Love is (Not) in the Air
"Your socks don't match, you know."
"Is that right?" James murmured distractedly, attempting to eat his soup with a fork.
Remus, Sirius, and Peter shared a look.
"One's white and the other's green," Sirius informed him.
"I see."
"Almost Slytherin colours, y'know," he added.
"Hey, yeah, you're right. I hadn't noticed."
Another quick exchange of looks.
"James, are you... feeling okay?" Peter tilted his head, eyes darting to James inquisitively in a manner reminiscent of his Animagus form.
"Couldn't be better," he answered with an airy laugh, realizing what he'd been doing and swapping the fork for a spoon. He began to hum 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' softly, stirring his soup.
"He's been like this all day," Sirius told Remus, who'd spent the better part of the day cooped up in the hospital wing. Remus still looked quite tired, but he'd insisted he'd rather come out for dinner than continue resting.
"Has he?" Remus examined James closely. James smiled brightly at him.
"Yep. It was funny at first-- Wormtail and I lobbed spitballs at the back of his head all through Potions and he didn't even get mad-- but I have to say, it's getting a bit worrying."
"I see what you mean," Remus said slowly. "James, did someone hit you with an extra-strong Cheering Charm or something?"
"Nope." James slurped some of his soup before setting down his spoon and fixing the other three with a grim stare. They all looked taken aback at his sudden change in manner. "My friends, my cheerfulness is not the result of magic. Well-- that's not entirely true, really."
Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius and Peter both leaned towards him expectantly.
"I am cheerful today thanks to..." He paused dramatically. "The magic of love."
Peter looked properly impressed, but Remus rolled his eyes, smiling slightly, and Sirius groaned.
"The magic of love, Prongs?" he repeated. "Okay, now I'm sort of regretting becoming your Advisor. So far, it's done nothing but turn you into a soppy idiot. We haven't done a proper prank in ages."
James supposed this was rather true. Aside from the 'soppy idiot' bit. "Well, let's do one, then." Still in an exuberant mood, he added, "And something really huge, something we've never done before."
"I guess that means sticking a 'Curse Me' sign on Snape's back is out of the question, then," Remus said with a faint smirk.
Sirius shot him an indignant look. "Hey, are you making fun of the good ol' sign-on-Snivellus's-back standby?"
"Not at all."
"We have been doing it since first year," Peter pointed out.
"It's a classic!" Sirius announced, valiantly defending the honour of the sign prank.
"Yes, it's a perfectly good prank," James broke in. "But we need something bigger, you know?"
"Like what?" Peter said.
"I don't know... Let's think about it tonight, and I'm sure we'll come up with something really excellent."
-
This turned out to be easier said than done. James was full to the brim with energy that he quite desperately wanted to let loose-- and what better way than a prank to shock and amuse the entire school?-- but he was finding it extremely difficult to come up with something they hadn't already done.
He stalked the corridors that evening, on his own, for once; the other three were doing an assignment in the library that he'd already completed.
He did know, at least, that he wanted the joke to be at Snape's expense. James still hadn't forgotten the way he'd been such a prat about the apology.
"You were with Potter, then?"
James stopped short instead of rounding the next corner, ears perking up. Unless he was very much mistaken, that was the voice of Sophie Cummings, one of the girls that shared Lily's dormitory.
Lily's voice answered reluctantly. "Yes."
"I thought that he backed out of the date, though?"
"Well, he did, but... then we had it anyway. It's-- kind of a long story."
"So?"
"So what?"
"How was it?"
James flattened himself carefully against the wall. He definitely wanted to hear this.
"Erm, well, it was... different."
"Different?"
"Mm-hm. It wasn't like any date I've ever been on before, that's for sure... But, you know, it was kind of... nice."
James couldn't quite strangle the sound of victory that clawed its way from his throat.
"What--?" Next moment, both Lily and Sophie had come around the corner. Lily reddened slightly when she saw him.
Taking this as a good sign, he un-flattened himself from the wall as if it was perfectly natural for him to have been pressed up against it, and gave the girls his very best roguish grin. "Ladies."
"Oh, stop trying to act all charming," Lily mumbled, staring intently at a spot over his left shoulder.
"So... it was nice, huh?" he asked her.
"Nice, in an incredibly weird and 'is-this-really-a-date?' way," she said defiantly.
"What did you two do, anyway?" Sophie asked.
