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A Kitten or A Muffin

It would seem that they'd suffered enough for the Fates to take some pity on them. Given how Daisy's last visit to Kingsman's headquarters had gone, both Harry and Eggsy had been a touch apprehensive about her spending a day there. Thankfully, however, one of Kay's handlers was in house and the older sister of five younger siblings. Before they'd arrived at headquarters Merlin had asked her if she was willing to watch Daisy for them for a couple of hours, and Evie had mercifully said yes. Provided she got paid in Eggsy's now infamous biscuits, which he was more than willing to supply once informed.

Daisy herself was skeptical upon introduction-right up until Evie informed her that they were going to watch 'Frozen' and paint their nails. Then she was all for going with the pretty lady, swearing very earnestly to be a good girl for her.

Knowing Evie to be a very capable young woman Harry thanked her for the help and then joined Eggsy in waving the two off before heading to Harry office for a powwow meeting with Merlin and Kay.

"Hey, Harry. How many Houses are there? For the Fae, I mean."

"That, unfortunately, is constantly in flux. You would think, given how long lived they are, that that wouldn't be the case, but their love of deceit and trickery constantly gets them in trouble. With each other and with the Queens. A family considered worthy of being recognized as a House must constantly be wary of those vying to become one."

"They can't make Daisy and I be a part of their House though, can they? Just cause we're distantly related, I mean."

Harry considered for a moment trying to pretty it up-then discarded that idea for the honest truth as, in this case, it would be welcome.

"They will consider your blood tainted, Eggsy. The Fae has only mild respect for some humans, and those humans will have had to do something truly impressive in the eyes of the Fae to earn that regard. Added to that you're of house elf descent, which is also considered...less. They do respect the power of house elves, and certainly enjoy the benefits of having one serve them, but your people aren't social climbers or power seekers. They're very much the black sheep of the Fae families."

Not looking the least offended, Eggsy simply stated that he was glad that he wouldn't have to worry about some pointy earred bastard trying to carry them off to Fairyland.

Harry smiled. "Good to know. There are many who waste their lives trying to find their way there."

"Morons."

Amused, Harry found himself quoting Yeats. "'Come away, Oh human child! To the waters and the wild. With a faery, hand in hand, for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.'"

Coming to a sudden stop with a surprised look on his face, Eggsy took a moment to think about that.

"Okay. That I get."

Understanding why Eggsy would, Harry reached over to take Eggsy hand and give it a squeeze.

"No worries. You're stuck with us now." Eggsy assured him as he squeezed back. "You bring the water and I'll bring the wild."

Laughing, Harry grinned at Eggsy with his full affection for him on display, the younger man doing the same.

Starting to walk again while staying hand in hand the two walked in companionable silence for a couple more minutes before Eggsy asked what Kay had done to earn the Fae's respect. Or did he just know a lot about them from research.

"Ah. Now that's a touchy subject, in the King family. Their official stance on the matter is that those of their line are simply superior-in magical power and intelligence. So much so that they can make mutually beneficial deals with the Fae without issue."

"And the actual reason?"

"It's been suggested that the reason Kings tend to be scheming, power hungry arseholes with delusions of grandeur is because there is Fae blood running through their veins."

"Seriously? But wouldn't they want to brag about that?"

"No. For two reasons." Kay announced, coming around the corner. "Firstly, Fae might occasionally take a human lover but children from such a union are seen as a source of shame by the Fae. Likewise, it's the same for those in the magical community who refuse to accept that the Gifted most likely got their gifts as a result of humans having children with non-humans. And while it is true that some humans might want a Fae child for the gifts it would be born with-they would put themselves and said child at risk to openly name a member of the Fae as its parent. Many Houses would see them dead, rather than face the social embarrassment of others knowing they'd dirtied their blood with such a lesser species."

"Yeah...can't say I'm liking my efly cousins one little bit."

Kay's lips curved in a half smile. "They aren't all bad. Just most of them."

While Eggsy made a sound of agreement Harry posed the question of what the second reason was, genuinely curious.

"They can't tell because the elf they're descended from put spells in place to make sure they couldn't. Some do knowingly allow their non pureblood children live-but they and their family wouldn't want that mercy getting out. Ever. So they make sure it can't."

Ah. That made sense.

"Gotcha. So odds are my 'House' won't be bothering me none, then. Less it's to tell me to keep my gob shut about em, which I'm aces at."

"Not necessarily." Kay informed him. "The type of elf you are complicates things."

Both Harry and Eggsy together asked what he meant.

