Disclaimer I do NOT own the Teen Titans, or anything related to them...Well, some comics...BUT I DIDN'T MAKE THEM!
A/N I'M SORRY. I didn't want to wait so long, but I couldn't think of anything to write. I wanted to post it for so long, but it seemed too short, so I kept writing. T.T So that's my excuse...
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Chapter 12 - "Let me die."
I've decided to try as hard as humanly, or demonly, possible. It's not fair to me, but that doesn't mean that it should affect other's lives. I have to ignore that which bothers me so that it keeps others from being bothered. I'll act like myself...Now what's that?...I've been acting to depressed and emotionally challenged lately that I kind of forgot...
That's it...I can't take it. I won't be able to hide all of this emotion, and if I can't do that, then I can't be a titan. And if I can't be a titan, I am but a halfling, wandering to my doom. I am truly dead when I cannot remember who I was.
"Let me die."
Walking once again from that which keeps me safe, but tormented and trapped, I headed to the roof.
I knew that there was to be high winds, but that made it all better. No reason, really. Winds are just nice, sometimes. Even when they're rushing through you like a thousand arrows, it's kind of nice. Even when you're looking down to the crashing waves below the tower. When you're looking at that which will relieve you of your duties and pain.
'Have you thought this through? You never should jump into things...or off of things...without thinking whether it's right.'
Stupid guilty conscience. Well...that's one less thing that I'll have to worry about, now.
Standing firmly on the edge of the roof, I adjusted my feet for no important reason. The wind blew my cape strait behind me as I leaned forward. Feeling even more wind slap against my face as I plummeted to the water, it really didn't feel all the different from flying to the city. Everything's the same, except that I don't have any control over anything. No control over my powers. No control over where I land. No control over these raging emotions. I'm so much more free.
"I'm going to die...finally."
This is what I've been waiting for, but why haven't I died? I think that I would have known when I died, so where is that time?
...No. I'm not falling any longer. I'm going back up to the roof. And what of those beautiful teal eyes stabbing my heart? Where did they come from?
"Sorry. I couldn't help but notice that you weren't flying back up, and I thought that I should probably come and catch you."
I stared longingly at the violently crashing water below us. "Now why would you do that?"
Beast Boy didn't answer me. He just closed his eyes and sighed. Beast Boy has such a serious face when he does get serious...It's kind of interesting to watch. I mean...he was always to jocular, wherever we went. Whether it was in battle, during a movie, or...anywhere. Either way, of course, he's himself. I know that when he's doing something stupid, which really makes him seem immature, he's just trying to make me laugh.
Closing my eyes, as well, I felt him set me gently on the cold stone rooftop. The thump of his feet walking towards me, and my own heavy breathing were the only sounds that I could hear. It made me nervous to think about it. His footsteps echoed in my mind, though I knew that they shouldn't.
"...What the hell were you thinking? Why in the world would you want to jump off the tower?!"
I stood up slowly, trying to gain more balance. "I'd hope that it was obvious."
"Well, I'm sorry, but it isn't," he said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "Please..." Beast Boy brought his hand up to meet my shoulder. It felt so full of warmth. And it looked to me as though his eyes were about to break in half if I didn't do anything...
I reached up to touch his hand. "Do you know how it feels? Not knowing whether you're tolerable or not? Or whether you'll be able to control yourself enough to get through your everyday life?
"I have to watch every move that I make, to make sure that no one gets hurt. I moniter myself, and try as hard as possible, for me, to act 'normal'. But I never know if I'm actually normal, or if I'm just another Drama Queen. If I'm just...me." I stopped. Being reminded of what he had said earlier...That doesn't feel nice.
"Raven...Everyone has their own crap that they have to go through. You're not the only one suffering." Beast Boy's expression became dark. "Don't make your problems worse than they are."
"My problems can't get any worse. So, I wouldn't be able to make them seem any worse."
His hand slid down the side of my arm, and I felt a warm shiver sprint to that spot. "Anyone can make a situation seem worse. It's not just you." Beast Boy looked to the side, his eyes distant. "Even I do it."
I don't care if you do it...I KNOW that nothing's worse than feeling untrustworthy, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
My eyes narrowed, and I could feel my arm growing tense. "But at least you have hope. Hope for that your situation will get better. Me...That will not happen," I said, whipping my arm from his grasp. "Let me end my suffering."
Beast Boy snatched my arm back into his hand, and pulled me to him. Our faces inches away, he glared strait into my burning, raging, pupils. His eyes were almost glazed over, and I couldn't tell whether he about to yell, or about to cry...Turns out that it was neither, though.
"What makes you say that? I know that you wouldn't be so stupid."
Biting my lip, I twisted out of his hands once again and jumped backwards. I could feel my eyes burning...Not just metaphorically, but actually hurting, and stinging. This feeling...is like when I explode. When I let go of my hidden emotions and release them unto my room...That always felt so good though. What makes this any different?
...Maybe I am stupid. I can't tell the difference between emotions any more.
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A/N Well, there's the crap that I wrote. Sitting in front of you, rotting and dying...Hope you liked it! v I truly worked very hard to not make it too emotional, but still making emotional, you know?...Like, not making it...Oh, forget it! Just review!