James glanced at her. "Oh, you know. Moonlit canter 'round the lake."
"Canter?" Sophie repeated, looking bewildered, as James slid an arm around Lily's shoulders and began to lead her away.
"I'm going to steal her for a few minutes, all right?" he said.
"You aren't going to steal me, you big git," Lily said, pushing him away and scowling at him. "You know, that's your problem exactly. Maybe if you actually asked and treated me like a human being, I would like you more."
James blinked. She had a point. Clearing his throat, he swept her a flourishing bow. "O Lily, fairest of fair, this lowly peasant requests a few words with you."
He straightened from his bow to see Lily giving him a flat stare. "Oh, yes, mocking me is going to get you back into my good graces," she said sarcastically.
"I wasn't mocking you! Honestly, Lily, you're so touchy all the time."
"I am not touchy," she said touchily.
"You're a bit touchy," Sophie put in.
"Shut up, Sophie."
"See?" James said. "Well, fine, whatever, since apparently you're not going to deign to speak civilly with me, I'll just be off then."
Lily made a strangled noise. "Well-- fine, then. Shove off already, will you?"
"Gladly." He spun and stalked away, wondering vaguely how Lily managed to play such havoc with his emotions. One minute sky-rocketing, the next plummeting.
"Nice socks, Potter," Hugh Fletcher of Ravenclaw called.
"Shut up," he snarled, marching past and scattering a group of Hufflepuffs like nervous sparrows. His hand twitched, itching to reach for his wand and curse the pants off of someone. Preferably Snivellus, though of course, he'd already done that back in fifth year.
Actually, that didn't sound like an entirely bad idea right about now. Lily was still holding a grudge from that time, if Remus could be believed (which he could, of course). What better way to say, 'Forget it, I don't need you, Evans, and I'm not changing myself for you anymore' than to repeat the incident?
And he was done with her. He nodded, savagely pleased with this decision.
Suddenly, Sirius stepped out directly into James' path, folding his arms. James, in a decidedly stubborn mood, kept walking straight towards him. "Hell if I'm going to be the one to move," he muttered under his breath, trying to stare Sirius down.
Sirius was looking uncharacteristically grim himself, and didn't look as though he was planning on backing down anytime soon. There was time for James to feel a flash of uncertainty-- he was going to move out of the way, wasn't he?-- before they collided and Sirius fell backwards onto the floor. There was a round of startled and concerned noises from the bystanders.
"Why didn't you move?" James burst out after regaining his balance.
"Because you were on a rampage-warpath thing and that was the only way I could see to stop you," Sirius answered cheerily, rising and rubbing his apparently sore bottom. "Ouch, by the way. For a skinny little seeker, you've got a lot of power on your side."
"Sorry," James mumbled grudgingly.
"So, what's got you so angry? Nancy Johnson, that Hufflepuff third-year, just scurried into the library at a zillion kilometers an hour and said that you looked like you were about to trample anyone who got in your way." He paused, hand straying back his posterior. "And what do you know. I wonder if she's got Seer blood in her."
James shrugged, feeling his blood heat again at the reminder of Lily. "It's Evans. She's so-- so-- difficult!"
"She's a girl," Sirius said. "That translates as the same thing."
James made a face as they started back towards the library. "Yeah, well, she's the worst of the lot. I've decided that I'm through with her, Padfoot. I mean it."
Sirius snorted.
"I do! I'm completely serious."
James half expected him to break out the old 'serious/Sirius' joke, but instead, his friend rolled his eyes heavenward as if asking for divine help. "Right. Just like you were completely serious three months ago, when you announced you were giving up on her, and last year, and a couple times the year before that..."
"Hey, I mean it this time!" He tried to moderate his tone as they entered the library. "It doesn't matter what I do, how kind and sweet and wonderful I am. She'll find a way to twist it around. There's no pleasing her."
"What happened?" Peter asked as they plopped down at the table he and Remus were sitting at.
"James was on a rampath."
Peter gave Sirius a bewildered look, but Remus just stared at him thoughtfully for a moment. "Rampage-slash-warpath?" he asked.
"Exactly. No one knows the complex workings of my mind like you, Moony," Sirius said, giving him a grin.
Remus smiled dryly. "A fact which frightens me to the very depths of my soul."
"So, what was the rampath about?" Peter asked, as if it were now a legitimate word.
