It was early one morning when Jasmine began to stir. She was laying on her side with her head resting upon her arm. Her legs and hair were sprawled out on the bed. A white hospital gown was draped across her skinny malnourished body. The sun began to shine its way through the window and onto the princess. As the beams began to heat her body up the princess stirred. She opened her eyes barely and could make out a figure walking toward her. She hoped it was Aladdin.
It had been 2 weeks since she had woken up and one week since she had seen any of her family. As the figure walked closer to her she could make out a nurse gown, much to her disappointment.
"It's good to see you up princess. I heard last night was tough on you," The nurse said as she began to fiddle with her urine collector.
Jasmine couldn't say anything. All nights had been rough on her since being brought there. Everyday they would wake her up around 7 and attempt to get her to eat. Of course she never did since anytime she would she would always vomit it up later. During that day all she would do is sleep. At night she would be awoken due to pain and then cry all night.
The nurse bent down to Jasmine and smiled.
"Hey there. I know it's hard but it's time for a shower,"
The princess only closed her eyes and moaned. Jasmine pulled the sheets up more and turned over. The nurse let out a large sigh and then began to push over a wheelchair. Jasmine then felt a strong tug on the blanket she was clutching. As much as she wanted to hold on, she was too weak. The blanket came flying off and soon a cold rush could be felt over her entire body. Jasmine let out a moan and sunk herself further into the pillow.
"I understand it must be hard. And I get you're exhausted and tired. But you need to keep up personal hygiene," the nurse explained as she began to unhinge her tubes.
"I'm fine… I'll do it later," Jasmine mumbled.
"Princess you said that last time-"
"Well last time I felt exactly the same I do now! Like crap!" Jasmine snapped.
"Princess come on. I'll wheel you there," The nurse said, pulling over a wheelchair.
"No…"
"Yes,"
"I hate it here,"
"I understand but your family wants you here,"
"Well I don't. Give me back the blanket and just let me rest," she begged.
"Princess please it won't take long if you just trust us. Let us take care of you princess,"
"But I'm exhausted,"
"I get that but you haven't eaten or bathed at all,"
Jasmine let out a moan and then stretched. She opened her eyes and waited for her eyes to adjust to the bright sun seeping through the open window.
"I'll be there just in a minute," Jasmine mumbled.
"Do you need help getting ready?"
"No, I'll be fine. Just give me a minute,"
The nurse nodded and then left the room. Jasmine moaned and then stretched on last time before pulling herself together. Jasmine grabbed onto the wooden table nearby and pulled herself up in a sitting position. When she did her head felt like a balloon. The princess moaned and began to rub herself all over. She took note of her skinny arms and legs. Jasmine took a deep breath in and then pulled her nightgown back and looked down at her ribs. The princess whimpered and cried.
'Had it really gotten that bad?' she thought.
As she waited for the nurses to get her the princess ran along her entire body. Her ribs felt like hills and valleys and her legs were like sticks. Her wrists and ankles were tiny. The thought of people seeing her exposed horrified her. She couldn't even bear to see herself and the thought of complete strangers touching her and bathing her broke her.
"Princess are you ready?" a nurse asked.
"Yeah,"
The nurse began to pull a wheelchair over for the princess.
"No it's fine I'll walk," Jasmine said, pulling herself over to the side of the bed.
"Princess, you're very weak. It's not-"
"Please! Please just let me walk. Let me prove to myself I can do something more than sleeping," Jasmine said. Pulling her hand away from the nurse.
The nurse watched nervously as the princess began to ready herself to walk. Jasmine had begun to walk a week ago. Though it had been some time.
Jasmine took a deep breath in and then lifted herself off the bed. An immediate source of pain engulfed her lower body and her head began to feel light. She felt as if she would pass out. Her feet felt weak. Jasmine moaned and then looked forward. She noticed the same nurse smiling and pointing down the hall.
"The bathing quarters are just down the hall,"
Jasmine slowly walked her way over to the doorway and then stopped. She peered down the hall in both directions.
"It's ok princess. No ones gonna stare,"
Jasmine gulped and then departed from the room. Slowly the two began to walk down the hall toward the washroom. She looked down as the sounds of carts rolling, patients crying, and staff talking echoed through the halls. The more she spent in the halls the more she began to feel anxious. Butterflies flew all around in her stomach. If one small thing happened it was as if she would explode. The idea of people staring at a thin emaciated princess made her heart pound harder and harder.
"We're here princess,"
Jasmine was taken back into a room on the left. There a bathtub and tray of shampoo and oils was placed. A bag was placed in front of Jasmine.