"House elves aren't normally seen as dangerous because they don't enjoy power, money, or status the way most every human and magical species does. They're content to stay in their homes and make homes for others. That, in the eyes of many, would make them seem weak and powerless. Yet House Fray sent someone to determine which house elf branch Eggsy is from, risking further escalation of the situation. The question then becomes why?"

"I had wondered that myself. Especially with his blood as diluted as it is." And none of the answers Harry had come up with boded well. Particularly after what Kay had stated earlier.

"As yet I have no confirmation...but something did occur to me. House elves influence the home. What if instead of doing so in a positive way...they could do it in a negative way. Make the food horrible, the furniture uncomfortable. Always too hot or too cold, things breaking or disappearing. Not what one would think of as torture-until one really thinks about it. Especially in the long term."

"Fuck."

Harry had to agree with Eggsy on that point. It didn't seem so bad at first, but when you stopped to think about what it would be like to never have a happy place to come home to-especially as anyone who lived with you would presumably also be affected-that was indeed quite the punishment. Was it possible that House Fray was worried that Eggsy's distant relatives would see that that happened to them? Would care enough to come after them.

"Do ya really think that's a thing I ca do? Mess with someone else's house? Cause my magic does shite without me knowing all the time."

"I've never heard of house elves cursing someone in that way." Harry stated, which was the truth.

Kay inclined his head in agreement. "True. It's just a theory of mine."

And what a theory it was, Harry and Eggsy silently conveyed to each other.

Oh boy.

)

As previously predicted Merlin had made his own list of things he thought they should demand from House Fray, including a request for copies of all recipes created over the centuries by house elves. They got a good laugh out of that-they'd all been expecting it. The other items were more practical like access to their spy networks, insider information, magical items, etc etc. Also added to the list was a request for more information about house elves-and the request that from now on all members of the Fae stay the hell away from Eggsy and Daisy. Or else.

"And away from Harry."

"Unfortunately, I do have to deal with them from time to time, Eggsy. And making that stipulation would be, to them, a sign of my age and growing weakness. Better that they think I continue to believe myself a match for them."

Eggsy's scowl said he wasn't liking that.

Perhaps trying to distract Eggsy, Merlin asked if there was anything else he wanted to ask for.

"Info about how ta put protection spells on our home and Kingsman, since it's mine through Harry."

His darling, Harry thought fondly. While feeling a little less fondly over the fond looks Eggsy was getting from the other two men in the room.

"We'll most certainly put that on the list and-" Merlin trailed off, his attention caught by something over Harry's shoulder.

Turning around Harry saw immediately what had the Scot's full attention now. The bird might almost be translucent as it was made of crystal rather than flesh and feather, but it still drew all their attention as it futtered around in front of the window. Trying and failing to get in.

"Well damn. Most impressive, Eggsy."

Confused, Eggsy asked Kay what he meant while Merlin and Harry already knew.

The crystal bird was a message from a Fae. A powerful, high ranking one. And yet it wasn't getting through the barriers and wards placed around the building.

And it should be able to.

They needed to be able to get messages from the Fae after all. That lot might prefer to do their version of policing their own, rather than asking for Kingsman's assistance, but open communication was still key. If the message itself meant to do harm the wards would know and give warning, but wouldn't stop the message from arriving.

Ergo...

"Eggsy. You need to think, and think hard, that that message bird is allowed in. We need to know what it's come to tell us, please."

"I didn't do-fuck. My magic's doing shite without me meaning it to again, ain't it."

Eggsy did some muttering about how bloody unfair that was while closing his eyes and concentrating, presumably, on doing as Harry had asked.

It took him a couple of minutes, then the bird flew through the window like it was air.

Then proceeded to hover in front of Eggsy's face in a menacing way.

"Oi. I didn't do it on purpose!"

A squawk of disgust, then the bird turned and arrowed through the air towards Kay, who held out a finger for it to perch on. And once it was comfortably situated Kay reached out with his other hand and placed a single finger on the bird's head.

Knowing Eggsy wouldn't understand Harry explained that the message would be sent to Kay telepathically, and would have been encoded to give said message to him and him alone.

"Sick. But also bloody annoying, since we don't know what Tweety is saying."

"True."

The message, thankfully, was a short one, the bird hopping back into the air and out of sight in a flash of rainbow light from the sun catching on its crystal wings.

They all watched it disappear, then turned expectantly towards Kay.

"It was from a contact of mine. Rumor has it that the house elf who visited you last night believes you to be from House Farfadet."

