Author notes: Quotes at the beginning of this chapter are from the actual
program. They are from the episodes as follows:
Buffy in "Prophecy Girl" Season One
Giles in "Restless" Season Four
Willow in "Restless" Season Four
Buffy in "The Gift" Season Five
Giles in "The Gift" Season Five
Giles in "The Gift" Season Five (later on in the chapter)
********************************************************************
Chapter 9
*********************************************************************
"I'm not supposed to be scared of anything,
But I don't know where I am,"
*********************************************************************
"Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune. You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!"
"Look into the light."
"Do you know this is your fault?"
"Tell me to kill my sister!"
"You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
He'd failed her and she'd died. Would he die now?
Was this hell?
He had never had seen it before. A desert stretching out before him. It could be anywhere in the world but he would still be far from home.
But where was home now?
With Aura? He loved Aura, there was no questioning that and she loved him.
He had spent so long hiding in England. But was that where he really belonged? Maybe - or maybe here was home now. Maybe he would be stuck in this hot hell forever.
********************************************************************
"I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted,
and nobody understands."
*********************************************************************
He wanted nothing more than to sink to his knees, give in and be done with everything. Yet he still trudged on.
He could feel the heat burning into him. So hot.
The stones underneath his bare feet digging in, making the blood run from them. It dried in an instant on the stones as he continued to drag his feet on. Unwilling, unbidden and yet he knew if he stopped he would never start again, and he had to keep going.
Never give up.
Don't they understand?
Hope was all he had left.
*********************************************************************
"I'm trying hard to breath now,
But there's no air in my lungs."
*********************************************************************
He licked at his lips, trying to keep them moist, but it was impossible.
He sucked in as much air as he could, but it hurt to breathe. It burned.
The air was so dry and no water or rain had ever fallen here.
The land was barren. Empty. Void of all hope.
He wheezed and panted as he continued on, feeling his throat had closed on him.
No air would pass into his lungs anymore.
Air was life. Life was gone.
*********************************************************************
"There's no one here to talk to,
and the pain inside is making me numb."
*********************************************************************
"Buffy?"
"Jenny?"
"Someone?" his voice caught and he stumbled.
He lay on the ground for a moment, wishing someone was there to help him, but he was alone. His broken bloody feet scrambled about widely as he pulled himself to his feet. His feet were of no concern to him at the moment.
"She's a hero you see, not like us." He heard the words echo in the air, so familiar now. He pushed himself on,
"I'm sorry." He rasped out barely audible.
What was he sorry for? Who was he saying it?
He was sorry for everything.
*********************************************************************
"Feeling weak and weary,
walkin' through this world alone."
*********************************************************************
His eyes dropped, heavy in the sun that beat on him like a baseball bat, wanting him to give in.
He walked.
He walked for so long his muscles felt like they burned and the blood pumping round him felt like battery acid.
He walked until he wondered when the sun would go down.
Would it ever?
He was alone now.
No one to save him from what he had done, what he had seen.
What had he seen?
Could he even remember?
He laughed as he continued to stumble on.
Of course he could.
*********************************************************************
"I'm blind and shakin',
Bound and breakin',
I hope I'll make it."
"Changes" 3 Doors Down
*********************************************************************
He stopped.
His eyes gazed round the horizon, but he couldn't see anything.
His knees finally gave way beneath him and he collapsed onto the sharp stones.
They cut into him as he lay there physically shaking.
He felt as if he was falling, starting to learn that he possessed wings, but his wings were broken and there was no one there to catch him.
Tears started to slide down his dust-covered face, leaving paths as they went. He wanted to drink them. They were dry before they even reached his mouth though.
Suddenly the lightest breeze touched his head.
"You have to hold on, for me."
He knew that voice, but it couldn't be,
"Buffy?"
*********************************************************************
A couple of days ago.
*********************************************************************
Rupert Giles stood amidst the rubble that was once the Watcher's council's headquarters, his comrades in arms fallen around him. He was alone against an undefeated army. The coven was his last hope against what stood before him.
The portal shimmered before him and he resented himself for ever meeting Ethan Rayne. If he hadn't then maybe he wouldn't know what lay behind the beautiful purple hue that shimmer in the early morning light. Chaos. Of course now, Ethan had nothing to do with it. In some ways it would make things seem easier. There would be hope that things could be resolved. But this was evil, pure and simple and the only way to stop chaos reigning on earth again was to close the portal.
Water dripped from the end of his nose as the rain continued to fall about him, putting out small fires here and there. The battle had been fought but the war was not over.
Giles sighed as he started to move across the rubble, picking his way carefully towards the portal that was growing steadily. He passed people he knew lying bloody and broken in amongst the rocks and plasterboard. Horrific sights that could never possibly be erased from his eyes. Others were still alive and moaning silently. Giles wanted to stop and help, but if he did he knew that it would be to no avail. They would die anyway.
