kissed him.

"How about Cornwall?" Cassius suggested, grabbing the keys from the hook.

"Sounds lovely. Do we get to park and make out in the back seat?"

"Definitely."

Moony,

Happy Birthday! I wish I could get you something. Unfortunately, the Ministry has frozen access to my vault. So all I have to give you is my love. And I give it all to you.

Padfoot

"Happy Birthday." Cassius's breath tickled Remus's ear.

"Mm…" He rolled over and buried his head in Cassius's neck.

"34 years old today."

Remus opened his eyes reluctantly. It was dark outside. "What time is it?"

"12:01."

"And why are you waking me up now?"

"Because it's your birthday." Remus raised his head to stare down at Cassius. "And because I couldn't sleep."

"So…does that mean I get my birthday sex now?"

"If you want it." Cassius tried to sound nonchalant, but Remus could feel that he was already hard.

"Mm." Remus kissed Cassius. "Fingers, then tongue…then…you."

"All right." Cassius rolled them over and moved down between Remus's legs.

"Wait. Tongue first."

"You can't change your mind again, you're sure?"

"Yes." Remus sighed as Cassius's tongue trailed over him.

A week or so later, Remus, Clara, Stevens and Cassius found their seats in the bleachers at the World Cup. Remus was so excited to see a World Cup Quidditch match and it was fun to be out with Cassius even if they were pretending they hardly knew each other.

"There're your relations." Stevens pointed, winking over at Remus.

"Will you stop that?" Cassius snapped as he followed where Stevens was pointing – to the veelas.

"Who wants butter beers? I'm going for some. No, Remus, I'm paying, you're my guest." Clara stood up. "Stevens, come on. You have to help me carry them." Stevens stood and they stepped over Cassius, who was sitting on the aisle, to go down to the concessions.

"You having fun?" Cassius asked politely. Remus was very aware they were in public, surrounded by people who couldn't know about their relationship.

"Oh, yes." Remus smiled over at Cassius. "It was nice of Clara to invite me."

"Hey, Cassie." A black-haired wizard came bounding up a few steps, stopping next to Cassius.

"Tessen." Cassius greeted him coolly. Remus had heard Cassius talk about Tessen for years. It was nice to finally have a face to put to the name.

Tessen's eyes flicked over to Remus. "Is this –"

"No, this is Remus Lupin, he's Clara's friend." Cassius said smoothly. Remus cringed inwardly as he realized Tessen would know he was a werewolf and that he'd been suspected of helping Sirius, who was still a fugitive, infiltrate Hogwarts. "This is Liam Tessen, he's an auror too."

"Nice to meet you." Remus said politely. He waited nervously for Tessen's reaction.

"Nice to meet you, Lupin. I remember seeing you around when you worked at the Ministry." Tessen smiled warmly at him then turned back to Cassius. "So, where is your boyfriend?"

"He's at home, he hates Quidditch."

"You're lying, no man hates Quidditch." Tessen laughed. "Have you met this mysterious boyfriend of his?" Remus shook his head. "I don't know that I think he really exists, except I know Cassie can't go very long without having sex so he's got to have someone."

"Shut up, Tessen." Cassius scowled as Remus laughed.

"Liam!" A brown-haired witch waved from several rows down.

"There's Katrina. Better get back." Tessen thumped Cassius on the shoulder. "See you at work. Nice meeting you, Lupin."

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." Remus said, trying to keep his voice casual. Remus was curious what Cassius would say about this imaginary boyfriend.

"Yeah."

"How long have you been together?"

"A while."

"Does he really hate Quidditch?"

"Yes. I don't know why I stay with him really. Who doesn't like Quidditch?"

"Why do you stay with him, then?"

"He gives great head." Cassius answered smoothly. Remus felt his face go red. Just then Stevens and Clara got back with butter beers and assorted snacks.

"What'd you say to Remus?" Clara glared at Cassius.

"It was nothing, Clara, really." Remus took the butter beer she was handing him.

"You're sure? Because I could have Stevens beat him up if he was rude."

"Like he could." Cassius interjected.

"I would, I take the honor of my girlfriend's friend very seriously. Just say the word, Remus." Stevens looked as if he would really like Remus to say 'the word'.

"No, it wasn't rude, I just didn't expect him to say what he said. It's fine, really." Remus knew his face was still pink.

"Well, just ignore him, he says crude things to people when he wants them to stop talking to him. He's done it ever since school." Remus nodded, he knew Cassius did, he'd just never had it aimed at him. Apparently, Cassius was very in character.

Just then the introductions of the teams started.

"Here, Remus, you can borrow these if you like." Cassius reached across to hand Remus the omnioculars.

"Thanks." Remus stroked over the long fingers quickly as he took the omnioculars from Cassius's hand. He knew it was an apology for being snarky.

The game was great, the four of them had a very fun time. Once they had made their way back to their tent, Clara immediately turned to Cassius.

"What did you say to make Remus blush?" Clara asked.

"Tessen saw us while you were gone getting the drinks and asked where my boyfriend was and I said he was home because he hates Quidditch."

"So I asked why he was still with the boyfriend if he hated Quidditch."

"And I said he gives great head." Cassius tried to take Remus's hand but Remus moved it out of the way and crossed his arms. Stevens laughed.

"Why does Tessen even know you have a boyfriend? I thought you never admitted you had one. At least, that's what Aspasia said last year."

"I had to tell them when you came home for the Easter Holiday. It was the only way I could get extra time off. I said it was my boyfriend's 30th birthday and we were going to the Lake District."

"You've never taken me to the Lake District."

"Well, I didn't take him either. He doesn't actually exist, Remus. I'll take you to the Lake District next weekend, how about that?"

Before Remus could answer, there were loud shouts and screams from outside the tent. Cassius rushed out and then rushed back inside.

"Fucking Death Eaters, they've got that muggle family…" Cassius grabbed his coat, pulling his wand out of one of the pockets.

"Wait." Remus grabbed his sleeve, quickly doing a sobering spell on him. "Please be careful."

"Stay here. I'll do a protection spell on the tent. Do not go into the woods." Cassius raced out of the tent again.

"I'm going to." Stevens kissed Clara swiftly, whispering something in her ear before following Cassius out. Remus and Clara peeked out to see the Death Eaters go by. Remus noticed that Clara had her wand in her hand, he wondered what Stevens had whispered to her.

Author's notes: I'm still working on the second half of this chapter so it will be posted in a few days. I am very excited about the scenes once Sirius is physically at Windy Corner so the next chapter won't be perfectly lovely just so we can get to Sirius. :-)

Padfoot: I hope I answered your question about who Remus would have chosen. :-) At least it's how he would have chosen in MY universe. :-) And I'm glad you liked Owen and the sex scene. I liked them too. :-)

Mon2: Thank you for the compliment!! I actually am working on my own original stories. That was a big project that I was going to work on this summer but I became obsessed by my fan fiction. When I get some chapters done for my other stories, if you'd like to give feedback, I'd love it. Could I email you?

AffectedMangoO: Thanks for the compliment on Chapter 34! I am so glad you liked it!!

Noone, peegchica, meike, kungzone, Maurynna78: I'm so glad you liked Chapter 34. I will try to make some of the next chapters as good. :-)