A/N I'M SORRY. I didn't want to wait so long, but I couldn't think of anything to write. I wanted to post it for so long, but it seemed too short, so I kept writing. T.T So that's my excuse...
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Chapter 12 - "Let me die."
I've decided to try as hard as humanly, or demonly, possible. It's not fair to me, but that doesn't mean that it should affect other's lives. I have to ignore that which bothers me so that it keeps others from being bothered. I'll act like myself...Now what's that?...I've been acting to depressed and emotionally challenged lately that I kind of forgot...
That's it...I can't take it. I won't be able to hide all of this emotion, and if I can't do that, then I can't be a titan. And if I can't be a titan, I am but a halfling, wandering to my doom. I am truly dead when I cannot remember who I was.
"Let me die."
Walking once again from that which keeps me safe, but tormented and trapped, I headed to the roof.
I knew that there was to be high winds, but that made it all better. No reason, really. Winds are just nice, sometimes. Even when they're rushing through you like a thousand arrows, it's kind of nice. Even when you're looking down to the crashing waves below the tower. When you're looking at that which will relieve you of your duties and pain.
'Have you thought this through? You never should jump into things...or off of things...without thinking whether it's right.'
Stupid guilty conscience. Well...that's one less thing that I'll have to worry about, now.
Standing firmly on the edge of the roof, I adjusted my feet for no important reason. The wind blew my cape strait behind me as I leaned forward. Feeling even more wind slap against my face as I plummeted to the water, it really didn't feel all the different from flying to the city. Everything's the same, except that I don't have any control over anything. No control over my powers. No control over where I land. No control over these raging emotions. I'm so much more free.
"I'm going to die...finally."
This is what I've been waiting for, but why haven't I died? I think that I would have known when I died, so where is that time?
...No. I'm not falling any longer. I'm going back up to the roof. And what of those beautiful teal eyes stabbing my heart? Where did they come from?
"Sorry. I couldn't help but notice that you weren't flying back up, and I thought that I should probably come and catch you."
I stared longingly at the violently crashing water below us. "Now why would you do that?"
Beast Boy didn't answer me. He just closed his eyes and sighed. Beast Boy has such a serious face when he does get serious...It's kind of interesting to watch. I mean...he was always to jocular, wherever we went. Whether it was in battle, during a movie, or...anywhere. Either way, of course, he's himself. I know that when he's doing something stupid, which really makes him seem immature, he's just trying to make me laugh.
Closing my eyes, as well, I felt him set me gently on the cold stone rooftop. The thump of his feet walking towards me, and my own heavy breathing were the only sounds that I could hear. It made me nervous to think about it. His footsteps echoed in my mind, though I knew that they shouldn't.
"...What the hell were you thinking? Why in the world would you want to jump off the tower?!"
I stood up slowly, trying to gain more balance. "I'd hope that it was obvious."
"Well, I'm sorry, but it isn't," he said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "Please..." Beast Boy brought his hand up to meet my shoulder. It felt so full of warmth. And it looked to me as though his eyes were about to break in half if I didn't do anything...
I reached up to touch his hand. "Do you know how it feels? Not knowing whether you're tolerable or not? Or whether you'll be able to control yourself enough to get through your everyday life?
"I have to watch every move that I make, to make sure that no one gets hurt. I moniter myself, and try as hard as possible, for me, to act 'normal'. But I never know if I'm actually normal, or if I'm just another Drama Queen. If I'm just...me." I stopped. Being reminded of what he had said earlier...That doesn't feel nice.
"Raven...Everyone has their own crap that they have to go through. You're not the only one suffering." Beast Boy's expression became dark. "Don't make your problems worse than they are."
"My problems can't get any worse. So, I wouldn't be able to make them seem any worse."
His hand slid down the side of my arm, and I felt a warm shiver sprint to that spot. "Anyone can make a situation seem worse. It's not just you." Beast Boy looked to the side, his eyes distant. "Even I do it."
I don't care if you do it...I KNOW that nothing's worse than feeling untrustworthy, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
My eyes narrowed, and I could feel my arm growing tense. "But at least you have hope. Hope for that your situation will get better. Me...That will not happen," I said, whipping my arm from his grasp. "Let me end my suffering."
Beast Boy snatched my arm back into his hand, and pulled me to him. Our faces inches away, he glared strait into my burning, raging, pupils. His eyes were almost glazed over, and I couldn't tell whether he about to yell, or about to cry...Turns out that it was neither, though.
"What makes you say that? I know that you wouldn't be so stupid."
Biting my lip, I twisted out of his hands once again and jumped backwards. I could feel my eyes burning...Not just metaphorically, but actually hurting, and stinging. This feeling...is like when I explode. When I let go of my hidden emotions and release them unto my room...That always felt so good though. What makes this any different?
...Maybe I am stupid. I can't tell the difference between emotions any more.
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A/N Well, there's the crap that I wrote. Sitting in front of you, rotting and dying...Hope you liked it! v I truly worked very hard to not make it too emotional, but still making emotional, you know?...Like, not making it...Oh, forget it! Just review!