He reached the portal as it continued to expand, afraid he would be sucked in, but he held his ground as he started to chant in Latin,
"Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos. Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos. Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos."
The portal stopped growing and started to retreat in on itself. Giles watched it do so, breathing a sigh of relief. His eyes turned away from the closing portal for a moment to look at the distant sunrise on the horizon. It glowed pink, red and orange and Giles remembered the old saying,
'Red sky at night is shepherds delight, red sky at morning is shepherds warning.'
It may not be a good day for shepherds with the rain the way it was, but the world was safe for the moment.
Giles legs finally gave out, unable to hold him any longer, but something caught him, pulling him towards the portal. A clawed hand reached out from it, holding Giles jumper tight. In the instant that the portal disappeared Rupert Giles did too, taken into a world of chaos. But in that spilt second Giles felt himself being pulled in both directions, as if some invisible force was trying to keep him from going into another world. Something that knew he wasn't supposed to go there no matter what happened.
*********************************************************************
Dust and move on. Dust and move on. There was no time to get into the fight when there were so many of them. Spike knew that as well as any other good fighter. He paused for a moment to check on the others. Anya and Tara were managing to successfully keep a couple of vampires at bay. He saw Xander coming back down the hill and automatically going for the nearest vamp turning it to dust instantly. There was another girl though; her back to him and if he didn't know any better he would say it was Buffy. She was dead though. Spike had grieved her loss, he had cried all the tears he could for her but that didn't make him not love or miss her any less. Yet as she turned towards him, dusting another vampire and he saw her blue-grey eyes and he thought he was delusional,
"Buff -" he was cut off as a vampire's fist connected with his jaw and he went sprawling to the ground.
*********************************************************************
The last vampire was dusted and the five friends were left staring at each other. Four unbelieving sets of eyes fell on Buffy, taking in her form, stood there as if she was on a normal night of patrolling. A smile spread across Buffy's face, she was so happy to see them all again, even Spike who was still sat on the floor, staring up at her in disbelief. She took a step forward, bringing her closer to the group. Xander looked as though he was about to find his voice again, but Buffy cut him off,
"I'm real." She said as if pre-empting his question,
"Why I'm back is a little more complicated," she said turning eyes on Anya who looked dumbfounded. She swore the words, 'Why are you back?' hadn't come out her mouth. Buffy's smile faded as she turned her eyes back on Xander,
"Where's Giles?"
Buffy in "Prophecy Girl" Season One
Giles in "Restless" Season Four
Willow in "Restless" Season Four
Buffy in "The Gift" Season Five
Giles in "The Gift" Season Five
Giles in "The Gift" Season Five (later on in the chapter)
********************************************************************
Chapter 9
*********************************************************************
"I'm not supposed to be scared of anything,
But I don't know where I am,"
*********************************************************************
"Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune. You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!"
"Look into the light."
"Do you know this is your fault?"
"Tell me to kill my sister!"
"You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
He'd failed her and she'd died. Would he die now?
Was this hell?
He had never had seen it before. A desert stretching out before him. It could be anywhere in the world but he would still be far from home.
But where was home now?
With Aura? He loved Aura, there was no questioning that and she loved him.
He had spent so long hiding in England. But was that where he really belonged? Maybe - or maybe here was home now. Maybe he would be stuck in this hot hell forever.
********************************************************************
"I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted,
and nobody understands."
*********************************************************************
He wanted nothing more than to sink to his knees, give in and be done with everything. Yet he still trudged on.
He could feel the heat burning into him. So hot.
The stones underneath his bare feet digging in, making the blood run from them. It dried in an instant on the stones as he continued to drag his feet on. Unwilling, unbidden and yet he knew if he stopped he would never start again, and he had to keep going.
Never give up.
Don't they understand?
Hope was all he had left.
*********************************************************************
"I'm trying hard to breath now,
But there's no air in my lungs."
*********************************************************************
He licked at his lips, trying to keep them moist, but it was impossible.
He sucked in as much air as he could, but it hurt to breathe. It burned.
The air was so dry and no water or rain had ever fallen here.
The land was barren. Empty. Void of all hope.
He wheezed and panted as he continued on, feeling his throat had closed on him.
No air would pass into his lungs anymore.
Air was life. Life was gone.
*********************************************************************
"There's no one here to talk to,
and the pain inside is making me numb."
*********************************************************************
"Buffy?"
"Jenny?"
"Someone?" his voice caught and he stumbled.
He lay on the ground for a moment, wishing someone was there to help him, but he was alone. His broken bloody feet scrambled about widely as he pulled himself to his feet. His feet were of no concern to him at the moment.
"She's a hero you see, not like us." He heard the words echo in the air, so familiar now. He pushed himself on,
"I'm sorry." He rasped out barely audible.