"You put your clothes in here,"
Jasmine looked at the bag and then at the nurse, "Now?"
"The sooner we get done the sooner you'll be back in bed,"
Jasmine sighed and then looked down, "I'd rather not undress right now,"
"Are you going to take a bath in your clothes?"
"No I'm going to undress by myself and then bath by myself,"
"Princess I get it's hard. I really do. But it's best if someone is in the room with you. In case something happens,"
"But I want to do it myself,"
"It's not safe," The nurse began to move her hand toward her nightgown, "Here let me-"
When Jasmine realized that the nurse was trying to pull off her nightgown she stepped backwards. No way was she letting a complete stranger undress her.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to do what you think I will. I just want you to know that it's ok. I understand you have body issues and-"
"Body issues?"
"Well some self esteem issues,"
Jasmine huffed and turned around ready to leave. No way was she going to willingly let complete strangers bath and ridicule her. But the nurse grabbed onto one of her wrists which held her back.
"Princess please. This is for your best health,"
"Abusing me and telling me about my body and MY ISSUES is not in my best health," she said angrily, wriggling free from the nurse's grasp. But when she turned around to the door 4 other nurses were in the doorway with towels and her medical equipment. Jasmine gulped and tried to run past them. But they pushed her back and toward the tub. Even though she tried to shove her way through them it was no use. They grabbed her nightgown and began to pull it down. When she finally noticed it was too late. The night gown was ripped away from her body and the princess stood their nude in front of 5 different strangers. Her world seemed to stop. The butterflies in her chest had stopped fluttering and the constant feeling of something going wrong had happened.
The nurses stood there in front of her shocked. There their princess stood, helpless and completely exposed to whatever they were going to do. The princess covered her breasts and pubic area in order to keep some sort of dignity. Jasmine began to hyperventilate and whimper. She clutched her skinny arms and legs. Jasmine grabbed onto a cart full of towels and grabbed one to shield her body. The princess shivered. The only thing holding her dignity together was a thin shield of cloth. As the princess shivered and cried in the corner nurses surrounded her. Jasmine looked up terrified to see 3 nurses completely surrounding her. They looked so big, and she felt so small. The princess felt like a child again, she knew she was out of control and that her outburst was unnecessary.
"Princess please, let us take care of you,"
Tired and exhausted the princess knew she couldn't keep it up. She had to admit defeat and let them bathe her. No matter how embarrassing it was. She felt a hand grab her arms and try to lift her up. Angered, the princess pushed it away and lifted herself off the floor. The people tried to help her toward the bath but she refused.
"For Allah's sake! Let me walk across the room by myself!" she cried, her eyes full of anger.
Jasmine stared at the women, though she knew deep in her heart there was nothing she could do. She had to accept her fate and let them take over her. So when the nurses walked over to her and pulled her toward the tub she didn't fight back. As she was lowered into the tub she let the warm water engulf her. As much as she didn't want to admit it, the feeling was pleasant. That was until they began to help her bathe.
'Every single time… every time!' she thought. Every time she ever enjoyed something it would always be interrupted.
An hour later passed. Now she was laying in her medical bed. As she listened to constant beeping of the equipment the thoughts of being home in her bed entered her mind. She was taken back to a time when everything was perfect. Jasmine smiled as the feeling of Aladdin kissing her and hugging her engulfed her body. When everything was perfect.
"Jasmine?"
Jasmine perked her head up. She looked behind her and saw Aladdin standing in the doorway. Even from afar Jasmine could see he was tired. He was leaning against the doorway and his eyes were full of exhaustion. Jasmine giggled and then walked her way over her husband.
"You seem tired," she noted, looking into his tired eyes.
"Oh it's nothing. I was just wondering what you're doing up so late,"
"What do you mean?"
"Jas it's like 2 in the morning,"
"Oh," Jasmine then noticed that Aladdin was in his pj's and the sky was dark, "I must have lost track of time,"
"What are you doing?"
"I was organizing my closet,"
Aladdin looked at her confused, "Jasmine you don't have to do that,"
"But I enjoy it. I like doing things. And I like to discover things. Oh Aladdin," Jasmine ran back into her closet and grabbed an outfit, "Look what I found! Remember this?"
Aladdin exclaimed the silk purple dress, "Yeah I gave it to you for our anniversary,"
"Yeah I haven't worn it much. Sorry about that,"
"Jas… You don't have to be sorry about that. I've seen you wear it like 5 times,"
"I know… but-"
"Jasmine, you don't have to be sorry about anything. You're the most beautiful person ever. No matter what you wear,"
Jasmine laughed at that and she then hugged Aladdin. Hearing that made her feel a lot better, knowing that she probably wouldn't even fit in it anyway.