"Three guesses," Sirius said. "And I'll even give you a hint: it starts with 'L' and ends with "I-L-Y."
"Oh, forget her for a day, will you?" Peter pleaded.
"I'm forgetting her for more than a day. I've decided that I'm not going to bother with her anymore. There are lots of great girls I'm surrounded by at this school and I think it's time I give them a sporting chance."
"You know, I think Lily may have a point with that 'big-headed' nonsense," Remus murmured with a smile.
"I'm not big-headed! I'll wager there are lots of girls who would want to go out with me."
"He's right, you know," Sirius said. "Girls go for his sort. Smart, athletic, not too shabby in the looks department-- aside from that hair, of course, which could never approach my casual-in-disarray style, and those spectacles, which mar his looks considerably, and have you ever noticed that his knees are sort of knobby? And he is a bit on the spindly side--"
"Well, if I had a big head before now," James interrupted, "I thank you, Sirius, for shrinking it down to size."
"No problem."
"Anyway, about this prank," Peter said. "I reckon we should do it on Snape."
"Second," said James.
"Third!" Sirius said.
"Always Snape," Remus said, staring at them cryptically. "All right, then. What will it be this time?"
"No idea," said Sirius, and Peter shrugged (as expected-- he rarely came up with prank ideas, though when he did, they were surprisingly sneaky and clever).
"What if," James said slowly as an idea coalesced in his mind, "we went for full-out humiliation?"
"I think the fifth-year prank accomplished that fairly well," Remus said with an eyebrow raise.
"Well, yes, I'll give you that. But really, it's impossible to humiliate Snivellus too much, right?"
"What do you have in mind?" Sirius asked, looking excited.
"All right, here's what we do. We send him a love letter."
There was a pause. "Er," Peter began tentatively, "Now, I realize that you're angry at Lily and everything, but I think you can do a bit better than Sn--"
"Don't be an idiot," James laughed. "No, listen. We send him a love letter from some anonymous girl asking him to meet her in the Entrance Hall after-hours. We, of course, are there waiting for him, and when he comes we-- we, um--"
"Capture him," Sirius said, getting caught up in it. "We tie him up, mock him for ever thinking that any female ever would actually see him as anything other than a greasy little cretin, do horrible things to him, like-- like turn him pink and dotted with hearts, and then leave him there to be discovered the next morning!"
Peter hooted appreciatively, earning himself a glare from Madam Pince. He shrunk slightly against the librarian's wrath, but his grin didn't fade. "That's so great. We have to do that."
"Moony, you've got to be the one to write the letter," James said.
"Why? Are you implying I sound like a love-struck girl?"
"No, but you've got the girliest handwriting. And you're just more... articulate than the rest of us. We'll help, though."
"I'll ignore that first remark, and I suppose I'll write the letter. If I left it to you three, I imagine it'd come out sounding all overly-flowery or passive-aggressive and it wouldn't fool Snape, anyway."
"Exactly. We're so lucky to have a Moony, aren't we?" Sirius remarked to Peter.
"Very."
"I'm honoured," said Remus as he broke out his quill.
- '...So please meet me in the Entrance Hall at midnight tonight. I'll be eagerly waiting--'
"He can't fall for this. Even Snape wouldn't believe a girl would be 'eagerly waiting' for him," James said.
Sirius shook his head. "What about a Slytherin girl? You know that repulsive one who's just as greasy and twitchy as him? Really, they'd be a match made in heaven."
"Yeah, but even ugly people want beautiful ones," Peter said. "In fact, I reckon Snape has a bit of a crush on Evans."
Sirius and James shared a look of extreme horror and disgust before turning to Peter. "What are you talking about, Wormtail?" James said.
Peter shrugged sheepishly. "I don't know. Just a hunch. I'm probably wrong."
"You'd better be!" James exclaimed. "That's disgusting. Poor Lily."
"'Poor Lily?'" Remus repeated. "So, have you decided to retract your announcement that you're giving up on her?"
"Not at all," James answered staunchly. "I'd feel sorry for anyone if Snivellus fancied them."
"Anyway, I think this is about as good as we're going to get with the letter," Remus said, glancing down to scan it again. "How are we going to get it to him?"
"I thought we could send it to him in the same way they send memos around in the Ministry," James said, taking the parchment. "Here-- Avolaris Snape." The parchment folded itself into what Remus said was called a paper aeroplane by Muggles, then zoomed off through the corridors to Snape.