What was he sorry for? Who was he saying it?
He was sorry for everything.
*********************************************************************
"Feeling weak and weary,
walkin' through this world alone."
*********************************************************************
His eyes dropped, heavy in the sun that beat on him like a baseball bat, wanting him to give in.
He walked.
He walked for so long his muscles felt like they burned and the blood pumping round him felt like battery acid.
He walked until he wondered when the sun would go down.
Would it ever?
He was alone now.
No one to save him from what he had done, what he had seen.
What had he seen?
Could he even remember?
He laughed as he continued to stumble on.
Of course he could.
*********************************************************************
"I'm blind and shakin',
Bound and breakin',
I hope I'll make it."
"Changes" 3 Doors Down
*********************************************************************
He stopped.
His eyes gazed round the horizon, but he couldn't see anything.
His knees finally gave way beneath him and he collapsed onto the sharp stones.
They cut into him as he lay there physically shaking.
He felt as if he was falling, starting to learn that he possessed wings, but his wings were broken and there was no one there to catch him.
Tears started to slide down his dust-covered face, leaving paths as they went. He wanted to drink them. They were dry before they even reached his mouth though.
Suddenly the lightest breeze touched his head.
"You have to hold on, for me."
He knew that voice, but it couldn't be,
"Buffy?"
*********************************************************************
A couple of days ago.
*********************************************************************
Rupert Giles stood amidst the rubble that was once the Watcher's council's headquarters, his comrades in arms fallen around him. He was alone against an undefeated army. The coven was his last hope against what stood before him.
The portal shimmered before him and he resented himself for ever meeting Ethan Rayne. If he hadn't then maybe he wouldn't know what lay behind the beautiful purple hue that shimmer in the early morning light. Chaos. Of course now, Ethan had nothing to do with it. In some ways it would make things seem easier. There would be hope that things could be resolved. But this was evil, pure and simple and the only way to stop chaos reigning on earth again was to close the portal.
Water dripped from the end of his nose as the rain continued to fall about him, putting out small fires here and there. The battle had been fought but the war was not over.
Giles sighed as he started to move across the rubble, picking his way carefully towards the portal that was growing steadily. He passed people he knew lying bloody and broken in amongst the rocks and plasterboard. Horrific sights that could never possibly be erased from his eyes. Others were still alive and moaning silently. Giles wanted to stop and help, but if he did he knew that it would be to no avail. They would die anyway.
He reached the portal as it continued to expand, afraid he would be sucked in, but he held his ground as he started to chant in Latin,
"Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos. Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos. Claudo et Cingi aversabilis Chaos."
The portal stopped growing and started to retreat in on itself. Giles watched it do so, breathing a sigh of relief. His eyes turned away from the closing portal for a moment to look at the distant sunrise on the horizon. It glowed pink, red and orange and Giles remembered the old saying,
'Red sky at night is shepherds delight, red sky at morning is shepherds warning.'
It may not be a good day for shepherds with the rain the way it was, but the world was safe for the moment.
Giles legs finally gave out, unable to hold him any longer, but something caught him, pulling him towards the portal. A clawed hand reached out from it, holding Giles jumper tight. In the instant that the portal disappeared Rupert Giles did too, taken into a world of chaos. But in that spilt second Giles felt himself being pulled in both directions, as if some invisible force was trying to keep him from going into another world. Something that knew he wasn't supposed to go there no matter what happened.
*********************************************************************
Dust and move on. Dust and move on. There was no time to get into the fight when there were so many of them. Spike knew that as well as any other good fighter. He paused for a moment to check on the others. Anya and Tara were managing to successfully keep a couple of vampires at bay. He saw Xander coming back down the hill and automatically going for the nearest vamp turning it to dust instantly. There was another girl though; her back to him and if he didn't know any better he would say it was Buffy. She was dead though. Spike had grieved her loss, he had cried all the tears he could for her but that didn't make him not love or miss her any less. Yet as she turned towards him, dusting another vampire and he saw her blue-grey eyes and he thought he was delusional,
"Buff -" he was cut off as a vampire's fist connected with his jaw and he went sprawling to the ground.
*********************************************************************
The last vampire was dusted and the five friends were left staring at each other. Four unbelieving sets of eyes fell on Buffy, taking in her form, stood there as if she was on a normal night of patrolling. A smile spread across Buffy's face, she was so happy to see them all again, even Spike who was still sat on the floor, staring up at her in disbelief. She took a step forward, bringing her closer to the group. Xander looked as though he was about to find his voice again, but Buffy cut him off,
"I'm real." She said as if pre-empting his question,
"Why I'm back is a little more complicated," she said turning eyes on Anya who looked dumbfounded. She swore the words, 'Why are you back?' hadn't come out her mouth. Buffy's smile faded as she turned her eyes back on Xander,
"Where's Giles?"