"So can we please go to bed. I can't sleep without you,"
"Oh sure you can. You did it without me tonight,"
"That's because I was so tired,"
Jasmine giggled and then kissed Aladdin, "I love you,"
"I love you to, more than anything in the entire world,"
"Me to,"
Aladdin broke from their hug, "Come on let's go to bed,"
"I still haven't finished yet. I'll come later,"
"Jasmine it's 2 in the morning,"
"But I haven't-"
"Jasmine please. You're talking about me being tired have you seen yourself,"
"What do you mean?" Jasmine asked, confused. The princess turned and faced her vanity mirror.
"Your eyes are just as- maybe even more exhausted than mine. And you seem… oh what's the word… thinner…"
Jasmine felt her heart skip a beat. Was it really that obvious? Was her tricks of hiding her body not good enough? Hopefully Aladdin would forget about it the next day. Jasmine looked away from the mirror and toward the floor.
"Jasmine? Did I offend you?"
"What? Oh No- no…"
"Sorry if I offended-"
"No you didn't," she reassured him.
Aladdin kissed her on the forehead and then smiled at her, "Look if you want to stay awake then I'm ok with that. Just make sure you get a good night's rest,"
Jasmine didn't say anything. She just stood there lost in her thoughts. She watched as Aladdin walked out the doorway. Once she was sure he was gone Jasmine let out a whimper and a tear fell. The princess could feel her whole idea of controlling herself falling apart. It would only be a matter of time before everything would come crashing down. Her secret was coming out.
Jasmine took a deep breath in and then walked into her closet. She choked on her tears as she quickly took her nightgown off. She undid her hair, took off her shoes, and jewelry. Jasmine let her tears fall as she stared at her thin stature. She knew this would happen. Jasmine grabbed her headpiece. She looked into the big sapphire jewel. She thought the jewel made her special. It made her feel above and brought comfort. She looked at her reflection and then without thinking she threw the headpiece at the mirror with full force. Anger surged inside of her, an uncontrollable kind. When she realized what she had done the princess gasped and fumbled her way toward the headpiece. Jasmine inspected the whole thing, she felt her heart skip a beat when she noticed a large dent on one of the sides.
Jasmine cursed herself and let out a large groan. Not only did she completely destroy her mirror she ruined her headpiece. Having had enough , the princess put it aside and looked at herself in the broken mirror. Looking back at her was a broken, thin, hollow image of herself. Everytime Jasmine looked in the mirror the more it seemed like she would distance herself from who she once was.
She didn't feel like Jasmine anymore. She didn't feel strong, loved, or really anything. She just felt empty. She didn't feel like anyone. Just a hollow excuse for a human being on earth. Everytime she either looked in a mirror or purged it seemed like she would lose part of herself. Everytime.
After collecting herself together Jasmine picked herself off the ground and dressed herself once more. Once she was done she turned off the light and made her way out toward Aladdin. As she walked through the hall a million thoughts swirled around in her head. She knew that she was just having another breakdown. And she hated every moment of it.
Jasmine knew it was childish, the whole thing was childish. She constantly bugged Aladdin about lying but never once bothered to ridicule herself. She felt hurt and broken inside. And it didn't matter how many kisses or hugs, she would never feel like she was actually loved. She didn't know when the feeling came, but it did.
Jasmine was about to open the bedroom door but she stopped. She didn't know why, but something prevented her from doing so. She just couldn't explain it.
'I'm scared…' she admitted to herself.
She didn't know why she was scared. But the feeling of wanting to be alone soon took over and she found herself walking away from his room and back toward the kitchen. The constant pain in her stomach was to blame. Once she finished deciding the marble steps toward the kitchen she found herself in front of the pantry. When she opened the door an immediate surge of wanting overcame her. Without thinking the princess grabbed rice cakes, bread, chocolate, fruit, corn, and some leftovers. She looked down at the mass of food below her. Then she ate. The princess ate until she couldn't. It was a much needed fix. She hadn't eaten in 4 days and it was now catching up to her.
Lit only by moonlight the princess ate and ate. It was as if she were in a zone, yet every time she took a bite more pain would ensue. She was filling herself up, too much. She found herself crying and whimpering as she ate. Around an hour later of choking and crying the princess finished eating. The princess felt sick everytime she took a glance at the trash below her. Jasmine graced her hands over her swollen belly and moaned. She wanted to just die, she wanted it to be over. But she knew she still had one last thing to do.