James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged the slightly nervous, very excited grins they tended to have after setting a prank in motion.
"Here we go," said Sirius.
-
After dinner that evening, James and his friends sauntered through the corridors with the pride of those who knew they were liked, who knew they, in essence, owned the school. The anticipation of that night was enough to restore James' good mood, and he grinned and waved at as many pretty girls as possible while they walked-- no harm in letting them know he was available, after all.
"Yes, I must admit I'm no stranger to such advances--"
Gilderoy Lockhart's unpleasantly smarmy voice drifted from the top of the stairs as they climbed them.
"Do you know who it is?" someone else asked.
"Oh, well, I have a fair few guesses, but it's impossible to say, really. I've noticed more than a few ladies giving me the sort of look that lets me know they-- well, all right if I must say it, I must say it-- that they yearn for me."
James froze on the stairwell. "Wait a minute."
"Lily Evans and I went on that one date, and she pretended that she wasn't really interested in me anymore, but I suspect she's being furtive, playing hard-to-get. I'd not be surprised if the letter was from her."
James barreled up the staircase with the other three hot on his heels. "Lockhart!" he gasped, skidding to a halt in front of the startled-looking boy. "You got a letter from a girl?"
Lockhart recovered himself immediately, that hateful grin reappearing on his face in a twinkling. "That I did, James, that I did. Unsigned. She's asked me to meet her tonight in the Entrance Hall."
Sirius let loose with a string of impressive curses.
"Now now, Sirius, I'll be sure to leave enough Hogwarts girls for you fine lads--"
"Shut up, you moron," James said through gritted teeth. "How did you get that letter?"
Lockhart blinked. "Why, I was just on my way to Charms when it sailed out of nowhere and smacked me dead between the eyes-- that smarted, I don't mind telling you!-- and it fell to the floor, fluttering feebly."
Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, and James groaned. "That letter wasn't for you, it was for Snape."
"Severus?" Lockhart's eyebrows rose with amusement. "I rather doubt that. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go get ready for my rendezvous." He turned, but Sirius reached out and snagged the back of his robes.
"We wrote that letter," James told him. "As a joke, on Snivellus. It seems your stupid forehead just happened to intercept it."
Lockhart glanced over his shoulder at them, then gave a forced-sounding laugh. "Now, now, gentlemen, I don't blame you for being jealous, but I really must ask you to stop this. I'm going to meet my lady-suitor tonight, and you can't stop me." His tone become quite firm at the end and he jerked out of Sirius's grasp, heading away.
"That idiot," Sirius said calmly.
"Shall we just scrap the prank?" Peter said, chewing his lower lip. "Let him go and meet no one?"
"Would serve him right, thinking he's got stood up."
"He didn't do anything wrong," Remus protested reluctantly. "He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"I'm going to go with him," James said suddenly. The others glanced at him. "Maybe when no one shows up, he'll believe we were telling the truth."
"Why are you going to go with him?" Sirius asked.
"Because, contrary to what certain redheads who are made decidedly less attractive by their constant tempers think, I am a wonderfully decent human being who will lend a hand to even empty-headed weirdos like him. I won't let him go there and think he's been stood up and be all lonely and whatnot."
"If you're sure," said Remus doubtfully.
"I am. Because that's the kind of person I am."
-
"Wait up, Lockhart," James hissed, jogging down the corridor.
Lockhart nearly jumped out of his skin. "Who's there!?" he asked in a sort of high-pitched whisper. "I demand that you show yourself at once!"
James refrained from rolling his eyes and pulled off his Invisibility Cloak. "It's me. Look, you really shouldn't be out here. I swear to you, that letter was a prank we were planning to pull on Snape."
"Still with that same old refrain, eh, James?" said Lockhart with a somewhat unsteady laugh. "I'm going down, and much as I would appreciate your company--"
"Do you hear something, my sweet?"
James froze and Lockhart gave a soft 'eep!' James grabbed him by the arm and hustled him into a broom closet before Filch could find them.
"Oh, dear," Lockhart whispered softly. "My poor lady-suitor will think she's been stood up..."
James closed his eyes. He was going to be stuck in a closet with this git all night, wasn't he?
"The things I do for love," he whimpered quietly, and sank down onto a bucket, cradling his head in his hands.