When She Was
Diary entry #3
April 7, 1997
Sunnydale CA
Dear Diary
Today was totally crazy. You wouldn't believe it if I told you. Or
maybe it's clear by now that my life is so many things but normal.
Nothing about anything is normal anymore.
Can I just take a
break? Can I just flip a switch and freeze the world for a moment? In
the last month I have seen a woman switch bodies with her daughter, a
gigantic bug trying to seduce Xander and eat his head, and a group of
kids channeling the spirit of hyenas, one of them being Xander, who
made Willow cry and actually sniffed me. That's taking "men are dogs" way too far.
Oh, and not to mention the legions of vampires that I've had to deal
with. But, you know, that's nothing new. Vampires I can handle. Not
that I want to handle them or anything. I just know how. They're a
piece of cake (well, maybe not the reclusive Master because he's all
mysterious and his friends can't stop telling me how big and evil he
is, which I am starting to suspect is all talk). You just hit them with
flying kicks, avoid their moves, and aim your stake at their hearts.
Easy as...very evil pie.
But all the other Hellmouthy stuff is
weird. Giles wasn't kidding. Xander's still waiting for the Succubi. I
think he's actually looking forward to that one. Don't even ask.
I have to mention Owen. He is like so cute and...deep. I liked him and
all but...I can't even say it. It's just wrong. Ok, I'll say it.
Remember
A? After that whole deal with the fork dude I saw A at The Bronze. He
had let me wear his leather jacket and I still had it and was trying to
give it back to him but he just said "It looks better on you" and
walked away. But he looked back at me and there was something in his
eyes. It was like dangerous and suffocating and hot and cold all at the
same time. I felt a heat come over me starting from the center of my
stomach and I could hardly breathe. It was for just a few seconds but
it was the longest few seconds of my life. What is it about this guy?
He's probably like 20 years old and I'm 16 and he would never go out
with a girl my age and I'm sure he has tons of older women falling at
his feet and...
I can't help what I feel. I can't help what a
hunk A is and I can't help that his eyes are penetrating and that when
we are together everything around us goes dim and we are the only ones
there and...
And so when I met Owen I wanted it to be him. I
wanted a normal boyfriend from a normal high school in a normal world.
I wanted something to make sense. Nothing else does. Not A, not my mom
and dad getting a divorce, and definitely not slaying vampires every
single night of my life.
So Owen was it. He was the key to
everything. But when he experienced the danger that is my life he
wanted more. I realized then that it wouldn't work. Willow and Xander
and even Giles, they know the score. Owen was practically lunch on
stick for the vampires and there is no way I'm helping him die.
Giles said something that really made me think. It was all this stuff
about Destiny and how being a Watcher was his Destiny and I suddenly
realized what being a Slayer really is. It's like a promise. By being a
Slayer I promise to help people. I'm like really important. And I
hadn't thought about it in that way before.
Oh, and we totally
killed the stupid Anointed One. There's no use going into that because
it's just another one of The Master's minions. I hope that by slaying
all his friends, The Master finally gets the message. I'm coming for
him next.
Oh, and A is so not even on my mind anymore. Oh, wait. Darn it.
B