Once removing all evidence of her eating spree the princess made her way back toward her room. On the way stomach pains made themselves present. She could feel herself on the brink of passing out. Once in her bathroom the princess fumbled in front of the toilet and then with seconds to spare she let everything out. As the chunks of food came up and out of her stomach her head began to feel more lightheaded. It was as if all of her body was focused on purging all the food out. Her arms were weak, her head was light, and her eyes were tired. About an hour later the princess had finished. The thought of sleep was the only thing going through her head. If she could just make it to her bed then she would fall asleep and everything would be gone. The pain, the tiredness, and-
"Jasmine?" a voice called from above. Jasmine froze. She had been caught.
"Jasmine babe what are you doing?" Aladdin asked.
Jasmine knew it was only a matter of time until someone found out. The princess cursed herself underneath her breath, she took too long. Aladdin looked inside the toilet and gasped.
"Jasmine, how much food did you eat?!" he asked.
"To much,"
"What happened?"
"I got sick,"
"Why? You know you can tell me anything,"
Jasmine searched in her mind for an excuse, "It's… just stomach flu, I've been feeling off all day," she explained, choking on her vomit.
"How long have you been feeling sick?"
"Only today," she lied.
Aladdin stared at her for a moment before hugging her.
"It's going to be ok. We'll get you some medicine,"
"Ok,"
"And you'll be taking a week off,"
Jasmine pulled back from Aladdin and stared at him in shock.
"A week!" she exclaimed.
Aladdin gave her a confused look, "Yeah,"
"That's too long! It's just a stomach flu. I just need some medicine,"
"Jasmine, you're existed and you just vomited,"
"I- I know,"
"Are you finished?" Aladdin asked.
"Yeah yeah I'm done,"
"Well it's 4 in the morning. Can we please get some sleep,"
Jasmine stayed silent for a moment.
"I- I'd like to sleep by myself," she stuttered.
"Jasmine I'm not letting you sleep by yourself ok. You need to be by me in case something happens ok,"
"No please-"
"Come on Jasmine. Let me help you,"
"I'll clean up the mess," she told him. Avoiding his begging.
"I'll do it," Aladdin said, refusing to let her.
"Please… it's my fault,"
"No it's not, your stomach made you do it,"
Jasmine stayed silent for a moment. She knew that she was lying. And she knew at some point she had to tell the truth. But honestly right now she was too tired. Aladdin examined her body and noticed her swollen belly.
"Is that why your cheeks were swollen today?"
Jasmine looked at him confused and then sighed, "Yeah…"
"You threw up and you didn't tell me?" he asked, shocked.
"Well I- I was too busy. And YOU were busy too-"
"That doesn't mean avoiding telling me you're not feeling well,"
Jasmine stuttered, trying to find an excuse. Then Aladdin sat up and picked her up. She didn't even try to refuse. Though she wanted to just curl up in his arms and cry, the thought of her secret falling apart shook her awake. Aladdin walked to his bedroom and placed Jasmine on the bed. Jasmine moaned and sank into the mattress. After falling asleep on her desk for the past 3 nights the warm, soft feeling on the mattress was something refreshing. After what felt like forever of just staring into the night sky she felt Aladdin get into bed. Jasmine was confused at first, 'wasn't he going to clean up the mess?'
"Aren't you going to clean up my mess?"
"I'm already finished. Having a hard time sleeping?"
Jasmine didn't respond and only sighed. Aladdin noticed that she was probably too tired to talk and called it a night. He sighed and then rubbed her back.
"Well if you don't want to talk that's ok. But just know that you can tell me anything. Sleep well princess,"
For the next hour a million thoughts ran through Jasmine's head. She knew she was lying. She knew her secret would somehow get revealed. The thought of the only way to get better was to expose herself haunted her. She had to reveal her biggest secret in order to get better. Jasmine knew that if she didn't tell anyone she would spiral out of control. She could only imagine what the next action would be. Her eyes bounced back from the night sky, her body, and even Aladdin at times. She hated the fact that she was lying to him and everyone. She knew that she couldn't get any better if she never asked for help. But the thought of her asking for help only made her feel useless.
'Princess shouldn't need help. She's supposed to help other people. Princesses don't need help,' she told herself.
It wasn't until sunrise when the princess fell asleep. She was just about to fall asleep when she felt Aladdin get up from the bed and yawn. 'Had she really been up that long? Did she just pull yet another all-nighter?'
"Morning babe. Get well soon?" Aladdin whispered in her ear.
Jasmine stirred awake but didn't say anything. She was too tired and sad. The princess lied on the bed for the next minute or so before finally drifting off to a well needed rest. Unaware of what was to come next.