"Say wot? That sounds French. Am I French?" Eggsy sounded horrified at the idea. "Bad enough I find out I'm supposed to be short, and have magic I don't know how to fucking use, but I'm not even British now?!"

"You were born in England, Lad. You're British regardless of where your ancestors came from." Merlin pointed out.

"Ever heard of the kitten muffins argument?"

Harry got a very disturbing image in his head of muffins with furry cat ears, legs, and tails sticking out the sides. Especially since he was also imagining them meowing now.

Kay spoke for all of them when he asked Eggsy what he was talking about.

"The whole argument about how if a pregnant cat has her babies in a cool oven, are they kittens or are they muffins. Cause they were born in an oven, just like I was born in England. Allegedly. For all I know that could be absolute bollocks as well."

It was hard not to at least chuckle over the way Eggsy threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Your people on both sides of your family have lived here in England for generations at this point, so I think it's safe to say that you're British, Eggsy." Amused now, Harry gave the younger man's shoulder a pat. "So no need to have kittens over it."

"Oh har de har har, Harry."

"I thought it was funny."

Eggsy gave him the two finger salute-but there was a hint of a smile that said yeah, he'd found it funny too.

He just wasn't about to admit it just yet.

)

Once they'd finished their little byplay Kay spoke up again to inform them that if the news was true on all counts, then that meant Eggsy and Daisy didn't come from a top tier House-but they did come from a very old and distinguished line. One that had the respect of far more powerful players who would, most likely, be inclined to lend their power should House Farfadet decide to cause trouble for House Fray. Word on the street, so to speak, was that Shion would be very, very lucky to get out of this mess in one piece.

"I don't suppose there's any way to confirm his House before we go into negotiations?" Harry asked.

"Unlikely. Though if I get further information I'll, of course, pass it along."

"Thank you, Kay."

"Yeah. Thanks." Eggsy added. "Evie said you were definitely the one for the job, getting this all sorted out."

Eyebrow raising ever so slightly, Kay asked how Eggsy knew his handler.

"She's here today, and agreed to watch the little lass for us while we talked. I knew with all her siblings she'd be up to the task."

"Evie is in today? But why? I wasn't originally scheduled to be in and she's my handler."

The emphasis Kay put on the 'my' came through loud and clear. As did the fact that he was not pleased at the idea that anyone else might be working so closely with the very attractive, intelligent and witty woman in question. Who was also single, to the best of Harry's knowledge, and only a few years younger than Kay. Interesting. Very interesting.

A covert glance in Eggsy's direction confirmed that he wasn't the only one to pick up on something.

Merlin's amused tone suggested he made three, the Scot dryly informing Kay that Evie had stopped in re-stock her candy drawer and take out a few books from the library in preparation for Kay's upcoming diplomatic mission in Austria.

"Oh. Wait. How is she running low on candy again? We've talked about her sugar intake and need to cut back."

"Apparently she disagrees with your edicts."

Kay, being Kay, immediately went all stiff and formal at Merlin's obvious amusement. "They aren't edicts. Just...I'm looking out for her. A good handler is very hard to come by."

"Mhmmm."

Eyes narrowing-but was that a hint of a flush on his cheeks-Kay cleared his throat and then very deliberately turned all his attention to Harry as he asked if there was anything else they needed to discuss now that he had the list of demands and some idea what they would be going up against tomorrow.

"No. And thank you again for your help on this. It's much appreciated."

"And if ya want ta talk ta Evie bout the whole sugar thing she said she was taking Daisy to the Lemon Room, whatever that is."

Kay smiled a little. "We just call it that. It was painted a lemon yellow for some reason a decade or so ago. No one's ever gotten around to painting over it."

"It does brighten up the place." Harry pointed out with a smile.

"A little too much, Sir."

"Right. This I gotta see."

Amused, not to mention feeling very confident that Kay had far more interest in Evie than in Eggsy, Harry suggested that Kay show Eggsy the room. That way Kay could say hello to his handler and Eggsy could take Daisy off Evie's hands as planned. And actually, given the time Kay should see if Evie didn't want to have some lunch with him. It would give him a chance to see she ate a healthy one, at the very least, to balance some of that sugar out.

The look the agent aimed in Harry's direction said he was the worst matchmaker ever.

Eggsy and Merlin's muffled snickering didn't help any.

"Of course...Sir."

Right. Note to self, don't attempt to matchmake again any time soon. Or at least not without assistance.

Still looking very amused Eggsy stretched up on his toes to give Harry's cheek a kiss, and then stated they'd meet up for lunch as planned in an hour. Harry could find them in the Lemon Room, apparently.

"It's a date."